I have a daddy that feels little sometimes, help me

[68733_1655600551]

So, when me and my daddy started our relationship, we were fine and everything was perfect. A little bit later he told me how he used to be on the other side of the ddlg spectrum and was a little himself in a past relationship, and he also told me he still feels that way sometimes. I want to help him soooo badly, but I can't be dominant. I've tried so badly to be dominant to help him out, but it never worked. He tells me he can't vent to me or anyone about it. He even says the only one he can talk to to make him feel better is the person he used to be in a relationship with, and that hurts me so much. He says "You have no idea how much I've done for you" and "I just wish I could be myself around you. " and I WANT HIM TO BE HIMSELF AROUND ME! I want to be there for him, but I can't be a caregiver and it hurts me so fucking much that I can't do that for him. What do I do? Can someone help me or give me advice? Am I a terrible person because I can't take care of him?

[TwilightSparklez]

You are not a horrible person because you cannot fulfill someone's needs all it equates to, is that you are probably not a good fit for each other. It is also not fair on you that he says "You have no idea how much I've done for you" and "I just wish I could be myself around you, " when you both entered this with the understanding of him being your Daddy. But relationships do help us find ourselves and discover who we are and maybe he's reached the point that this is who he is and he is frustrated because he cannot express it and it's not something you can provide circling around to the idea of incompatibility.

 

No matter how much you love or care for a person, sometimes you both have to go your own ways for lasting happiness. 

[angelcaramel96]

I understand how you feel. I also had a daddy who, at the later part of the dynamic, found out that he liked being little sometimes. Just like you, I'm a little and can't be dominant. But, I get that he needed to be little sometimes so I just let him be little while I'm little too. I didn't necessarily become the caregiver, I just sort of acted like more responsible in my little state. 

 

You can try this out if you want to. Although, I agree with TwilightSparklez. If you don't feel comfortable then don't force yourself to be someone you're not.

[Guest Arc]

Are you kidding me? "You have no idea how much I've done for you." That's messed up and imo not okay. He chose to do that so he has no right to be sulking and saying that to you since you can't be what he wants you to be. That's like saying "I did it for you so you have to do it for me." From my side that just sounds like an attempt at a guilt trip. 

 

As for "I just wish I could be myself around you, " well... he could. He's choosing not to. Again, guilt tripping is not okay. ​If he can't be himself around you then your relationship lacks serious trust and communication and I'm sorry but without those things are never going to go well. 

 

This is on him and not you. If he needs to be a little then he should have been honest with you from the start. His poor communication has nothing to do with you. And if you can't be a cg then you can't force yourself to be. If it's not in you then you can't force it. You are yourself. You are honest about who you are and that's more than can be said for him. 

[LittleKitten13]

I'm in the same boat.  I really struggle to be a caregiver myself.  Sexually, I am typically the dominate, but emotionally, I am little, and it's a fight to be a caregiver.  I also can't force anything.  I can be very loving and caring, but not...mommy like he needs/wants.  It's much easier for him to switch between headspaces than it is for me, because when I'm little, if someone tries to push me into big space, it won't work.  If anything, it will just frustrate me.  I don't mind if we're little together sometimes, so maybe that's something you could suggest to him.