Insecurities and other girls

[Bluebells]

I wanted to ask, does anyone else's daddy check out other girls whilst they're with them?

 

Mine always does, and he'll point it out to me and say something complimentary about the other woman. It hurts me when he does this.

 

I get that sometimes people can't help themselves take a quick look, but it makes me feel really bad when he says something about how hot the other girl is.

 

My daddy and I have wanted to have a threesome and have spoken about it before, but I don't want to with him now, with how insecure this has made me. Not if it's just an excuse to get a prettier girl than me into bed.

 

I've spoke to him about this before but he just thinks I'm having a go at him, like there's nothing wrong with his behaviour.

 

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest because of how much it's been bothering me.

[Guest littlegirl707]

Awe I'm sorry My ex daddy did that as well for 20 years He ended up having lots of affairs i found out about later. He wasnt really a dadyy that loved his little. If you truly love ur little u dont do that. I would get out now so you dont feel the heart break. Littles love with all there heart. It feels like we are nothing to them. I never felt special. I always felt like daddy would leave if he found something better. Well he gave me away and I was crushed. I felt like i was just a possition in his eyes. I dont really know about u guys so If I was you I would tell him how you feel. 

 

If you can talk and get through this then you may coe closer. If you allow the threesome you will get hurt. Dont do it to fulfill him. Only do what you really want to. Aweeeee be kind to yourself your worthy of all you want.sendin you hugs

[osito]

It’s very rude and fucked up for someone to do that. Especially after you’ve told him about how it makes you feel. You don’t have to put up with that bs. Seriously.

 

When someone values you, they don’t do this. Period. Whether in a vanilla relationship or cg/l dynamic. It’s wrong. There’s a lot of crap that’s just plain wrong going on in the cg/l world. Don’t settle for shitty treatment.

Edited April 24, 2018 by osito

[Guest EveryNameHere]

I don't think it's okay for him to do that. If he knows that this kind of behaviour hurts your feelings and he still thinks it isn't wrong, then I'd assume he doesn't really care for you...

I think you should make it clear that you don't tolerate it, as well as that you won't accept a threesome.

If you want a monogamous realtionship with all his love and care only for yourself, but he doesn't understand that and isn't satisfied by that, I'd end it before he hurts you even more by cheating on you :/

As your Daddy he should'nt strengthen you insecurities, he should weaken or even take them completely from you. If he doesn't reassure you that you're the only one for him, then be careful with it!

[beta pegasi]

Okay so I had this problem with my two previous girlfriends and let me tell you my opinion on this matter: I think it's okay to find other ppl good looking even if you're in a relationship. If you have insecurities or a bad self-esteem, it's never your partner's fault, these things come from you yourself and are your problems you need to work on yourself. Your partner chose you and you should trust your partner (jealousy is a big turn off at least for me). Also it's not your partner's job to fix you, actually they can't even do that b/c when it comes to mental issues, you yourself are the only one who can do the fixing. I know what Im talking about b/c I used to have a very bad self-esteem and lots of insecurities, but I've gone to a psychologist for over a year now and I "fixed" myself and am doing so much better. One of my previous girlfriends blamed me for her insecurities when I had nothing to do with them, but it's always easier to blame someone else than look in the mirror and stop to think for a second.

Edited April 24, 2018 by pneumonella

[Guest RoyG]

I definitely agree that it should be possible to still look at other people, and even think what you want to think. I similarly don't expect my partner to never look at guys again, and I don't even mind if she comments on how hot they are. Ideally we'd both have the confidence to know that we both feel deep inside our partner isn't settling for anything by being with us, so that we're free to say anything about anyone without worrying the other person may leave us.

 

However, Blue describes a situation in which she tells him how uncomfortable she is with it, and his reaction is to just shut her down without acknowledging how hurtful it could be. If you're with someone who maybe isn't the most confident, then spending just a little extra time acknowledging their beauty, and a little less time talking about how pretty other girls are could work miracles. Even just acknowledging it would have been great.

 

To me, just saying "you can't do this" is too harsh, because ideally you both want to be comfortable in doing so. Normally talking about it and reaching a compromise would be the way to go, so I'm sad he doesn't seem open to it. The next thing is that you feel like this for a reason. If it's a symptom of a greater problem, for example that he may not really be into you as much as you'd like, then that's definitely something to think about. But I hope it's just something minor that you guys could iron out together.

[Bluebells]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it helps hearing what other people think.

 

I think I'm going to try and talk to my daddy again. He's also my partner, so I don't think he's doing it intentionally to hurt me or make me jealous (nonetheless it does.)

 

The weird thing is, I was open to the idea of a polyamorous relationship when we met, but he was the one who stressed the importance of a monogamous committed relationship. So I committed myself to him. There was one instance where he broke up with me and said he didn't love me anymore because he wasn't done sleeping around. But since that he's spoke about moving in together and even getting married. It's all so confusing.

 

I understand he's going to find other people attractive (it's human nature after all) so I won't say anything if I notice him quickly looking at someone else. But I don't get why he has to point out all the girls he thinks look good, that's what I have an issue with.

[Guest littlegirl707]

I know its normal to look but looking over you at another and saying stuff is just rude. Hopefully he doesnt do that. Thats what i experianced. Talk to him thats the basis of what I was saying. 

[Guest TheLittlestMouse]

I wanted to ask, does anyone else's daddy check out other girls whilst they're with them?

 

Mine always does, and he'll point it out to me and say something complimentary about the other woman. It hurts me when he does this.

 

I get that sometimes people can't help themselves take a quick look, but it makes me feel really bad when he says something about how hot the other girl is.

 

My daddy and I have wanted to have a threesome and have spoken about it before, but I don't want to with him now, with how insecure this has made me. Not if it's just an excuse to get a prettier girl than me into bed.

 

I've spoke to him about this before but he just thinks I'm having a go at him, like there's nothing wrong with his behaviour.

 

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest because of how much it's been bothering me.

Looking at a person when you are with someone is one thing but saying something like that after the fact your partner clearly told you their feelings is another thing.

If he knows it bothers you and he is still doing it that is not right nor is it fair to you.

 

How many times have you had this talk with him? Was this the first time? Is he still doing it after the fact you said something?

 

 

Him saying he does not love you and just wants to sleep around is a huge red flag!! I get that things can get heated in a fight but something like that is something you should think about because he still may have that feeling and just is not saying anything.

 

For now i would not talk about getting married until this is settled!

 

I really hope things work out for the best but don't stay with him if you keep having to talk and he still goes about saying things to you about these women.

[PizzaOnARoof]

I think its human nature, cant judge a guy for giving into a primal urge. No matter who your with, you cant help appreciating a attractive person. As long as you dont act on these urges and stay loyal to your partner im not sure how it'd be an issue. Saying "She looks nice" or "she has a nice smile" shouldn't make you feel insecure. If hes saying stuff like "She has a nice ass" or "Look at the rack on her" then I could understand your doubts/concerns

[osito]

There was one instance where he broke up with me and said he didn't love me anymore because he wasn't done sleeping around. But since that he's spoke about moving in together and even getting married. It's all so confusing.

 

Red flag, red flag, red flags all around. I agree with LittlestMouse.

Pay attention to the red flags early on.

Doing so could save you from heartache later.

Edited April 24, 2018 by osito

[Bluebells]

I know its normal to look but looking over you at another and saying stuff is just rude. Hopefully he doesnt do that. Thats what i experianced. Talk to him thats the basis of what I was saying.

And I'm grateful to you for sharing your experiences, what you went through must have been tough. I think talking is good advice, I think communication is important.

 

Thanks to everyone for sharing their opinions and perspectives - I think hearing what other people think can help me step back and look at the bigger picture. It's so easy to get caught up in the insecurities but I want to be rational about everything.

 

My insecurities were there long before I met my daddy, and I do believe he wants to help me work through them (he's just not very good at it - but I can't go placing expectations on him.)

 

The only other relationship I've been in was abusive, even though that's long in the past it's still hard for me figuring out what's healthy and what's not in a relationship. So thanks for the replies. I just want a relationship where we're both comfortable and happy.

[osito]

*hugs*

Hope you end up in a healthy and fulfilling situation.

[Guest RoyG]

I just want a relationship where we're both comfortable and happy.

 

That's definitely not too much to ask, in fact I feel it's what a relationship should be like at its core. Finding someone compatible that makes you happy and comfortable by default by both of you just being you. You've definitely moved up already from an abusive relationship to one that seems worth it on many levels, maybe just with a few things that could still be improved like the issue in this thread. I just want to let you know that IF this stays an issue and you keep feeling uncomfortable all the time, it IS possible to have a relationship where you're comfortable and happy with someone who fits you just a little better. But it's definitely worth checking out if you could come together within the relationship. Good luck!

[Guest BabyPeach]

It’s very rude and fucked up for someone to do that. Especially after you’ve told him about how it makes you feel. You don’t have to put up with that bs. Seriously.

 

When someone values you, they don’t do this. Period. Whether in a vanilla relationship or cg/l dynamic. It’s wrong. There’s a lot of crap that’s just plain wrong going on in the cg/l world. Don’t settle for shitty treatment.

 

I agree with this.  You've told him it makes you uncomfortable so WHY is he still doing it?  I know people are going to find other people attractive, but I don't need to know about it.  He should save that for when he's out with his friends.  It's called respect for your partner.

[Tinka]

Jealousy is a toxic feeling. It consumes your mind, your heart, you. The one who is causing you this toxic feeling, is himself toxic also towards you.

Because whether he has intention of it or not, he is triggering it.

If you want to live a good life you need to remove yourself from toxic situations and toxic people. If not, you cant level up as a person. 

His reactions will cause insecurity, anxiety and jealousy to you which will rise time after time. You will loose the faith in you as a woman, as a person, you will feel ugly and unable to keep a man because you deserve it. And all this because toxic relationships are like a poison for the mind.

 

Talk to him. Not as a little fragile little. But as a person who values herself, who knows her limits, her likes and dislikes. 

To be honest with you , i dont get the vibe that you want to have a threesome, i see a woman that such a thing would crush her feelings and her self esteem. i see a woman that does it only for her partner. Is this what you really want? Will it make you feel ok after? As a fellow jealous woman, i have my doubts. 

 

Of course maybe i am wrong and at the end of the day you will end up doing what you feel is better. I just honestly believe that this person is not the right one for you. 

You are not compatible. Because he is what hurts you. He expands your fears and insecurities, he makes you doubt yourself and the value of this relationship. 

He said things no man should say to his partner. I do not think that you will have a nice life next to such a man, from what i see that you write. 

And i believe that you can find a much better partner, someone with whom you will feel that you belong somewhere and that you are safe. I dont think you feel you are safe, and safety is a vital importance for a little. 

 

Anyway i hope you will be ok , and you will do the right thing for you. If you want tell us what else happened , if you will decide to talk to him or not, his reaction etc. 

I will hope for a nice outcome for you, regardless of what it will be. 

[Guest ScorpioBeastWolf]

Jealousy is a toxic feeling. It consumes your mind, your heart, you. The one who is causing you this toxic feeling, is himself toxic also towards you.

Because whether he has intention of it or not, he is triggering it.

If you want to live a good life you need to remove yourself from toxic situations and toxic people. If not, you cant level up as a person. 

His reactions will cause insecurity, anxiety and jealousy to you which will rise time after time. You will loose the faith in you as a woman, as a person, you will feel ugly and unable to keep a man because you deserve it. And all this because toxic relationships are like a poison for the mind.

 

Talk to him. Not as a little fragile little. But as a person who values herself, who knows her limits, her likes and dislikes. 

To be honest with you , i dont get the vibe that you want to have a threesome, i see a woman that such a thing would crush her feelings and her self esteem. i see a woman that does it only for her partner. Is this what you really want? Will it make you feel ok after? As a fellow jealous woman, i have my doubts. 

 

Of course maybe i am wrong and at the end of the day you will end up doing what you feel is better. I just honestly believe that this person is not the right one for you. 

You are not compatible. Because he is what hurts you. He expands your fears and insecurities, he makes you doubt yourself and the value of this relationship. 

He said things no man should say to his partner. I do not think that you will have a nice life next to such a man, from what i see that you write. 

And i believe that you can find a much better partner, someone with whom you will feel that you belong somewhere and that you are safe. I dont think you feel you are safe, and safety is a vital importance for a little. 

 

Anyway i hope you will be ok , and you will do the right thing for you. If you want tell us what else happened , if you will decide to talk to him or not, his reaction etc. 

I will hope for a nice outcome for you, regardless of what it will be. 

 

Very much agree to the above lady whose message I quoted. You need to first be happy and know your wishes. No, DD has right to go over your limits. If he makes you sad and makes you feel down in your eyes, he is not just the perfect.

I would say reconsider and talk about it to him. Know the dynamics of ddlg again. The one who puts us down is toxic for our growth, we need to walk away to safeguard self. We matter most and we need to be secure and not allow others to put us into second priorities.

I wud say talk to him and know what he is upto and for your good don't keep been hurt by him.

[Guest Little Otter]

I suspect you *know* that this isnt universally acceptable behavior, and its a signal of either:

1. A deeper problem in the relationship, or

2. Hes just a gross pig.

 

Take your pick, but if you find his behavior this troublesome you MUST act on that. Either address the problem, accept it and the inevitable consequences (and be OK), or end your relationship. Sums up your options here.

[Zacdak]

[Bluebells]

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to share their opinions, I do appreciate it.

 

I've talked to my daddy and I'm feeling much better for it. Basically he did have a very bad attitude towards women but that's been changing since he met me, he still does stupid things sometimes but not to hurt me, or because he doesn't value me. And he was glad that I was honest, and wants me to do things at my own pace.

 

I guess our daddies aren't perfect, they're learning as they go along as much as we are.

[Little Fluid Mess]

It's true that even Daddies (or any caregiver really) can and do grow along side you. We all make mistakes because we're all human. As long as y'all work out y'all's issues and find a solution that works for both of you. Just be careful. Best of Luck!

[Barney048]

Okay, let me weigh in here. Idk if what I'm about to say has already been said and I'm not going to read through the previous comments since I am replying to this while taking a 💩 

So, imo it's actually a good thing if your significant other acts like that infront of you, since he doesen't feel like he needs to hide it. He feels secure in the relationship and free to express whatever is on his mind. Let's be honest here, everyone is attracted to someone outside of their relationship from time to time. I've casually said "Man that girl has a nice ass" while walking with a woman through the park. But then again I also said stuff like "Look at that dude's dick. It's gonna bust through those jeans any seccond now! ", so in my case it's more of a lack of filter thing😅 Regardless, I stand by what I said.. . If someone says they aren't attracted to others and always deny it, then they're full of the same stuff as my toilet right now. Those are the types that will secretly text other women and cheat. 

That's under normal circumstances. Now if he became like this only after you 2 have discussed the idea of a threesome and he started to thirst after women suddenly, then that's a  whole other story. You also expressed your discomfort with such behaviour, so he should've been respectful of that, not just try to brush it off as a "You issue". 

 

Now I see this post is already 4 years old, so you either resolved it or moved on to bachelor #2 😅... Anyway, hope it all turned out well ✌️