DaddysHands Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 So, my first sub and I were together for four years and it was half difficult half wonderful. She was constantly crossing over boundaries while talking to guys online, disappearing for hours at a time etc. Eventually it came out she had physically cheated several times and she left me for a misogynist "daddy" she had cheated on me with. Several issues here but my main one is this, since then I have had two littles who do the same things, going poof, not telling the whole truth, texting other people etc. Each one I told my past experience too, each one argued and defended their actions and both said things akin to "I didn't know it was wrong to do that." Is it me? I mean..if something has grey bunny skin, big ears and a truck..it's an elephant right!? Take out the fact we were in a D/s relationship, wouldn't it be common knowledge not to hurt your partner by committing selfish acts that at the very least appear to be dishonest?
Guest Naturalselectionissexy Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 If something has grey skin big ears, and a truck I would assume it was a dirty redneck.
DaddysHands Posted March 2, 2018 Author Report Posted March 2, 2018 The magic of auto spell on Windows phone!
littlefemmenist Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 i'm sorry you've had bad experiences! that sounds like no fun. as to your question, the answer's both yes and no...if it wasn't a clear limit for them to text other people, then i can see where the confusion stems from. some people don't see that as cheating or betrayal, nor as dishonest to not disclose it. same with "not telling the whole truth" — that reads as very vague. going "poof," as you say, i understand why that would be hurtful, and it is rude to just disappear on someone without notice. but again, in the future this could be avoided by setting clear expectations at the outset. the physical cheating...that's on her, and i'm sorry. but overall, it seems to me like you want your littles to obey a specific set of rules, so the first thing that needs to happen in a future relationship is for you to lay those out! good luck 1
Allen248 Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 I dont have alot of experience with different subs but littles require all of your free time your women were probaly doing that stuff because its like they said you didnt tell me not to. I know bro your like wtf dude but theyre is no rule book for littles what you call common knowledge is what you expect her to know I had to make everything a rule. cause they are going to act bad everychance they get its like they are daring you to stop them the whole "make me" mentality they want you to catch them, they want to be set straight, they want structure and security. you have to be the jealous overbearing obsessed with his woman type of guy sometimes. Thats when my little starts doing all the same crap on line, just hang out she wants me to confront her shut it down and be in control get her back on track until the next fit lol It sounds like they want more attention my little never leaves the house without me. If im not working we are together i spoil her all day she has to feel special. But as soon as i stop making her feel like a queen everyday thats when the disrespect and games start thats my advice hope it helps. my girl is a little not a regular sub oh yeah my girl would not call me sir until i made it a rule. they know what theyre suppose to do but they want you to make them do it bro. send me freind req i love talking about this stuff makes us better dom/dad 1
DaddysHands Posted March 2, 2018 Author Report Posted March 2, 2018 I apologize for being a bit nom specific.. What I meant to say was it was a repeated offense. It was discussed several times. My issue with fake littles and suns is that this lifestyle has definitive obvious rules stemming from the D/s nature of it. So when a submissive says they didn't know they couldn't sexy someone else, c'mon. Littles do require a lot of attention. But for a person who gets massive amounts of attention to blame their caregiver for their infidelities' is, too me, just wrong. That ends vanilla relationships even. 1
baby_k Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 If there was agreement on what is acceptable and what not, then it is clearly on them and not you. People hold different values and ideas, so at least I recommend always to talk of expectations and boundaries. It would be interesting to know if they shared the 'no cheating and chatting with other guys' -value which you had, or did they just agree to those terms for you wanted that and that their commitment was not really whole hearted. As people often say whatever to please the other person, or to give the normal expected answer and so on... But what I really would like to point out to you: you seem to have accepted that they crossed those boundaries REPEATEDLY. Why? In any rel even one crossed boundary is a huge crisis that may break and end the relationship for good. Sort of seems that they treated you really poorly and you let them. Their behaviour we cannot change but this is something you can control. Anyhow, I'm really sorry that you have went through all that. It is not normal or how a relationship ever should be. And it should have not happened in the first place even once.
Guest BabyPeach Posted March 2, 2018 Report Posted March 2, 2018 Are you choosing littles on the younger side (like 18 or 19 or 20)? I mean, how can anyone say "I didn't know it was wrong" to flirt via text and cheat when they're in a relationship (NOT doing that is just common sense unless you're in an open relationship)??? I'm thinking they're just young and clueless.
DaddysHands Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Posted March 3, 2018 To last two posters, you're hitting exactly n what I'm talking about. Do I really need to tell someone I'm in a relationship with that they should treat my feelings with respect? I take some blame for my first subs actions. Hear me out. If I would have left her she would have learned a lesson. Painful yes but she would have learned. Instead she felt horrible and be and a female misogynist who now hates me. When my next lil argued her actions she would point out that was comparing to my ex, well, I would say that to begin with she WAS doing the same things that hurt me and two why was she arguing with me over a point that was so easy to fix? There's a lot of talk about fake littles. In my mind flaunting this behavior makes them fake. They aren't respecting one,the general rules respected in any relationship. Two, it most certainly isn't submissive and three why argue if you aren't caught? Yes I do like younger littles. 18 to early twenties. But to say age makes you clueless to what hurts your partner, especially in a sexual nature but also as a participant in any relationship period just seems...wrong. So am I jumping the rails? I may be pervy, masochistic and have high expectations but when I spell out those expectations, lay my feelings and experiences out to be seen and known..I think maybe I'm not being 'picky' enough? Am I making sense or tripping over my feelings?
DaddysHands Posted March 3, 2018 Author Report Posted March 3, 2018 I'm sorry but all I know is that saying they're clueless is very..liberal of them. I mean think nack to your school days and what EVERYONE KNEW HURT.
baby_k Posted March 3, 2018 Report Posted March 3, 2018 As said: people may think really differently. Some people don't see kissing as cheating, some think that after exchanging few messages in the Internet means they are not allowed to talk to any people who could be romatical interests even in theory. There is no absolute rule book as what is okay and what not. These things ALWAYS need to be discussed, so that common ground is found and that both people in the realtionship are on the same page. You shouldn't assume anything, as nobody is a mind reader and it would require really huge luck to find person who is your identical copy with their values and how they happen to see you at any specific point in time. Like you might be head over heel with someone where as they are still trying to figure if they even like you. In that situation would be absurd to demand the uncertain person to act as if you were married for they are not ready for that kind of commitment. About their age, well, I hope I don't offend any yourger people here now but: and 18 year old is still someone who is trying to figure themselves out normally (of course some can be a lot more mature than people 20 years older than them!). Talk to their their parents and they will most likely call the 18 year old as a teenager. +Their brain is still developing if you ask neuroscientists Not saying they don't have responsibility over their actions but they are still young and learning what life is and how they see things (okay, we are all but maybe you get my point). I also think that there maybe some generation differences: it is more likely that young people of today are more liberal and have more flexible ideas of relationships than what older generations have. This just means again that things need to be discussed, so you know what that individual thinks. About being fake: I don't think they are fake. If they say they are littles, so okay, they are. There is no rule book a little needs to obey, there is no excat specification of what little is or needs to be. Littles come in all colours of the rainbow. Like personally I can be pretty dominating for example in work life. Does that make me any less little/sub? No. Am I dominating with my partner: of course that trait shows also there but it still does not make me any less little/sub. It is just my personality and something my partner needs to be okay with. Being submissive does not mean that you do everything the other person wants, that you don't use your own brain, don't have own needs, values and likes that may be really different to "norm". How submissive behaviour is shown depends on person, and submissive is still their own person, not a robot with certain program inside of them. You may want to think what you want, what are your specifications. Then try to find person who fits to what you want. Even of course sometimes it is better not to make too tight specification as life may suprice you. Also, think if your expectations are realistic or you may just waste a lot of time trying to find something impossible. For example it is not too likely to find 18 year old who wants to immediately start a family and have kids. Those people excists but that is not your typical 18 year old still. In that case one should evaluate if finding someone young is more important that starting a family, and work on that basis forward.
Guest BabyPeach Posted March 3, 2018 Report Posted March 3, 2018 On 3/3/2018 at 3:42 AM, DaddysHands said: I'm sorry but all I know is that saying they're clueless is very..liberal of them. I mean think nack to your school days and what EVERYONE KNEW HURT. You're expecting something of them that they aren't mature enough yet to give, period. You will probably always face this issue because why would an 18 year old choose to settle down for years? How many relationships in high school lasted for years afterward? Very few. 1
neworder Posted March 5, 2018 Report Posted March 5, 2018 Dominance is an illusion. It is freely granted by the sub, not forced from them. Make sure the power they give you over them is something they agree with. To know that requires honesty on their part. Part of being honest on their part is trusting you and their trusting themselves that they are acting freely and not from guilt ... because in the future that guilt will slip away... and so they may silently reject the power they once gave you. I don’t go around looking for an insta-little. For me it will take 1-3 months before I can be called daddy. Filters out what I call fake littles and those too whimsy. I’ve vanilla dated a girl who was a prospective little, and I found myself asking her months in — when is she going to finally settle in her little role and make it official? - as she has been all talk but not able to fill her role as a submissive. If they give you an “it’s my life” response - time to walk before she cheats/hurts you.
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now