My little disobeys me when she disagrees with me

[Barrales103]

Any advice is welcomed and appreciate.

 

The title says it all I guess. When she doesn't agree with a punishment when she breaks a rule

[kittyboo]

It would probably be better to understand the situation with an example but why should she obey if she disagrees with it? Your little is a human who has the right to disagree with it. There's a difference between that and just being bratty. You should probably talk about why she disagrees with the punishment - did she agree upon all the punishments in the first place? Does she feel the punishment is too harsh for what she has done? 

[Barrales103]

Ok so she broke a rule and I gave her the choice to choose her punishment from a list of punishments we both agreed on. She then didn't think it was fair that she had to be punished because she didn't intentionally break her rule. After she refused I grounded due to not doing her punishment. She ended up going out.

 

I might be wrong on this situation. I know that. I need the perspective of others because I'm at a loss. I'm new to being a Daddy and am not always sure I'm doing it right.

 

So am I right or wrong? In feeling that she's being disobedient

Edited April 21, 2018 by Barrales103

[kittyboo]

Does she often choose to ignore punishments or is this a one time thing? She clearly doesn't believe she deserves to be punished as she also ignored being grounded, so if you just tried to demand that she does what you say rather than actually listen and understand her point of view then what did you expect? Respect goes both ways. I can't say if you're right or wrong, I think it depends on whether she acts like this a lot and that you need to actually talk to each other. You feel she's being disobedient and she feels you're being unfair so you're not going to get anywhere unless you talk about it.

[Guest Appacheian]

Littles are very complex and yours is unique. Being a daddy means knowing your Little more than you know anyone. Any little here will give you a different answer depending on their perspective. You have to establish rules and consequences. My Little will lead me a merry dance given the chance and tests me constantly. I understand that it means she wants to see me apply my authority, it makes her feel safe and that I make the decisions. If she breaks a rule there’s a consequence. Only you can decide whether it’s warranted if you truly understand your Little.

[Guest RoyG]

Ok so she broke a rule and I gave her the choice to choose her punishment from a list of punishments we both agreed on. She then didn't think it was fair that she had to be punished because she didn't intentionally break her rule. After she refused I grounded due to not doing her punishment. She ended up going out.

 

I might be wrong on this situation. I know that. I need the perspective of others because I'm at a loss. I'm new to being a Daddy and am not always sure I'm doing it right.

 

So am I right or wrong? In feeling that she's being disobedient

 

She's a person, not a robot, which means that she has a mind of her own and may not always follow rules you laid out. The fact you both decided on a set of rules doesn't negate her sense of free will.

 

It's not about who's right and who's wrong here, what you want to be focusing on is understanding why this happened the way it did. Talk to each other as adults, figure out how she felt about the whole ordeal to understand her better, come together on it and adjust rules if necessary.

[LittleKitten13]

Ok so she broke a rule and I gave her the choice to choose her punishment from a list of punishments we both agreed on. She then didn't think it was fair that she had to be punished because she didn't intentionally break her rule. 

She didn't intentionally break her rule?  And you still wanted to punish her for it?  If that's something that happens often, I'd doubt whether she was being honest about not intentionally breaking rules.  But if this is something that has happened only a few times, and/or with different rules, she's probably being honest here.  As an educator I wouldn't even punish a student who accidentally broke a rule.  I would reexplain the rule and why it had to be kept and that what they had done broke the rule, etc.  If they genuinely didn't intend to break the rule, there's no reason to punish them (unless they "accidentally" bite or hit someone, that's a big nono).

As a little, I don't have rules, but if I did and I had accidentally broken one, I would be devastated if Papa was still going to punish me, even though I had tried my best to make him happy and not purposefully done something wrong.

Also, is this a rule she agrees with?  If not, then consider dropping it, or modifying it so that she WILL be fine with it.  From what I understand of ddlg relationships with rules, agreement is key.

I think we might need a little bit more information to really help you, but if I understand correctly and there's nothing more we need to know, these are my thoughts.

[WanderingWonderland]

I'm not quite clear on this.

 

Are you saying your little felt she broke the rule accidentally, or that you both know she broke it accidentally? If the former, did you discuss it with her? If the latter, why are you punishing her?

[Guest Arc]

I do think it was wrong of her to go out after being grounded. That's being disrespectful, even if she felt she didn't deserve it. It was set that she was grounded and she intentionally disrespected that. 

 

Maybe it's because I come from more of a bdsm side than a ddlg side... but rules are rules. Regardless of if it was intentional or not I think punishment is acceptable. Maybe not as severe as if it was intentional, but rules are still rules. :/ 

 

Anyway... it's hard to say without knowing what she did or what punishment you gave her. Or if it was because she forgot the rule or she didn't think it applied to the situation.The punishment should fit the crime so if she unintentionally did something small and you were trying to punish her with something more suited to a bigger rule break then she may be protesting that it's unfair. It's really something you just have to discuss with her. Some littles may just think if it's not intentional they shouldn't be punished, but I still think punishment that suits the level of wrongdoing is okay. For example, if it was a once of and was genuinely unintentional you could have her write lines saying she will do her best to avoid whatever it was again, or she could write a short apology letter saying what she did and how she will learn and avoid it in future. 

[Guest supermanearthtwo]

You have to man up and punish her.  You are the boss and your word is law.  I'll bend a girl over and spank her.  Trust me, she will like it. 

[Guest Lissy Lu]

I dunno about her, but I feel like if I unintentionally broke a rule, I'd be okay with a small punishment. I feel like it would make me more aware of my actions and unintentionally breaking the rule would happen less

[DomDaddyBear]

First of all.. Rules have to make sense. Rules have to be there for a reason. Rules are there to improve not to restrict.

Does that apply to the rule she broke?

 

If not.. Discuss the rule. Maybe even skip it.

 

If yes.. Your punishment was a necessary thing. So disobeying your punishment is disrespecting your authority. Further actions are required then.

[Knoxdom]

Something like this seems highly context sensitive. Specifically on the type of rule, whether it was really an accident, if the accident could have been prevented by being more mindful of the rules or if it was a situation totally out of her control. 

For example, using two fairly common rules, accidentally staying up after bed time because she got distracted watching TV is very different from accidentally swearing because she tripped and hurt herself, but both are accidents. As with most things I advise a clear, even, adult conversation about it. NOT a daddy lecture, two adults having a conversation about what they expect from each other and need in a relationship.

Specifics would really help, in my opinion, because DDLG is complicated, and there are a lot of factors to consider.

[neworder]

Breaking a rule is what littles do. Accidental or not.

Intentionally breaking a rule is being bratty.

It's up to you to determine the appropriate punishment, taking in consideration if it was intentional or not.

 

I don't do rules which restrict a little while she is in big mode such as grounding, or who she associates or communicates with.

Since she agreed on the list of punishments, perhaps it's time you review rules and punishments in big mode and make sure you are in agreement. If you are, keep stacking up punishments she hasn't complied with, plus interest.... do not forgive a deserved punishment.

[Okami]

I think it's weird people here say 'if she accidentally broke it then don't give her punishment', like, why else would you have rules? Oh right, so the little can break them and be like 'hee hee daddy i broke a rule pls spank me' right? Anyhow, I think we'd need more context.. it's weird to judge what you should do when we don't know what rule she broke and stuff. Good luck with this.