Urgently need advice!

[Levi_TXDaddy]

Almost 4 weeks ago my little and I had a bump in our relationship. She said that her trust in me was almost gone. That next night after a bad day for her we started reconnecting as in holding hands, calling her baby, her laying in my lap, got her a new stuffy, flirting, sexy stares, and rubbing on her legs and vagina etc. Well then she started texting and turned towards me while doing so as if to hide it, which she didn't usually bother to since I never look. A few minutes later she started downing herself calling herself a succubus that only destroys peoples lives etc... I countered those comments with love and support. Then i got her in a better mood by joking and playing. She asked me to lay down with her. I get the feeling she wanted sex so while spooning i slowly took down her shorts, she was quite wet, then we had sex. Only this time she was quiet.. After the sex i felt her shake twice immediately i asked baby What's wrong and she curled up slightly sobbinh and told me, " you just took it." I of course said omg wtf why didn't you just say something!? So she asked me to leave then filed a report against me. Next night her home was supposedly ransacked. I was called by her former lover and blamed.

 

Now I've never had one malicious or evil intent or thought towards this girl or any woman. I will not and never have had any urge to do anything against a womans will and I was sure she knew that.

 

Can this even possibly be fixed? Case has been dismissed but she hasn't spoken to me since.

 

Idk if she's being genuine or if it was planned to get this other guys attention but she had told me and showed me that i made her happier than anyone else ever had. I love her so very much that this has literally given me health issues anxiety depression heart failure etc. Not to mention a host of other issues.

 

I can forgive her for the problems it's caused me. I thought I had found my soul mate honestly.

 

But her feeling violated by me who she finally trusted so deeply... Even if i cant have her again.. I feel a deep and urgent need to resolve that because I never have nor will choose to harm a woman against her will.

 

Can anything be done? Preferably I wish to win her back and prove my love and sincerity.

If not I will settle for proving my sincerity and hopefully ending that pain for her.

 

Please help if you can...this is tearing me apart and if she was who I thought... Its fked her up too

[RavenclawPrincess]

Oh my god!!! No no no no!!! Please tell me you can at least recognize how horrible what she did to you is. She is NOT a good person and there are so many red flags that I can't even see straight. She has treated you horribly, got you into legal trouble, and has damaged your health. PLEASE forget about her and move on. I'm sure many others will share the opinion that you need to STAY AWAY FROM HER and find someone that won't set out to ruin your life!

[Guest TheLittlestMouse]

Honestly... I would not try and get her back. I know that is a rude comment but it sounds she has problems she needs to figure out.

 

Also she did press charges on you so i do not think she wants to speak with you ect.

 

I am sorry this happened to you but i would move on.

 

I think it be best

 

If you need a friend to chat with feel free to message me (:

[Guest SweetPurpleCherry]

I totally agree with what was said before :

For the love of God please STAY AWAY FROM HER.

 

She's so manipulative she just found a way to blame you for making love with you. How is it acceptable?

I know many young girls don't assume their sexuality, but you can't be the one to blame if you didn't insist, nor forced her into sex in any way.

In my opinion, she just jumped at the occasion to lose her virginity with a nice man.

 

Your feelings towards her are obvious, and you don't deserve to be left in such bad condition.

I feel deeply sorry for you, this should never have happened. But there's no way you can help her, she just needs a good therapy.

 

I really hope you will heal soon. If you ever want to chat a little, you can dm me too

[Guest BabyPeach]

Run away.  Run fast.  Like others have said, her behavior is unacceptable and malicious.  Who knows what she'll accuse you of next time and next time the charges might NOT be dropped.  You don't want to end up a registered sex offender or someone with domestic violence on their record (this will negatively impact future employment as all employers do background checks).  The best thing you can do is protect yourself and let her go.  

[Guest Samibubbles]

She needs help. Why would anyone do this . It’s just wrong.

[Levi_TXDaddy]

Damn... I was hoping this wasn't entirely unheard of... Thanks though for taking the time to reply. Uggh... This sucks. I can't stop thinking about her lol. But yea I guess I really do need to just move on. Thanks again everyone you're very kind! Now to find my little! The right one.

[Guest Kaiser]

She falsely accused you of sexual assault, and you want to get back with her?

 

 

WTF?

[RavenclawPrincess]

Yes! Find one that DOESN'T make you physically sick or try to get you thrown into jail for something you didn't do. Go hang out in chat if you're lonely!

[Little Illy]

Unpopular Opinion: Don't jump the gun.

 

There are a lot of factors that we don't know that are needed to best advise this situation. 

 

How long have yall been together? What brought about this sudden lack of trust towards you? How is her mental health normally? Has something traumatic happened/is happening? I'm assuming yall have had sex before? So on...

 

I do agree the false charge is heinous and I do believe that women who fake sexual assault should be thrown in jail/prison for the duration of a typical rape charge, however - Is this a reaction to anything we don't know? Is she lashing out and projecting? Maybe there is a massive element in her life that is leading her to act like this. Depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc. Think it through. I am big enough and strong enough to admit that I have had some resentment in my sex life and there was a point where I thought "wtf, I can't believe he just did that to me." Yet upon reflection, months later, I realized that was my depression talking, not reality. But I never filed a report, that is the kicker...

 

Now... if you have thought it through, then I hate to say it... but if the above are all accurate, then I suspect she has someone on the side and is using this ruse as a way to get out of your relationship and be free to do what she wants. Or to be free to be with someone else. If she truly felt you violated her or overstepped her vulnerability, more than likely, she wont come back. Even if she is making it up to herself, for whatever reason.

 

I think you have handled all of this very well (again, if everything stated is true) and am sorry you had to deal with it. It seems you have good communicational skills and are willing to be patient when a little needs it (and we ALL need it). Don't let this experience taint your next relationship; remain cautious, but yourself. I wish you the very best of luck.

Edited March 28, 2018 by Little Illy

[Guest SUeB]

At best, she sounds like a flake. At worst.....does it really need saying? Even without her accusations, this "relationship" sounds dead in the water. Of course, we are only hearing one side of the story - yours. So these comments are only if it's exactly how you have written it. Unfortunately we don't have her side. So maybe we should take that into consideration before losing our minds about this girl, lol,

[Little Illy]

At best, she sounds like a flake. At worst.....does it really need saying? Even without her accusations, this "relationship" sounds dead in the water. Of course, we are only hearing one side of the story - yours. So these comments are only if it's exactly how you have written it. Unfortunately we don't have her side. So maybe we should take that into consideration before losing our minds about this girl, lol,

 

Thank you for saying it. Too many people are just ready to hop to the next relationship that they become toss away (not saying anyone here) and to have the immediate "GET OUT OF THERE" response is disheartening to see. We never know the true/full story, we simply can't. As such... we should consider the relationships that are discussed as long-lasting to help come up with understanding  and COMMUNICATION.

 

Yes this one seems to be at a loss with everything given. As SUeB has beautifully pointed out - we just don't know.

[Guest gobacktosleep]

Can i just say, and with all due respect and belief in OP, we only have one side of the story here. 

 

I'm not saying that OP is not being truthful. I'm just saying we can't know the full story.

 

Either way, in this situation, I think leaving it is the best option. If she is being dishonest it's something that would take a lot to work past and there is no guarantee that this wont be replicated in the future, if there is a modicum of truth in what she felt happened then she will not appreciate the intense communication required to resolve it. 

 

If you are resolved to try and fix it, i think blunt honesty is what is needed, and an acceptance that you could be at fault. 'I don't think that what you have reported is true, because to me there were no signs of consent being withheld, however, i am willing to admit that i may be mistaken. If that is the case I am truly sorry. I would like to try and work past this, as i care deeply for you, and the thought that I took advantage of you is heartbreaking to me, but i will leave the ball in your court. However, consider lines of communication open as far as i'm concerned if you do want to try and resolve this.'

 

Just my two cents

[Déphysios]

We do not know the whole story, it's true. But being accused of rape is not a trivial test. She taints the relationship with certainty. Want to recover, why not. But at what cost ? Do you have a small idea of the problems she's going through? Difficult in this case, to restore a relationship if the little no longer wants to communicate. If it does not break, wait for she makes the first step of reconciliation.

[Guest SUeB]

No suggestion from this girl that the op actually did this, but if he did, it's highly unlikely he would come on here and say he actually did do anything against her will. That again, is a possibility of only getting one side. The truth might be very different. If she did behave the way suggested, with no reason other than to mess with him, then obviously she absolutely deserves judgement. We do not know categorically either way.

[Guest Zephy]

Does one of your issues also involves in looking for a new little before you came to us with this "urgent advice"? I'm saying this because I noticed you had already a personal up a few days before this post.

Anyways I say leave the girl alone whether for her, your, or both sakes. It appears like she dropped the charges for some reason, doesn't necessarily prove your innocence either, it could just be due to the emotional stress it would further cause her during this procedure.

 

One thing does seem apparent from at least what I read from your words, she wasn't in a good head-space, seemed vulnerable?, had some issues/guilt to deal with being in a relationship with you and perhaps another person. Also it appears like you both didn't knew each other that well and just started this relationship.

 

Alas, this gives me more of a feeling you seem to have some guilty feelings towards this person rather than your utmost and sincerest love/care for her concerning what I've seen, read, and how I interpreted/felt about it.

 

Or maybe I'm just a bit edgy while writing this since people do tend to come here on this forum with their sob stories about their past/current relationship and how it affected them then within 24 hours or short time span having some personal up looking for another.

[Guest Princess2018]

Okay, I'm seeing quite a few problems with what you're saying on both sides of the argument:

​1. Your relationship hit a bump, you really should have sat down and talked it through, and start working towards getting it back on track. Instead, the night you finally start to reconnect and her trust in you is still broken, you decide to jump way ahead and make things sexual. That doesn't seem appropriate at all.

2. Depending what her 'bad day' consisted of, maybe she just wanted to be held and not have to deal with wandering hands...

3. Getting a new stuffy does not repair a relationship, sounds more like: 'I messed up, please accept this gift and forgive and forget' But I also understand you maybe wanted to treat her and make her feel special. It's a gesture that can look both positive and negative depending how you see it.

4. If she was acting suspicious and her behaviour concerned you, why would you have sex with her?

5. You should have asked why she felt like that and why she was saying that so suddenly - it's strange to just blurt that out. Someone who feels that way about themselves are not in the mind frame to be sleeping with someone. Sex is not the answer that solves a person's issues.

6. You got the feeling she wanted sex, but you didn't actually clearly communicate properly? That sounds more like an assumption. Nothing about the night leading up to these events seems to set up to that at all.

7. Just simply being wet isn't consent, by the way...

8. She was quiet the whole way through and you just carried on until you were finished? Didn't stop and ask if she was okay? It must have clicked that something was wrong, you can tell when someone is into it and when they're not. Even more so if you've been intimate in some way before and know what it's usually like being with her.

9. You didn't know she was a virgin? How could you be with someone and not know them well enough to be aware of the fact?

​10. Just wanted to quickly throw this in. Why do people assume spooning means sex?

​Her behaviour is very strange and confusing, I'll give you that. I think you need to walk away from this. If she feels you violated her, nothing you do will resolve that. You could apologise, but some people don't want to hear that and it doesn't help at all. It sounds like she might not want to see you again, so respect that and leave her alone. You can't have loved her if you're so quick to go looking for someone else so soon after this happened. You just sound like you're guilty and want the bad feels to go away or maybe someone to tell you it's okay to go looking for someone else because you need to hear that. Talking about it here probably isn't the best place either. Also, you're talking about the effect it has had on you, what about her? 

​Just a little note: you're older than me and these actions kind of speak like those of a teenage boy.

Edited March 28, 2018 by Princess2018

[neworder]

Not sure about TX but she may not ‘drop the charges’ because it would be the state vs you, not her vs you (that’s a civil case).

 

No contact since the law has been involved

 

Keep any evidence.

 

As not all daddies are socially developed to recognize social cues, what we read may be thru rose colored glasses.

 

If all you said is true without missing any vital info, you want to appear undesirable to her... still, no contact.

Edited March 28, 2018 by neworder

[PrincessPear]

Okay, I'm seeing quite a few problems with what you're saying on both sides of the argument:

 

​1. Your relationship hit a bump, you really should have sat down and talked it through, and start working towards getting it back on track. Instead, the night you finally start to reconnect and her trust in you is still broken, you decide to jump way ahead and make things sexual. That doesn't seem appropriate at all.

 

2. Depending what her 'bad day' consisted of, maybe she just wanted to be held and not have to deal with wandering hands...

 

3. Getting a new stuffy does not repair a relationship, sounds more like: 'I messed up, please accept this gift and forgive and forget' But I also understand you maybe wanted to treat her and make her feel special. It's a gesture that can look both positive and negative depending how you see it.

 

4. If she was acting suspicious and her behaviour concerned you, why would you have sex with her?

 

5. You should have asked why she felt like that and why she was saying that so suddenly - it's strange to just blurt that out. Someone who feels that way about themselves are not in the mind frame to be sleeping with someone. Sex is not the answer that solves a person's issues.

 

6. You got the feeling she wanted sex, but you didn't actually clearly communicate properly? That sounds more like an assumption. Nothing about the night leading up to these events seems to set up to that at all.

 

7. Just simply being wet isn't consent, by the way...

 

8. She was quiet the whole way through and you just carried on until you were finished? Didn't stop and ask if she was okay? It must have clicked that something was wrong, you can tell when someone is into it and when they're not. Even more so if you've been intimate in some way before and know what it's usually like being with her.

 

9. You didn't know she was a virgin? How could you be with someone and not know them well enough to be aware of the fact?

 

​10. Just wanted to quickly throw this in. Why do people assume spooning means sex?

 

​Her behaviour is very strange and confusing, I'll give you that. I think you need to walk away from this. If she feels you violated her, nothing you do will resolve that. You could apologise, but some people don't want to hear that and it doesn't help at all. It sounds like she might not want to see you again, so respect that and leave her alone. You can't have loved her if you're so quick to go looking for someone else so soon after this happened. You just sound like you're guilty and want the bad feels to go away or maybe someone to tell you it's okay to go looking for someone else because you need to hear that. Talking about it here probably isn't the best place either. Also, you're talking about the effect it has had on you, what about her? 

 

​Just a little note: you're older than me and these actions kind of speak like those of a teenage boy.

This. Honestly, you're not going to win her back. You should spend time studying enthusiastic, ongoing consent. It sounds like you probably crossed her boundaries and violated her consent. It doesn't make any sense to you because you probably weren't looking for an enthusiastic "yes." The absence of "no" does not mean "yes." Silence is not consent.

[Guest Hys]

Whether you forgive her or not, facts or facts. She just manipulated you, lied to you, and became undependable and incapable of expressing what she does and doesn't want which is the worst trait ANY sub can have. It makes it impossible for any type of dom to provide what they need, which then makes your dynamic as a couple impossible.

 

Forgive her all you like, but trust? That's out of the question. I'm just thankful the case was dropped. She doesn't deserve someone who cares if that's how poorly she treats them. Unpopular opinion be damned, take care of yourself before you take care of another person - especially another person so willing to throw you under the bus. That's not cool.

Edited March 29, 2018 by Hys

[Guest Kaiser]

This. Honestly, you're not going to win her back. You should spend time studying enthusiastic, ongoing consent. It sounds like you probably crossed her boundaries and violated her consent. It doesn't make any sense to you because you probably weren't looking for an enthusiastic "yes." The absence of "no" does not mean "yes." Silence is not consent.

 

Wow...How many lawyers and witnesses do you require in bed?

 

A new contract signed every minute?

[neworder]

I tried enthusiastic ongoing verbal consent with a hardcore feminist a couple years ago. It made her angry with my stopping when she stopped giving EOVC and prompting her to continue indicating if she indeed still consents. If she were mute, deaf, or naturally shy, I wouldn't have been able to have sex with her.

[Guest Spookycupcake]

The thing that gets me is if her virginity was just taken I think she might have faked that. I could be wrong but hear me out. I know what it was like for me when my virginity was taken and it was painful to the point that I said something and I was bleeding. Not sure if it's the same for everyone. But it still doesn't seem okay to like just assume someone wants sex. My daddy pretty much always asks to make sure I'm okay and doesn't just have sex with me if I'm quiet or if I'm not into it at the moment. And just because a girl is wet doesn't mean she wants sex with you.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Wow...How many lawyers and witnesses do you require in bed?

A new contract signed every minute?

No contract, no lawyers. None of that is necessary. What is necessary is any verbal form of "yes".

 

Silence is not consent. And "omg wtf why didn't you just say something!?" does not excuse the OP from any possibility of being in the wrong.

 

I agree with what others have said, the OP should spend some time researching consent, along with anyone else who is confused about why this is a big deal.

[Guest Kaiser]

No contract, no lawyers. None of that is necessary. What is necessary is any verbal form of "yes".

Silence is not consent. And "omg wtf why didn't you just say something!?" does not excuse the OP from any possibility of being in the wrong.

I agree with what others have said, the OP should spend some time researching consent, along with anyone else who is confused about why this is a big deal.

 

I appreciate that is your opinion, but opinion and fact(s) are different things.