Absent daddy

[Guest lilbabygurll]

I previously saw another topic on the same topic but wanted to start a new one. I'm somewhat new to DDlg, since summer of 2017 so this has been a learning experience for both me and my daddy (he's had littles in the past - not new to DDlg but he's still learning). This has been one of the most fulfilling and nurturing relationships I've had, I really love our dynamic, however, our dynamic has been going through this funk - almost kind of on hold but not stagnant. Whenever I get the chance to see him we do something together (mostly sexual things but I don't mind it at all). 

 

Anyways to cut to the point, he's been going through some really personal and very stressful events in his life that took a toll on his mental health and they're somewhat temporary situations but he's struggling to cope with them. I've been trying to help him cope with his stress by reminding him I love him and miss him, sending him messages throughout the day..etc, but none of it is working, I know it's not me but this is affecting me to the point I cry because I miss him and get really emotional thinking about him. Lately, I've noticed he's been distant and wouldn't even read my messages till the next day meanwhile I see him being active on social media, that really hurts. It's almost like I'm a friend rather than his friend/sub/little, while he's still daddy to me. 

 

We've spoken about how I felt and he's reassured me that everything is going to be ok and he still loves me, but I don't feel that when I'm away from him and I don't see him for a whole week, his communication sucks (I'm clingy lmao). Other than that I hate to confront him for the millionth time because I'm trying extremely hard to be understanding and be strong and he's really not bs'ing me about the issues he's going through so I'm not doubting him but I have no idea how to cope with this without being a complete brat and causing more stress on him. 

 

Hope anyone can relate to this or provide some insight on how to cope, don't really want to end a relationship just because of how stagnant our dynamic is, I want things to go back to the way they were when he was happy and healthy - he really needs me during times like these just as he's been there for me!

 

Thank you xx 

[CaresAlot]

When you have a lot of stress in your life there are lots of physwical things that happen.  Low energy and lose of sexual desire are just a couple that happens.  Then it just makes the stress worse and its a downward spiral.  When you are constantly sending him messages, you are draining the energy that he has to deal with everything else.  You need to find some Little friends on here to chat, color or play whatever it takes to keep you busy.  The really hard part for you is cutting back to just messaging him once in the morning and once at night.  Let him know that you understand what he is going through and you've got some Little friends.  Two things will happen when you do this one it gives him a chance to re-energize.  It will also show that you real care about him because action speaks louder than words.  Doing this for him will build a real strong bond in the future.  I don't imagine that this will be easy for you, but its easy to see the love and concern you have for him.

 

It will get better.

[RavenclawPrincess]

I'm actually super glad that you made this thread. In mine I think people got the wrong idea about what I was getting at and mostly everyone just said I should leave. You did a much better job of explaining things (we're having the same problem) so I'm hopeful that you'll get better advice on coping/getting through the rough patch than I did. Thanks for posting!

 

I haven't had anyone say anything particularly helpful on the other thread, but I've been watching read aloud book videos on YouTube and coloring a lot to get myself through loneliness and doing little space activities on my own, and then messaging my daddy regularly so he knows I'm still here and supporting him. It seems to be helping me out by not taking it personally when he's out of touch and he seems less stressed out by me being more independently, and that's really taken the edge off for both of us. He seems to really like it and perk up a bit when I show him pictures that I've colored for him.

[Guest lilbabygurll]

I'm really happy you got something out of this post! The next day after posting this I just ended up telling him how I couldn't do it anymore and the fact we were drifting was eating me alive. We're in this "on a break" phase which I normally would've said absolutely no to but like I mentioned before, I would hate to lose him and I guess right now is not the right time at all for him because, before I even brought up the fact the distance had been eating me alive, he wasn't even bothering to message me at all the entire day while he would just be on social media interacting, liking, and posting. So that also made me ??? everything as well (he has enough energy to interact with other people over the internet but can't even message me a simple good morning, good night, or I'm thinking about you.) However, having sex or doing anything sexual didn't change just the communication part did  

 

In response to @caresalot, I've been actually keeping myself busy outside of DDlg, taking more work opportunities, working with new people, collaborating, basically doing things to distract myself from all of this and using this time to accomplish the things I wanted to do. When and if he messages me it's just small talk - like "how ya been?" as if we were just friends. Just over the weekend, I had gone out and bought myself a new stuffie and coloring book, he had messaged me (this was the morning after I told him I couldn't do it anymore - so I guess he felt really bad and realized that he was ignoring me) and he had asked to see my stuffie and coloring book, then wanted to see me coloring which I had no problem with but it turned sexual pretty quick. I just hope that makes everything a little clearer, in the sense I don't really think this is a "he needs to re-energize" kind of situation, it's somewhat confusing and have no idea when this phase will end. 

 

I'm actually super glad that you made this thread. In mine I think people got the wrong idea about what I was getting at and mostly everyone just said I should leave. You did a much better job of explaining things (we're having the same problem) so I'm hopeful that you'll get better advice on coping/getting through the rough patch than I did. Thanks for posting!

I haven't had anyone say anything particularly helpful on the other thread, but I've been watching read aloud book videos on YouTube and coloring a lot to get myself through loneliness and doing little space activities on my own, and then messaging my daddy regularly so he knows I'm still here and supporting him. It seems to be helping me out by not taking it personally when he's out of touch and he seems less stressed out by me being more independently, and that's really taken the edge off for both of us. He seems to really like it and perk up a bit when I show him pictures that I've colored for him.

[RavenclawPrincess]

The being attentive only when sex is involved but not outside of that and obviously putting more time and effort into other things/people is something I've been seeing as well. I've backed off about as much as you have with not much of a response from it but I'm glad he did at least reach out to you when you did the same. I do think it's good that you're taking a break. Either his eyes will open and he'll understand and try to do better or he won't. Either way his response will let you know if you should move on or not. I hope you guys do bounce back and this rough patch turns out to be stronger relationship for you two!

[Guest lilbabygurll]

Thank you and same to you! ♡

The being attentive only when sex is involved but not outside of that and obviously putting more time and effort into other things/people is something I've been seeing as well. I've backed off about as much as you have with not much of a response from it but I'm glad he did at least reach out to you when you did the same. I do think it's good that you're taking a break. Either his eyes will open and he'll understand and try to do better or he won't. Either way his response will let you know if you should move on or not. I hope you guys do bounce back and this rough patch turns out to be stronger relationship for you two!