My daddy hasn't really set rules

[Schmitshow]

My daddy and I are in a ldr and there are no really formal rules or punishments. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm taking advantage of him, but I dont know how to talk to him about it. It bothers me not to have any rules because I cant really judge what is going to make him mad. I'm also pretty new to ddlg so is there just default rules for a little? And how do I talk to my daddy about something like this?

[Guest Arc]

Rules are not default. If you want them then ask for them. Just be blunt and open. Communication is important. If you can't communicate your wants and needs then that's going to lead to a lot of problems. May as well learn to do it properly before something major or serious comes up. 

 

Just ask him what he thinks of introducing a few rules and explain to him that it's important for you so you understand boundaries and how to make him happy. There's no set or default rules. It's just whatever you both want or need. Here's some ideas on what others have https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/2210-what-are-your-rules/page-1?hl=rules

[ApolloD]

My daddy and I are in a ldr and there are no really formal rules or punishments. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm taking advantage of him, but I dont know how to talk to him about it. It bothers me not to have any rules because I cant really judge what is going to make him mad. I'm also pretty new to ddlg so is there just default rules for a little? And how do I talk to my daddy about something like this?

 

Little girls must have rules.  Especially if they're brats.  Are you a brat?

[Princess_Sparkles]

I totally agree with ArcOflnfinity. It's very important to communicate with your partner. He can't be aware of your whishes, if you don't tell him about them. You don't have to be scared about telling him your thoughts.

[Little Illy]

LDR is difficult, DDlg LDR even more so. The thing you have working in your favor is that you're new to DDlg and rules. Because you are new to this (and maybe he is?) you are able to flesh out what you need from rules and what he needs without pre-existing expectations.

 

Rules are different for everyone: they mean something different, they represent different things, some may trigger others negatively, some may be so obscure that others can't figure out why it is a thing... none of that matters. Because as long as it works and makes sense to those involved, that is all that matters. Daddy and I had a rule that I was to use my "real voice" more, in other words, I was to try to add a bit of little speech to my dialect. It is something I've wanted to explore but feel like an idiot speaking like that (NO JUDGEMENT! I feel it is great for literally everyone else, but I feel I sound like a moron if I do). So that become a rule for us, which means, Daddy could enforce a punishment if it wasn't followed through. This actually really helped me.

 

However, when I moved in with Daddy (another country) I was so overwhelmed with the new stage of my life, it is actually harder for me allow my little side to shine through. Big Me has to take care of the moving, the settling, the establishing, etc so little me feels like she has to hide. As this is the case, Daddy and I no longer have any rules right now. They will come back as soon as the dust settles but it is too much right now for me to try to shoulder.

 

So why did I explain this? Because you're new to DDlg and rules and it just goes to show how fluid rules can and should be. Rules are meant to make those feel positively; secure, looked after, proud, in control, connected, respected/respectful, and so much more. The biggest thing you must always remember is that you have to be your own advocate. If a rule does not set right with you, draw the line and define the limit. Just because you are a little does not mean you are to be a victim (never hinting that your Daddy is abusive, I am saying in general). If a rule makes you uncomfortable or feel negatively (belittled, forced/coerced, ignored, etc) then you need to be able to say so.

 

Your Daddy (now or if, it happens, a new one in the future) should be able to sit down with you and you both come up with a list of rules that make you feel happy and fulfilled. People have this misunderstanding and think that if they are the sub or little they have to just go along with the rules their Dom/me has provided. And that is never the case - it needs to be a symbiosis otherwise it will fail.

 

Ultimately, you need to sit down with him and talk outside of the dynamic. Not as his little or sub, but as his girlfriend, partner, and best friend. And he as yours and not your Daddy and Dom. I know that sounds odd (why take the dynamic out while trying to establish a part of it), but what it does is allowed you to come together without the lingering "I have to do what Daddy says" feeling. And it is important you discuss it as 100% equals (not that you aren't in the relationship, but I mean, he HAS to listen to you without expecting to veto anything you say, and vice versa).

 

All in all, make this a fun time for you two! This is exploring, bring you two closer!! Enjoy this part of learning about yourself and one another. And don't forget baby steps are perfect. Start with a rule then add a couple here and there to get used to it.

Edited March 30, 2018 by Little Illy

[Little Illy]

Little girls must have rules.  Especially if they're brats.  Are you a brat?

 

I feel you have just kinda thrown a red flag. Maybe understand rules mean different things for different people. I need rules to remind myself to care for myself because I focus on others too much. Another little might need them due to mental health, or because they just want a Total Power Exchange dynamic and so on. And then some littles HATE rules and never want them, instead they just want the earned respect and adoration of their SO without the pressure of following rules that holds very little meaning to them.

 

Just because you think "little girls must have rules" doesn't mean they have to. And being a brat is semi-irrelevant. Some brats hate rules and refuse to have them. I, personally, know a few like this - and them and their Daddy/Mommies are perfectly happy without rules. Because it works for them.

Edited March 31, 2018 by Little Illy

[junebug0325]

Communication is the more important thing in a CG/L relationship. If it bothers you to not have rules then the biggest advice I can give you is to have a talk with your Daddy and talk to him about having rules, even if it's only a couple of rules in the beginning, like sending good morning messages to him or going to sleep at a certain time. Rules are not a default in a relationship and need to be talked about and understood by both parties. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

I don't really have a set list of rules at this point either, but communication makes it not entirely necessary. I know what I should and shouldn't do because my daddy and I talk about it. If you're in a new relationship it's best to communicate and get to know each other on a personal level BEFORE getting into rules. That way you don't have any rules that serve no purpose, because that would be kind of dumb.

 

If you'd like to get into implementing rules, maybe make a list of what you think your rules should be and talk it over with your daddy! He might not be entirely clear on what you want and don't want so it'd be good for you to be proactive and communicate your needs/wants so you two can work together to sort the issue out.

 

Good luck to you!

[workhorse]

I agree with ArcOfInfinity. Rules aren't always required. You are part of the relationship so you have a say in how it goes. Its up to you to ask, he might not think you need or want them.

[xBabydollx]

I just want to add, don't be surprised if he doesn't want rules. Not all Daddies/Doms want to give rules or follow-up on them. Some may only want 1-5 rules to give while u may need 10-20 (for example). So while I agree with some others that u should talk to him about what u want, don't walk into the conversation with expectations or assumptions. Tell him what u want and find out what he is ok with giving. If he doesn't want to give rules or as many as u hope for, it doesn't make him a bad Daddy, just the wrong one for u. If u need 'ideas' for rules then google or even looking at posts here can give u ideas. There is no one size fit all for what rules a little should have, and there isn't a one size fit all for what a Daddy should give.

[LittleKitten13]

Little girls must have rules.  Especially if they're brats.  Are you a brat?

Uh.  I don't have rules, and papa and I like it like that.

[LittleKitten13]

I would say something, but I think Little Illy covered everything!