My boyfriend isn't into DDLG?

[xopandasxo]

My boyfriend knows that im a little. We've been together for 3 years and he has tried it for over a year, and he just came clean that he don't like it. It hurts tbh, because right before he came clean he said he goes into "daddy space" and called me princess.. So I feel like he lied. And I think that's what hurts the most. What should I do? I'm poly but he's became selfish lately and hasn't let me date anyone else, so I think another care giver isn't an option. I don't wanna lose him. But it hurts. I really just go into little space to take away stress and take away depression and the sorts.

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

I could give anyone a dollar and they would call you princess. Calling your partner selfish because you are okay with multiple people and he is not is wrong. End it, then do whatever you want to do, with as many people as you want.

[Guest Arc]

Well you can't force him to be something he isn't. And it sounds like he's really tried so I don't think there's anything you can do at this point to fix that part. 

 

I guess you should start by communicating with him. That you're hurt, that it's what you need, and why he's not letting you see others. I wouldn't call him selfish, but he shouldn't have started a relationship with a poly girl if he doesn't want her to be poly.

 

A lot of things hurt but you need to do what's best for you. If he can't give you what you need and isn't open to trying other things then maybe you need to consider putting yourself first and moving on to something that fulfils your needs. 

[xopandasxo]

I mean, I only called him selfish because he straight up said it himself. If I had to choose a word, it wouldn't be selfish, but rn my mind isn't wanting to think so that's the first thing that came to mind, only because he's called himself that. But onto topic.

 

I might go into little space when he isn't around, but idk.

Edited March 4, 2018 by xopandasxo

[xopandasxo]

As I have said in another reply, I only called him selfish because he said it first and rn my mind cannot think well. That is the first thing that came to mind, and I was just in a mood. Selfish, if I was thinking correctly rn, would not be the word I would go with.

[Little Illy]

If I was you... I would be grateful, to be honest. He tried for over a year to do something he clearly didn't like. And he did that just for you, just because he knew how much it meant to you. He may not want you dating right now because he realizes you need something he cannot provide. Maybe he is afraid he is going to lose you to someone who can.

 

Discuss this with him as an adult, not a little headspace. Listen to what he has to say, listen to what he needs, discuss what you need and see what can be done. It may be that you two aren't right for another person and have to split. It might mean he is open to a platonic CG for you. Or it might be a simple misunderstanding and you can show him some CG things that might appeal to him. You wont know until you have The Discussion.

 

Just remember, he TRIED for you, for a LONG time. He obviously loves you. Just take a breath and think things through. I wish you the best of luck.

[CaresAlot]

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie

And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
To see the real you

This is the opening of a song called Sometimes When We Touch from 1977 before most of y'all.  The first four lines are sometihng that too many people are unwilling to do.  They would rather ghost you or live a lie or just play with your feelings and emotions.  When you find a real good person this is how it should be.  If its not working then hurt you (or them) honestly is what you have to do.  75% of the problems that are on here have to do with communication.  Not all relationships are going to work.  If you talk to each other honestly about what you are feeling, you then have two choices work on it or end it.  When you live a lie sooner or later it crashes.  When you have a good relationship, you make it great with honest communication. 

Its easier said than done but like anything else you try to get better.  If you are shy or dealing with past issues find a friend to practice with.  To this day I'm still learning to be better at this.  If you have nobody to talk to, a mirror is another place practicing things you needed to say.  If you can't say what you need, then write it down, thats another way to communicate.

[workhorse]

Totally agree with CaresAlot. You have to have communication in a relationship, no matter what kind it is. First task would be to figure out what it is you want... As far as we know, we only get on chance to learn our lessons and enjoy this human experience... is this something that is important enough to you that it is worth sacrificing the relationship for? Is it something he is ok with you pursuing outside the relationship? Once you understand where both of you stand, then you can make a decision and work towards it. Unfortunately, lil one, this isn't going to be easy. Happy to help in any way I can.

[Petitchat]

Completely agree with Illy, he tried. If he hadn't done it before, he couldn't have known he wouldn't like it unless he tried, and he did for a very long time. I know it's hard for you but he did make a lot of efforts. Same for not being poly, maybe he thought he would be okay with it, or maybe it was okay with someone else, but for some reason he can't stand the idea of sharing you. There could be several reasons for it. For the ddlg aspect, maybe he's not okay only with some things and not the whole packag (I don't think he would have been able to try for such a long time if there weren't at least some things he was okay with). For the poly aspect, maybe he realized after all he isn't okay with it, and everyone makes mistakes even though it can hurt others and that's sad but that's life unfortunately, or maybe he's scared of losing you to someone else who will fulfill the daddy part better than him. If the two things came at relatively the same time, his lack of openness could be because of insecurities regarding ddlg.

 

It's sad and painful, but maybe you just aren't compatible. Unfortunately love isn't enough sometimes. What you really need is to discuss this with him, the reasons he's reacting this way and what exactly he's not okay with, so you'll know if you can keep going and make some changes or just need to part ways. I wish the best of luck to you and I hope you'll find happiness again

[neworder]

I can 'try out' painting portraits until my fingers bleed and all that will result is a bunch of crude stick figures, no matter how hard I try. I have to be accepted as someone who cannot paint portraits. I was not born with that artistic ability, but with dominance along with a sense of nurturing. Dominance that has to be taught is not dominance, it's an act. I would not hold it against him that he is not daddy material. 

 

I would ask you heavily weigh the three years of being with him vs possibly a long string of daddies out to manipulate you and take advantage of you until you find the right one. Not all of my relationships are daddy/little, I often venture into vanilla for lack of a proper little... I surely won't 'introduce' someone I'm dating to ddlg to see if they like it... if the did, they would have discovered it first.