Little boy seeking advice from other little boys

[Guest Little Otter]

Fair warning, this will be long...

 

So I am new into this lifestyle of being a little. In hindsight it was obvious, but it happened by accident after a recent breakup. Through my whole life I have always been a little different than other boys. I liked Disney movies as a teen, I slept with a stuffed animal, I liked being nurtured and coddled. I even had some terms and titles that would sort of trigger or put me into that little boy headspace such as "cute" or "sweetie" or "big/little boy", long before I knew what it was or how to interpret what I was feeling. Typically happened on accident from girlfriends. I just repressed those feelings, like I was bad for having them. I grew up in a rough neighborhood, no father, and a mom with absolutely no maternal instincts. She was cold and distant, I always felt like a burden on her life even from a young age. My neighborhood was even more harsh, you had to be a tough person to really make it. So of course I put up walls and repressed parts of myself. 

 

I am kind of struggling with this identity though, firstly I am so happy to have found it and this community. It feels so good being "me" and not repressing or confusing my identity. Unfortunately, given my background and upbringing I have always been very masculine, acted old for my age (total facade), stoic, reserved, stern and generally a rough person. Ten years ago I exhibited no aspects of childishness or innocence at all. I had these feelings and again, as mentioned above, certain things that would trigger this little side of me, but I repressed it hard.

 

Fast forward a few years, I end up in a relationship with a little. She informed me of DDLG, but I wasn't sure how I felt. It didn't creep me out, or bother me, I didnt think negatively at all, I just didn't find being a daddy super compelling. Unfortunately, this caused issues. She liked me cuz I am physically strong and look very masculine, and I have a very stern demeanor. Almost intimidating as others (including her) have mentioned. This was very attractive to her. When she got to know me more, she realized I had a softer side deep down, though it took a lot of work for her to see it. I was always ashamed of this side of me, I WANTED to be super macho and hardcore, but it just wasn't the real me. We used to watch Disney movies, and I'd pretend to merely tolerate them. I repressed a lot of my sexual urges as well, pretended to be super vanilla, and it really messed our sex life up a lot. We also lived together for 3 years, so keep that in mind for the next paragraph.

 

Our relationship collapsed, and the last year or so was terrible. We basically resented each other, yet we adored each other so much in other ways. We were basically best friends, just poor romantic partners so it was hard to let go. Come to find out, she had been cheating on me for a couple months. I read the messages. Words like "you're so big and strong!" and "You're the manliest guy I've ever been with" and other such descriptions, some NSFW I won't repeat as well. It crushed me, I've never felt so low and devalued. I felt like the person I loved and cared for most on the planet just absolutely invalidated me as a human being, like I was some creature not fit for life. I was conflicted though, because I felt that I didn't really value being perceived in those ways, I knew that we were both unhappy both romantically and sexually. I knew that what she was looking for in a man altogether is not who I am, and likewise what I want in a woman is not who she is. It was irrelevant, I felt like I wanted to be those things for her. To repress, shell up, and become the man she wants. 

 

So for the past couple months since our breakup, I did some soul searching. I started reading and researching. I found out about MDLB, and I was sucked in immediately. I had no idea or conception of boys being littles, my ex didn't even know about it when I told her about this. At one point last week I got so low and depressed, that I decided to try age-playing, because it appealed to me and I thought it would help. I regressed hard, it was amazing. All my depression and anxiety just vanished and it was like life was wonderful, innocent, simple. I was at peace for once. It was the best I had felt in so long. I finally found who I was, where I belonged. It was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

 

Unfortunately, I am still struggling. I still feel like I *should* be a stereotypical man, not a little. That I *shouldn't* value regressing or age playing, cuddling with stuffed animals, wanting a mommy, etc. I know that it's not true, I am really happy finding this in myself, but relative to social standards and especially my ex, I feel like I shouldn't be this way. I don't know how to overcome those feelings, the need to be "manly" and "masculine" as others would define it. Do any other LB's have this issue? Or experienced this? How did you overcome it? I want to fully accept this, and drop those old conditioned values that have done nothing but make me struggle and lie to myself. 

 

As a side note, there are some stereotypical masculine attributes I do like in myself (I love weightlifting for example), but I wish I could just drop the instinct to feel as if I need to act a certain way to be a valuable male.

 

Thank you for reading, and extra thanks for any advice I get. I just need some help.

[Guest MommyMudkip]

I want to preface this by saying I am not a LB, so if you dont want to hear from me, you can skip this comment. 

 

I apologize but I felt compelled to comment. Before I became a Mommy, I was a little. I felt little and wanted to be little and loved my stuffies, being held and pet, coloring, and loved my cartoons ( still do as a CG, but I now get to enjoy those things with my little/s). But I am chubby, and older. Every Daddy I found was younger and sometimes smaller. This made me feel extremely self conscious and like I shouldn't be a little. I was fortunate enough to find a Daddy a few years back who was also a great friend who made me feel amazing and validated my (though sometimes dormant) thoughts of "just because Im big doesn't mean I can't be little". Being little is all about a frame of mind. Eff society. You can still look like a stereotypical burly manly man and still be little. It's about you, your mind, and how your caregiver(s) treat you. I think once you learn to accept yourself as being a "big" little, you will appreciate even more having a CG who is validating and makes you feel little, even if outside forces want to make you feel bad or wrong for simply being who you are. 

Love and hugs from this Momma. <3

[Guest Little Otter]

I want to preface this by saying I am not a LB, so if you dont want to hear from me, you can skip this comment. 

 

I apologize but I felt compelled to comment. Before I became a Mommy, I was a little. I felt little and wanted to be little and loved my stuffies, being held and pet, coloring, and loved my cartoons ( still do as a CG, but I now get to enjoy those things with my little/s). But I am chubby, and older. Every Daddy I found was younger and sometimes smaller. This made me feel extremely self conscious and like I shouldn't be a little. I was fortunate enough to find a Daddy a few years back who was also a great friend who made me feel amazing and validated my (though sometimes dormant) thoughts of "just because Im big doesn't mean I can't be little". Being little is all about a frame of mind. Eff society. You can still look like a stereotypical burly manly man and still be little. It's about you, your mind, and how your caregiver(s) treat you. I think once you learn to accept yourself as being a "big" little, you will appreciate even more having a CG who is validating and makes you feel little, even if outside forces want to make you feel bad or wrong for simply being who you are. 

 

Love and hugs from this Momma. <3

 

I really hope I can find the right mommy for me, and if/when that happens I am really hoping my friends (which they'll inevitably figure out) won't be harsh. One of my friends hates DDLG so much, despite my constant myth-busting and explanation. I don't know how he'd react if he found out I was a little, he really looks up to me as a powerlifter, I feel like it'd shatter his image of me he's built for ten years. I know it's silly and I shouldn't care, but it's hard not to.

 

Thank you. I appreciate your input and perspective <3

[Lola Step]

Again, I'm not a little boy either but there are defintely parts of your story I REALLY identify with- throughout my life I've had experiences that caused me to grow up alot faster than I should have and as such I never really had a typical childhood, I shunned things I deemed 'babyish' even from a young aged and always repressed ALOT of feelings, I always wanted to act tough, always wanted be in charge, always wanted to prove that I was bigger and braver and that nothing hurt me, it got to the point where I felt like that was the way I always had to be...until I got my first boyfriend, suddenly puuting on a front didn't matter as much, i began to learn how to share myself and express feelings without feeling like i was weak, it was so freeing. He also helped me discover what I yearn for in a relationship- DDLG. Now i find myself going back to the things i shunned out of pride and enjoying them for the first time with new eyes. I'm SUPER glad and proud of you for finding yourself and what you want in life! A few tips if for expressing yourself to the people you love if you're unsure of their response (that seemed like something you were worried about, correct me if I'm wrong) start slow and introduce things at your own pace- mention a 'non manly' yet still 'grown up' movie that you've watched and see how they respond, find ways to slowly intergrate aspects of your personality and you will soon weed out who you can fully be yourself around comfortably, I hope this has helped and I wish you all the best Sorry for rambling

[Guest Little Otter]

Again, I'm not a little boy either but there are defintely parts of your story I REALLY identify with- throughout my life I've had experiences that caused me to grow up alot faster than I should have and as such I never really had a typical childhood, I shunned things I deemed 'babyish' even from a young aged and always repressed ALOT of feelings, I always wanted to act tough, always wanted be in charge, always wanted to prove that I was bigger and braver and that nothing hurt me, it got to the point where I felt like that was the way I always had to be...until I got my first boyfriend, suddenly puuting on a front didn't matter as much, i began to learn how to share myself and express feelings without feeling like i was weak, it was so freeing. He also helped me discover what I yearn for in a relationship- DDLG. Now i find myself going back to the things i shunned out of pride and enjoying them for the first time with new eyes. I'm SUPER glad and proud of you for finding yourself and what you want in life! A few tips if for expressing yourself to the people you love if you're unsure of their response (that seemed like something you were worried about, correct me if I'm wrong) start slow and introduce things at your own pace- mention a 'non manly' yet still 'grown up' movie that you've watched and see how they respond, find ways to slowly intergrate aspects of your personality and you will soon weed out who you can fully be yourself around comfortably, I hope this has helped and I wish you all the best Sorry for rambling

Sounds about right. Unfortunately for me, I always dated women that wanted a hypermasculine, stoic man, so it only perpetuated those problems further and all my failed relationships make a lot more sense now. I was trying to fill a role that wasn't right for me.

 

And that's a good idea, feed tidbits of information and see how they react. 

 

Thank you 

[Guest Daffodil]

I am a Little girl, so again i am very sorry. 

However, regardless to being a LB or a LG, i think you should follow your heart and what that tells you. Do what makes you happy, and i hope you find a mummy who will love and cherish you ♥

I also have had to grow up quickly, however i am confident in knowing that being a little make me happy. And that is all i focus on. 

 

With regards to other people, i have friends who say that girls who call their boyfriends daddy are !@£$%^& and whatever! But my thought process is, they're not in my relationship, and rightly so because it's none of their business. Don't feel pressured to tell anyone anything you don't want to. Disclose what you think is necessary. 

 

Just be you, which is the best you can be. 

 

Message me if you need anymore support 

Best wishes