YOU aren't a REAL little!

[Guest BabyPeach]

I keep seeing posts from littles that have been told that they're not a "real" little because they don't fit a certain mold.  There's no such thing as a fake little.  Littles are like snowflakes......all unique and beautiful.  Some littles are just beginning their journey and are sticking their toe in the water, while some littles full on jump in the pool.  Neither way is wrong.

 

By initiating conversation with these littles and then telling them they aren't real, you are confusing them and hurting them.  Littles tend to be very sensitive and many are insecure in the their little self because they're new or they're shy and hesitant.

 

I also get that there's a flip side and that Daddies are told that they aren't "real" too.  I'm just posting this because I've been seeing this from littles and I feel that it's so unnecessary.  Daddies should be caring of littles, even in initial conversations.  If the little isn't for you, just move on.  There's no need to say hurtful things that they will carry into the future.  Same goes for littles talking to Daddies.  We all need to respect each other.  This lifestyle isn't easy and we have to deal with people on the outside who don't understand us, we should definitely try to understand each other. 

[Guest Dulci]

Fully agree and winds me up to no end; I've been accused of not being a "real" little because I'm not into certain things. People just often want to pigeon hole people, but the reality is we all have our quirks and differences. 

[Guest mayachan]

The problem lies in the lack of a clear definition. It was a simple concept at first, then everyone tried to adapt it to their own vision. Now it's more like everyone has their own version.  When some Daddies tell you that you're not a Little, it only means that you're not a Little as they see this term. There is nothing bad in it, you're just not compatible with each other, thats all. 
 

That's why it would be best to clarify with the person who is going to be your Daddy just how you see this kind of relation. It's a BDSM relation, a part of  which is a power exchange after all. It would be for the best if you could draw a proper contract.

Edited February 24, 2018 by mayachan

[Guest Avera]

I agree with mayachan but I think instead of saying you aren't a real little, they should say sorry you aren't the kind of little I'm interested in or looking for. I think that would be far better then just saying you aren't a real little. 

[Guest mayachan]

It's a bit of hard for me to condemn peoples behaviour with a judgement based mostly on a disagreement. People love to categorize others by their own standards - gender stereotypes are such fine example of this. "You don't act like a woman/man should" are a bunch of words that most of us heard at least once in their life. It's just one step away from "you're not a Man or a Woman" and it works with any other label. In our case - a Little.

 

If I do have to look at this topic though - as a matter of opinion, and less as looking for a objective truth - my stance on this topic changes very much.
 

This kind of behaviour is horrendeous and it could even be damaging. Most Littles that I talk with here are a sensitive bunch that use this forum as a their safe place to get away from stress, problems and painful memories. They're letting themselves act as vulnerably and honestly as they can, talking openly about their most heartfelt problems. Taking this place from them by calling them fake and making them feel unwanted in the community? That sounds like pure depression fuel. It's like kicking puppies where it hurts them the most.

I know that opinion and definition are our personal rights. But it doesn't mean anyone should forget to act decently and with empathy towards other people. They should weigh their words , especially if they do know how vulnerable Littles can really be. And if they don't care about this kind of thing... What are they even looking for in a community that is focused mostly on feeling of safety and care? I am sure whatever it is, they would probably find it elsewhere. There are so many other BDSM types to check. 

[Little Illy]

I'm going to throw my thoughts in this prevailing topic. So many times we see how someone tells another that they aren't "real" or that they are "fake" - well... it is okay to call people that if the person is actually manipulating, hurting or being a literal predator.

 

We need to stop this notion that "no one is fake" - because they are, but the percentage is VERY small. Maybe 25%, and if you think how big this community is, that is not all that many. What everyone is seeing (and has mentioned above) COMPATIBILITY is where everything goes wrong. 

 

But you are right, these words "fake" and "not real" NEED TO STOP. We are ALL adults, we are ALL above 18 and we are ALL taking on the responsibility to handle personal interactions with maturity. I was ghosted, but I didn't call him a fake. Even though he actually hurt me quite badly, I never called him fake nor do I now. He wanted local and 7 hours away was too much. I could SEE the signs and so can make people being ghosted. I invested too quickly for my own liking with him, but still not enough for me to be careless. No one is to blame for being ghosted (aka - those who were ghosted), ghosting happens because there is a lack of communication. For that guy, he didn't know how to tell me the distance was too far (though I did later find out). Which is understandable, his delivery of this information was outa line, but that doesn't make him a bad person. An ass, sure, just not a Fake Daddy.

 

My point is this - There are TRUE fake people out there, and it sucks. But I agree, tossing that term around is completely wrong. I wrote an entire thread on my dislike of this trend ("not real") here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (SFW).  At the end of the day we are all adults and we need to act like it during the adult parts of our lives (like forming relationships). 

[cuppycakes]

People are telling others that they're wrong, and people are telling themselves that they're wrong.

They push themselves into that tiny little box of what they should and shouldn't be doing.

It hurts people, and it perpetuates stereotypes.

Even something as simple as calling all littles "she" when using pronouns can do so much danger!

We use words without realizing their implications sometimes.

 

Topics similar to this one get made every once in a while and I'm always glad to see them get brought up because I think it's great to bring more attention to this issue in our community. We need to bring more people up, not down!

 

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ |

| STOP JUDGING  |

|    OTHERS.          | 

| STOP JUDGING  |

|    YOURSELF.      |

| ______________ | 

(\__/) || 

(•ㅅ•) ||  live your life. be happy. do what makes you happy. don't listen to losers who tell you you're not the thing that makes you happy.

/ 　 づ

[Guest BabyKitten-!]

I am so glad I found this topic! I don't identify with any kind of age group, I just feel 'little'. I was worried that I wasn't little enough to be here

[WhiteRa]

Definitely, no little here should tolerate being told that she(or he) is not a little. Maybe you don't fit their definition of a little, but that does not mean you are one. They're are as many types of littles as there are littles, I know that no two littles could ever be the same, so that would mean there is no criteria someone would have to meet to be called a little.....you just are.

[princessfreckles]

This is so true! I've been told that so many times for different reasons. It really is disheartening and extremely hurtful as a middle who already has serious trust and self esteem issues. 

[DaddysHands]

You bring up trust and that may be the only issue involved that would make sense to bring in defense of calling a little fake. I've been in this community for several years and when a girl is using being little to achieve their own ends, or using being little to duck basic personal accountability for their action..then I think fake is the correct thing to call them. That being said there isn't a standard little or daddy, that I completely agree with.

[Daddyverse]

I don’t want to waste words for fake individuals, they exists for sure. But as I mentioned in an other topic one of the root cause of such negative “labels” is the lack of patience.

I have discussed many times with littles started to call me daddy even after a short conversation. I bet such thing happens with daddies too. To find the right fit is a time consuming thing. After several unsuccessful attempts the search can turn into a “desperate race” and sometimes even a few kind or kinky words can be enough for the pink colored fog to fall on the mind making people think and believe that they found the right one and / or making themselves to act or to present themselves different from who they really are for the shake of acceptance. Sooner or later that silenced incompatibility bubbles up to the surface puking shit on the other one.

Don’t underrate the necessity of communication, don’t be shy to ask from the other, don’t think spending significant time to get to know the other is a waste, don’t lose your patience, don’t lose your faith!

 

Otherwise, I believe that the prospective daddies might have to take a bit more responsibility on their shoulders in some cases. If we consider ourself a person capable to guide and protect someone then we should also act responsibly after we realize that incompatibility, since many littles might get hurt more easily.