I might have a problem...

[RodentMaN1234]

Hello! I have a bit of a situation. A few months ago my girlfriend confessed that she has a little space. Now that isn't the problem I love her and this was something she was embarassed of for a long time and I wanted her to not do this alone and I was more than happy to be apart of it. She's been depressed for a long time too and she's been using her little space sort of as a coping mechanism. One of the main reasons why I wanted to be apart of her little space is so that she doesnt feel alone and that she'll always have someone there for her.

 

This has been going on for maybe a month or so now and I couldn't help but wonder if I'm doing more bad than good. Does being a caregiver make her happy? Yes. But the pattern so far is she'll slip, we have our ups and downs and it'll all be fine and then when she leaves the space it could leave her feeling one of two things. Either she'll feel really happy or really upset and sadly its usually the latter.

 

She gets upset because she has this constant feeling that eventually Id get tired of "dealing" with little her and as a result leave her entirely ( I say "dealing" because she has an impression that Im merely tolerating all of it when I genuinely there for her).

 

Now Im here asking for any piece of advice on what I should do or just tell me if Im just hurting her more. Have I gone too far? Could we have been better off if I decided to not talk about little space in the first place? Are there things I should and shouldn't do more of?

 

Thank you for hearing me out and any piece of advice would really help.

[LittleKitten13]

I'm so sorry that you and your little are going through that.

There was a rough period with papa and I where I felt like he only tolerated me being little and really hated it, and sometimes even now (when he is soooo affectionate and loving) I get scared that he will get tired of me, or I'll wear him out.  I have really bad anxiety and insecurities.  I never really had friends growing up and I fear that everyone will eventually leave me.

The best advice I can give you is to just not give up on her and whenever she says she's scared you'll get tired of "dealing with her", just remind her that you AREN'T dealing with her, you love her and her little self.

I don't know her or her situation, but I know that I'm working on my fears and anxieties myself, but in the meantime, having a papa who hugs me and reassures me of his love is an immense help.

[RodentMaN1234]

Thanks dude!!! Really appreciate the help!

 

 

 

I'm so sorry that you and your little are going through that.

There was a rough period with papa and I where I felt like he only tolerated me being little and really hated it, and sometimes even now (when he is soooo affectionate and loving) I get scared that he will get tired of me, or I'll wear him out. I have really bad anxiety and insecurities. I never really had friends growing up and I fear that everyone will eventually leave me.

The best advice I can give you is to just not give up on her and whenever she says she's scared you'll get tired of "dealing with her", just remind her that you AREN'T dealing with her, you love her and her little self.

I don't know her or her situation, but I know that I'm working on my fears and anxieties myself, but in the meantime, having a papa who hugs me and reassures me of his love is an immense help.

Edited April 2, 2018 by RodentMaN1234

[Little Illy]

The moment people open up about themselves is normally when others run away. That is probably what she is used to. 

 

Now she has shared this part of her and so what she is more than likely dreading is that "ah-ha" moments. That time when she says she needs or is interested in something that brings about the "   " face. The face that reads "oh... you actually like that." Even if you never have that thought or feeling about her, this is what she is dreading. 

 

So how does she combat this? By putting her guard up, and being upset and frustrated is easier to deal with thant rejection. Even if everything went beautifully in little space with you, afterwards there could be that voice in her head going "why, why, WHY are you exposing yourself like this?!" Daddy and I have shared every fantasy we desire (fantasies of careers, locations, sex, friends, lifestyles and so much more), and each time I get those some emotions roaring back. "Oh god, this is it. After all of this, he is going to leave once he knows." Even though we are engaged, even though I moved countries to be with him, even though everything... I still get that feeling.

 

So how can you help? By doing exactly what you tell her you are. If you say you enjoy being in little space with her, then do so. If you like how she acts as a little, then gently encourage it (gently as to not scare her). You say you want her to be happy and be this part of herself, then foster a relationship that allows that. Only time can help these issues. Time and honesty. Eventually she will see that you actually mean what you are saying and she will trust more and be more and more comfortable as a little. However, that means you cannot exagerrate how you feel, you need to be completely honest with her regardless of what it is. Why? Because the moment she finds out you fibbed to make her feel better 1.) All of her fears have come true. People are lying to her, they are deceateful and etc. and 2.) it will do lasting damage to the relationship. She will probably begin to wonder what else you fibbed about.  Or if you actually like any of it or are just doing this for personal gain, etc.

 

Seems far-fetched yeah? This is what happens in the mind of someone who can't believe a person actually likes/loves her for who she really is. I recognize this because I still feel this way with Daddy. I hardly doubt you are hurting her by encouraging her littleshapce, but only she can answer that question fully for you. Honestly you two should sit down and discuss this, even if she can't quite see the sincerity in your words just yet about not being turned off by this. A lot of patience is needed for situations like these, never forget that. And babysteps are remarkable when it comes to tackling hard situations. I wish you two the best of luck.

[RodentMaN1234]

If you dont mind me asking, how does one go about a discussing something like this?? Not because it would be a difficult discussion but because, like you said, she might not believe anything Id say and Im afraid Id make things worse.

 

The moment people open up about themselves is normally when others run away. That is probably what she is used to.

 

Now she has shared this part of her and so what she is more than likely dreading is that "ah-ha" moments. That time when she says she needs or is interested in something that brings about the " " face. The face that reads "oh... you actually like that." Even if you never have that thought or feeling about her, this is what she is dreading.

 

So how does she combat this? By putting her guard up, and being upset and frustrated is easier to deal with thant rejection. Even if everything went beautifully in little space with you, afterwards there could be that voice in her head going "why, why, WHY are you exposing yourself like this?!" Daddy and I have shared every fantasy we desire (fantasies of careers, locations, sex, friends, lifestyles and so much more), and each time I get those some emotions roaring back. "Oh god, this is it. After all of this, he is going to leave once he knows." Even though we are engaged, even though I moved countries to be with him, even though everything... I still get that feeling.

 

So how can you help? By doing exactly what you tell her you are. If you say you enjoy being in little space with her, then do so. If you like how she acts as a little, then gently encourage it (gently as to not scare her). You say you want her to be happy and be this part of herself, then foster a relationship that allows that. Only time can help these issues. Time and honesty. Eventually she will see that you actually mean what you are saying and she will trust more and be more and more comfortable as a little. However, that means you cannot exagerrate how you feel, you need to be completely honest with her regardless of what it is. Why? Because the moment she finds out you fibbed to make her feel better 1.) All of her fears have come true. People are lying to her, they are deceateful and etc. and 2.) it will do lasting damage to the relationship. She will probably begin to wonder what else you fibbed about. Or if you actually like any of it or are just doing this for personal gain, etc.

 

Seems far-fetched yeah? This is what happens in the mind of someone who can't believe a person actually likes/loves her for who she really is. I recognize this because I still feel this way with Daddy. I hardly doubt you are hurting her by encouraging her littleshapce, but only she can answer that question fully for you. Honestly you two should sit down and discuss this, even if she can't quite see the sincerity in your words just yet about not being turned off by this. A lot of patience is needed for situations like these, never forget that. And babysteps are remarkable when it comes to tackling hard situations. I wish you two the best of luck.

Edited April 2, 2018 by RodentMaN1234

[Little Illy]

Daddy had a lot of doubts - he is in a wheelchair, he has high standards, he has been told negative things, etc. He never believed I really loved him ("who would?"). And when we decided I would come over, he didn't believe I truly would. Or when I left, he never thought he would physically see me again. So, I used my actions as my evidence. Whenever he was feeling doubtful, I would remind him just how cemented I am by his side. 

 

"Daddy, I never left. I had plenty of chance, never left. It has been HARD being with you, but I enjoy every minute." Go into details, let her know that it cane be frustrating when she doesn't believe you, show her a bit of that. But make sure you wrap it up with explaining that though yes it is frustrating, even just a bit, you are still there. Actions are the best way to prove yourself, and reminding her of these (periodically, not constantly) will help show her you aren't just talk.

[RodentMaN1234]