Daddy is absent?

[RavenclawPrincess]

I'm on the lookout for advice on coping with an inattentive daddy. He SAYS he's just busy and still wants to be my daddy but really? All the time? He really doesn't have 2 seconds to send a quick reply when he clearly read the message I sent him? I'm trying to be understanding and give him the benefit of the doubt but it really hurts to be expected to call him daddy and follow his rules when he doesn't consistently do his part and I feel like I'm supposed to do everything by myself with no comfort from him after the fact. I'm trying to just ride it out and do what I can to make things better for both of us but I really don't know how to go about being more self reliant so I'm not upset all the time. In all fairness, he has a lot going on but I don't know how to pull more than my fair share of the weight of this relationship. Help!

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear all isn't going well.

 

I'll start off by saying that I think you guys ought to sit down and really talk about what you want, what you feel you're not getting and what your goals in the relationship are. You clearly care and have done your duty to the relationship thus far. If the fella isn't able to make time for that, then it may be time to call it quits dude. 

 

A relationship cannot function unless both parties are putting in plenty of effort in the more difficult times. That said, a happy relationship should for the majority of the time be just that, happy. It should lack stress and be a comfort rather than a hinderance. 

 

To be honest if it hurts to call him Daddy and follow the rules as you say and you really are this unhappy, then it probably isn't wise to continue the relationship. My little and I have been through some shit and then some, but not once has calling me Daddy and doing as she as told felt unnatural to her in any way.

 

This is because she knows I have her best interests at heart. That at the end of the day is what being a Daddy is all about, caring about and for your little. I'm not saying that a Daddy doesn't have work related responsibilities or that a little doesn't have responsibilities in the dynamic, but by and large a good Daddy should have recognised the issues you're highlighting right now and dealt with them (or attempted to). 

 

Partners should battle the hard times together; as a team. This doesn't seem to be what's happening here and to be honest if that doesn't start to happen, in needs to end. 

 

Sorry to be a downer but I'm just trying to be a realist here. Talk to the dude, tell him it's really important and about the core of your relationship. Communication is key after all. If he won't make time, I think it's clear that you're the only one who cares sufficiently about the relationship and that kind of relationship just sucks. 

 

Hope all goes well mate,

 

Ya boi,

 

The Senate

Edited March 12, 2018 by I_AM_THE_SENATE

[bellisle]

Agreed - I think talking it out is your best bet for the situation. I know how hard it can be, but communication is always the key in any relationship. I told my daddy that I didn't feel like I was getting the attention I asked for when I was putting in all the work, and I realized that our relationship was just more sexual then an actual ddlg situation. Yet, I wouldn't have come to terms with that if I hadn't made my feelings clear.

 

It can be rough at times when you care for someone so much to think about letting them go. Especially when they carry the connotation of a caregiver. My friends gave me this advice, and I'll give it to you (it's hard to hear it and accept it because of the above situation); if he can't give you that time like you mentioned, then something needs to change. Whether you state to him what you expect out of the relationship - because it is give and take - or you ask him if there's something you two can work out that would help you spend more time together, you have to communicate. Maybe he is busy or has a lot going on, but that doesn't mean he can't put in effort. I'd suggest saying something like "it makes me a little sad when I don't hear from you, can we talk on the phone every couple days so I can hear your voice" or whatever sounds right to you.

 

In the end, if he can't make the sacrifices, then he's probably not ready to be your daddy. We're here for you! <3

[Mikaitaku]

Maybe he is under a lot of stress and like me doesn't have the energy to reply. or he is ghosting you. it is one or the other.

[KaliGuurl]

I went through something very similar a year ago.

 

I talked to my Daddy at the time and he didn't see anything wrong with the situation. I knew I should have ended it but I didn't.

 

I stayed in the relationship and continued to get more miserable and depressed. I wish I had just gone with my gut. I knew he wasn't going to change but I still tried to convince myself that just maybe something would become different.

 

I'm not saying you should do what I did. I just wanted to share my experience.

 

Communication is the best advice I can really offer. If things don't change then you really just gotta make a choice.

[Guest SUeB]

This is painfully common. If there is only one person putting in any effort while the other has no interest, then the answer is usually pretty obvious. You have been told to talk to him, but it sounds like you already have and he's still not interested.

Easier said than done of course, but maybe its time to try to get the message. Silence speaks volumes. As in the less they say, the more obvious it is they see you as not very important.

Edited March 12, 2018 by SUeB

[RavenclawPrincess]

Thanks for the insight, everyone. I'm at the same conclusion in terms of the long run but all of this has been very recent (just the last few weeks) so I'm really not ready to just bail or chalk it up as anything more than a temporary rough patch quite yet.

 

In the mean time, I appreciate the feedback I've been given so far. We have talked things over previously, but maybe I just need to initiate that again. I'm not sure what else I can do for now to make things better but you all have validated that I won't be overreacting or wrong for walking away if the situation doesn't improve in a timely manner.

[Littlest_Bee]

Best wishes. I hope the situation improved.