Ldr little will not follow rules

[Future]

Hi all

I’m in a long distance relationship.

The problem I am faced with is that my little will not follow rules or do punishments I set for not following my rules.

 

I feel I need to end it as my hands are tied, if she is not welling to cooperate I cannot do anything.

 

I have tried discussing it but she is dismissive of it.

 

What are your thoughts/ideas?

 

Thanks

[Guest McLeodLot65]

Have you asked her what she expects in a ddlg relationship? Does she expect rules and punishments (and rewards)? What does she expect you to do when she disobeys or is bratty? A frank discussion of what is expected on both sides is in order. There may be a mismatch in expectations.

 

You may discover that rules are simply not part of her persona and will have to decide how important that is to you.

[DaddysHands]

Man.. I have had that issue. Simple...bail. Trust me there's hurt coming down the line.

[Knoxdom]

You should definitely have an adult conversation about it, if it's a serious issue for you then you should tell her that and see if its something that can be worked out. If she's dismissive of it you need to push a bit more, insist that there needs to be a serious conversation about it because it is a serious issue to you. If she's unwilling to have a conversation like that then that should be a fairly significant red flag that things will not work out well. Not communicating well is a common problem for couples and can be worked on. Actively refusing to communicate on serious topics is another matter.

Edited March 3, 2018 by Knoxdom

[Future]

Yeah I know, I feel the writing is in the wall.

I will try again and if it fails I will pull the plug.

I don’t want to be messed around further.

 

Can a little comment if they are like this and why?

[Little Illy]

Yes, Daddy and I were long distant for about a year. We had rules and punishments, etc. Most of the time they were never really all that followed. Maybe I would have a good week and go along with it and all would be good. Or I would follow through with the punishments here or there, but it was never really consistent. 

 

Why?

 

Well.. its difficult. The rules and dynamic makes you two feel closer but at the same time... so goddamn far apart. At some point without even discussing it, Daddy and I had fallen into a rhythm where the dynamic wasn't even all that present because it was too stressful. On top of working, dealing with stress and family, the time differences, etc... it was all too much. Too overwhelming.

 

Even now that I have moved in with Daddy, it is still really hard for me to get into little space, and has only been happening when I drink. And it is because I am still stressed. Daddy will go to use his Daddy voice and I will just snap. I don't mean to, nor want to, if I am honest. But it happens. 

 

People need to remember that LIFE is a BIG factor to the dynamic and sometimes can make it impossible. 

 

But Daddy and I worked through that LDR phase because we both knew what the other wanted in the dynamic.

 

This is where you need to sit with your little and ask her the "hard" questions. Find out if she expects to just get away with everything. Figure out why she is acting out. Find out if the dynamic is more of a role play for her or who she REALLY is deep inside (neither are wrong). Daddy and I both want a Total Power Exchange (TPE) DDlg dynamic. But we can't achieve that yet because we have so much going on right now. So, for now, we just love one another and realize everything will fall into place once we are truly settled.

 

I would go through with that discussion you are planning to have. But realize, it could be the fact that 1. it is difficult for her right now, 2. she may not understand the exact level you want or 3. she simply isn't compatible. Those are the main 3 reasons why (from what I have experienced or heard) littles don't fall into the dynamic as expected.

 

I wish you both the best of luck.

[Guest Arc]

You need to have an adult conversation. That's very disrespectful and I don't understand why she would want such a relationship if she was not willing to go through with things. If there is a legitimate problem that is causing her to refuse then she needs to communicate that and you need to work it out. If she cannot communicate her needs then there is just going to be continuous problems. 

 

Perhaps she found that kind of relationship isn't for her. Perhaps she thinks she's being more playful than disrespectful and doesn't understand. Perhaps you both just want different things so aren't compatible. Basically you need to figure out why she is refusing. There must be a reason and without knowing the reason you cannot work on it. 

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Check this thread out for answers: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/30222-little-not-doing-punishments/

[Petitchat]

Hi, I noticed that you said "my rules", "punishments I set " so my question is: were those decided and agreed upon by the both of you or not? If they were not then it's the problem, unless she agreed that your relationship is about you making all the rules without her saying. If ther were, then you need to have a conversation about the reasons it's happening. Like well-said earlier, sometimes Life is a bit too much to handle with this type of relationship. Some people find DDLG helping them to deal with everyday life and let go, but some have to make a conscious effort to abide by it, and that can change everything. Maybe it's a bit harsh to say and sorry if it is, but if you really like/love her and respect her, you should give her the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation before just ending it because it doesn't go as you wished. Maybe it's not the case with you, but I feel like a lot of people try to mould their partner before even trying to understand them. Good luck

Edited March 3, 2018 by Petitchat

[Future]

Thank you all.

Very insiteful, I will have the chat when we have a chance.

But I feel destiny is written.

[Future]

I don’t start with rules, i let my little live for a short while so we can really see what is needed.

I only introduce rules when I feel they are needed, I try to avoid generic rules if I can.

[Guest BabyPeach]

Like others have said, you need to see what rules, etc. your little wants. These are things that are established between you two as adults.  Some littles don't want rules, training, etc.

[baby_k]

Personally I would be pretty darn condescending if someone just tried to force some random rule on me as I would feel them belittling me, so I would belittle them back as a reaction.

Rules need to be agreed by both parties (unless it is agreed that the other person can just add rules that need to be followed) like people have said above. Otherwise why would she respect and follow them as she probably don't see them as important, meaningfull or her "own"?

 

If there is agreement on rules, then you need to find out WHY she is not following them. People always have some reason for their behaviour.