Daddy doesn't want to be daddy anymore

[Guest Daffodil]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm looking for a bit of support and advice really and i have no one else i know who i can speak to about this... so i thought this would be a safe place to come, i've never used this site before either hah. 

 

I am a 22 year old little, i've identified as a sub since i was 17 and i've had numerous D/S relationships (including 24/7).

 

I've been with my S/O for some time now (i'll call him L for now), and i couldn't be happier, i've been treated very poorly in the past. L has supported me through literally everything you can imagine, and i haven't felt this love or supported in my life before. He's the most fantastic person i've ever met.

 

When we first began to date we both said we were interested in a D/S relationship and we both agreed that a DDlg was the most suitable for us (which was great for me). I am the one with more experience and i always suggested seeking out information independently while also offering my experiences and opinions. We spoke about a contract, and having 24/7 and we both saw eye to eye on pretty much everything. He supported me when i was in little space, he loved to read me bed stories and i'm now drowning in stuffies too. He was the perfect daddy; it comes so naturally to him. Like he was born to be my daddy. 

 

But about two weeks ago, L told me he didn't want to be my daddy anymore, that he didn't want to have a contract. We discussed it and we both realised L though that being a dom meant you had to have a 24/7 contracted relationship;  explained that a DDlg can be anything that works for the two people. We both agreed that we still wanted to have a DDlg relationship but without the contract. 

Then about a week ago, he then said he didn't want to be daddy at all. That he just wasn't interested anymore, that he thought he wanted to be a dom, but has realised he doesn't. He says nothing has changed, he just has changed his mind. He said that he loved to have kinky sex with me, and liked being called daddy in the bedroom but was no longer my DD.  

He said he still wants to take care of me, and protect me and buy me stuffies, call me cute pet names, read me bedtime stories, but he isn't my DD anymore. 

 

Honestly..... i am heart broken. I mean part of me knows that my relationship with him is more important.... but i've just spent all this time connecting with a daddy who isn't here anymore. He says he's still here, and he is, but only as a boyfriend. he acts almost the same.... which hurts even more. 

I'm struggling to explain to him what it feels like to have your DD leave when you're a little. He is very supportive and kind, and understanding. But i still feel so incredibly sad. I know time heals all.... but my last boyfriend did this to me and i was upset for a very long time. 

He says things won't change, but of course they will. I don't feel like i can be a little, and it hurts. It doesn't feel right. I still want to be with him, and this is the only thing he's ever done that has upset me, and he's still very understanding and patient with me. 

But i can't help but feel.....lost.

 

He said that just for now he's not my dom, and to not call him daddy outside the bedroom, but i feel my heart ache when i call him it and i know its not what it means to me. 

This isn't the first time i have had a dom bail on me... and i feel so abandoned without him going anywhere. 

I'm having subdrop all the time now, and when i talk about it with him i feel so alone. 

 

I know everything will be okay... but i'm a very sensitive person and i get attached easily. Just looking for some advice, reassurance or maybe i just need someone to tell me i'm overreacting about the whole thing aha. 

 

Lots of love

Daffodil 

[xBabydollx]

I def don't think u are overreacting. u went into it thinking u will have a Daddy Dom and in the end, its no longer what he wants. It is def the end of a dynamic which is understandable why it would be mourned. Sounds like he thought he wanted to be a Daddy Dom, but later discovered it didn't fit him. That's basically what he said. So he just likes the kinky fun and is an ageplayer (which is why he likes the name Daddy and other things in the bedroom setting). It will be hard to change ur mental view of everything u guys do, because now when u interact in and outside of the bedroom it is not as a sub. u will have to remove the 'subbie' feelings or expectations from the play which is hard since u are now accustomed to it. Being called daddy is a huge part of the ageplayer kink in bed....but if u can't handle it, then perhaps try a different term that is similar to it (like Papi or papa for example. It may still turn him on without u feeling little. I personally wouldn't call him it outside of the bedroom). Even tho he doesn't want to be ur Daddy anymore, he at least still wants to ageplay and be a caregiver for u. All of this is nobodies fault, cuz its not what either of u expected, but since u want to stay with him u will have to find some middle ground tho I don't understand the 'just for now' not ur Dom comment, it would imply he simply wants a 'break' which doesnt correspond with the other things he said

[Daddy4Princess]

This seems strange to me.  Maybe I'm not understanding it correctly.  He doesn't want to be your Daddy any more, but he still wants to continue all the activities that made him your Daddy?  He still wants kinky D/s sex in the bedroom, and he still wants to take care of you and call you pet names and read stories?

 

I can see why you're confused and hurt, I hope everything works out.

[Guest gobacktosleep]

This seems strange to me.  Maybe I'm not understanding it correctly.  He doesn't want to be your Daddy any more, but he still wants to continue all the activities that made him your Daddy?  He still wants kinky D/s sex in the bedroom, and he still wants to take care of you and call you pet names and read stories?

 

I can see why you're confused and hurt, I hope everything works out.

Yeah, it doesn't follow for me either, and sounds like an excuse for something else. If he insists that he will continue all the activities that sort of define a daddy, but doesn't want to be your daddy, what exactly does he want? Is it solely the removal of the word daddy as applied outside of the bedroom? It just doesn't actually make sense. 

[Guest Daffodil]

Hi guys, 

 

Thank you so much for the responses. 

I had an adult to adult chat with him earlier, and it went really well. I was getting so upset because i was so worried that because of this sudden change, did that mean other things might change as well? I just need the reassurance that that wasn't the case. I think most of me was worried about how i felt as a little, but actually it adult me, worrying that he wasn't happy with me. 

We're very open about things, and when i spoke to him today i feel much more reassured. like things are back the way they're supposed to be

 

And regarding him wanting to continue with daddy related things: he explained that was just who he was, and he wasn't going to change the things that came naturally to him. He said he loved me, and he wasn't going to change as a person, but he sees the name 'daddy' as a specific sex name, so we're going to find another one to replace it that is more suitable. He said until then i was welcome to try and use daddy for a little bit just to see what its like.

 

I think all of this and been L trying to figure out who he is, and where he fits in this massive community.

 

Thank you so much for all your kind words

 

Love