Kinda discouraged

[Guest Babystarlight]

So I've recently had a few very sad and rather volatile discussions with a few daddies after posting my personal. I've been called a liar, a terrible person, a racist, a person who plays games with peoples hearts, and someone who ignores people for fun. All from daddies I only spoke to for a few days.

 

The discussions came up after I had a very busy day, and wasn't able to get back to anyone. And a few (bad, I know) texting habits due to a previous abusive relationship, such as an irrational fear of texting people while they're sleeping. So they felt they were being ignored, which I understand. I was told that these are dumb excuses and that I'm just a little who has fun toying with people  which wasn't my intention at all. I apologized multiple times but wasn't believed.

 

That's not so much my problem though. Something that one of them said has really stuck in my mind. They told me, that if I still have habits stuck from my abusive ex daddy, then I'm not ready to be in a new relationship. It's been close to a year and a half since my last relationship, and I've healed so so sooo much. I felt so ready to start searching again, but some habits stick around past healing..

 

Is it really that unreasonable to expect someone to at least be understanding to these things? I figured that maybe someone could accept me for how I am and maybe help me through the last little things. But now I feel like those are just burdening a future daddy. What do you guys think? I understand where these daddies are coming from..but I still feel like they were just being inconsiderate. I was so confident and now I'm just exhausted thinking about it.

[DominantEmperorTiberius]

Why is this exhausting you?  The point of having a daddy is to enjoy care and consideration.  Granted we can't all respond to night time texts, we all have demanding real lives, but let's keep things in proportion.

[Guest Babystarlight]

Why is this exhausting you?  The point of having a daddy is to enjoy care and consideration.  Granted we can't all respond to night time texts, we all have demanding real lives, but let's keep things in proportion.

 

It's just so exhausting because now I'm worried that my little bad habits are just going to be a huge burden, and detrimental to a relationship. I know daddies can't always respond to night texts. Which is why i get so scared, I used to get major punishment from my ex for sending them! This daddy was upset because i wasn't texting him while he was sleeping, not because i was. (should've worded that better, sorry!) He felt ignored and I get that. But especially since it had only been a few days i feel it was a little inconsiderate to go off on me like he did.

[Guest pnwprincess]

Coming from a very gross background with those "Daddies" who are abusive. Though I've healed and moved on from it as myself big I truly haven't healed when I'm transitioning and regressing to my little space. This is an issue because even though I want a relationship and I want a Daddy its like my little self cannot commit to a Daddy yet because of badly I was hurt in that safe space. 

Listen to your gut and listen to yourself in your space and if you feel like there is a guard up for whatever reason then communicate with your Daddy and I am sure they would understand. Just be vocal and be an advocate for your little self. 

[neworder]

I try not to text anyone past normal bedtime hours because their ringer/vibrate might wake them up for no good reason. don't think of it as irrational fear but normal etiquette.

 

Males... if you want to live up to the role you claim to be, instead of spewing out hate - shut it... and thank her for the chance to talk but you don't think you are a good fit. Chances are by the time you guys get your act together, all your potential littles will be damaged by previous males.

[KaliGuurl]

If these are just random people on the internet, why are you taking so much stock in what they say?

 

If you know that the things being said about you aren't true, than just move on.

 

People are mean. The internet gives them an opportunity to say whatever they want.

 

That doesn't mean it's true and that doesn't mean you have to let people get to you.

 

Just gotta learn to not take things people say to heart so much and realize that when you put yourself out there, you're going to get reponses like that.

 

Get a thicker skin and don't dwell on it.

Edited March 9, 2018 by KaliGuurl

[Little Illy]

Honestly - the only thing you have a responsibility for is giving your partner a  heads up with your past. Let any of you current or future partner know that you have issues with a few things. Explain you had an abusive ex, explain texting is hard for you at a certain time. That IS your responsibility as a person who has overcome these things, you need to let your partner know of your goal/progress because they are now a part of your life.

 

Now for people you don't have a commitment to, then you can be vague on the details. "There are a few things I struggle with, I'll explain in time." And so on. Its about the respect of the person you are talking to.

 

HOWEVER - you do not need to be "cured" or "healed" to be "worthy" of a relationship. If you take on your responsibility of communicating with your partner, then you are fulfilling the "criteria" to be in a healthy relationship. Some people will not be able to accept your hiccups, but that is okay, you're not going to be able to handle the hiccups of every potential partner either.

 

But if you really look into yourself you can answer your own question: Do you think you are ready for a relationship? Do you think you can handle the responsibility and commitment? Are you able to give as much effort as you expect from a partner? 

 

Yes - then go for it! No on can tell you that you're not ready for a relationship except the honesty of you looking at yourself.

 

No - then maybe take steps on working why you said no. But if the answer is no, there is no shame in that? People underestimate the power of owning their lives and learning to depend on themselves. So even if you are not ready for something, there is nothing wrong with that, it is just where you are at during this stage of your life.

 

Always remember: There are so many people who don't know what they want or expect relationships to be easy. So if someone steps on your toes or accuses you of something, be sure to assess if they are a reliable source, or a scorned potential. 

[Guest Arc]

A person who plays with hearts? Hun... if they're giving away their heart after only talking to you for a few days then that's on them.

 

If you explained that you didn't have time to respond sooner then that shouldn't be a problem. People have lives. It's not a hard concept. And as for not texting when you think people are sleeping... totally reasonable. I hate when my phone wakes me up, and I imagine others are the same. Not to the point that they abuse whoever does it. But it's just a considerate thing, and I can't understand why they don't see that. 

 

Try look at this as something positive. In them getting angry and impatient they are showing you their true colours. Those aren't behaviours of people you want to be with. Better to find out sooner than later, even though it sucks regardless. 

 

 

 

"They told me, that if I still have habits stuck from my abusive ex daddy, then I'm not ready to be in a new relationship."

 

Sorry... but what bullshit. We all carry things from our previous relationships. Sometimes we carry them for the rest of our lives. Does that mean we should never be in a relationship again and never feel that happiness? No. It's fine to carry habits. Habits are hard to break. The only thing you should think of is if you are ready to move on and be with someone new. And if you are then great for you. I hope you can find someone to help you realise things aren't so scary

[Mikaitaku]

I am in a similar situation being a few years out of my own abusive relationship. I don't think we really ever do heal enough so that it doesn't affect us. so anyone who thinks that you should just be heal does not know anything and is not the person for you. the inner scars fade with time but don't go away completely.

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Will start this off by saying I'm sorry you've had a tough time of things, that I hope things get better, and that I'm glad you've healed so much. Anyway, here's ma thoughts in no particular order...

 

The sure fire way to know you're not ready for a new relationship, is if you think it'll solve all your problems. If not, and you can live your life happily without one then chances are you're ready. When you're doing life right, just being happy, love will probably come to you when you least expect it. 

If I may steal a bit of what Illy said, you do have to let your partners know that you have some issues left over. BUT, having issues left over is ok. 

 

My little was a totally different person when I met her all that time ago, she told me about the issues she had right off the bat, said she would need help to work through them but that she would not put that task on me unless I was ready and wanted to do it. She has beaten so many of the things that affected her by working with me to do so and I couldn't be more proud of her. She finally recognises her value as a person sometimes, recognises that she can be loved and that she is truly, deeply loved. Her issues were never a red flag for me because she 

A ) Told me about them from the start and 

B ) Sought to help herself with my support

.

In a way, I think helping littles with past issues and nurturing them to overcome them is part of being a daddy. For me, I think it's one of the best parts actually; knowing that someone is better off for you having been and continuing to be a part of their life. When you find the right person, I don't think your issues will be a problem. If anything, working through them will bond the two of you closer together. 

 

As for people ranting at you and calling you names, sorry bro, it's the internet. It's full of nut jobs. Like there's this one dude that floats around this site giving everyone unwarranted advice, calling everyone bro and claiming to be the Senate. I know. Can you imagine?! But in all seriousness, ignore them. Is it even the internet without insulting weirdos? I've waded through my fair share of weirdos. All I can say is that when you finally find that one person, it makes it all worth it. When you find that one person, it makes all the pain, heartache and terrible things you've experienced worth it, just because it all landed you with that one person who completes you. You'll be ok bruh, hope all goes well!

 

ya boi

 

The Senate

Edited March 9, 2018 by I_AM_THE_SENATE

[LittleSeattleGirl]

Aww, I want to give you a big hug.

 

Everyone else has been so eloquent in their advice already! I will just tell you that as you heal, you can absolutely start a relationship - and you can also choose to protect yourself and be measured in how much you share as you get to know a potential partner. It’s important to be up front about yourself in any relationship, but at the same time, be as open as you feel safe/comfortable being. For example, I suffer from mental illness, but when I’m getting to know a new person, I’m careful about how I share it: if I’m not feeling totally secure and safe, then I keep it as high level as “I see a therapist regularly.” But once trust is established and I know the person isn’t going to define me by my illnesses, I open up about what exactly I deal with and how I treat it.

 

Go with your gut - and know that the right Daddy will love you BECAUSE of the skeletons in your closet; not in spite of them.

[Lilkitten12]

It could help too if you maybe took things slower? I know sometimes because of the labels Daddy and little and the obvious exchange of power in the relationship it can feel right for things to move quickly but they don’t have to.

 

People should be getting to know each other and spending time talking before any one is put in a position of Daddy or little. In vanilla relationships most people don’t let one person call all the shots just because they’ve stated they are looking for a partner. I feel like in the same way in a DDlg relationship the two people should take the time to get to know each other as just people and let the lifestyle follow.

For myself I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable texting a stranger from the internet after a few days and I definitely wouldn’t trust them enough to submit to them or call them Daddy.

If you feel uncomfortable just try talking to people as friends but always remember you are in charge of you- it isn’t the title Daddy that has the power over the submissive, it’s the person behind the title and that person should be someone you love, trust, and know as a friend and person and you want to submit to them, you choose to submit to them.

[LittleKitten13]

Because of issues due to abuse when I was a child and in two of my relationships, I still sometimes catch myself ducking my head when Papa goes to kiss me, or I'll be suddenly afraid when we're having sexy time and have to stop immediately....  He's very understanding.

If your significant other can't understand that you may have some issues due to previous experiences, they don't need to be your significant other.  And for a person who doesn't really know you (if I understand what you're saying correctly) to tell you that you aren't ready to be in a relationship is ridiculous.  Maybe you are ready and maybe you aren't...but that isn't his call.

[Guest RoyG]

Looking for love, especially one as intimate as DDLG, is extremely emotional to many people. When we invest ourselves into it, but things aren't going the way we want it to, it just feels terrible. Some people get mad, some people get sad, but the best thing is to just recognize it as part of the game and move on. We want to find that one right person to connect with, and unfortunately, 99+% of the people you meet aren't that "one".

 

So with that in mind, you're you. Your personality, experiences, habits, all of it, define who you are. Many people will look at that, and find something to get annoyed by. This is true for all of us. You don't have to apologize for any of it, unless you're hurting someone on purpose, which you weren't. Fortunately, someone else will look at you and think "FINALLY! Someone that just makes sense" and love you for it.

 

The thing with bad habits is that we all have them. I'm socially awkward enough to easily scare off most people I meet around the time of the first (casual) conversation. Then there's a few that can relate in a weird way, and we become best friends. This "I figured that maybe someone could accept me for how I am and maybe help me through the last little things" is exactly right. You unfortunately bumped into people who weren't that "someone", but that doesn't make it any less true. Stay confident!