First daddy bad experiences

[LittleValkyrie]

I'm new to community and to being a little. So new that I'm still not sure if little is the correct term for what I am.

 

I'm in a happy vanilla marriage and I love my husband very very much he treats me like a princess and a queen. But our sexlife was never satisfying to me.

He isn't into kink and when we've tried it feels unnatural and doesn't really do it for me.

We still have good sex it's just not as kinky as I'd like.

 

So a year ago we opened up our marriage for me and him to pursue sexual encounters.

 

I met a guy who started out amazing.

Kind, fun and most of all freaky in bed just like I needed. We moved slow with my new explorations.

Anal.. bondage.. sensory deprivation etc.

 

And then something changed.. he started doing really crazy things

Being drunk during session.. drinking while I was tied up.

Not listening when I called red.

Then he ate my phone and went through it, then went crazy. Wouldn't give it back and was very physical with me. Kicked me out of the house with no phone or wallet.

 

I forgave him. My first big mistake.

 

And it just got worse. He'd call me a whore and a lyer not in play sessions but he meant it.

He threaten to put sex videos on my workplace Facebook site.

And use the threats to pressure me into things.

 

He completely mindfucked me to a degree where I was craving his love and approval, because I needed that aspect. And at the same time was terrified of what he might do.

 

I ended it.. just 2 weeks ago after we went to a concert and he yet again hot drunk and got very verbally abusive and threatening to post videos everywhere.

 

Im a massage therapist working with cancer patients and it would completely ruin my career is never be able to work in the industry again because it unfortunately already has the stigma of prostitution..

 

I'm scared one moment what he may do.. and then I'm happy I ended it.. and then I miss or more like the man he sometimes was.

 

In finding I'm very lonely because I can't talk to anyone about this.

 

My husband specifically asked not to know about details and I respect that. I'm also horrified that I put him and us at risk.

 

Any advice, support comments is much appreciated

 

I really am looking for support and kindness at this point.

[KaliGuurl]

To me this has nothing to do with ddlg. He sounds like a terrible person and if you're really that concerned you need to contact the police.

 

I would also like to say I think it's very inconsiderate of your husband. If you're gonna have an open relationship, than you need to communicate.

 

If this guy is threatening you and you're married than that also affects your husbands life. What if he starts threating him too? He needs to get his head out of the sand and realize this guy's threats are real and get clued in on the situation. If you are that scared, your husband needs to know as well as realize this his safety could also potentially be in danger.

Edited March 14, 2018 by KaliGuurl

[littlefemmenist]

i definitely second what kali said — your husband needs to know, and so do the police. this creep had no right to abuse you and threaten you; it's immoral at best and illegal at worst, depending on your jurisdiction.

 

i'm really hoping you're safe

[Guest BabyPeach]

That's why I'm always hesitant to start relationships.  There are some total crazies out there. I've met a few. I have been stalked by an ex and another ex threatened to also put my information online....full name, address, naughty pictures, etc. and make it seem like I was placing an ad and inviting creepers to my house.  Omg.  WTF???  Who says something like that to someone (and only someone SICK would do something like that)?????  Fortunately, he never actually did it and I cut ties with him.  Idk what my point is......I guess to commiserate.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I hope he just goes away quietly.

Edited March 15, 2018 by BabyPeach

[Guest Arc]

I would suggest when your husband asked not to hear details he possibly meant he didn't want to hear all about the explicit sexual details because that can be kind of upsetting for some even if they have agreed to it. But if it's something where you have been hurt and he might be impacted too... then I can't see why he wouldn't want to know that. 

 

I also agree with going to the police. Threats aren't something you should tolerate. Did you consent to having videos taken? Because if not that's another thing you can go to the police about. 

[LittleValkyrie]

Not real sure what to think after reading this.

 

I'm not unintelligent I know I made mistakes and I know I shouldn't have gone back. But saying I only have myself to blame, is kinda like blaming the victim.

You don't know me or what I have gone through in life or why I may have gone back...

 

Thanks to those of you who were constructive criticism I appreciate it and thanks to those of you who had kindness to offer.

 

I know what the warning signs are.. because I grew up with an abusive father. And I hate myself for not seeing it for being duped and for trusting the wrong person. I hate myself for going back. So don't worry I know who to blame.

 

I'm on the mend to find my strong side again.

And I thought writing out my frustrations here would help, I thought asking for kindness would help.

 

I see I was wrong..

[Guest Arc]

OP, seriously if you went back after he became what you term "physical" and "kicked you out" then you have nobody but yourself to blame for the further spiral.  That's not a subtle hint, that's the emergency alarm on Starship Enterprise  WOOP! WOOP!  Get out, now, do not return, talk to him, involve him, nothing. There is no going back, not ever, on someone who hits without consent and knows it.  Surgically cut him out of your life and eliminate the danger.

 

 

Jeez, you don't think she's beating herself up enough over this as it is? Blaming herself constantly? You don't need to point fingers - it's not helpful to anyone. It seems clear to me she knows where she has gone wrong. 

 

I hope you can sort things out, OP. It will never stop shocking me how nasty some can be. I hope you will seriously consider going to the police. Threats are never okay. 

[LittleValkyrie]

Did you consent to having videos taken? Because if not that's another thing you can go to the police about.

I did consent at the time.

It was a way for him and me to be together when our lives didn't permit physical contact over a longer period of time.

 

As a sidenote these were taken way before any warning signals emerged

Edited March 15, 2018 by LittleValkyrie

[Guest littlegirl707]

Hi well I think u need to heal from this. My ex was a lot like that. I think your husband should kick his ass and protect u. I’m sad for u right now. Sending u hugs. U will heal.

[Little Illy]

Alright, unpopular opinion....

 

DominantEmperorTiberius was kinda on the right track, though I would not be as blunt. You shouldn't ever blame the victim, however, as adults we do need to own up to our actions. I am terribly sorry you dealt with someone who was clearly unbalanced, no one should have to deal with that. But at the same time, if you know of these warning signs and have experience with them.... why open the door further? I'm sorry, but the moment he ignored your safe word (Not listening when I called red) was the moment that should have struck. Anyone who ignores a safe word is not safe to be around. Please make sure to never give trust to someone who doesn't respect this, it simply is too dangerous to play with.

 

I never agree with victim blaming - but I always advocate for owning up to your actions. You made a poor decision, that is all. We all do it. But it was done. Maybe for the next one (if there is) look for those red flags that were ignored. You say you had an abusive father, I would hate to see it continue. If a man is abusive, no quality can redeem him. There are tons of people out there who are not abusive, you need to be patient and weed them out. And maybe... don't record yourself or photo with anyone other than your husband. Who else can you TRULY trust with your family's wellfare (since it affects your work right now).

 

I suggest talking to your husband. It doesn't matter if he wants to know or not, this isn't just about you anymore. This is about your life and his now. And if you don't... to me that is fairly decetful. He agreed to allow you to see guys for kink. Now something has backfired and can affect him also... he NEEDS to know this. Wouldn't you want to know if a woman was trying to ruin your husband? You might be angry, might regret the Open Relationship, but you would need to know. You two are the core TEAM and you NEED to work TOGETHER through this.

 

You are not to blame for that asshole being a twatwaffle. But you are responsible to heed the warnings next time. We all learn through experiences and unfortunately, you were unlucky enough (not to blame) to deal with this jerkbag. Hopefully next time you'll see those signs and avoid them.

Edited April 4, 2018 by Little Illy

[SharkPrince]

There's been huge advancements in getting people to recognize revenge porn as a big deal and there's actually laws against it now. Unfortunately the US is a little behind but there's still ways law enforcement can help you. If you feel at all slightly threatened by somebody else, report it. There's too many cases of women not reporting things like this and getting hurt. You're safety, and your family's safety is priority number 1. 

 

here's a list of all US states with laws against him releasing any video of you https://www.cybercivilrights.org/revenge-porn-laws/