Moral question?

[BookishKitten]

Hey... This isn't STRICTLY ddlg, but I think it's relevant.

 

I've noticed that in the personals section and beyond, people have some specifications about what they want their little/caregiver to be in terms of race/size/height and whether or not they're cis.

 

I'm curious to hear some thoughts... I don't think anyone should be forced to date some they're not attracted to, but it makes me sad to think of a little or caregiver being left out based on something they don't have control over. I once got in a really big fight with my ex because he said he "wouldn't date a girl of ___ race" or something alone those lines. At what point does preference become bias, and how can we stop people getting hurt as a community? 

 

I saw a thread about this a while back before I was a member that made me think. Does anyone have any opinions or thoughts? I don't want anyone's feeling to get hurt, so please phrase them kindly if you do... 

 

(PS... feel free to send links if this has been discussed before; I'm new) 

[Guest Arc]

Preference is okay, and so is bias. It's such a personal choice. If they don't like something they simply don't like something and you can't change that. I'd personally rather people be upfront if there's something about me that they don't like rather than try for a relationship and end up being miserable because their preference against it makes me feel bad about myself. 

 

The only time I would have an issue with preference if it was racist or discriminative and they were being loud about it. It's okay to say you aren't interested in a certain skin colour or gender, but to say you're against it because you think they're bad/trash/below you/whatever isn't okay. 

 

You can't make everyone happy, and while I understand you get sad thinking someone may be left out, that's just not the case. Just because that one person has a preference against them doesn't mean everyone will. Someone will love and want them as they are. They'll find their match eventually - it may just take time. Better to wait for someone who loves 100% of you than put up with someone who loves 85% of you.  

[Knoxdom]

People have preferences and that is a bias, but not all biases are inherently evil. If someone is only attracted to certain types of people then the relationship between those two wouldn't work anyway, so it's not like anyone is actually being left out by the stating of those preferences up front. Just because its based on  something physical doesn't make it any different  than other sorts of preferences, such as political leanings, religious views, moral compass, intelligence, sense of humor, or just personality.

People can't control what they're attracted to any more than they can control their race or their height. 

[sullenDaddybones]

It's not really a moral question is it? It's a question of what a person desires most. I'm 41, I have had at least 1000 refusals on this site and others due to my age. Though you know I tend to prefer petite females and males(of highly femme charm) This is very limiting.

 

Though some of the people I actually got along the most with were really not a perfect image of what I Had in mind. They were unique. Limiting yourself will ultimately be a shallow move and by doing that you will probably end up with a person close to what you think you deserve and that shallow person will probably be like yourself. Since they're like yourself!!! Wow... What will happen, you will have a shallow relationship likely! Which is likely to fail or end in tons of cheating and I've seen it a thousand times before cause I'm older and at least a little bit observant.

 

Now relationships are complex and you should choose what it is you feel you are going to fit with and be realistic about that. So say you have to use a wheelchair, or a breathing apparatus or have a contagious Disease. These sites give a lot of space for people to choose if that is something they wish to actually deal with. Also it gives room for the person in the limited position they're in the room to actually find someone while in real life these types of people rarely if ever step out. Let alone the endless psychological conditions that plague this civilization from Agoraphobia to an inability to talk to Any Person of the Opposite or Attracting Sex of any kind.

 

Hmmm. We could write a book here???

[Guest BabyPeach]

You can't change someone's preference.  In this community, often small, young and thin is what is preferred.  That spills over into the societal construct that men are conditioned to prefer that and some even deny their attraction to curvier girls because their friends "won't approve".  While it's sad, those of us who don't fit the mold can find a caregiver or a little with some patience (just like regular dating). I'm 5'7 (tall!), 28 (older!) and a size 16 (chubby! fat! whatever!) and I have a Daddy.

 

I will add, so the men don't yell and scream lol, that women can be just as picky. As for me, I'm glad that I'm very open about what's attractive.

[Guest SUeB]

We have every right to our preferences and yes, even our bias. As long as we are not rude or insulting etc. For instance i would not date anyone younger or shorter than me. i would go nowhere near a smoker or heavy drinker or drug user. And physical health is another absolute need. Does this make me prejudiced? No. It means i know what i want, and i have every right to not loosen my principles simply to make someone feel less rejected.

[Déphysios]

We have every right to our preferences and yes, even our bias. As long as we are not rude or insulting etc. For instance i would not date anyone younger or shorter than me. i would go nowhere near a smoker or heavy drinker or drug user. And physical health is another absolute need. Does this make me prejudiced? No. It means i know what i want, and i have every right to not loosen my principles simply to make someone feel less rejected.

 

I fully agree with you 

[Guest mayachan]

As a trangender (mtf) middle with age of thirty who is only interested in Daddies and is in open relationship, you could say I should be able to say a lot on this topic. I am epitome of this "left out Little". The point is - i do not have a lot to say. During my life I met with a lot of people who were just willing to "try" me. They liked that kind of people in movies (shemales), so why wouldn't they? The point is, it didn't work out at all. Quickly any affection that they felt towards me changed into shame after the act, and they started shifting blame to me. Sometimes they became distrustful or even hostile. We could say that we're better than animals and we can act higher than our instincts dictate. Sadly, in most cases from my experience, it simply isn't true - people just don't work that way.

I strongly prefer waiting for someone who is willing to not only accept, but like the person I am over faking being someone I am not for the sake of popularity. This is an open and friendly community, in which everyone should be themselves. What could be more heartwrenching than kids who are lying to themselves and others for the sake of feeling loved?  It's really sad...

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

I think it's totally fair enough to be choosy. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your partner to look or be a certain way. Once you finally find that one person who embodies everything you want, it makes it more special I suppose.

 

However, trying to change someone to fit what you want is largely unfair. This is what dating people who do not meet enough of the things you want or need can lead to, which is just unpleasant for both parties. Don't get me wrong, making positive changes for a partner or indeed for yourself with the help of a partner is a good thing, but a partner should not try to change who you are at your core and should only nurture you to grow in the ways you wish to improve. 

 

At the end of the day I don't see the issue with being fussy as such. I'm hugely picky and all this means is that now that I have found the person I love, it makes it so much more special and star cross'd. I love everything about her. We both attempt to improve ourselves with the others help, but for the first time in our lives neither of us feel the need to change who we are as people at our core because we have both found that one person who is well, perfect. 

Perhaps I've missed the point, but I see nothing wrong with having a 'type' or having things you like or don't like in a partner. 

 

ya boi

 

The Senate.

[princessfreckles]

I'm often in the 'left out little' category. I'm black and a bbw. In fact I'm sure my first Daddy ghosted me not too long after meeting because physically he'd settled on me for my size and possibly skin color. Maybe he realized he could do better? Maybe he found better? I don't know, I never got to ask. 

 

I certainly hope that the preferences aren't based on bias or outdated/inaccurate stereotypes. I've faced so many of them it's not even funny. We like what we like, I get that. I have preferences too, however since I've been overlooked a lot, I've learned to keep my eyes open for a person that I might initially overlook. 

 

At the end of the day I think the key is being honest but respectful. That person that may not be your type is just that, a person. Be honest, but respectful. It took a lot of courage for some one to message you, approach you in person, or comment on your public post and express interest. Be kind with your rejection, and definitely don't lead that person on only to ghost them. 

 

Sorry to ramble. I hope that made a little bit of sense. 

[workhorse]

Again I'm finding myself agreeing wit PrincessFreckeles. Our brains work as a difference engine and its a good thing... As long as we aren't hurting others. We all have our preferences but its when those preferences hurt others that its not ok.

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

Its called natural selection! I am either attracted to someone or I am not. It could be any combination of appearance, smell, class, religion, etiquette, health, intelligence, logic, and attitude that I will critique and judge if I am interested in them or not. Am I more than willing to exclude an entire race or religion? Yep! The best part is it doesn't effect you, or if you somehow manipulate my preferences into some form of self hate then you might want to do some internal reflecting.      

 

As a tall white thin bald male I am not on the top 10 hottest guys list. I know that, and I don't care if I fit into what the majority find attractive or not. What would be the most disturbing thing was if I negotiated on my personal preferences because of other peoples opinions or some BS PC standard. 

[Petitchat]

This is only my opinion, sorry if someone is offended. I don't think there's something wrong with having preferences, after all you can't force an attraction. Unless it's based on prejudice, preferences are just that, and you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. That said, I'm the perfect example of the fact that overlooking preferences can lead to a wonderful relationship. I'm not my boyfriend's type, and he's not mine. We connected through talking first (on a video game and with long conversations on discord ^^. We exchanged pics and meh, we thought "not bad-looking but absolutely not my type", but we were still attracted to each other (personnality-wise) and talked about sex and thought it would be fun so we still decided to meet and have fun together. And it was great! We were very compatible on all points and now we find each other very sexy and attractive ^^. I loved his personnality before I love his appearance, and it's the same for him. Maybe we're a rare case, but it also happens for people who are platonic friends not attracted to each other particularly at first who then fall in love.

 

What I'm trying to get at is that it's okay to have preferences and to prefer dating people who fit them. It's also great to be able to overlook them and get to know someone because attraction can come later. But it's up to them. If they're stuck on their preferences and don't even want to know you, then don't lose your time, you're not meant to be together. If they ghost you after you had a connection because of prejudice, they're clearly not worth your time. If you got to know each other but the lack of attraction prevents a romantic relationship, well it's sad but that's life. The only problem is people being rude and insulting about it.