Crisis of Faith

[workhorse]

So I am not 100% on the fact that I am a daddy anymore. Just don't feel like I fit in because I don't abuse or hurt my littles.

 

The way it was introduced to me is that the daddy is the protector and helps the little. Psychologically, a lot of littles go to their little space to relive their childhood or to escape their reality... My thought is that you should help them and guide them and take care of them. Yes, punishments are completely valid and I am not saying I don't use them. Just felt like I was more Daddy and less Dom.

 

I have seen so many times where "daddies" are abusive to their littles or the littles want to be treated like garbage and, what I consider, tortured. Only had 3 littles ever, but 2 of them left me to pursue daddies that were kind of awful to them. I believe in more in reward good behavior and only punish when necessary... I go way out of my way to be thoughtful and considerate and helpful. Like WAY out of my way and take it VERY serious... am I doing it wrong?

 

Just wondering if I should try to find a different medium to be a caregiver since it seems like I might not be understanding what a daddy really is.

 

[Guest SUeB]

What you describe is NOT abuse. It is consensual sadism/masochism. There's a vast difference between the two. There are many different kinds of people within this community, many different dynamics, and many different ways that people run their relationships. Calling something that you do not understand abuse is very wrong.

That word that makes all the difference here - consent.

[littlefemmenist]

there are different daddies for every little, and you sound like a really good one for the right girl. because ddlg is a subsection of bdsm, there are littles who are also subs, or who like a little sadomasochism in their play. for me, i really like to be humiliated and degraded, but only during sexy times and only by someone who (like you) i have tangible evidence from that they care for me.

 

there’s no one size fits all to this, and you seem like a daddy to me.

Edited March 6, 2018 by littlefemmenist

[TwilightSparklez]

It is most definitely not abuse and that word should not be tossed around so lightly. It is consensual and just as there exists a full spectrum of Daddies/Caregivers there is a full spectrum of littles.  DDlg is a BDSM subset and is at its root a power exchange. I'm both a little, sub and masochist I want to be used hard at someone's will, hurt, degraded, humiliated and more during adult time and sometimes outside of adult  time when I am not in littlespace,  BUT only with someone I know I can trust and who cares for me deeply and respects me and will always be there to take care of me and kiss my boo boos if they need kissing.

 

You just haven't found the right fit for your ideal dynamic yet, and it's not wrong either way, eventually, there will be a little who will be the perfect fit for you.

[workhorse]

I am sorry for using the word abuse... I have been chastised for using the wrong words a few times on this site. My sincerest apologies.

Edited March 6, 2018 by workhorse

[TwilightSparklez]

I am sorry for using the word abuse... I have been chastised for using the wrong words a few times on this site. My sincerest apologies.

No harm done this time but it's always good to be conscious.  Words have power and abuse is such a strong word with a powerful negative connotation.  Though thank you for the apology.   Hopefully we have helped clear up your confusion about relationships a bit?

Edited March 6, 2018 by TwilightSparklez

[Guest Mister Grey]

There is nothing wrong with your understanding of what a daddy should be, just understand that your idea of it, while it may be shared by some others, is actually really about you.

 

It’s different for every other daddy, and its different for the little as well.

 

When the Daddy and the little have views on what the DDlg dynamic should be that synchs up…its magic.  

 

Sometimes its a little more work and they have to work to find a place where they are both happy with how it is going to be.

 

And sometimes it just doesn’t work, now matter how much they like each other, no matter how attracted they are to each other, no matter how big the stuffies are, or how bright the crayons, or how great the cuddles, sometimes, it just doesn’t work.

 

There is no truly right and wrong way to go about it, its really about the two people involved and the fact is that there are littles out there that want to be cuddled and immediately after, want to be choked.  Its not wrong, and it doesn’t mean that they are not a little or that the one doing the choking is not a Daddy.  It’s their thing, it’s an aspect of their kink and its just fine if its what works for them.

 

Just because its different from what you desire, doesn’t make it wrong.  Just means you need to keep looking.  Good luck.

 

[workhorse]

Well said Mister Grey... i don't fault anyone for what they do as long as it isn't illegal or hurting anyone else... I was just wondering if I am actually a daddy or do I fit in another category... 

 

The word abuse was how I saw it through my paradigm because, to me, abuse and torture are similar...and can be consensual. Didn't mean to shame anyone or throw about words so carelessly. Just trying to show that I think I am the opposite end and not 100% on if that is a "daddy".

[xBabydollx]

What u describe is a sadist and a maschoist. u simply aren't one or someone intetested in that aspect of the BDSM lifestyle. There are many Daddies and littles who are also a sadist or maschoist, but ofc, not everyone is into S&M so don't fret. Now u know something u don't like, so u can voice it to any potential partners that u don't want a maschoist as a little. Good luck finding someone who matches u.

[Guest mayachan]

Here is the point - meaning of this word , Daddy is foggy a best - daddy is what you make out of it. It's so open for representation it's scary.

I think you're someone I would call a good daddy - someone who is looking into ddlg as a way of helping someone, take care of broken and mend their little hearts. And it's great there are littles that would like that kind of treatment very much. For example me.

But there are other littles and other daddies - some just like to be punished - and they want their punishment to be really punishing.

Apples and oranged and interpretation.

[workhorse]

xBabydollx and Mayachan... thanks for helping me wrap my head around it... I guess I am a daddy but more of a nurturing one... works for me.

[Guest mayachan]

When I talk with potential Daddy for me I always ask to put all P in order which he think he is the most and which one He is the least. 

http://www.ddlginfo.com/your-role-as-a-daddy-dom.html

[workhorse]

@mayachan.. you are so awesome! 

 

I can easily say I am Protector, Partner, Provider, Penalizer... I really appreciate your help.

[Guest SUeB]

Yes, there are daddies like you that are all about care and nurture. Nothing wrong with that. You've obviously been looking around and seen evidence of many that are nothing like you. Or rather those that have extra parts to their character and dynamic personality that you see as scary and extreme. That's the beauty of this world. We are not all the same. But we have to try and keep an open and non judgemental mind about things that are completely out of our comfort zone. This girl has at least one friend that is a very serious masochist. Her domme is an extreme sadist, and they do some really ott stuff. But they are happy and just because it's not right for some, it is perfect for them.

[Bambi95]

My Daddy abuses me. And I love it. 

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

My Daddy abuses me. And I love it. 

ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[Maarloeve]

hi. i'm maarloeve and i'm recovering from 4 decades of brainwashing that "it's never okay to hit a woman."

then i found DDlg and bdsm in general, read a couple masochists' essays on subspace, and this article:

https://friskybusinessboutique.com/the-endorphin-levels-in-bdsm/

now, there is a budding service top waiting to break out of me. i feel a lurking presence behind him but i'm a bit skeered to turn around and see mr. happy sadist tapping his toe and looking at his watch.

[DollDirector]

Workhorse (I like how your name here seems to me to perfectly fit you) you are asking questions to yourself (and also about yourself) and thanks for this ! I will always prefer someone like this to someone who would be too sure. Many of the subjects raised on this topic (consent,for example) are not to be taken for granted and you are showing you care. Keep going !

[Guest BabyPeach]

There are littles out there who don't need full on sadism. I don't.  Then again, I'm also not a traditional sort of little. I don't need, or want, guidance.  I don't need a chore chart or to be reminded everyday to brush my teeth or have a list of rules, etc. Um, no....not for me.  My point is, is that we're all different.  We just have to find the one that clicks with our different.

Edited March 8, 2018 by BabyPeach

[workhorse]

Thank you all for the insight and ideas... I will keep pondering but for now I think i am a protective and pampering daddy... if that isn't a thing, it is now. BabyPeach... I like your style... *wink*

[neworder]

I've never been physically or emotionally abusive to a little (agreement to spank is not abuse), even when it's time to part ways - don't hurt.... you're not doing it wrong. Bring structure to the chaos in their life, bolster them in their weaknesses, support when she falters emotionally, teaching how to cope with life ... 

[Guest SUeB]

Anything is "a thing". If you are a something, then by default it has to be a thing!

[Usagi]

So I’ll try and explain this as best as I can, though I’m sure there have been plenty others who have done this and will do this better than I can, have, or will.

 

I’m a sadist, so I enjoy being on the top and being the one to give orders, and in some instances, if the submissive/little enjoys it, pain. But I only ever do it in a sexual context, and there are, of course, safewords that mean to slow down, because you’re approaching a limit, and to totally stop being a limit has been reached.

 

It’s totally consensual, and I’m very happy to see that you’ve said earlier that you now understand it’s not real abuse.

 

What you may not hear much about, but is something that definitely happens, is the aftercare.

 

For me, I’m a dominant in the bed when the moment suits, yes. But the /moment/ that playtime is over, I immediately switch to Daddy mode and start to fuss and worry over anything. The lightest bruise, the smallest scratch, anything. I’ll offer a sippy, or some hot chocy, and generally just stuff a Daddy would say if his Little somehow hurt themselves.

 

Now I can’t speak for all Daddy Doms and the like, but I’m very much the same type of Daddy you are a majority of the time, but at the same time I’m also the kind of Daddy you described in your original post.

 

Like a lot of people are saying in this thread, Daddy is a very BROAD term, and DDLG is a subset of BDSM, so really there’s no set or defined limits as to what a proper Daddy is.

[TeaPartyBaby]

Like every little is different, every caregiver is too. Personally, i love bdsm so i like a dom as my cg.. but some girls dont like that and want a relaxed atmosphere... it really does come down to the person.

[Guest Little Otter]

Everyones said it, but Ill reenforce it anyways: every little is different! Personally, I much prefer being pampered and nurtured and loved and adored. I have rules, I like some masochistic stuff, but for me 90% of it is simply.... well being treated like a loving mothers only son.