How to Win and Lose a Daddy in 72 Hours or the advice I'd give myself now as a new Little

[Guest KaydeeA]

Confession time: I didn't exactly come to the forum in a full sprint. I was dared to do something that I'd never done fore by my margarita drinking group of friends. After six sips (I'm not a heavy drinker) into my fishbowl size strawberry margarita, I confessed to this group of women that I once had a DD/lg relationship. See, we were discussing an article that I was to write about the aftermath of a ubiquitous novel that has had housewives buying up blindfolds and handcuffs all over America .

Please excuse any typos and the like. I am writing this on my phone as I ride in a two seater plane flying over the Gulf Coast. See, I am a freelance journalist and part time adjunct professor in a small sleepy Florida town. I just turned 40, am attractive, well-educated, self-sufficient and consider myself a reasonable person. My biggest claim to fame amongst my closest friends is that I am the girl with all the male friends who can end realauionships and genuinely still be friends . So what could possibly go wrong by going online to find my Daddy? Oh, plenty.

 

1. I didn't know the rules.

Who wants to be on a DD/lg forum and not have a Daddy? Not me. So, I looked through the Personals section, found a potential Daddy, and sent him a message. It went something like this: "Hi. I'm new. Want to be my Daddy?" Hilarious, right? Well, I lucked out. The recipient of my rather forward response was a very nice man who turned out to be a great mentor and sounding board. He suggested I take some time to lurk, read, and explore. When it came time to write my own personal ad and profile, he proofed it before patting me on the head and sending me on my way. However, I needed to read every rule the moderators set out first. I mean EVERY. STINKING. RULE. Why? The moderators have been here a while. They know the deal. The moderators are your friend.

 

2. I wasn't prepared for any REAL feelings

So I found my "Mr. Big...Daddy." I waded through a couple of responses and felt terrible to turn some people away. Frankly, one guy actually became a very good friend and confidant. Let me say that I do date IRL. In fact, the week before I had a date with a very nice physician who wanted a second date. However, I travel for work and our busy schedules just didn't mesh. I found responding to a message a total breeze.

I met a very nice, witty, mature, and adorable potential Daddy. He was a self proclaimed geek...which I like. He ticked off a lot of my boxes for what I like. We texted (after I found out about Kik) for hours on end. Romance took the steering wheel and any rules/structure for our possible DD/lg arrangement took the backseat. Bad thing? Maybe. Maybe not. What was distressing is that we said "I love you, Daddy" and "I love you, Baby" as role play. Eventually, we got lazy and left off "Daddy" and "Baby." It just became "I love you." Not good. We didn't really know each other. I never even heard his voice. As a Little, I was trusting him to provide guardrails. Once you let go of the words, you can't reel them back in. I got hurt and I'm not someone who is vulnerable to the world outside of DD/lg. I was a newbie. I would've guarded my heart a little better. However none of this really would have happened if.....,see next point.

 

3. Life happens when you're on the forum.

There is a whole big ol' world out there outside the forum. While you are frantically texting your Daddy and feeling butterflies in your tummy, the world rushes all about you. Real life will pierce the bubble you and your Daddy create. On day two in my 72 hour whirlwind romance, I got word from my aunt that I needed to retrieve my father' sashes from the mortuary and spread them while on vacation at the beach. I didn't go to my father's service a month before due to being bumped from a flight back from Chicago. I wasn't prepared for my feelings of loss. Talk about the irony of all ironies...I'm on the phone texting my "Daddy" when I hear about my real father.

I was faced with a dilemma. Do I let this "Daddy" know what's going on? How am I feeling? What to do? Any person faced with the loss of a parent while simultaneously experiencing something intensely intimate would become confused. I ended up telling my Daddy that I loved him. Did I mean it? I probably was BEGINNING to feel a deep connection. Any Little in this lifestyle will most likely feel something. I just didn't feel safe or have the structure in place to adequately have real life intrude. I should have taken a breather...back up....step away. I didn't. I just was too new to know what to do.

 

4. I did something right. I made friends.

In the aftermath of frantic emails with my Daddy and quitting the relationship (and forum), I reached out to two of the "friends" I had made. One particular man brushed me off and got me back on my feet. He reminded me that I don't have to give up on something I want, but it's OK to stumble, quit, get mad, fall in love, fall "in like," make mistakes, and move on. He vented. I vented. We LOL'd ....a lot. Getting a support system in place is key. Daddies are flawed human beings. They are not perfect. This arrangement is so intensely intimate that it is imperative that you have merely plutonic relationships in place.

 

So, how does this story end? I am sitting in a plane after spreading my father's ashes across an isolated area of the Gulf of Mexico. I feel refreshed and more clear-headed. I don't know where my search will end in this world...so...you never know!

[MrBonesWildRide]

Well this is definitely a nice piece on the struggles of a new relationship. A definitely good learning experience!

[Guest KaydeeA]

Thanks, Mr. Bones!

[Tread]

I'm not really sure what this was, I'm guessing a warning. But I just love how it flowed and it really touched me. Thank you for sharing. Sry not really that good with words. I'm glad your happy.

[Cherry41]

I loved this post! We have the exact same job. I'm a freelance journalist (though a feature writer) and a college instructor too.

[cutie_patootie]

Thank you for posting this Kaydee, it has opened up my eyes just a little more about what happened to me on another website which also includes a Chat Room and Forum.  We met in the chat room... my potential Mommy and I (we're lesbians) and we got along so well so quickly.  We had a lot in common, including both being students with a few more years of study to get through.  But we were determined that we would be together... eventually.  Though we were at opposite ends of the continent, I in Canada (Ontario) and she in the U.S. (California); we kept in touch as often as we could.  Our messages and private chats were passionate and exhilarating, we even made future plans together.  Then suddenly... nothing.  No response to my messages, no response to my e-mails.  I'm not sure what I did wrong but I feel somewhat abandoned while at the same time, somewhat foolish.  Anyway, that's the condensed version as I don't really want to get too detailed.

 

Sorry... not trying to steal your thunder, just saying I've a pretty good idea how you must feel.

[Guest KaydeeA]

Cutie Patootie,

I can't even begin to tell you how many Pam's I've gotten today about others' experiences. I know how intense and intimate it all feels...add in real life...a cute Big... and anything goes. I really don't blame my Big Daddy. We were hitting it off and the timing was just not good for me and it all imploded. This was just a post to say that we all have to remember that this is a bubble. I wish you the best! Thanks so much for sharing.... No thunder was stolen. . Share anytime. We are only helping each other, right?!

Take Care,

K

[Guest KaydeeA]

Pm's...not pams. Ugh. Stupid autocorrect.

[Alice in Wonderland]

[Guest KaydeeA]

So glad it helped, Alice. Message me anytime.

[Lisa]

Excellent cautionary tale.