Why aren’t sadistic daddy’s a thing.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I’m a masochist and a little. ..... But daddies don’t seem at all willing to give me what I need either. ......

 

 

Are you clear in your mind what you NEED and what you WANT? 

 

Are there different needs/wants for you as a little and you as a masochist or do they overlap a lot? Could you come up with some creative ways that a less sadistic Daddy might be able to fulfil some of your masochistic needs without making himself uncomfortable? (Especially at the beginning, and then who knows, he might start to love it and take you beyond your wildest dreams!)

 

How important are your needs/wants? How flexible are you and willing to compromise? How honest with yourself are you about it? Sometimes desires can become so huge in our mind that we lose perspective and miss out on other possibilities.  (I'm not saying you're doing that, I'm just saying in general it can happen.)

 

I'm new to BDSM in general, and to DDLG also, so I haven't explored a lot.  My guess is that I'm NOT particularly masochistic.  BUT, I do have a very very driving desire to please. So if my partner had some sadistic fantasies that maybe he could tone down a bit, and if he worked with my motivation of wanting to please/be praised, I would probably be willing to at least give it a go.  And then maybe his pleasure would become my pleasure, and we would find our own way of making it work.  So don't give up, and don't be too quick to dismiss someone, because maybe there's a great guy for you who has never thought he was sadistic but can learn to do it and enjoy it because he cares for you.  

 

Don't give up! 

Edited March 1, 2018 by Looby-Lou

[Guest DownSouthDaddy]

Its hard, for me anyway, to be sadistic while caring for someone. I've had relationships where she wanted to be choked or spanked while being intimate. Even though I do have a sadistic side, I don't let that get in the way of how I am. I do however, think its all about the timing and situation with your partner. And if each of you are absolutely ok with the S&M aspect. It should just come natural. You can't force something like that on to an unwilling person. But thats just my 2 cents.

Edited March 1, 2018 by DownSouthDaddy

[PapabearNYC]

I have done this. it never works

 

You just need to be patient.  Fetlife is a great resource, but it's not a dating site, for exactly the reason you are having an issue.  If you post a personal ad you'll get tons of response from people who don't fit the criteria you stated you are looking for.  Even if you don't post such an ad...

 

My advice is to read through the forums there.  See if any Daddys comments or writings appeal to you.  If so, then you reach out to them.  Use the events page.  See if there is a DDlg munch nearby that you could go to.  An event where you can meet people in person.

 

Finally, maybe you don't need an actual sadist.  I am not a sadist but I can easily do hard impact play with my little because they enjoy the experience.  In my mind, I'm giving them pleasure, not pain, so sadism isn't required.  That's our dynamic. It may not work for you, but it may be something to explore.

 

Good luck.

[LittleGypsyGirl]

Is there an age restricted group in your area? Where I live there's an under 35 BDSM group.

Ya know I don’t think I’ve seen one. But I’m gonna look! It’s true that in most gathers it seems like everyone is 50+. I wonder why that is.

[LittleGypsyGirl]

You just need to be patient. Fetlife is a great resource, but it's not a dating site, for exactly the reason you are having an issue. If you post a personal ad you'll get tons of response from people who don't fit the criteria you stated you are looking for. Even if you don't post such an ad...

 

My advice is to read through the forums there. See if any Daddys comments or writings appeal to you. If so, then you reach out to them. Use the events page. See if there is a DDlg munch nearby that you could go to. An event where you can meet people in person.

 

Finally, maybe you don't need an actual sadist. I am not a sadist but I can easily do hard impact play with my little because they enjoy the experience. In my mind, I'm giving them pleasure, not pain, so sadism isn't required. That's our dynamic. It may not work for you, but it may be something to explore.

 

Good luck.

Thank you for your advice. I will try the forums. My only disagreement.. I do need a sadist. Because when it comes to sex... I have crossed wires. I’m not someone who just likes spanks even though they hurt, for me they don’t hurt. I’ve had someone make my clit bleed from biting it. Normally oral hurts because it’s too soft....

 

Sorry that’s a little graphic.

[LittleGypsyGirl]

Are you clear in your mind what you NEED and what you WANT?

 

Are there different needs/wants for you as a little and you as a masochist or do they overlap a lot? Could you come up with some creative ways that a less sadistic Daddy might be able to fulfil some of your masochistic needs without making himself uncomfortable? (Especially at the beginning, and then who knows, he might start to love it and take you beyond your wildest dreams!)

 

How important are your needs/wants? How flexible are you and willing to compromise? How honest with yourself are you about it? Sometimes desires can become so huge in our mind that we lose perspective and miss out on other possibilities. (I'm not saying you're doing that, I'm just saying in general it can happen.)

 

I'm new to BDSM in general, and to DDLG also, so I haven't explored a lot. My guess is that I'm NOT particularly masochistic. BUT, I do have a very very driving desire to please. So if my partner had some sadistic fantasies that maybe he could tone down a bit, and if he worked with my motivation of wanting to please/be praised, I would probably be willing to at least give it a go. And then maybe his pleasure would become my pleasure, and we would find our own way of making it work. So don't give up, and don't be too quick to dismiss someone, because maybe there's a great guy for you who has never thought he was sadistic but can learn to do it and enjoy it because he cares for you.

 

Don't give up!

I’ve been at this awhile and I’m quite sure. Even though I’m accepting of vanilla sex or softer stuff I won’t ever feel pleased without roughness. And my family constantly says I’m a child. I don’t think I could get rid of the ddlg part of me either.

[PapabearNYC]

No.  Not to graphic at all.  And we aren't in disagreement. I only meant to offer a suggestion.  Obviously, you know your needs better than I do. 

 

I just meant that in some cases, a non-sadist can give you what you need, out of a desire to take care of you, rather than from a joy of your pain.

 

Keep looking.  The right Daddy for you is out there.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

.... I’ve had someone make my clit bleed from biting it. Normally oral hurts because it’s too soft....

 

Sorry that’s a little graphic.

 

 

Don't apologise, sometimes a bold statement can make things so much clearer for other people.  For example I can now see that my previous (well-intentioned) post would't have helped you at all. 

The only other thought I have, is to ask if you would consider having your masochistic needs met outside of a DDLG relationship? Obviously with full knowledge and agreement from your partner.  I say this because my cousin is very masochistic, his wife isn't.  They discussed it. They love each other. She wants him to have his needs fulfilled, but she can't do it for him.  So she suggested to him that he visits "clubs" (sorry I don't know what the correct name is) where he could be with other S&M people, and do whatever he wanted there. Somewhat ironically, given that she gave her blessing for this, HE couldn't accept it! He felt strictly monogamous, and didn't want to have something sexual outside of his marriage.  

But it's food for thought.

And I will echo the others....do keep looking...your other half is also out there looking for YOU.

[Guest 20x]

keep searching, theres def guys out there that love roughing up their little while still being daddy, had loads of fun with that with a past little

[α-Methyltryptamine]

They are a thing trust me... I had a little once... and well I think the kind of things I made her do I could only PM to you she was actually well know user here before its how we met a few years ago well it changed her permanently there is a part of my sickness in her forever now she went from my little to more like my sister. She become like me. A sick a twisted metamorphosis.

 

I have diagnosed ASP, NPD and BPD so being a sadistic come naturally to me.

[Daddyverse]

[Guest McLeodLot65]

What happens when you mention that explicitly in your personal ad on this site? There's plenty of sadists here!

[DarkAvatar]

There's plenty of Daddy's who love to spank their littles, I believe it reinforces the heirarchy and I know it provides great pleasure to littles who enjoy a good spanking. Ive seen it send them to another world.

 

Ddlg can bring some interesting dynamics here. Your dominant could be the same person who creates your tears and who wipes them away. Aftercare is enhanced because of the caring aspect of the relationship.

 

I used to not do spanking until I tried it one day and saw the amazing effect it has on littles myself. That's what motivates me to spank them, rather than a sadistic urge as such.

[Babygal0831]

Cause as a little, you have to trigger daddies sadistic side.... its great once you do. i got my daddie mad at me that he grabbed me by my throat and completely cussed me out. sometimes he puts his pocket knife to my throat and asks me what i said.... god its amazing

[Hisbabygirl806]

I got lucky my husband is my daddy.  He has realized that he's a sadist, he doesn't like to hurt me in any way, but it also turns him on inflicting "pain" upon me, when its too much ill tell him to stop and he will. But me realizing I am a masochist. But daddy can't do me like that, like what said in other comments so then he is sir. And when I've done something really really really bad out comes master.

[LittlePupRune]

Sadist and Daddy can definitely overlap. My Sir fits that, and I fit that too when I switch. Like others have suggested, you may need to look outside of this forum and ideally local events and munches (socials). CG/l specific events may be a bit more difficult to find those that also ID as sadists as its not super common to bring that up in those spaces. 

[chris23102310]

I am glad to see this topic. For me it is and always was a conflict inside of me being a sadist and a caregiver.

I often questioned myself am I really a Daddy? Because of what I want and need. 
but gladly I had some good experiences with a maso little that showed me it is possible to combine both parts of me.

but I think it is harder to find the perfect fit if you are looking beside the „norm“ for both maso littles and sadist daddys

[MoJo]

I believe it is a spectrum. 
I would identify as a Sadist Daddy Cg. A healthy mix of care and pain, it is what makes it fun!

suggest trying Feeld (the app). Might not be perfect but a more relevant pool of individuals, higher chances finding yours. 

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, MoJo said:

I believe it is a spectrum. 
I would identify as a Sadist Daddy Cg. A healthy mix of care and pain, it is what makes it fun!

suggest trying Feeld (the app). Might not be perfect but a more relevant pool of individuals, higher chances finding yours. 

I like FEELD.  Good quality people and profiles, but there are a fair amount of fake profiles.  Usually they are easy to spot.  It’s a good app if you live near a metro area.

[MoJo]

30 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

I like FEELD.  Good quality people and profiles, but there are a fair amount of fake profiles.  Usually they are easy to spot.  It’s a good app if you live near a metro area.

True, but at least it is a good starting point. Guys don’t have a ton of success versus women of course. But it is all online dating.

[MissNMTX]

Sadistic daddies can definitely be a thing as well as littles that enjoy them! Especially if they are submissive at heart. For me, the key will always be that the aftercare/cg element has to also be there. If not, for me, something will always feel incomplete or missing.