Needing Advice

[switch_ddlg]

Long story short: My Daddy and I are both poly, and we have finally found another little that we want to bring into our relationship. We have tried in the past with 3 other women, all of whom have messed up in one way or another.

 

Woman 1: Begged my Daddy to have sex with her, and when he didn't she threw a fit. We made it clear upfront that it was non-sexual, out of respect for me and him (We are also married.)

 

Woman 2: Tried getting my Daddy to sleep with her while I was in the hospital. (We found out later she was pregnant and looking to say it was his, even though the baby was dark skinned, and both Daddy and the girl were white so it wouldn't have worked.)

 

Woman 3: She tried pushing me to the side so she could have Daddy to herself, and when he turned her down and said me and her were equal, she tried getting with me and pushing Daddy out of the way.

 

Because of this, it terrifies me to bring someone new into the relationship and I have severe trust issues. This girl is kind and has shown no favoritism in me or Daddy. What I need advice on is how to let things go and move on from the past. I really don't want this girl hurt because I cant handle things due to the past.

[WhiteRa]

From what I've heard, the best way to go about it is for your daddy to take the other girl on a "date" per say. He asks her out and makes no mention of the lifestyle or anything (anyone) that is a part of it. Then at whatever point during the date, your daddy will say something along the lines of "Just to let you know, I'm already in a committed relationship with someone else. Yes she knows I'm here, we're looking for someone to possibly join us." that way your daddy can get a feel for the woman, see if her personality would mesh with both yours and his. I think the best way to progress from that, if the date goes well, is to then bring her home to meet you. From this point he would then go into a room nearby and let you two get a feel for each other, and this is when you would be able to better understand her goals and what she's looking for. Hopefully by that point you've either seen that she's after something neither you or your daddy are, or you see that she is receptive to what you're going for, and you can take the relationship from there.

 

Hope that helps.

[Maarloeve]

i don't see how hiding the primary relationship would have avoided OP's trifecta of bad relationships.

[Guest Arc]

I get the feeling you're not poly, WhiteRa. It's not okay to go on a date and lead someone on without telling them about other relationships first. You have to be open about that stuff from the start. It's not okay to do that. 

[Guest Arc]

Don't worry about hurting the girl. Worry about yourself. If you're in a relationship and you're constantly stressing about her and "what if she does X" then you're going to be hurt. If you aren't ready then you aren't ready and you need to be honest with everyone about that. She may be disappointed but she will have to respect that. You need to put yourself first. 

 

Daddy and I were once talking about another girl too, but before it went anywhere she stole things from his friends and lied to him about her age and it was just so messy. So I can understand you being wary about trying again. 

 

If this something you really want take things at your pace. As slow as you need to gain confidence and trust with her. Letting go and moving on isn't something that can always happen quickly. You just need to take things as they come and go at your own pace. 

[switch_ddlg]

Don't worry about hurting the girl. Worry about yourself. If you're in a relationship and you're constantly stressing about her and "what if she does X" then you're going to be hurt. If you aren't ready then you aren't ready and you need to be honest with everyone about that. She may be disappointed but she will have to respect that. You need to put yourself first. 

 

Daddy and I were once talking about another girl too, but before it went anywhere she stole things from his friends and lied to him about her age and it was just so messy. So I can understand you being wary about trying again. 

 

If this something you really want take things at your pace. As slow as you need to gain confidence and trust with her. Letting go and moving on isn't something that can always happen quickly. You just need to take things as they come and go at your own pace. 

I am ready or at least I think I am. I have a lot of mental issues that I am currently working on that makes me focus on the "what ifs" which is terrible. I think I am ready, but I will need to move very, very slowly with things. She knows about my past, so if I have to break things off, she will be disappointed, but she will totally understand. 

 

I get the feeling you're not poly, WhiteRa. It's not okay to go on a date and lead someone on without telling them about other relationships first. You have to be open about that stuff from the start. It's not okay to do that. 

I had the feeling he wasn't poly either. I don't even want to respond to such an ignorant comment because I will sound hateful, and I am a kind person. I failed to mention she knows we are married and he is my Dom, and both my Dom and I talk to her. What WhiteRa said is complete disloyalty, inappropriate, rude, manipulation, deception, and the list goes on, and on, and on. I would personally like to thank you ArcOfInfinity (I hope I typed that right) your comments have helped the most and you seem to see things from the same perspective I see them from.

 

i don't see how hiding the primary relationship would have avoided OP's trifecta of bad relationships.

It won't help at all. It rude, disrespectful, and anyone who actually understands poly relationships will know that is a huge NO NO. I think some people have just lost the true meaning of poly and use it to sleep with whoever they want. Hiding a relationship from anyone is manipulation, deception, and for lack of better words, mind games. I honestly can't even respond to that comment without being hateful, and I am a nice person.