little wants attention

[Panda40]

Hello,

 

I don't really know where to begin.

 

I have been in a relationship for about 3 months now at first everything seemed fine but then she started getting frustrated with me and wouldn't say why. Until I found out that she likes ddlg but she still wasn't very open about it.

 

I asked what aspects she liked and she more or less said she didn't like any of the main parts of ddlg but still wouldn't tell me what parts she does want.

 

I was in a relationship for a long time before and it was very vanilla. So in a way I'm pretty sheltered this is all new to me. I haven't really explored. But I'm not put off by it I kinda like the idea.

 

The problem I have is she keeps saying she wants attention and gets frustrated with me when I don't give it to her. But she won't tell me what kind of attention she just says it's no fun telling me and it should just come naturally. I've tried to explain to her that I'm new to this and would like to give it a go. Then she just says you just know if your into something and won't listen otherwise.

 

I mean I've read stories of people who had never thought about it before and then when they try it they love it.

 

I just need some advice on the attention she would like because all I want to do is make her happy.

 

Thanks

 

Panda40

[Guest infinitecases]

No-one on this forum can understand your little or what she wants when she says that, the best we can do is give you some insight from our perspective.

 

Personally, I feel this is just a problem of bad communication - she's being silly if she thinks that you're going to automatically know what she wants, you can't read her mind and as you've said yourself, you're very new to this, and she clearly already has her own preferences. Tell her you'd like to have a serious conversation about what she wants from you, and that you'll happily try to provide it if she tells you, but otherwise, there's no way you're supposed to know. Every little is different, some like pacifiers, some like teddies.. some like to colour, some don't, I really don't see how she expects you to know what she wants right off the bat!

 

I would hazard a guess she wants to have some alone time with you and be cuddled and receive affection from you but that's just a guess! 

[Little Illy]

Honestly this is a very common, very immature point of view. Where the partner simply EXPECTS the other to read their mind. DDlg is a very complex and fluid dynamic, it can come naturally to anyone until they have their bearings on what it even is.

 

Panda40 - This is for you: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/ (SFW). This explains elements of the dynamic and may help you understand it better and possibly understand your girlfriend better.

 

This is for her: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/ (SFW). I am sorry to say it but your girlfriend sounds highly immature and inexperienced with this dynamic (from what very little is posted above, obviusly I can be completely wrong).  She needs to realize absolutely no relationship, especially DDlg, will work out if she is not willing to act her age, sit down like the adult she is and discuss her needs/wants and yours.

 

IF she is not willing to do so, I suggest you think of the compatibility issue. She may not be right for you if she doesn't communicate to you. I am not saying leave her, but I am saying keep your eyes open for red flags.

 

I do wish you both the best. At the end of the day only you two can figure these things out. And the only way to do so is by her communicating. 

[WanderingWonderland]

If she cannot be relied upon to be open, honest and communicative, then neither of you should be stepping foot near a Power Exchange dynamic. It’s a recipe for disaster. I’m sorry if that ruffles anybody’s feathers, but it really is that simple. People are not mind readers. There is no crystal ball to lead the way here.

 

As a little, I fully understand and appreciate feelings of shyness, anxiety and fear. Hurts can hurt that little bit more. The world can seem big and scary. But a little is not a child, and DD/lg requires two mature adults to talk extensively about their needs and wants. Safeguarding 101—make it abundantly clear you will not be engaging in anything until the relevant discussions and agreements have taken place.

 

If this is a setup you are both interested in exploring, then sit down together and start doing your research. Make notes. When you think you’ve talked enough, talk some more. Don’t be afraid to go back to the drawing board. Some things may work, some things won’t. You will learn new things every step of the way. As another poster has already pointed out, DD/lg is a highly complex dynamic. It's a beautiful road to travel, but you must communicate.

 

Best of luck to you both!

[Guest Appacheian]

I can only re itereated Little Ones comments as a daddy/Dom with my own little for 6 yrs. I used to be completely vanilla or so I thought and knew nothing about DDLG or anything else. My little told me about her inner most feelings that she had for years yet not experienced for real. So we embarked together on our journey. Your relationship will be unique to you two, do lots of research by all means but there is no textbook to follow or right or wrong way. Communication is everything. It’s the foundation to build on to a most wonderful relationship.

[MadelynVictoria]

So you're basically supposed to be a mind reader and know what she wants from you? Sorry, but no lol. She's a big girl who's able to use her big girl words, and tell you what she wants and needs from you. She has no right to be getting upset with you either. You can't give her the attention she wants if she doesn't tell you what she wants. You're also new to the dynamic, so she should be helping you out instead of expecting you to just get it. You need to tell her again that you want to give her the attention she wants, but she needs to communicate her wishes to you if you're to do it. You're not going to get anywhere unless she does.

[Guest supermanearthtwo]

Cuddles, kisses, watch movies with her, play with her.  Be dominant.  

[Guest Arc]

If she cannot be relied upon to be open, honest and communicative, then neither of you should be stepping foot near a Power Exchange dynamic. It’s a recipe for disaster. 

I came to say this but you said it better than I ever could! 

 

She seems to be expecting some kind of ideal situation that doesn't exist. People do things differently so she needs to communicate what she wants or she's not going to get what she wants. -.- 

 

How can you trust her to tell you when you're doing something she doesn't like if she can't tell you what she does like? How can you ever trust her to safe word or tell you no in a stressful situation if she can't even tell you something basic in a situation with no stress or upset? Simple answer... you can't. She's an adult (and even children can effectively communicate what they want so I'm little is in no way an excuse), so she needs to get over this silly stage an act like one. 

 

I'd sit down and have a very blunt conversation with her. Tell her it's not possible to do anything unless she's able to communicate. Not only for things you should do, but you need to know that when you do things she will be able to stop something if needed. Communication is important for safety and neither of you should be doing anything until she shows she's able to communicate her wants and needs.