Daddy hates little space

[Bleedingdaisy]

Hey lovelies

My daddy told me today that he prefers me being in little space being a minimum.

But it’s who I am and he knew that from the beginning.

 

What am I supposed to do now? I love him and don’t want to leave him even though I’m not completely satisfied.

 

Greetings

Bleedingdaisy

[princessfreckles]

If he doesn't like you in little space, then why is he even a Daddy? Sorry to be so crass. You deserve to be happy and have a caregiver who loves little you in little space and doesn't try to limit how long you're in little space. It sounds like you need to either need to talk to him and find a compromise where you're both satisfied, or end things and find a caregiver who lets you be your little self without trying to stifle you. 

[Guest princessthora]

I dont know the details of your relationship,  and i dont wanna sound bossy but if your Daddy  straight up doesn't accept a huge part of you and your personality its gonna continue to cause problems and make you unhappy. I would try my best to communicate needs and wants and see what he says and/or if hes willing to work with you on it, but if he isnt respecting that thats  a part of you then like i said before, its not gonna fix itself and he probs doesnt respect other things about you. I'm sure you're upset and this must be super hard. Best of luck. 

[DaddyNashuaNH]

I agree.   Sounds like he is trying to mold you into what HE wants, rather than caring about you and your well being.  Time for an honest conversation.  Remember, you need to take care of yourself!

[Guest mayachan]

Daddy should be happy each time His little allow herself to be in little space. It means that little trust and love him so much that she show Him her most vulnerable side. If he isn't he is not a Daddy.

[Guest SUeB]

Being a Daddy does not mean you HAVE to like someone that goes into little space. There are many different kinds of daddies, as there are many different kinds of lg's. Maybe remember that before loudly stating that this guy isn't a daddy. We do not know if he is or he isn't. To be honest, this girl would think the same, that he probably isn't. But that doesn't categorically mean that this opinion is correct. What we DO know is that he is not the right person for the op.

[workhorse]

I agree with PrincessFreckeles... That is the point of a ddlg. Maybe he is hoping to make it more "normal" or something but it sounds like he is being selfish and not a good daddy. Ultimately it is your decision on what to do but life is short. Be good to yourself. Always happy to listen.

[Amber Sweet]

I agree with ALL of the lovely people above. Being a little is an integral part of ya, my dear. And as much as you might want him to accept you, he just may not be into it. Unfortunately, it happens.

 

My Daddy wasn't super into me being little at first. But when I explained to him that it is a part of me, he realized how important it was and started being more Daddy like. Not only to please me, but because he was starting to enjoy it!

 

So, I think its a good idea to sit him down and tell him how being a little is a part of you. And if he doesn't like it, then perhaps it's time for a change. YOU should be happy, and that can't happen if you feel like you can't be yourself! 

 

I do wish you all the best 

[Guest mayachan]

Maybe I will cross the line with this and I think I will, but madness of don't hurt a person feelings need to stop somewhere. I know it's easy to get a like by saying we should respect this person feelings , and no one is fake ecetera. But political correctness need to stop somewhere.

Daddy is a word that make me feel respect. Not because i am a little and I love mine, but because it's a title that means something. It means a person who dedicate their time, attention and money to make other person as happiest and good person as possible. And this work, this dedication this putting someone else as more imortant than you - it's beautiful. That's why they're not boyfriend, not owner and not master - but actually a Daddy. If anyone can use it word and disrespect core principles of this this word means this title means nothing and using it for my Daddy would adressing him in disrespectfull manner - and this is something i would never do to Him.

Topic poster said it's a part of who she is. That means it's important part for her. Propably even a coping mechanism, Whoever her boyfriend is he knew who she is and still decided to be with her. Now by denying her a core part of who she is and what need he decide that his comfort is more important than her happiness. And this sounds like a thing that someone who call himself a Daddy should ever do.

Psychological damage from trying to suppress a important part of who you are and you start feel ashamed of it is immense. No Daddy should risk it for his little.

 

Edited March 4, 2018 by mayachan

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

He indicated a preference. Great he is openly trying to communicate with you! 

His preference doesn't align with what you want... ok, deal with it, find mutually acceptable middle ground, or move on. 

 

Some people will use the daddy label for just about anything and it doesn't have a black and white specific meaning. What it could mean to one person could have an entirely different definition to someone else. This instant questioning of his title or projected title is silly.

 

I'm sorry littles you will not like this one bit. The world doesn't revolve around you! You are one part of a relationship, not the entire thing. Spending a specific amount of time, attention, and especially money has absolutely nothing to do with the quality or intention of a care giver/daddy. 

[Guest BabyPeach]

He knew you were a little from the start and he willingly took on the Daddy role.  He is the one in the wrong here by asking you to change who you are, BUT we all learn and grow and sometimes we become something different as time marches on.  It sounds like he needs to re-think what the term Daddy means to HIM before he ever takes on another little.  He then needs to express to said little what he's looking for so that no one gets hurt in the end.

 

Talk to him and find out if this is temporary or if he feels this change in his behavior, and preference, is permanent.  If it's permanent, then you either have to tone yourself down (if you can, if YOU want to) or move on.

[Guest Arc]

I would applaud him for telling you, honestly. Communication is difficult and I can imagine that was hard for him. He was being honest with you rather than pretending to enjoy something he's not. Wouldn't you rather him be honest than have him lie and not enjoy himself? No, it was not ideal that he started this knowing how much little space was important to you. Perhaps he thought he could handle it, or perhaps he didn't know it wasn't for him. Either way he has learned or realised this and he has communicated it. Good on him. It's not easy to do that! 

 

Anyway... everyone is different. Not all daddies automatically love little space. It's just not who he is as a daddy, but that does not make him any less of a Daddy. Kind of shocked by how people so quickly jumped to "he's not a Daddy" or "he's trying to change you." Uhh... no. Everyone is different. 

 

You can still be in little space without him. Just because he doesn't enjoy it doesn't mean you can't. Maybe you could find a caregiver/babysitter who can be with you while in little space. If you don't want to leave him then communicate and find a solution that works for you both, or move on. 

[Guest Arc]

I'm sorry littles you will not like this one bit. The world doesn't revolve around you! You are one part of a relationship, not the entire thing. Spending a specific amount of time, attention, and especially money has absolutely nothing to do with the quality or intention of a care giver/daddy. 

 

Well... I'm a little and I love this. So much.

 

Any relationship is about finding what works for you both, and DDLG is no different. You are only a part of a thing, and to make it work there needs to be compromise and understanding. You can't take everything and give nothing (please don't take this literally - it appears some people are sensitive here). If something doesn't work for you then find a solution. You can't blame your partner for not being 110% perfect for your needs. That's unrealistic. You have to work with one another or find someone who you can work with. 

[LittleGypsyGirl]

I guess the question is are you always in little space? I get that sometimes he might want to see big you too. Maybe try to schedule little time? Unless he basically means never little, then imo he isn’t really a daddy because it’s part of who you are.

[Guest mayachan]

Sorry for having a respect for a person who is in certain bdsm position by using the old quote of Wade Boggs:

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wade_boggs_311617.

I completely understand that the world don't revolve around me or other littles , it's fine but this isn't the topic was about. All your stances about communication are fine and Dandy, except one phrase. "He knew from the begining" ... This little told him she was a little on the begining and with this information they started the relationship, see? Communication. What was the reward? Lie. This girl was lead to believe that she was accepted and loved for fully who she is. As it turns out only a part of it was true and now she is afraid of being forced supressing who she is. People who were not in that situation don't know what they talk about, believe I know because of what I am. It does not end pretty  ,but I am not here to share horror stories. 

I am a rare specimen - and many people are interested of having an intimate moment with me and i got tons of messages that they're interested in my hobbies or are person I am looking for. The point is - some people lie, people just lie to get what they want without thinking of the consequences. Without thinking of others. I am just sick of that. And guess what happened when I said in my profiles I need a Daddy? They're suddenly into it! But if I ask them what it  is - they know nothing or act strange. That's why I was so harsh and direct - because I know where this rabbit hole leads. Yes, you can change who you are... but it got to be natural and slow, not forced by other person. He didn't said to get a little breather or tone down - he said , kept it to the minimum according to the topic poster. This means it looks like he is trying to make her feel shame for what she is doing... Shame is a powerful thing that leads to low self esteem this leads to depression and this leads to the dangerous coping mechanisms. Person might think she is somewhat unclean because of these urges and thoughts and they're propably not going away easily. She will supress it - let him mold him to his desires ( which sound like master/slave relationship tbh) just to see that one day it might go back and broke her life. You might thing DDLG is mostly rainbows and plushies, but it's rainbows and plushies most of the time for unhappy and hurt. Most Littles I knew from internet ( and one in rl) are quite vulnerable and sensitive creatures, we shouldn't applaud in my opinion actions that might be harmful for them. Because if we do - we would just say it's ok for other person who is going to copy the same mechanisms and hurt someone else. And someone like this will happen again. Instead we should promote Daddies that deserve this name by being devoted to the role, lifestyle  and their partner. This is what I have tried to say. 

Edited March 4, 2018 by mayachan

[Guest Arc]

I completely understand that the world don't revolve around me or other littles , it's fine but this isn't the topic was about. All your stances about communication are fine and Dandy, except one phrase. "He knew from the begining" ... This little told him she was a little on the begining and with this information they started the relationship, see? Communication. What was the reward? Lie. This girl was lead to believe that she was accepted and loved for fully who she is. As it turns out only a part of it was true and now she is afraid of being forced supressing who she is. 

 

 

 

He knew from the beginning that she had a littlespace, but did he know from the beginning that that wasn't for him? Maybe he thought he could handle it and discovered he couldn't. Maybe he had never experienced it and through this he discovered it wasn't for him. You're accusing him of lying and leading her on, but not considering that maybe this was something he did not expect and this is why he is now having to communicate that with her.

 

We don't know the full story or his side but I don't think it's fair how many people are dumping him in the "he's not a real daddy" or "he just used her for his wants" box straight away.

[ThePoet]

Look, I'm the last person to call someone a fake over compatibility or communication issues or to get pedantic over terminology, but if someone doesn't like their little to be little, can you still call them Daddy? I'm not going to crucify the man for trying something and not enjoying it... but if he did try to be a Daddy and then found out it wasn't for him, then does he even want to be called Daddy? A policeman isn't a fake cop if he doesn't like arresting people, but if he just wants to help people without arresting them, maybe it's in his own best interest to call himself a social worker instead of a police officer. You know what I mean? If he is looking for someone to be submissive but is annoyed by little behaviour, maybe he's just a Dom and not a Daddy? I'm not saying he's a bad guy; I'm not saying he wouldn't be a good Dom or a boyfriend in general. And of course each individual Daddy, little and couple exist on a spectrum. I'm just saying that if you don't even want to your partner to be little, how can you call yourself a Daddy? Not everybody has to enjoy pain, but would you label yourself a sadist if you didn't?

[xBabydollx]

It seems like a lot of ppl are looking over the fact that he didn't say to never go into littpespace. He said he prefers it at a min. So clearly he enjoys it, just perhaps not as often or to the same degree as the OP. Perhaps his preference is something that changed overtime. It happens. Anyways, what to do now? u said it ur self, u are not satisfied. Talk to him and find a middle ground for u to be satisfied. Maybe find a babysitter or get a second Daddy. If none of that is a possibility, and if he isn't willing to give a bit more while u dial back some, then u can stay and sacfrafice that part of u or move on to find someone who is better compatible. It always sucks to hear, but ppl grow and change, and what was once a good match can turn into it being not so. That's nobodies fault. Its up to u to accept it, work on it if both are willing to compromise, or find someone better suited.

[Guest Arc]

Look, I'm the last person to call someone a fake over compatibility or communication issues or to get pedantic over terminology, but if someone doesn't like their little to be little, can you still call them Daddy?

 

 

Just thought of a point I hadn't considered.... you can be little without going into little space. I highly doubt he doesn't want her to be little because then what's the point in having a little. Maybe the OP should ask what specifically about her little space that he wants kept to a minimum. Maybe there's a certain act or behaviour he does not particularly enjoy, and maybe that part could be kept to a minimum around him. It's just an idea. Not sure how likely it is, but it's another point to raise. 

 

But in all honesty, we don't know the situation. We don't know what's going through his head. We don't know what he's doing or what she's doing. I think the best thing to do now is to communicate the points that have been made here to him that you want to. For example... what is it about your little space he wants kept to a minimum - is it little space completely or is it certain acts/behaviours? Why doesn't he want you in little space as much now - has something changed for him and is there something that can be done to make him more comfortable with it? And if not - would he be okay with you having someone else like a babysitter so your needs can be met too (if this is what you want)?

[Mikaitaku]

a daddy that does not like little space can't be called a daddy. 

[Guest Arc]

God that is really getting on my nerves. Not all Daddies are the same! Daddies can be whatever they want and like whatever they want!

 

My Daddy doesn't do littles or little space. I'm a middle and I don't have a little space. So we fit together well. He is no less of a Daddy for not being into all things little. It just meant he had to find someone who fitted what he wanted and what he does - and that's what I do. He's still a Daddy but in his own way, which perfectly fits my own way. 

 

Just because they don't fit your idea of a Daddy does not make them less of a little. THEY CAN. ITS WHAT WORKS FOR THEM. ITS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. NOT EVERYBODY HAS TO FIT YOUR SILLY NARROW MINDED ONE TRUE WAY MOULD. Saying they can't be a Daddy because they don't like little space is the same as saying a little can't be a little if they don't have a little space. 

[Mikaitaku]

God that is really getting on my nerves. Not all Daddies are the same! Daddies can be whatever they want and like whatever they want!

 

My Daddy doesn't do littles or little space. I'm a middle and I don't have a little space. So we fit together well. He is no less of a Daddy for not being into all things little. It just meant he had to find someone who fitted what he wanted and what he does - and that's what I do. He's still a Daddy but in his own way, which perfectly fits my own way. 

 

Just because they don't fit your idea of a Daddy does not make them less of a little. THEY CAN. ITS WHAT WORKS FOR THEM. ITS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. NOT EVERYBODY HAS TO FIT YOUR SILLY NARROW MINDED ONE TRUE WAY MOULD. Saying they can't be a Daddy because they don't like little space is the same as saying a little can't be a little if they don't have a little space. 

daddy dom little girl. little is the norm. You do know you can disagree with someone without insulting them don't you? 

[ThePoet]

I have to side with Groot on this one. DDlg is a branch of D/s. It specifies the difference between a Dom and a Daddy Dom, and the difference between a sub and a little. There's a lot of crossover, but if the ideology is "I'm submissive but don't like to be 'little' and he's a Dom but doesn't like 'little' behavior" then maybe it's just a really sweet D/s dynamic. That's nothing to be ashamed of. There's absolutely no more problem with one over the other. Sure, everyone is different and unique in their understanding and appreciation of the dynamic... but would you buy it if I told you that I don't like to fight fires, but still wanted to be called Firefighter? Sometimes, terminology is used for a reason. I'm not going to be any less cordial to someone who is a sub instead of a little, or a Dom instead of a Daddy, than I would to someone who is just straight vanilla. But a Daddy who doesn't appreciate a little for being little. That's just confusing. It's DADDY Dom and LITTLE girl. If there's no difference between D/s and DDlg, then what's the point? Edited March 5, 2018 by papapresents

[Guest mayachan]

Ahh , thats why you're so adamant of giving so much benefit of the doubt Arc.

I am also a middle so I know where you're coming, but I do have this milddle, i don't know how to call it state? place? ( there is not a middle place? so how the fluff it works) Geez it's so hard to define this... I can act teenagerish and it's accepted - this is what I mean. To be honest there is a lot of "holes" in this story , things we don't know - things we can just assume. Like he is really a good guy and something... The point is I tried to not assume anything at all - I just know that if he said it using the same words as it was said by the poster - it's a red flag from my experience.

Can we talk about this? Ok. Can you slow down or tone down? Ok. Can we try to get some compromise on this and this part ? Ok. Keep to the minimum things that is very important to you and i accepted it all the time before? Red flag. That simple.

It's a red flag that most people tend to ignore, that have a long term consequences, and it shouldn't be trivialized. This is new user and this is her first post, no introduction, no personals - no silly stuff, not even a filled profile. We don't even know her little age. Just cry for help. I just think that telling her that they should just talk ( and try to "just talk" to a dom when you're feeling a sub, this sometimes might be hard) and everything is ok, and it's not on him - it's a bit of dangerous thing to do. I am not exactly saying don't talk, don't try to find compromise - I am just saying , don't sacrifice yourself for this guy.

When i said - he doesn't deserve to be called a Daddy I meant exactly one thing - don't let your submissive side control her with battle with him for who she is and just let him have his way. It's just always easier to submit and obey. Why she shouldn't do that? Because by acting like this he doesn't acted propably as a Daddy that this person need. So don't listen to him and don't be ordered around - this is not a trivial matter , you might be hurt. If we cross off care and accepting of little side ... what is left anyway? Anything else to call him Daddy and act as his little? Or nothing at all.

Edited March 5, 2018 by mayachan

[xBabydollx]

Daddy Dom/little girl does not suggest an age limit or requirement. Middles are just an extension of littles. Its just a way of clarifying themselves in the sense that their behaviors or desires isnt as 'young' or as 'little' as others. More of an ageplay thing honestly. Many littles have no set age or exp a tradional 'littlespace' so little is really a wide branch term. For example sometimes I may feel or behave around 2, next time around 12 and more like a 'middle' it fluctuates. No matter how 'young' or 'older' u may feel at various times, still a little. Some ppl never feel younger or older than what they physically are, still a little.