Littles with "Daddy Issues"

[Guest CaptainAmerica97]

I know i have daddy issues from two of my past step fathers. That have come on to me when i was still growing up.

[Guest little nemo]

Both parents verbally/emotionally abusive. Mother unable to cope with anything, at times physically abusive. Father controlling, cold, shaming, abusive to himself and us...

 

I haven't spoken a word to my father since I was 11. I personally don't think DDlg is the ideal way to heal the wounds our fathers have left us, but it has helped me a lot in some ways.

[Misha]

I firmly believe it shouldn't be assumed that someone has "daddy issues" just because they are a little/middle. I'm also into D/s, petplay, and other kinks. If those kinks don't automatically result in someone assuming it must be because of some childhood trauma or mental problem, why does my involvement in DD/lg have to flip that switch in the minds of others? I can see how it's possible that it might be the case for some people, but I think it's really narrow-minded that so many people think that every little MUST have daddy issues and that's the only reason they are a little. /endrant

 

That being said.. lol... I would probably say I have "daddy issues", considering my father was awful to me when I was growing up... and awful to my mother and brother as well. He treated us all like crap. (My mother, however, was amazing.) Even now he isn't much of a "father" and is only really okay in small doses.

Edited May 23, 2018 by Misha

[kittyglitter]

Yep. I do.

[Chicki]

I never was close with my dad, or most of my family for that instances. Long story lol.

[xolittle_kittyox]

I'm not sure if I'd really say I have daddy issues, but my father was absent for pretty much 90% of my childhood, and is still absent from my life today until he gets a new woman and feels the need to impress them with a "dedicated daddy of 2 daughters" visage. He literally only comes around when it's convenient for him. My step-dad has been in the picture every since I can remember, but he has literally nothing to do with me lol. We lived in the same house until i was 21, and we hardly spoke. Also, growing up my mom never really let me act like a kid. I was never allowed to have friends so I spent most of my time alone in my room playing by myself. I had to stop calling her "mommy" at 3, and i called my dad (on the rare occasions that I saw him) "father" and never "daddy". I think that's why when I'm in little space i can't even call my bf "daddy", he's "dad". My moms side of the family only exchanges "I love you" when someone dies. For me to be such an affectionate and emotional person, my family is really cold and distant when it comes to feelings. 

[DemureKitten]

I had daddy issues for most of my life through my mother

My mum has always been quite manipulative and since I was born she would make me feel like my dad didn't care about me. 

 

Since my stepmother me and my dad are a lot closer with him since and have a lot less 'daddy issues' but some are quite deep rooted and are easily brought back up in times of distress.

 

But yeah, I have daddy issues   

[LittleJayMay]

Well my father was abusive mentally and physically. I guess I have daddy issues but I've sort of overcome my past. I dont really know. I feel like even if I didn't have the past that I did, I would still be a little. Edited May 27, 2018 by LittleJayMay

[littolbrat]

100% have Daddy Issues!! and I only realized it a few months back

 

My dad emotionally neglected me and my siblings, cheated on my mom multiple times, and just wasn't a good guy. I used to try and reach out to him but after years of dead ends I just stop. I definitely think there's a connection between my daddy issues and my interest in DDlg (stolen childhood) but I'm sure that isn't the case for everyone

[Guest Arc]

In some ways I think I do. My biological father is amazing. He's always been there for me, always come along to watch sports games, horse riding, school performances, and any and all events he's been allowed to go to. He's currently putting me through university and supporting me and everything I want to try or do. But... he's not open with emotions and doesn't like touch, and he doesn't do this with anyone so I know it's not just me. So while my dad has been there in so many ways, he's really never been there for emotional support, to say he's proud of me, or to hug me and things like that. It doesn't bother me at all. I don't need it from him because it's just not who he is and I would rather him be true to himself. 

 

I get the emotional support and affection from a daddy and I love it. I crave it. When I first felt it... it was like I found a part of me that was missing. So in some ways that may be an extension of a daddy issue, but I personally am unsure of labelling it as such. 

[Kitten Fluff]

Yeah...My "father" was very abusive to me. I wont go into much details but he's not in my life anymore.

[Guest PoppyG]

Yeah, from my earliest memories my daddy was my everything (in-tact family, 2 kids & a dog, no significant abuse, normal everything). In my head I was a total, 200% daddy's girl. Unfortunately when little ones put daddy's throne up so high, when he falls off the emotional damage cuts deep. Some of those scars never heal.

[Guest Swadloon]

I just have family issues, tbh. Papa was a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic who only stopped drinking after he nearly killed some elderly people while driving drunk.  Never mind being a danger to me and my mum.  Some of my earliest memories consist of toddler-me wandering around the house at all hours not knowing what the hell to do because my father had drank himself into a stupor and my mum was away on business. I literally fought the man once when I saw him roughing up my mum in front of me. 

 

Mum never left my father because, well, she had crippling abandonment issues. She also has severe anxiety, paranoia, and  mood instability. Mum's refused to seek professional help to this day and I've only watched her mental health deteriorate over the last quarter century. She is also very selfish and has thrown me, my father, and her friends under the bus many, many times because she's either refused to admit her own mistakes or caused an issue with her erratic behaviour and decisions. I can barely have a conversation with her anymore without her getting totally out of line.  It both scares and saddens me.

 

My parents kicked me out of the house at age 14 because I was dating a boy (heaven forbid!) and I only went home when the police collected me and told my parents that  they couldn't just toss a kid under 16 out in the street.  We were ordered to go to family therapy and that did a grand total of nothing. I moved out at 16, with my then-boyfriend, because I couldn't handle living in a household where I was terrified to say or do anything, and where all I heard trying to fall asleep was screaming and crying.  I'm now a pro at life skills compared to 99.9% of my friends because I had to grow up so quickly, but I'm still struggling to achieve financial and housing stability to this day because I never had any support.

 

I know for a fact that part of my interest in DDlb stems from me wanting to reclaim my lost childhood, and wanting to be loved and taken care of and protected like I never was. I get a lot of people saying that's screwed up and gross, to which I tell them to go play on some train tracks.  Yes, I'm a damaged person.  And I've fought my own demons and worked my ass off to repair those damages, and only now are they starting to heal.  I'm not and will never be ashamed of what I've gone through, or ashamed at the tools I use to cope with life and maintain my mental health.

[Guest Your_Papa]

I'm not sure if CGs are allowed to contribute in this forum, I hope I can make a positive and useful contribution but if I'm breaking a rule please moderate me out of the thread.

 

I think that this conversation is super interesting and really points to the importance of fathers in little girls' lives. i have to admit this is something that I really only came to understand through talking with little girls on this site and through having - over the last two or three years - some very emotionally close-deep-intense relationships with little girls. Two have been quite simply father-daughter relationships, and that fits with a lot of what littles have been saying above about what they are seeking and what have been positive experiences for them. I have learned that, ultimately, my 'type' is that I am a father and the reward of being a father and creating that special father-daughter bond is possibly the most rewarding emotional experience I've had as a man.

 

In my view this dynamic is not enough discussed on this site, with so much focus on 'daddy' and 'little girl' roles or what ever you might call them, it kind of obscures the importance of fathers and fathering, and the potential for a little girl just to want to feel like a loved and treasured and protected daughter, to just simply live as a daughter with her father.

 

Anyway, just some thoughts

[Hearteyes]

[Guest stuffiesprincess]

[SmartAssLittle]

My dad still trying to fucked up my life, but I'm so much stronger than he is.

At first I was sorry for my mother because she is still with him, but I don't care anymore.

Don't speak to me if you don't have good reason, and we are fine.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I had 3 amazing men play a role in my life and all take part in raising me. I had my bio Father, My step father and my Papa. I have never really examined why I am the way that I am but i know it's not rooted in the whole positive male influence thing. 

[SquishyUnicorns]

I know I do too, my dad was verbally and physically abusive, and my mother was verbally and emotionally abusive. Hes be at me, threatened me, and even told me he didnt love me. I grew up afraid every day. For me little space is a place of trusting my Daddy, receiving unconditional love and acceptance. It's about letting go of fear, anxiety, and allowing myself to let go and be me freely. It's very healing.

[RainbowPigtails]

I have daddy issues. I don't think they relate to my little tendencies, though.

My dad used to yell a lot and he was in a deep depression with trust issues in my early years, so I hated him. He's very critical and has a sardonic (mean) sense of humor. I don't think I want a "daddy" to replace my dad because I want my dad to fulfil the role he's supposed to in my life. I want a good, loving relationship with him and things have definitely improved over the past couple of years. He won't baby me any more because I'm an adult, but I know he genuinely cares about my wellbeing and does what he can to take care of me. He's just not great at expressing himself. As he is, I'm incredibly grateful.

In the semi-reverse of that, I think I find sibling-like relationships more appealing in the ddlg community and by comparison, I have an absolutely excellent relationship with my sibling. I think I just want some of my childhood innocence and sense of fun back and I want someone to share that with. I don't want someone who has assumed authority over me.

[pepperminty]

I guess I have daddy issues?? My bio dad got deported when I was really young and I’ve only seen him a few times since. My mom told me when he was around tho he did some really bad things to her and just bad stuff in general. My stepdad came around when I was young and we get along great except for some differences in certain opinions.

[Snuggleupagis]

I guess it's to be said that it fills a void. But it's not the same as having an Oedipus complex or an Electra complex. Which is what people usually mean when they say daddy or mommy issues.

Do I have daddy issues? Yes. But I don't want to have sex with my abusive father.

He sexually, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially abused me and my siblings.

When I become little, it's not to re-enact my trauma. It's to make room for my childlike needs or honestly, I think embracing this has helped with my PTSD/DID. My "little girl" personality and I merged and I don't feel her there anymore. Most of them are quiet now. I've been to therapy for years and found some things work and some don't.

But me and "daddy" slip in and out of these rolls easily to make time for adult life as well as our kink needs. Little space isn't always sexual and even when it is, it's not the same as trying to have sex with your bio parents. It's a safe way to fulfill missing love and affection from your life that you crave, sexual or non sexual. Your choice. Your past does not define you as much as what you choose to do with your future and present. Hope this helps. Embrace what you like, not what society has to say about it.

[Southernpeach]

Me i was born from rape and my mother allowed my father in my life he was allowed in my life when i was 13 all i ever wanted was a normal family the guy im engaged to asked if i wanted a daddy dom me i honestly don't care if i have daddy issues i know i have disbandment issues now my biological father  disappeared but im happy with my daddy dom so yeah at this point I've given up on my biological father and focused on myself sorry i don't have too much to give. since my father chose his course i wish me and him could have been a happy father and  daughter life me i dont care i might not have had a bad life from it like abuse but i still wonder did he really even care but then again i doubt it cause if so his child in his life been a prime important thing to him but he chose this and i'm here wondering was i truly important to my father i feel ever day that i was the black sheep my half sisters his youngest daughters and son my older brother was more important i didn't believe my father when he told he wanted to be around me cause of the memory him sending a gift card with his name was all i got as a child so it makes me think he didnt then the fact of memory of school how i felt i was not good enough to be his child tbh like how come did i have to deal with that as a child at first i was wanting to keep this out but i thought its part of what he left me with but the only man i trust deeply is the man im engaged with who is my daddy  dom other men i dont my father is the one on top i dont trust if im honest i even wonder was the alcohol worth it as well but im sure the alcohol would be more importent to him he even kept the death of my great grandmother from me along did my family on his side i wish i could have hugged her one more time

 

Edited June 30, 2022 by Southernpeach

[Babygirl2019]

For me i never had my daddy it was always great grandma or aunt n uncle. My daddy was always at work or trying to make another baby since i wasn't a boy i wived with my great grandma since i was 2 weeks old. My dad never came around and when he did it was always for my sister not me.

[Sloth Fairy]

This is a good topic.  I think saying daddy issues is maybe the wrong term. 

think my little self is a result of parent issues, and rather than daddy issues. Growing up, I had a mentally ill, non nurturing mother and a father who, although more nurturing than my mother was kind of stuck in his marriage and having to make ends meet to provide for a large family. He was caught up in the drama that was Mom and seemed powerless to change anything.  I had siblings but they were much older than me. So I was, for the most part left to my own devices

I know that's why Ddlg appeals to me and why that little girl part of me wants the nurturing aspect of Ddlg , but also the structure. 

Edited August 10, 2022 by Sloth Fairy
Rewording a sentence