Story of the past year of our life.

[JDom87]

So names Jimmy a I am (DD) my ex for her privacy we will call her MooMoo she is? Was? Tried/pretended to be or portray a (LG). I say that with respect even still for her. I don't know her she isn't who I thought, saw or believed. I think now that she liked the idea and what her idea of this dynamic entails.. Maybe she liked the special attention or the coddling n affection and she definitely enjoyed/wanted the sex style I provided her being that other men failed to have the nerve to explore the hidden desires she fantasized about. Where as I was direct in the things I like n would be willing and also want to explore with her. Looking back I think she wanted to be whatever it was I wanted, prefered, liked or idk I think now she wanted the challenge of getting and satisfying a man by pleasing me n my desires which in turned helped fill the holes her exes left in her through abuse and what not mentally n physically.. I actually feel like a mark, target or a victim she took out her resentment for men who took her for granted and taken advantage of her because of her sub nature. And being so sensitive she took especially to heart over the years.. So I was single for a year almost 2 she was single a month maybe? Lol. I was her rebound I knew it but I knew myself and that I could give her better and thought that with that it wouldn't matter and she'd love me and be loyal n faithful to me by the type of man I was. Fiercely loyal, honest to a fault and faithfully faithful. Looking at her behavior in the recent past I think she was bitter because I never broke either or those 3 things or ever gave a situation she'd so much as feel the need to question anything. I know what it feels like to have those 3 things ran over. I can't do that to anyone. She tried more than a few times to see if I'd trip up but anytime she'd hit me with a barrage of doubt in me is come out shining because I Answer any question, never shy from answering any question or feel uncomfortable, I didn't even get upset at her or irritated no matter how much it would happen because I wanted her worry free.. I didn't want her mind to swirl with doubts that consume a person's soul.. I've had that happen to me.. Women saying they forget something the day before but can remember in detail where and what they were doing 12 years ago in detail? Having asked a question just for them to get upset no matter how lightly you asked without accusing anything at all OnLY for them to get angry n raise their voice and almost blame you for something and about how you don't trust them and if you loved them you would not have to question them because there's no love without trust ( which I disagree with whole heartedly! The deepest love is a love that doesn't go away even if you havnt been shown you could trust them ) (aka kids right? And mind you dd/lg dynamic is very similar to that love). Moving on. MY mistake was expressing to her that her and I would end of the EVER got high. It was a personal problem (and please do not comment or question me on this thing) and we made a vow that either of us would leave if it happened. Weeks later I caught her without a doubt and she lied n said she was tired or something. I looked at her and hugged her because she appeared so ashamed and regretful and I felt that was punishment enough and I believe at that moment because of the man I expressed to her to be. Strong enougg to give her up for betrayal of any even the smallest betrayal or the word she gave me... I in my gut b3lieve at that moment I lost her respect just enough for her to test and push and eventually I'll go ahead and say fairly rampantly abuse my faith and benefit of the doubt because it was all mostly gut feelings and things not lining up and her immediately becoming irritated or mad at the moment I wanted to talk about something that bothered me. Thing she always used against me was that it's ALL the time or me re-mentioning something I didn't quite feel I got what I needed to feel comfortable with to let go. The reason for that is because sometimes she'd say things that just plain old didn't make sense. Or she would reverse it onto me and it's be really my fault for the problem. Or she's get really upset n cry and run off and constantly the why wont or can't or don't I just trust her blindly even like what fool blindly trusts with such red flags? Hell I pleaded with her to understand I DO NOT want to keep bringing things up regardless of my approach because I hated the fact that if I was right it'd mean pure inconsiderate selfishness regardless of the pain I've confided I've been through n how I could simply not invest my true self in another woman if betrayed again.. I hated having to question but all I needed was answers that made sense.. And more so I needed for me to not be seeing things that looked horrible. Y'know? I don't wanna ask bu5 as a man I have to. I wont be the butt end of a joke or a fool. Turns out u was..

 

I'll continue if anyone is still reading and cares to keep hearing me talk about this past heart break that as a dom... Has just hurt me so bad I am not even hurt or surprised.. I'm just sad. Depressed. Massively dissapointed and hurt I feel stupid weak blind and ashamed I let her do this to me.. And her last words is her happiness isn't wrong so she isn't WRONF for what she did and when she left me went back too

[JDom87]

Let me know if anyone wants to hear or know more.. Anything you wanna know private message me I don't need to be bashed

[JDom87]

I just can't stop thinking its not really happened. The deepest pain comes from these certain moments we had that should only ever be able to happen once in a life... As well as the many many things I was told that were so deep n personal she have dared tell another.. Or the things she said to me that she swore she meant and swore on that they were true on lives she should never gamble with... The acts of physical intimacy she said she only ever and would never do for another.. I took such great and HUGH honor in every single one of those treasures and kept them close to my heart n mind to keep me from ever straying or looking or thinking or fantasizing or ANYTHING I swore only she'd get EVER. I believed her through everything through benefit of the doubt and no proof because of each and every one of those treasures I really believed were mine and belonged to me alone and only forever. She told me something her grandfather created it was I love you all the world too deep. She swore she only ever said that to me it was actually so special we added on (until the last star dies) it was our thing it was so special to her and she gifted the mere knowledge of it and extended the depth of its sentiment n made it intimately ours by adding onto it with me.. She said she never really wanted to marry anyone else or that she never felt that she was soul mates with anyone else or that I was her first true love. Among so much else I mean I was in love with her DEEPLY and I treated her like it too. Sure we had our moments and those moments were more frequently happening in the end but still.. If she cried it didn't matter what was wrong I stopped and held her n felt like a jerk and apologized.

 

You know in the end she left me for her ex on jail and said all my assumption were right and actually brought up that I know every thing she said was special or just between us or she swore she meant or anything that made us that deeply connected very intimate soul mate true love couple was all just false and not real or true.

 

She doesn't show remorse I barely get a sorry and she is posting how she won't ever stray or how much she loves such n such barely a day after we split.. I found out the last fight she had she lied about going to library and went and visited him in jail and since then she's been heartless. Cold. Uncaring and just mean. This has been easy for her not even a slight trip in her well being and she actually seems just fine and happy as she says she's happy again and has her real life back and her kids have their daddy (he's not) again and just the whole spiel.. I am left for dead essentially... Id still die for this woman and she didn't even give me a hug goodbye. I wasn't argumentative about her leaving even when I knew it was for him. I didn't cuss or fight or beg or even cry.. I just wished her well and her happiness.. She swore I was being sarcastic about that but I explained I loves her enough to cut her lose not get in the way and let her live the life she wants to be happy.. It'll disappear... No prob. But damn am I sad. She swore she wouldn't do this ONE SPECIFIC I essentially begged for her not to do as it happen before and she swore... And here we are. Again.

[JDom87]

I am glad 5o be able to get all this out.

[JDom87]

We always talked about a splitting if we were ever unhappy. Especially her.. ND yes we fought at times and SHITTY things had been said but I always felt after a fight n talk I felt better! Like it was ok and no harm no foul. But one thing she said I'll never forget.. She told me tat all we do or did was make eachother miserable... I wasn't miserable I said but sorry I made her miserable I never wanted that or to be that why didn't she just talk to me? God I loved her I don't even want anyone else no ones attractive to me. To me she was my gift from god that all my turmoil had earned me... Like finally happiness?! Thank god. And turns out, NO. She hated me. She was disgustes by me, I drove her to misery, I wasn't anything she said to me. But why carry on? Why? I fought guys that were disrespectful to her pledged all of me to her and I meant it. But I guess by not being able to sit back and let her have her cake and eat it too without questioning her and letting her juat get away with being sneaky and just be truly unfaithful. In the end this is for the best because I deserve a woman who gives me what I give them. I never deserved a woman who needed to party and the attention of other men and complete freedom to just go whatever without supervision.. NOT in a dd/lg relationship she signed up for. She was just too immature and not ready for the commitmentz discipline, loyalty and unwavering faith that daddy means best and deserves respect and faithful commitment and obedience because I only love m care and would never lead my little girl to something bad for her.

[JDom87]

We always talked about a splitting if we were ever unhappy. Especially her.. ND yes we fought at times and SHITTY things had been said but I always felt after a fight n talk I felt better! Like it was ok and no harm no foul. But one thing she said I'll never forget.. She told me tat all we do or did was make eachother miserable... I wasn't miserable I said but sorry I made her miserable I never wanted that or to be that why didn't she just talk to me? God I loved her I don't even want anyone else no ones attractive to me. To me she was my gift from god that all my turmoil had earned me... Like finally happiness?! Thank god. And turns out, NO. She hated me. She was disgustes by me, I drove her to misery, I wasn't anything she said to me. But why carry on? Why? I fought guys that were disrespectful to her pledged all of me to her and I meant it. But I guess by not being able to sit back and let her have her cake and eat it too without questioning her and letting her juat get away with being sneaky and just be truly unfaithful. In the end this is for the best because I deserve a woman who gives me what I give them. I never deserved a woman who needed to party and the attention of other men and complete freedom to just go whatever without supervision.. NOT in a dd/lg relationship she signed up for. She was just too immature and not ready for the commitmentz discipline, loyalty and unwavering faith that daddy means best and deserves respect and faithful commitment and obedience because I only love m care and would never lead my little girl to something bad for her.

[JDom87]

And I'm so frigging glad we didn't end up married and pregnant...

 

Not even a month ago she was on me (playfully) about why I hadn't gotten her pregnant yet and she was flipping them legs up to increase the chances and tracking ovulation!?!? I'm so happy I don't have the additional pain of my baby inside her while she has done this idk if I could take that. And as well as the buying her a ring again not even a month ago to propose??? Yeah relieved I hesitated... How could, would or even attempt those intimate things with someone you care nothing about? Why would you? The moment she gave her thirsty ex the time of day she was all the way gone and completely devoted to her jailbird.. The one who tried to get with her sister a week prior to them talking. The one who had locked her out of the bathroom and had sex with her sister and he'll even tried with her mother. The guy who threatend her life and mine (but knows better now ) she swore and promised herself she could never even consider taking him back after all the things he betrayed and lines crossed.. I can't even list them all.. But yet her she is on her knees devoting herself to the poison she ran to me to suck out of her and give her a real life with a real MA. That treated her the way she should be. This is what makes me stupid and why I chose to walk away. I CANNOT compete with INSANITY which in definition is doing the same thing over n over expecting different results which her decisions are a prime example for insanity and I can't compete with that. She wants and needs to be abused and treated like nothing that's just the type of submissive she is and it breaks my heart. I feel women are worth more than that. I want to love and care and protect them not devalue demoralize and desensitize their femininity because as a man I need that from her I don't just need or want a hole to use bow and then!!