Done w/ Teaching Daddy

[acebabygirl]

This is gonna be more of a rant because i really have no one to talk to about this. I've been a little for 4 almost 5 years now and I've been hesitant with telling romantic partners about DD/Lg because of the stigma and such. I've finally come out to my current boyfriend not too long ago and he said he'd be up to learning how to be a Daddy. I sent him threads and articles and videos galore. Talked about what I like in the dynamic and what he might like. We set up my 1st rule last month (bedtime is at 10:30 on school nights) but he's only enforced it once. It makes me very sad to think about the fact he might never really understand what a Daddy's role is and that he might only be "into it" during special time. When I think of my dream Daddy, I imagine someone who will help me remember to take care of myself and teach me to better myself. I don't want to search for another Daddy and I'm not comfortable with having someone else to act as my Caregiver. I just wish he could understand how much the dynamic means to me.

[Guest SUeB]

So unfortunately he simply isn't a daddy. He probably liked the idea of it, he likely thought it sounded hot, and gave it a go. But then realised it's not all about sex, and he couldn't be bothered with the other less sexy stuff. Sadly thats so very common. Don't give up. Yes, it takes longer to find the right person when you add something like this into the mix, but you have to accept that, and force yourself to be patient.

[PinkiePie84]

I wouldn't write him off so quick. Does he take care of you in other ways? The most important part of being a caregiver is that he's caring towards you specifically, Does he love you?

If he's loving and caring then there is plenty of hope.

Try a heartfelt letter.

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

C O M M U N I C A T I O N

 

Talk to each other about what you both truly want, deep down. If it wasn't meant to be then oh well, if there's just been some misunderstanding or miscommunication somewhere then awesome. Either way, if you don't sit down and have a serious conversation you'll never find out. 

 

One thing I will say though, If you have a "dream" daddy outside of your current daddy, then maybe it isn't meant to last. For me, I had an idea of what my 'dream little' would be like. My little met all these things and ended up surpassing them in ways I never saw coming. I think that's what a soul mate is, and I'd never advise wasting time on someone who simply isn't that. 

 

Perhaps I seem like a total downer here, but I consider myself a realist. I'm not saying give up, I'm saying talk it out. It just doesn't seem like you're really built for each other. Anywho, hope all goes well,

 

ya boi,

 

The Senate

[Guest BabyPeach]

Think about it.....you asked someone who knows nothing about the lifestyle, and has zero experience, to step up the role of a Daddy.  Sending him links, etc. isn't going to do it.  You will have to guide him and teach him.  Try a gentle reminder at first for your rule.  Say something like, "it's 10:30, Daddy, isn't it time for me to go night night?"  You have to cut him some slack and be extremely patient.  Your title says that you're finished with teaching him.  You've only just begun.  You're going to have to step back, stop thinking of your own needs and be an adult and help him. There's also the fact that maybe being a Daddy isn't for him.  We're just a tiny niche in the kink world so it's hard to find someone who truly enjoys this lifestyle.

[DominantEmperorTiberius]

This is not going to work.  Behavior modification for younger males does not work, point a, and point b, it won't deliver the desired results.  A male cannot "step" into the role of daddy.  It takes a long time and a lot of worldly knowledge, as well as the predisposition to learn and reflect.  A man must be strong inside and caring and considerate as well, and knowing how to interact with the world in all situations takes decades.

 

Girls lose respect for males who do not have the aura of daddy.  "Training" someone for a daddy role is fake and contrived and it puts pressure on this guy to deliver in ways he simply cannot.  It may be politically incorrect but none of us can help it, this exchange is very primitive and elemental.  Just like, the need for caring guidance and mentoring is also innate, and the warm and loved and desired feelings come from being guided in this caring, understanding and very worldly way.  No male in his twenties can even claim to be "dominant" without making intelligent girls laugh, and let's face it, "Daddy" is quite a few steps further up the ladder of self-awareness and experience than plain "dom."  These expectations are not realistic.  

[Guest SUeB]

This is not going to work. Behavior modification for younger males does not work, point a, and point b, it won't deliver the desired results. A male cannot "step" into the role of daddy. It takes a long time and a lot of worldly knowledge, as well as the predisposition to learn and reflect. A man must be strong inside and caring and considerate as well, and knowing how to interact with the world in all situations takes decades.

 

Girls lose respect for males who do not have the aura of daddy. "Training" someone for a daddy role is fake and contrived and it puts pressure on this guy to deliver in ways he simply cannot. It may be politically incorrect but none of us can help it, this exchange is very primitive and elemental. Just like, the need for caring guidance and mentoring is also innate, and the warm and loved and desired feelings come from being guided in this caring, understanding and very worldly way. No male in his twenties can even claim to be "dominant" without making intelligent girls laugh, and let's face it, "Daddy" is quite a few steps further up the ladder of self-awareness and experience than plain "dom." These expectations are not realistic.

Kudos for this reply

[CaresAlot]

This is not going to work.  Behavior modification for younger males does not work, point a, and point b, it won't deliver the desired results.  A male cannot "step" into the role of daddy.  It takes a long time and a lot of worldly knowledge, as well as the predisposition to learn and reflect.  A man must be strong inside and caring and considerate as well, and knowing how to interact with the world in all situations takes decades.

 

Girls lose respect for males who do not have the aura of daddy.  "Training" someone for a daddy role is fake and contrived and it puts pressure on this guy to deliver in ways he simply cannot.  It may be politically incorrect but none of us can help it, this exchange is very primitive and elemental.  Just like, the need for caring guidance and mentoring is also innate, and the warm and loved and desired feelings come from being guided in this caring, understanding and very worldly way.  No male in his twenties can even claim to be "dominant" without making intelligent girls laugh, and let's face it, "Daddy" is quite a few steps further up the ladder of self-awareness and experience than plain "dom."  These expectations are not realistic.  

I don't know if I have ever disagreed with anything more than this.  Number one you know nothing about this guys life experiences.  Number two you don't need all that worldly knowledge and other puffery you are putting out about yourself.  Lots of things in life prepare you for situations and lots of guys are naturals at being a Daddy.  Number three its insulting to say that only intelligent girls will laugh, in other words if they don't they are not too bright.

Most things you want to do in life you can accomplish if you have the desire and are willing to put the time and effort into it.  You don't come into this knowing everything as a Daddy or a Little.  Its a learning and exploring process for both as to what each of you wants and brings to a relationship.  If this guy has the desire and wants to learn there is no reason this cannot succeed.  Its not rocket science.  Being older does not mean you are going to be great nor being young mean that you can't possibly succeed.  

Using a bunch of funky things like - fake and contrived, primitive and elemental, worldly ways, self-awareness; lots of stuff that doesn't mean a whole lot at the end of the day  I've coached and mentored a lot of young people.  The things they can learn and the passion and desire they bring are more often than not amazing.  Teach them a little, give them a little success and they get into wanting to know more and to be better.

[DominantEmperorTiberius]

Disagreement is good, as long as we respect one another's opinions.  Nevertheless, I see a number of points on which we do agree and a key is that the young readers are smart.

 

I have done my own share of mentoring, of Fulbright and other scholars and twenty thousand students at six different colleges across the world.  So I too know this field.  Certainly the students are, on the whole, intelligent and the adults can learn from them.  But to the DD-LG point, the maturity gap between 18-25 year old women and boys of that age is enormous.  Almost no boys of twenty-some have done or seen things like helped deliver their own children, avoiding C-section, or stood by their parents' bedside as they pass into the next world.  Their way of understanding is not shaped by these types of profound experiences.  I know what it was like when I was 20 and I resented the girls' rejections on the grounds of my lack of maturity. But they were right.  It took me another ten years to see their points and understand them.  I'm fortunate I lived long enough to do so.

 

I find it fascinating that males often find my points (and my postings on various boards) objectionable but the women reading this know I'm right.

[adventurenotdrama]

Gosh. What a nob!

[Guest SUeB]

Gosh. What a nob!

Why?

[Knoxdom]

This is not going to work.  Behavior modification for younger males does not work, point a, and point b, it won't deliver the desired results.  A male cannot "step" into the role of daddy.  It takes a long time and a lot of worldly knowledge, as well as the predisposition to learn and reflect.  A man must be strong inside and caring and considerate as well, and knowing how to interact with the world in all situations takes decades.

 

Girls lose respect for males who do not have the aura of daddy.  "Training" someone for a daddy role is fake and contrived and it puts pressure on this guy to deliver in ways he simply cannot.  It may be politically incorrect but none of us can help it, this exchange is very primitive and elemental.  Just like, the need for caring guidance and mentoring is also innate, and the warm and loved and desired feelings come from being guided in this caring, understanding and very worldly way.  No male in his twenties can even claim to be "dominant" without making intelligent girls laugh, and let's face it, "Daddy" is quite a few steps further up the ladder of self-awareness and experience than plain "dom."  These expectations are not realistic.  

There's honestly a lot wrong with this. 

Firstly, you're quite clearly restricting what "daddy" means down to a narrow subset of the dynamic (*cough* No true scotsman? *cough*), which simply doesn't work. You don't get to dictate who is and is not a daddy or a little.

Secondly, I don't know where you're getting this idea that you cannot modify a young man's behavior. Anyone's behavior can be modified both by internal and external factors. Look at Fraternities for a great example of this, they change the behavior of their members routinely and quickly. For an even better one look at boot camp. Modern militaries have modifying the behavior and even psychology of young men down to a science.

Next, training someone to be a daddy is not fake. Just because someone doesn't want to be a daddy due to reasons you deem legitimate does not make it fake or impossible, and the fact that they would have to be taught how to be a daddy absolutely does not mean they are incapable of it, nor does it mean they need to dedicate decades to learning the dynamic. 

A male in his 20s can absolutely be a dominant or a daddy. In fact, they can be both if they want, and your implication that any smart girl would laugh at that not only insults a whole lot of doms and daddies, it also insults the intelligence of every submissive in a relationship with a man under 30. Which is a hell of a lot of people.

You don't need a tremendous amount of life experience to be a daddy, you don't need to be emotionally prepared to be an actual father or actually be a father. You just need a desire to care for and protect someone and want that protection and care to take the form of DDlg. 

 

And to respond to your second post, obviously males are going to find your line of logic objectionable because it directly attacks them and seeks to undermine their relationship dynamic and publicly discredit them, yet I see very little in the way of evidence to support your claim that all the females who read what you say agree with you.

Edited March 11, 2018 by Knoxdom

[Guest littlegirl707]

I know everyone has there opion of this realtionship. Let me tell you from experiance that if hes not into it he might try but you will never be satisfied. I tried for 19 years with a man that really wanted to be a sub or slave. I lost total respect for him. He gave me away to a switch. well i am not happy. hes nice but no rules and i think i just bug him. So I know Its not working. you might talk to him and say this is what I need. Hopefully he will tell you if he can do it. Theres men out there and a perfect one for you. I was so in love I stayed and did thigs I would never do. It hurt me so much in the end. Hope you fiqure it out. 

[Guest Little Otter]

My ex was a little, and I wasn't at that time.

 

She tried to teach me to be a DD, but I didn't want the power. She'd get upset, angry, shut down, etc.

 

I told her I found some of it appealing, like just generally helping her be a better person which I did anyways. I just didn't like having that power, and I didn't find "being daddy'd" appealing either.

 

Unfortunately, she found a DD IRL (a close friend of mine), and cheated on me off and on for 8 months since I couldn't fill the DD role.

 

So, perhaps it may not be for him. Just like myself, gave it a shot, but simply didn't want that power or dynamic in that way.

 

(Sidenote: two littles wont work together! Lol)

[Guest QueenPrincess]

This is not going to work.  Behavior modification for younger males does not work, point a, and point b, it won't deliver the desired results.  A male cannot "step" into the role of daddy.  It takes a long time and a lot of worldly knowledge, as well as the predisposition to learn and reflect.  A man must be strong inside and caring and considerate as well, and knowing how to interact with the world in all situations takes decades.

 

Girls lose respect for males who do not have the aura of daddy.  "Training" someone for a daddy role is fake and contrived and it puts pressure on this guy to deliver in ways he simply cannot.  It may be politically incorrect but none of us can help it, this exchange is very primitive and elemental.  Just like, the need for caring guidance and mentoring is also innate, and the warm and loved and desired feelings come from being guided in this caring, understanding and very worldly way.  No male in his twenties can even claim to be "dominant" without making intelligent girls laugh, and let's face it, "Daddy" is quite a few steps further up the ladder of self-awareness and experience than plain "dom."  These expectations are not realistic.  

Vehemently disagree.

I'm sure certain older caregivers love to believe they are the only option. Sorry, it's not the truth.

If a little prefers older doms, cool. Some don't. Some just aren't worried about lists of credentials like "worldy experience" or years of experience.

Daddy's are not better than other doms (unless the metric is preference). Sorry.

[Guest BabyPeach]

I just want to add that EVERY dom, sub, little, daddy, mommy, etc. started somewhere and it was a LEARNING PROCESS. Omg, lol.

[neworder]

Sometimes one’s beliefs and knowledge should be kept privately. It just looks like a pissing contest. Not going to win over any littles who prefer guys their own age. Let them be. Most littles are only going to be attracted to guys their own age and repulsed by guys outside their age range. A smaller percentage of littles are attracted to men much older and not attracted to guys close to their age. Those are the only littles you should consider within your (our) subset of ddlg.