Ever feel like you aren't that important to your daddy?

[Lavender Candy]

Hello! I need some advice.

 

Usually, my daddy and I have different schedules so we don't particularly have an entire day that we can hang out together. I sleep over at his house occasionally, but most of the time, either he or I have work/school early in the morning.

 

I am on Spring break right now, so tomorrow (Friday) is the only day we will have an entire day together. We were planning to go out on a short one-day trip.

 

But, my daddy told me yesterday that he now has to work on Friday. That's ok, cause I understand that schedule changes and I know he's a busy person.

 

Instead, we're going out on a movie night. I love movie nights, and I appreciate him making time for me. But, since I was away and we've been apart for more than a week, I wanted to spend one whole day with my daddy.

 

But, he told his friend that he can cancel work on Sunday to go to a poker tournament together. I feel like he wouldn't cancel work for me, and he doesn't mind filing up his schedule with work on a day when we were gonna go out on a date. Maybe poker is more important to him than spending time with me?

 

My daddy also has a dog, and I love his dog. We get along great. But, sometimes I get jealous of his dog because he gets more attention (kisses, petting, talking in baby voice, etc.) than I do.

 

My daddy gets into a bad mood and tells me that I'm not appreciative when I try to talk about opening his Friday schedule for me. I respect my daddy, and if you think I truly am being unappreciative, please let me know. I want to fix how I feel before I hurt his feelings. But, I also feel sad, and I don't know what to do or how to approach my daddy to talk about this  

 

Thank you for your time to read this!

[TwilightSparklez]

Honestly, my opinion, it's sweet that he is trying to make Friday night up to you considering last-minute changes in work. But the fact that he can cancel work for a friends poker tournament and not for quality partner time would irk me. And if he gets upset and in a bad mood when you try to communicate that's not a good sign, assuming you are approaching the conversation calmly and respectfully and maturely. Communication is the cornerstone of our power exchange relationships and if you can't communicate without him getting upset that is going to create larger problems down the road.

[PrincessLilBug]

I can definitely understand how you're feeling in this situation. Recently my Daddy quit college and got a full time job, so we've had much less time to spend together. Now instead of seeing eachother multiple times a week, I can only see him maybe once a week. Something that helps me with the separation is having a strict "us time" every day on the phone just where we can talk about the day together, play games with eachother online, and he sometimes reads to me. 

I think you should talk to him about the poker tournament, I think spending time with a significant other is more important than playing poker, and I think especially in this situation your and his time should come first. Definitely talk to him about how you feel about him canceling work for his friends but scheduling over your time with him. Your feelings are important in a relationship and even if there is a power dynamic your and his feelings should be 50/50 in the relationship. 

I don't think you're being unappreciative also. I think you're feeling lonely and upset about him making plans over work with his friends but then going and making work plans over you. Definitely mention how you feel. Like I said before, your feelings are just as important as his, and if he can't understand that then you shouldn't be with him. Your feelings, emotions, and time are just as important as his.

[Poisoned Daydream]

It sounds like your Daddy works a lot and has some sort of rotating work schedule…so let me play the Devil’s advocate.

 

He has a work change schedule but arranges his time regardless to make sure he has time with you, he also likes to play poker and perhaps because its a sunday or whatever other reason he feels he can sacrifice a sunday to play poker.

 

Like he didn’t blow you off, right.  You may not be getting the full time originally planned but he is making sure to get time with you.

 

And I would think you dont feel that his whole life should be you and work right?  So him going to go do something he enjoys should be cool?

 

And really…the dog?  I am not even sure what this is.  

 

Maybe there is more to the story, maybe small things I am missing, I just don’t see a big issue here.  It really sounds like you would like to have more time with him and that cool, I get it,  express that to him but really, you made it a point to express that he is a good guy so dont make yourself your own worst enemy by making something out of nothing.

 

[Lavender Candy]

Honestly, my opinion, it's sweet that he is trying to make Friday night up to you considering last-minute changes in work. But the fact that he can cancel work for a friends poker tournament and not for quality partner time would irk me. And if he gets upset and in a bad mood when you try to communicate that's not a good sign, assuming you are approaching the conversation calmly and respectfully and maturely. Communication is the cornerstone of our power exchange relationships and if you can't communicate without him getting upset that is going to create larger problems down the road.

 

Wow... you just gave me a whole new perspective on our relationship. Thank you!

 

I often do have a hard time communicating with him, mostly because when I bring up a problem, he gets defensive, or he just tells me that I'm overreacting/under-appreciative/a whiner/a complainer.

 

I guess it's time for me to reflect on our relationship. Thank you very much!

[Lavender Candy]

I can definitely understand how you're feeling in this situation. Recently my Daddy quit college and got a full time job, so we've had much less time to spend together. Now instead of seeing eachother multiple times a week, I can only see him maybe once a week. Something that helps me with the separation is having a strict "us time" every day on the phone just where we can talk about the day together, play games with eachother online, and he sometimes reads to me. 

I think you should talk to him about the poker tournament, I think spending time with a significant other is more important than playing poker, and I think especially in this situation your and his time should come first. Definitely talk to him about how you feel about him canceling work for his friends but scheduling over your time with him. Your feelings are important in a relationship and even if there is a power dynamic your and his feelings should be 50/50 in the relationship. 

I don't think you're being unappreciative also. I think you're feeling lonely and upset about him making plans over work with his friends but then going and making work plans over you. Definitely mention how you feel. Like I said before, your feelings are just as important as his, and if he can't understand that then you shouldn't be with him. Your feelings, emotions, and time are just as important as his.

 

I think you're completely right, I think I'm feeling lonely and upset about it, and definitely jealous. And I should definitely talk about it with him.

 

The problem is, we recently had a few big fights, and I can feel that we're still recovering from those fights. You know that feeling? It's kinda awkward, uneasy, and he seems a little distant to you... and so on?

 

And I really want to fix this. I like our relationship that's been going on for 1.5 years or so, and I think I'm a little emotionally dependant on him. I'm worried about what will happen to me or what I'll lose if I we break up. And I'm worried that talking to him more about my feelings regarding the Friday date is really gonna screw up our relationship.

 

Any advice?

 

Thank you so much for your helpful advice! It really helps 

[Lavender Candy]

 

It sounds like your Daddy works a lot and has some sort of rotating work schedule…so let me play the Devil’s advocate.

 

He has a work change schedule but arranges his time regardless to make sure he has time with you, he also likes to play poker and perhaps because its a sunday or whatever other reason he feels he can sacrifice a sunday to play poker.

 

Like he didn’t blow you off, right.  You may not be getting the full time originally planned but he is making sure to get time with you.

 

And I would think you dont feel that his whole life should be you and work right?  So him going to go do something he enjoys should be cool?

 

And really…the dog?  I am not even sure what this is.  

 

Maybe there is more to the story, maybe small things I am missing, I just don’t see a big issue here.  It really sounds like you would like to have more time with him and that cool, I get it,  express that to him but really, you made it a point to express that he is a good guy so dont make yourself your own worst enemy by making something out of nothing.

 

 

I always appreciate Devil's advocate. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

The thing is, he has set work schedule. And to give you a context, he has to work on Sunday, but the poker tournament's on Sunday. But, he doesn't work on Fridays. And you know what happened with Friday's schedule.

 

And I'm really happy for him that he has a new hobby: poker. He's going out more and making more poker friends, and I think that's great for him that he has an entire community that he can interact with outside of his work friends. But, he does go to poker night 5 nights out of 7 days ever week. And he also plays online poker in his free time, and sometimes at work. I'm kinda concerned about him getting addicted to poker.

 

So, what I'm feeling now is that, he already dedicates so much of his time (maybe a little too much) into poker. And it makes me sad that he's still willing to skip work to go to poker tournament but not to spend time with me.

 

You're right that I made a point to show that he's a good guy. He did help me out with many things. So, I don't want to make something trivial into a big thing, and mess up our relationship. But, if I'm not overreacting or being a whiner or unappreciative, I do want to talk about this with him. What do you think?

[Poisoned Daydream]

see all that kinda changes things.  Like its cool that he has something he likes besides you, I’m all for it, but if he has so much time dedicated to that then at the very least he can sure out the day for you.  So yeah, you right on with this one….just talk to him and express yourself, I’m sure he will come around

 

BTW have you tried to go with him to poker, like play with him or maybe just keep him company when he goes to play?  Might be an avenue to have more times together and he might find it really neat.

 

[Lavender Candy]

 

see all that kinda changes things.  Like its cool that he has something he likes besides you, I’m all for it, but if he has so much time dedicated to that then at the very least he can sure out the day for you.  So yeah, you right on with this one….just talk to him and express yourself, I’m sure he will come around

 

BTW have you tried to go with him to poker, like play with him or maybe just keep him company when he goes to play?  Might be an avenue to have more times together and he might find it really neat.

 

 

Yeah, I think I will talk to him. Thank you!

 

I've asked him before if I can tag along, but he seemed a little unwilling. He talked about how some of the guys there are buff and old, and not my crowd. I didn't push that much after that.

[Poisoned Daydream]

ask him to teach you to play at home...if he likes to play he might have fun showing you how to do it.

[TwilightSparklez]

I think it also comes down to this a mature, good leader who takes the Dominant role is the relationship has to maintain a level head and approach situations rationally and calmly and they should be willing to keep talking (both partners should) until any negative feelings or resentment is cleared up. Now that is not to say Dominant partners never get angry or lose there cool they are humans with real feelings too, but a strong leader will do all they can to keep it from impacting their power exchange with their little and they will do all they can to ensure to physical, emotional and mental well being of their sub/little/kitten, however, you identify.

 

A fight should never leave things feeling uneasy, when you two talk about what went wrong you talk until all feelings are settled and continue talking until nothing but positive vibes are left. There may be a few days recovery time if it was a really bad fight but lingering awkwardness and unpleasant feelings should not remain. As an aside when I have a Daddy/Dom I could never see myself letting things build to fight level I would approach him before it got to that level and I also would not be with someone who made me uncomfortable to talk to them. Also, littles require a fair amount of attention some more than others and that is not wrong. I was trying to say a lot in a few sentences hopefully I didn't confuse anyone.

[Lavender Candy]

ask him to teach you to play at home...if he likes to play he might have fun showing you how to do it.

 

Thanks for the advice!

 

He already taught me how to play poker, so I think I'll just ask him again if I can tag along to his poker leagues.

 

Thank you, though

[Lavender Candy]

I think it also comes down to this a mature, good leader who takes the Dominant role is the relationship has to maintain a level head and approach situations rationally and calmly and they should be willing to keep talking (both partners should) until any negative feelings or resentment is cleared up. Now that is not to say Dominant partners never get angry or lose there cool they are humans with real feelings too, but a strong leader will do all they can to keep it from impacting their power exchange with their little and they will do all they can to ensure to physical, emotional and mental well being of their sub/little/kitten, however, you identify.

 

A fight should never leave things feeling uneasy, when you two talk about what went wrong you talk until all feelings are settled and continue talking until nothing but positive vibes are left. There may be a few days recovery time if it was a really bad fight but lingering awkwardness and unpleasant feelings should not remain. As an aside when I have a Daddy/Dom I could never see myself letting things build to fight level I would approach him before it got to that level and I also would not be with someone who made me uncomfortable to talk to them. Also, littles require a fair amount of attention some more than others and that is not wrong. I was trying to say a lot in a few sentences hopefully I didn't confuse anyone.

 

Thank you for your insight!

I think we've had several fights about the same topic, and even after hours of arguing and trying to prove our point, we're both still convinced that the other is wrong. And now, it just seems tedious to bring it up again when we feel like the conversation isn't going anywhere. For example, he said something that I really didn't like, so I asked him to stop. We had a fight there because he argued that his action came from good intention. But the fight resolved after he promised he wouldn't do it again. But, he said it again, and we got into another fight. We always end up arguing about how I don't like it when he says it, and how he says he has good intention and what he's saying is going to help me out. And I hate having fights, so it just feels easier for me to avoid that conversation if we're gonna have the same conversation all over again.

 

I think you're completely right that I require attention and I shouldn't be with someone who makes me uncomfortable. Again, thank you for your advice. It has given me a lot to think about our relationship.

[PrincessLilBug]

I think you're completely right, I think I'm feeling lonely and upset about it, and definitely jealous. And I should definitely talk about it with him.

 

The problem is, we recently had a few big fights, and I can feel that we're still recovering from those fights. You know that feeling? It's kinda awkward, uneasy, and he seems a little distant to you... and so on?

 

And I really want to fix this. I like our relationship that's been going on for 1.5 years or so, and I think I'm a little emotionally dependant on him. I'm worried about what will happen to me or what I'll lose if I we break up. And I'm worried that talking to him more about my feelings regarding the Friday date is really gonna screw up our relationship.

 

Any advice?

 

Thank you so much for your helpful advice! It really helps 

I think honestly the best thing to do with fights (depending on how big they are) is to try and move on from them. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and thats really what works the best for us - don't dwell on fights, don't bring things up again (that isn't necessary like something they need to change) that you've already fought about. My best advice is to surround yourself with as many supportive friends as you can if you ever get close to breaking up. Being emotionally dependent sucks (I am too.) it feels like you can't live without that person. The best way to stop this is to try and be independent while you still can, make sure to remind yourself that your own emotions matter, that your opinions of yourself matter, and that you're a self sustaining person who doesn't NEED someone else to actually survive. It may hurt when you fight and argue but you're still in charge of yourself and you still should take care of yourself.

[poetdashdaddy]

Wow, thanks for coming to the forum for this, I'm honored to put in my two cents! 

 

First and foremost, I see all the different perspectives on this. On the one hand he does make time for you even though he is very busy. On the other hand, he sure can easily cancel for his friend.

 

Secondly, I think it's normal for some littles to be jealous of attention. Even if it is attention toward a dog I wouldn't give this behavior toward his dog too much thought. As a former DDLG daddy and a current dog dad (not the same sense of daddyship of course), I can say that I can understand and empathize with your daddy. I pet and talk to my dog so much that I don't even realize I'm doing it much of the time.

 

BUT, there are a few things in your posts that cause me considerable concern. First and foremost, it sounds like you all have different wants/ needs as far as how much time to spend with the other. In addition, it could be that you all share very different "love languages", which isn't an issue, but something that might help you all. Recognizing how your partner prefers to show and receive affection can really help a relationship.

 

Most importantly, if you are trying to open up to him about how you feel and he's putting you down (calling you a whiner, etc.), that's a definite no-no. A daddy should recognize the sensitivity of his little, and seek to treat her at all times with that sensitivity in mind. I'm not saying daddys can't mess up too sometimes. But if this is a consistent thing, I personally would recommend you re-think what you're putting yourself through, and whether or not he's the type of daddy you want and need. 

 

Good luck! Keep us updated!

[RavenclawPrincess]

Isn't jealousy and an "immature" mindset expected to some degree? I think it's safe to say that many of us littles want to hog all of daddy's attention all the time because a lot of littles require a lot of care. That being said, I hope he at least understands WHY you're feeling jealous and unimportant. We do tend to overexaggerate the lack of attention and feel those things more/bigger than the average person (as do our caregivers in many cases) so maybe trying to rationalize with yourself internally about what the situation REALLY is instead of only thinking about your feelings might help. I have to step out of my feelings all the time and remind myself that daddy does not like everyone and everything else more than me, especially in cases when he's just doing something that he enjoys to recharge and take a break from the daily grind.

 

I'm not saying you're wrong or addressing whether or not he's blowing you off because you don't matter. I did want to give you some general advice because we all end up feeling the same way you do at one time or another, whether the situation really does match our feelings or not. That's so great that you're trying to get into poker to bridge that gap between you and your daddy. Even if he still wants to keep tournaments/poker night with his buddies as his own thing, you two can still play poker together sometimes so that's just one more activity for you to enjoy together.

 

I really do hope everything gets sorted out and you don't stay upset for too long!

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

 

The problem is, we recently had a few big fights, and I can feel that we're still recovering from those fights. You know that feeling? It's kinda awkward, uneasy, and he seems a little distant to you... and so on?

I understand what you mean with this feeling. I often felt that way in my vanilla relationship. I would not stand for it in a ddlg relationship and let me explain why. In this dynamic, I need to feel 100% certain that I can trust my partner with whatever is going on in my head. Personally, I can't make an argument hangover and complete trust fit in my head.

 

As a result, I tend to give my partner a heads up that I have some items to discuss and he gets to pick when that happens. I usually have a list so that I don't forget anything. We go over each point until I feel satisfied that it is right in my head. This method keeps me from storing perceived wrongs in my head because those always come out at the worst times.

 

That being said, the entire interaction is respectful and unaccusatory. It keeps me in a good place and it makes my partner happy because I am the least volatile person he has ever met.

[Maarloeve]

just to play devil's advocate, there is a possibility that his attendance was required friday but optional sunday. if there's two people in the building who can do a certain job and one can't be there friday, then the other has to be there. if they're both scheduled sunday then one could call off.