New to this - help!

[Miss_behaved]

So I know the whole ddlg dynamic isn’t a one size fits all but I’m trying to find my place in everything. I started out searching for a disciplinarian. I’ve always felt like I needed a firm hand and structure in my life but recently discovered I have “little tendancies” I’m kind of a brat and like to be cuddled and babied in a way. I started searching for a daddy Dom instead of a disciplinarian after my last one moved away. I found a man that I clicked when and he’s now my daddy he calls me little one and spanks me when I misbehave.

 

I’m not really into paci’s or color or go into little space but sometimes get really defiant and winey and want him to either reprimand me or baby me and I can’t seen to find my voice for those times. I just get really bratty until he calls me out and I apologize. I then usually get my butt spanked next time I see him. I don’t know exactly why I feel the way I do or if any of this is “normal” I don’t know what it’s like to be in a ddlg relationship. This is all new. Does this mean we are monogamous? What if I go out drinking (I rarely drink but what if) and I end up kissing someone or something?? Is that grounds for termination or would I just get punished? Is it different for everyone? Something we have to discuss?

 

In vanilla relationships, when you start dating, it becomes a given that you’re monogamous so I’m not sure about this. I asked him all this over an hour ago and he hasn’t responded. I’m getting impatient but don’t want to bug him because it’s usually a good reason when he doesn’t respond.

 

Also, I’ve fallen hard for him. It hadn’t been very long but I already find myself wanting to please him and make him happy and I hate when I act out and disappoint him. I just want to snuggle him all day long!!!

 

What are your thoughts on all this? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to know? Where do I fall on this spectrum?? Any feedback helps. Thanks guys!! <3

[Guest Arc]

Best and only way to tell if you are monogamous is to have that adult conversation. Assuming is a terrible idea because if you do something, or he does something with someone else then the other will get hurt. So best to have the conversation about what you are and what the boundaries are. 

The consequence of kissing someone else really varies a lot. If he has not consented to you doing that with other people, then like any relationship, that's a breach of trust and could be reason for them to want to end things. But it also might be nothing if they consented to it. Again - this is something you need to talk to them about. These relationships and vanilla relationships have a fair amount of basics in common. It's something you just have to talk about and establish boundaries so you both know what is expected. 

 

Why do you think you're doing something wrong?

What you need to know varies for everyone. 

It's up to you to find where you are on the spectrum. It's whatever feels right to you. Nobody else can tell you what you are or are not. 

[xBabydollx]

All of that is normal yes. Some ppl are brats and some aren't. Either way is fine. As for the monogamous thing, yes it is something that needs to be discussed. Not every Daddy is automatically ur boyfriend, and not every Daddy is mono. It is good to talk about those things thoroughly and it is great that u have ready begun to open up that dialogue. Do u want him as a bf? Do u want more Daddies? Would u mind if he had more littles? This is the time to figure all of that out and discuss it with him so u can reach an agreement. Yes, it is different for everyone as some ppl are poly and some are mono. Some have a bf and a Daddy on the side. Some have a wife and 3 littles. Some ppl are married to their Daddy. Find what works best for u. I don't think u are doing anything wrong....just keep the line of communication open so u both can be on the same page. Get to know each others wants, needs, desires, and expectations from this arrangement.

[Miss_behaved]

Thanks guys. We’re actually discussing this right now. I’m asking tons of questions lol.

[Miss_behaved]

He’s still friends with a sub he had before. And said there’s another lady he hadn’t seen in a while but if he does, they’d probably sleep together. I know we’re still new and are just now discussing this but that kinda makes me jealous. I don’t want to be though for the record. I want to be his only little but don’t want him to not seek out other women I guess. I dunno, I’m conflicted now.

 

Is it normal to be jealous? Do I have a say in all this?

[xBabydollx]

Is it that u want to be his only little, but that u both can have an 'open' relationship? As in maybe u have a DD/lg relatuobship but he is allowed to sleep with others and so are u. Or maybe he is allowed to have a gf and u are allowed to have a bf? It can go all kinds of ways. u definitely have a say in what u are willing to tolerate and live with. Just have to come to a mutual understanding and agreement.

[Miss_behaved]

I want to be his only little. And I don’t want to be with anyone else. I’m telling him these things. He said he had a sub that he had a contract with and collared her. That made my tummy flippy flop. I want to be collared. I want him to want to collar me. What does that mean exactly??

[xBabydollx]

To be collared is a very serious thing for many ppl. Some even have a collaring ceremony. It is when a Dominant gives his sub a collar as the last final step and showing of ownership. A lot of ppl equate collaring to what vanilla ppl equate a wedding ring. The length of time it takes for some ppl to get collared varies from person to person, just like marriage. For some ppl its not as 'serious' everyone is different.

[Miss_behaved]

Hmmm I guess I’ll have to ask him about his collering. Thank you for your answers!!

[xBabydollx]

No problem! Definitely ask what it means to him! Not everyone views it the same. Also, it sounds like u only want to be with him, so fingers crossed yall can be on the same page

[Guest Mister Grey]

I think the best thing you can do is be honest.  If you want something tell him.  That does not mean you will get it but at least your having an open conversation and you can discuss things.  Maybe it is not something he wants to do right now, you said the relationship is still new...but maybe as you get down the road its something he bring to the forefront of what he wants as well.

[Guest Arc]

He’s still friends with a sub he had before. And said there’s another lady he hadn’t seen in a while but if he does, they’d probably sleep together. I know we’re still new and are just now discussing this but that kinda makes me jealous. I don’t want to be though for the record. I want to be his only little but don’t want him to not seek out other women I guess. I dunno, I’m conflicted now.

 

Is it normal to be jealous? Do I have a say in all this?

 

 

I think it's good in a way to be friends with our exes. It means things likely didn't end super terribly. And when you're friends as well as partners with someone it's a shame to lose friendship when the relationship falls apart. So I wouldn't think too much about that one.  

 

As for the second one... totally understandable to be jealous. And yes you have a say in it. If he's in a relationship with you then you have a say in what happens. It's called consent. If you don't consent to him being with others, then he either needs to respect that or move on. Or you do. Either way - you have a say in what happens. 

 

Collaring varies for many people. Some even look at in levels - such as considering, training, and owned. It varies so much. It can range from "I want you to be wearing something of mine to remind you of me" to "I own you completely." So definitely discuss what it means for him because some are a bigger commitment and expectation than others. 

[Miss_behaved]

[littlefemmenist]

I almost kind of like that I’d have no say even though I know I do. It’s a conflicting feeling. (I know I have a lot of say and can request and object to many things) but I like having a certain level of submission where I don’t. I guess in the beginning you lay it all out and then go from there. We’re still doing that. We dove deep into things. Before last night, we would just meet up and be together. Sometimes he’d spank me and sometimes we’d just sit with each other and I’d snuggle his chest. I love spending time with him. I feel I’ve become very attached. It’s very different for me than vanilla relationships. I feel more close, more vulnerable, and in turn equally worried it’ll fall apart....especially if I’m too bratty. But he said last night, the brattiness isn’t to worry. He can handle that haha

 

i think i know what you mean about wanting no say sometimes does it feel like...i don't know, kinda like you're almost too little to make any decisions? that feels really good to me sometimes, and then other times it's hard because i want to speak up but i'm too shy or too afraid that it'll be the last straw.

 

brats are great! i'm one too but sometimes even us brats have to admit that there's something we want or need, and not just brat for it. i know it's really hard though, it's something i'm working on!

Edited March 6, 2018 by littlefemmenist

[Miss_behaved]

i think i know what you mean about wanting no say sometimes does it feel like...i don't know, kinda like you're almost too little to make any decisions? that feels really good to me sometimes, and then other times it's hard because i want to speak up but i'm too shy or too afraid that it'll be the last straw.

 

brats are great! i'm one too but sometimes even us brats have to admit that there's something we want or need, and not just brat for it. i know it's really hard though, it's something i'm working on!

 

Yes! Exactly! Like sometimes I want to have a say but usually just brat for it until he gets it, which I knowwww is not the way to go, and I usually end up over his lap for it so I’m working on it. If it’s super important, I’ll say it but then shove my face in a pillow waiting for his response cuz I’m so nervous lol! I hate being vulnerable. There are times though where I don’t want to make any decisions. I just want my daddy making them all. In my past life, I’ve always worn the pants and always had all the responsibilities so I love being able to have a daddy that takes care of me and can make those decisions.