Transitioning from a vanilla to DDlg relationship

[SnowAndSun]

Hi all,

 

I'm just starting to get back out there as they say, from a vanilla relationship. I've always wondered what people's experiences were like transitioning to a DDlg type coupling. Any advice you may be able to dole out or anecdotes you have?

[Loola]

Helloo,

I'm kind of in the same boat I guess, I think the most important thing is like any relationship, try and learn more, make yourself the best you you can be, only in this scenario make yourself the best Daddy you can be. Make friends in the community, you'll start to understand what littles like and need and maybe then one of those friendships will develop if that is what you wish to find.

[Guest Rainbow]

Daddy and I started out as 'vanilla' couples do. He came from a very vanilla background. I came from just beginning to embrace my love for BDSM. I taught him about how I wanted to be touched. He was shocked but took to it like a duck to water

 

He is ten years older and a provider and nurturer at heart, (and I've always been childlike) so the DDlg dynamic fell into place naturally before we even knew what it was. I really can't recall where I stumbled onto it. But I did and we just slowly started getting into it more. I slowly stopped calling him by his name, and slowly started calling him Daddy all the time. It gave me butterflies at first, seeming taboo. Now it's just second nature. And we introduced a star chart. And a pacifier. And started spending more time coloring and other little space activities. Etc etc.

 

As anyone here will tell you- communication is key. We met online, so naturally we spent a LOT of time talking. Telling what we wanted and didn't want. What we liked and didn't like. It takes time. Be patient and open and you will find what you want again. Best of luck!

[SnowAndSun]

Daddy and I started out as 'vanilla' couples do. He came from a very vanilla background. I came from just beginning to embrace my love for BDSM. I taught him about how I wanted to be touched. He was shocked but took to it like a duck to water

 

He is ten years older and a provider and nurturer at heart, (and I've always been childlike) so the DDlg dynamic fell into place naturally before we even knew what it was. I really can't recall where I stumbled onto it. But I did and we just slowly started getting into it more. I slowly stopped calling him by his name, and slowly started calling him Daddy all the time. It gave me butterflies at first, seeming taboo. Now it's just second nature. And we introduced a star chart. And a pacifier. And started spending more time coloring and other little space activities. Etc etc.

 

As anyone here will tell you- communication is key. We met online, so naturally we spent a LOT of time talking. Telling what we wanted and didn't want. What we liked and didn't like. It takes time. Be patient and open and you will find what you want again. Best of luck!

 

Wow thank you for sharing this.  I could not agree more RE: communication.  Congrats on your transition! haha

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

My Daddy and I were vanilla but kinky in the bedroom for the first couple of years we were together. I came across a few blogs about BDSM and fell in love. I e-mailed my Daddy with a bunch of articles about the lifestyle. I told him I wanted to change our dynamic and he was up for it! Communication is really key and taking it day by day helps, too. 

[callmeishmale]

You are very lucky x

[Guest NewYorkDaddy]

I consider them to be the same thing. No woman wants a man to be just like her. I haven't dated a single girl that didn't want to be spanked or babied once in a while. it's really nice.

[LadyLullaby]

I'm actually wondering how to transition into a ddlg dynamic as well I had brought it up to my fiance about a year ago and we were kind of transitioning into it, but than I got pregnant and wasn't as comfortable being in little space while I was in that state and thought maybe I should grow up and I stopped acting little but now that I'm not anymore I want to bring it up again and I feel awkward about it since it's been so long.

[Guest mayachan]

Hello everyone i was in the quasi caretaker , caregiver relationship without knowing it and we just transfered to full ddlg. Its third full day. I am very sensitive person so right away i felt everything differently.

Here is what i felt really changed and how it's affecting me and a bit of advice. I am a little( little age teen) in this and my Daddy will join the forum on later date.

First thing that i noticed is those four important things, first is that you're really vulnerable as a little. One big rule that we do have - is talk about your emotions when you feel something is wrong, or you're upset. So each time when something is wrong i need to talk about it , or talk why i don't want to talk about it. If i don't i will face punishment. It made me overly open about emotions and crying a lot - but after cry and hug i feel way better. All of these made my emotions stronger but affecting me more in positive than negative way.

Everything has a significance and need a lot of energy. Every task i got i really important to me to do, because it's monitored and assigned to me by my Daddy. So i put everything i have into those simple tasks and i really wanted to be noticed. If i am not and i feel neglected and it hurts. Just couple of glances if you're in room when your little is working, or asking if it's done and say good girl or good work is enough. It make "little" really happy - you can always add simple reward like a sweet afterwards. One big mistake my Daddy made is when he gave me an order and when i was done instead of acknowledge or reward i got "And now you have to ...". I felt like all my work is waste because of small thing i wasn't asked to do. If you make some tasks for your little make them precise - instead little would lose sense of control and order in it's world. And it could made her feel really lonely. In this situation a hug from Daddy who they doesn't trust in this moment might be not enough to alleviate that feeling.

You're authority for your little so try to act and look that way. There is nothing worse that unkempt Daddy without pants barking orders while watching tv. But you're not a Bad Daddy. Its very easy to scare your little (our emotions are strong) so you need to be kind to her. Yes you have power to enforce any rules and punish her on the fly but it's way better if you talk about them with her first.  Say why they're important , what they're helping, or why they're protecting your little. And most importantly - write them down - written rule is something that might be ended with punishment. Impromptu rule made from nowwhere without explanation and any mention of punishment is just saying - i am your daddy, i am the law, fear me or by punished. Ddlg is about trust, because trust breeds care, and care breeds love. Don't be a Tyrant. Made world for her, safe and small world in which she would feel important and loved.

Last is physical contact - spanking, hugging, cuddling, sleeping near each other. Expect a lot of physical contact. It's very important for us littles.

But as other said there no clear rules for this - it's best to talk with little and ask what does she want. Remember you want trust a lot of it , new Daddie.

 

Edited February 13, 2018 by mayachan

[PyriteHearts]

I learned about DDlg and CGL when I was pregnant and my husband stopped making love to me because the baby kicked and he was afraid of hurting him. I noticed that little space was almost exactly like what I do to destress and some of my habits that make me happy and comfortable. I learned ways to self soothe and activities to keep me sane, I could do it for myself without needing a Daddy. I still got hugs and cuddles from my husband, appreciating it when I got it but I never said anything until recently. I feel guilty for being needy and wanting my husband to be my Daddy too along with our baby but we're both so stressed something has to change. I hoped by being a good girl and an affectionate kitten he'd feel better but he wants time to adjust while I'm left sitting there screaming on the inside while adult me says I understand. How can I cope while I wait and what can I do if he wants to stay vanilla?