being too embarrassed

[Guest babyblue26]

ive known i was a little for around 2-3 years now. i know this is definitely a personal problem but i was hoping someone would have advice. for the first year i wasn't very active in the community so i wasn't exposed to some of the backlash that we can get, but after a while i started to hate myself for being a little. i eventually had my first daddy, and they encouraged me to be more comfortable but the entire time (around 9 months) i had only been able to comfortably be in little space once. it was not their fault at all, i loved them, but i thought that if they realized how little i could be, it would scare them away. ive noticed recently i cannot get into little space even by myself, and if i do start slipping into it i end up crying myself out of it within a minute or so because i feel so ashamed. i dont understand why because i have nothing against other littles and don't think it is gross for them to do it, but when it comes to me i feel like im an awful person for it and feel guilty... i did end up getting rid of my stuffed animals, pacis, etc because of how embarrassed i was so now it's even harder. does anyone have any advice? im worried im going to stay this way forever Edited March 8, 2018 by babyblue26

[Peachiekeen]

That sounds awful... I don't really know what to say to help you but I want to try to help. I think you've "Shocked" yourself. You not wanting to be little has affected you greatly and because you've been forcing yourself to not be little you're causing more stress on yourself when you try to be little. I recommend trying to slowly bring back those aspects (paci's, stuffies, etc) back into your life and just have them there as a reminder that what you do is okay. Like you said other littles do it, why should you be different! 

 

You won't be this way forever honey, you'll find yourself again soon enough and realize that you'll be okay with who you are. You'll come to terms with it like the rest of us have and we love it! or at least I do, its a lifestyle I couldn't give up, I hope you feel the same eventually

[workhorse]

*hugs* thanks for having the courage to come forward and ask for help. 

 

I am not a professional and if you don't want my opinions, stop reading...

 

It sounds like you are associating some pain in your childhood to moving into little space. This is probably something you are going to want to talk to a professional about. It will most likely not take care of itself. I am more than happy to help where I can. My suggested course of actions would be twofold. You most likely have something that happened when you were very young and is presenting itself now so you should get professional help... Part two is an optional part. Find someone you trust or can trust or can help you walk through some of this and find out where the pain is coming from. Most humans don't exhibit this behavior without a trigger. 

 

*hugs* I know this is hard... let me and the rest of us know if there is anything we can do... I promise you can get through this.

[Guest Arc]

I had a similar reaction shortly after getting into BDSM. I hated myself and threw away everything and was so ashamed. I wish I could say there is an easy fix but there is not. It is largely an insecurity thing and those always take time. 

 

Start off small. Do something little you would enjoy. Maybe you like colouring in or watching cartoons. Start really small, and then think through it afterwards. Did it make you happy? Did you enjoy it? Did doing that hurt anyone? Try think logically. Is there shame in having fun that doesn't effect anyone? No. 

 

Slowly introduce things. It sounds like you've associated being little with stress and guilt, but maybe introducing small things that are more seemingly vanilla will help remove the stress and allow you to settle in gradually. You need to remove the association of those things with the stress and guilt, and doing it small step by small step will be less overwhelming. Reach one goal and then move to the next. 

 

Are you able to get in contact with littles in your area? Maybe having a friend who can show you these things and  comfort you will be beneficial. If they're able to be there praising you and being happy and enjoying things as you do them then you might feel a whole lot less guilty because you aren't alone.

 

Anyway... you aren't alone. Lots of us go through this. It takes time to get over our insecurities, but if you have support and take small steps you will get there <3 

[AZDaddydom]

I know what you mean when you say you felt embarrassed or ashamed , I was in the same boat as you. If you want to know how I can tell you in a message. But I got through it like others said took it slow and then confided in someone I trusted. Try taking baby steps.

[KaliGuurl]

Honestly people seriously overthink little space and it sounds like you're doing just that.

 

I'm sure you can find someone going through something similar and talk to them. Sometimes just talking things out makes you realize stuff you were missing.

 

Also you should think about where you are in your life. Maybe you're just not in a place where being little is an option right now. Maybe you need to focus on other things in your life and come back to being little when things have calmed down.

[BeautyOfStructure]

In a culture as brutal as ours, self acceptance and self love take a lot of work and a lot of patience.  It shouldn't be this way; you didn't start out this way, but unfortunately it is this way.  I wish you lots of love and success on your journey.