Advice about asking for punishments

[Kelpcake]

Hi all, I'm new to this forum :3

 

I was just wondering if any other littles/middles struggle with wanting to be punished but not wanting to ask for the punishment? I would say that I'm a brat and tend to push my daddy's limits but never receive a punishment. Sometimes he threatens to punish me (which excites me to no end) but then when we meet in person nothing ever happens. I know that communication is key but I feel like it defeats the purpose of a punishment if I ask for it.

Hopefully someone can offer me some advice >.<

[Yaar]

I actually have the some problem sometimes, but I think telling your daddy that you wanna be punished and maybe explaining why if you can should help, and I don't think it would ruin it if you ask for it, I'm sure he'd understand that it's still a punishment even if you ask. Sorry if my advice sucks but good luck.

Edited February 17, 2018 by Yaar

[Yaar]

O yeah, but you might need to avoid trying to push him until he punishes you. I've done that before, thinking, "He'll do it if I just keep doing everything he tells me not to do" but that ended up making him think that I just didn't care about him at all and made him unhappy with me altogether.

[Guest Prat]

Keeping pushing, he'll break at some point ^^. Make sure safe words are well defined at that point though.

[kittyboo]

Instead of pushing him in the hopes that he'll punish you or asking for punishments at the time, why not have a conversation with him generally telling him how you feel? Tell him how you need punishments when you've been bad so that it feels better when you've been really good and to keep you motivated, or however else you feel. Nothing is going to change without some form of communication around this topic, unfortunately.

[Guest littlegirl707]

Hi well some daddys dont want to punish. I have pused a daddy for years they just get mad. you need comunnication and hopefully he is in to it.

[Petitchat]

The answer for many many posts here is: communicate with your partner. I guess punishments are something you already talked about with him if you expect them, but if he doesn't implement them then talk to him about it. Maybe he wants to punish you but he's scared of hurting you or he just doesn't feel confident about it or maybe even feel "ridiculous" implementing them because you're an adult (and I'm absolutely not saying punishments are ridiculous, but I've felt this way and I see a lot of posts of people feeling this way, about roleplaying or things like that and feeling self-conscious about it in the beginning). Maybe he doesn't want to punish you after all and he just doesn't know how to tell you because he thinks punishments are really the norm in ddlg relationships. You won't know unless you ask him about it. I recommend firmly not to push before you have a healthy discussion about it, as the only results I can see are frustration and misunderstandings. 

 

You need to talk to him about why and how you need punishments, in what conditions. If it's something that excites you and is for you a prelude for sex, if you want it more structured and less "enjoyable". This is something that needs to be defined clearly with a partner to be sure both consent to it (and it doesn't slip into abuse) and that can be difficult to integrate nto a relationship for beginners IMO. My boyfriend was the same, I talked to him about it and really, he wants to please me, but he's really scared of hurting me and he doesn't have experience with ddlg or even dom/sub relationships. So we needed to go progressively (even with light spanking) for quite everything, but I needed to make sure that it was not just things I wanted but things he would enjoy and feel comfortable about. It's a long process but I'm in for the long run with him and I want him to feel good about everything, so it's all tests and trials, but there's never miscommunication and misunderstandings about these things. So just keep in mind that it can be a longer process for some people to be comfortable with all of this, and if you know what you want you need to guide him. Don't expect him to know what you think or what you want just because he's your Daddy. Don't expect him to know what to do or how to react everytime either for the same reason. It's a learning process for both parties and there are no guidelines, the only rules are the ones you both decide. Best of luck

[MisterMomo]

I'd say you can ask for it... telling him you diserve it is like a Little girl going to her daddy saying she has done a mistake and say she is sorry ... 

 

On a larger scale, you can havve a chat and tell him that you would like that to happend and him to be more active in that area ... make sure you set boundaries and safe word ..  Then if you get punished even 10 min later, it will feel like punishment I am pretty sure of it ! hehehe ...  

 

Maybe you can also discuss the punishment possibilities .. and rules ...