Upset little

[Imyourdaddy0]

I have up set my little and im not surr how to fix it

[LittlePrincess19]

I guess it all depends on what happened. Maybe try buying her something nice? Or if that's not the answer, maybe give her a cute coupon book for things she would like, like hugs and kisses for example. You really have to focus on her and what she needs from you.

[mali]

i think the most important thing is to understand what you did wrong and apologize if you really regret it and to make her happy just say everything you love in her, show that you care.

[Guest SUeB]

Might help if we had more information. This could be anything from "i drank the last of the juice" to "i slept with her sister and killed her cat", lol. How did you upset her? How did she react? Have you apologised? Is this online or real life? Lots of missing information that might help us offer a relevant solution.

[CaresAlot]

Lot of times when you upset somebody it like when you skin your knee playing.  You clean it up so to doesn't get infected, put a band-aid on to help and it will heal with a little bit of time.  Now if you keep picking at the scab it takes a lot longer to heal.

Short version: apoligize, special llittle something, time heals, let it be done.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Personally, the most important thing would be for my Daddy to tell me that he REALISED, UNDERSTOOD he had upset me and WHY, because then I would know it's less likely to happen again. Always always communicate!

Then to accept that he needs to allow a bit of time for me to trust 100% again, and to be extra sweet to me with his attention and reassurance to help rebuild that trust.

[meows kohai]

What did you do?? 

Apologize and get her a new toy or something. 

I was real made at Dad but he got me a skunk doll so we're gucci now 

[RavenclawPrincess]

I always feel better if my daddy listens to me when I explain that I'm upset and why, and he apologizes. I don't think it's necessary to buy a gift or things like that but it is a nice touch. That alone doesn't fix the problem so don't be too serious about listening to anyone that says buying presents will fix anything. If my daddy tried to pull that I'd get really bratty and reject the gift. You HAVE to talk things out and apologize first and foremost, and do what you can to not repeat the same mistake again. Anything else is just an added bonus to sweeten the deal for her.

[Guest Kaiser]

$$$ = forgiveness?

 

Wow. Just wow.

[Guest Hys]

$$$ = forgiveness?

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

I doubt that'd be the first suggestion most people thought of, but generally yes. If you don't know what someone did wrong and the someone in question doesn't even know how to emotionally fix the situation, sometimes something as small as a $1 candy bar and an apology can make all the difference. I doubt they're talking about spending mega bucks here, but just buying something sweet to soften the mood up for an apology? I see no harm in that.

 

Then again, the way to my heart is through snacks so...maybe I'm just weird.

 

Either way clearly we'd all benefit from a better explanation so we could actually give constructive advice outside of "Try buying sweets and apologize" because clearly, that's just a bandaid over what might be a real issue.

 

Edit: That said...what happened exactly??

Edited March 27, 2018 by Hys

[Guest Kaiser]

I doubt that'd be the first suggestion most people thought of, but generally yes. If you don't know what someone did wrong and the someone in question doesn't even know how to emotionally fix the situation, sometimes something as small as a $1 candy bar and an apology can make all the difference. I doubt they're talking about spending mega bucks here, but just buying something sweet to soften the mood up for an apology? I see no harm in that.

 

Then again, the way to my heart is through snacks so...maybe I'm just weird.

 

Either way clearly we'd all benefit from a better explanation so we could actually give constructive advice outside of "Try buying sweets and apologize" because clearly, that's just a bandaid over what might be a real issue.

 

Agreed on we're all in the dark on what happened, but I didn't comment on that.

 

My response was to the purchasing, (and yes, no matter how much you spin it, you're still buying it.) forgiveness.

 

Makes me sick.

[Guest Hys]

Agreed on we're all in the dark on what happened, but I didn't comment on that.

 

My response was to the purchasing, (and yes, no matter how much you spin it, you're still buying it.) forgiveness.

 

Makes me sick.

 

I can agree there. Trying to buy someone's forgiveness is sickening, but I think a small purchase in order to win happiness (not forgiveness) isn't so bad. For example I could have made you mad, and picked up a small treat on the way home. You might not have forgiven me, but the treat itself was nice and probably made you smile or at the very least thankful I thought of you. It's those kinds of things.

 

Then again, this is also connected with perspective. What one person see's as harmless selflessness another see's as selfish and manipulative. It depends on the person, really. So I won't spend much more time discussing it - it's off topic anyway.

[RavenclawPrincess]

A small token or gift as an added gesture after the problem has been appropriately addressed and apologized for doesn't seem so bad. Then again I do things like that for my daddy just as often as he does for me. I can see how you reached your conclusion on the subject in the context of a greedy little. Does gift giving being a two way street seem different than "buying forgiveness" or do you feel the same way about it regardless? I'm not giving you a hard time or criticizing your opinion, just curious.

[Guest Kaiser]

A small token or gift as an added gesture after the problem has been appropriately addressed and apologized for doesn't seem so bad. Then again I do things like that for my daddy just as often as he does for me. I can see how you reached your conclusion on the subject in the context of a greedy little. Does gift giving being a two way street seem different than "buying forgiveness" or do you feel the same way about it regardless? I'm not giving you a hard time or criticizing your opinion, just curious.

 

"I'm sorry, I f'ed up" should be enough if it's sincere.

 

I don't need a material "bonus", nor would I ever give one.

[RavenclawPrincess]

That's fair. I definitely don't mean to suggest that anything material is related to fixing problems, and you're right to say that an apology and a talk about what happened is more than enough. Maybe immaterial/homemade gifts might be a better route? I nearly always make a card/color a picture for him, or cook something special for my daddy when I've hurt his feelings, and when it's the other way around he apologizes and spends extra time playing with me/gives me extra attention, which I would argue is the BEST gift and way more meaningful than a stuffy or anything that actually costs money.

[Guest Kaiser]

I can agree there. Trying to buy someone's forgiveness is sickening, but I think a small purchase in order to win happiness (not forgiveness) isn't so bad. For example I could have made you mad, and picked up a small treat on the way home. You might not have forgiven me, but the treat itself was nice and probably made you smile or at the very least thankful I thought of you. It's those kinds of things.

 

Then again, this is also connected with perspective. What one person see's as harmless selflessness another see's as selfish and manipulative. It depends on the person, really. So I won't spend much more time discussing it - it's off topic anyway.

Just for clarity... Things like a middle making me dinner because she forgot to pay a bill, or me bringing her flowers because I forgot to fill her car up with fuel is one thing, and not what I'm talking about.

 

Either way, you're right in that we're getting a little off topic...I just wanted to clarify.

[RavenclawPrincess]

I'm going to argue that we aren't entirely off topic on this one. We're trying to advise someone on how to fix a problem with VERY little information. Maybe the OP can make a good decision based on our friendly debate on whether gifts should or shouldn't be part of an apology.

 

I think based on the different points of view that have been expressed the OP should definitely apologize and have a conversation with their partner about whatever happened, and could do something meaningful or offer a SMALL gift to go along with the ACTUAL reparations if they really want to do something extra.

[Guest Kaiser]

I'm going to argue that we aren't entirely off topic on this one. We're trying to advise someone on how to fix a problem with VERY little information. Maybe the OP can make a good decision based on our friendly debate on whether gifts should or shouldn't be part of an apology.

I think based on the different points of view that have been expressed the OP should definitely apologize and have a conversation with their partner about whatever happened, and could do something meaningful or offer a SMALL gift to go along with the ACTUAL reparations if they really want to do something extra.

 

Apologize for what? For all we know at this moment the OP's little is upset that the OP is upset over her doing something untoward.

 

What's with this automatic "he should apologize" BS?

[RavenclawPrincess]

Maybe it's just me but I got the impression that the OP feels bad because he believes did something wrong, so my responses so far have been based on that. In all fairness, we were mostly left to make our own assumptions about what happened, and he could very well be feeling like he should apologize when he wasn't in the wrong to begin with, as you've pointed out. I would be happy to point that out to him as well if that's the case but he really didn't say enough for us to be able to do so and at the moment it looks like we might not find out one way or the other what his situation is/was. Kudos to you for voicing an opposing viewpoint from what others (including myself) have said. I've always found it helpful to have a variety of opinions when looking for advice.

[ThePoet]

"I'm sorry, I f'ed up" should be enough if it's sincere.

I don't need a material "bonus", nor would I ever give one.

Charming.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

I'm a big believer in Love Languages. If you want to fix something with a person, it seems like a good idea to do it in a way that makes sense to them. There is a topic dedicated to this subject here: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/29013-what-is-your-love-language/

 

As for me, my primary love language is receiving gifts. In my case, it means a lot more to me when someone gives me a candy bar than a shoulder rub or spending time together. Everyone is different.

[RavenclawPrincess]

That's a really good point and definitely a good resource for the OP to look into! We can imagine the scenario and try to give advice all we want to but maybe having a gander at that post could help him make a much better decision about how to move forward with his little.

[Little Illy]

Apologize for what? For all we know at this moment the OP's little is upset that the OP is upset over her doing something untoward.

 

What's with this automatic "he should apologize" BS?

 

I see everyone's position here, but I definitely see where Kaiser is coming from.

 

Since we literally have no idea what happened between these two, it is harder to advise. But I would never just say to buy a gift and add an apology. I can see both sides of this, and this is what I would advise:

 

When I am upset with something Daddy had done, the best thing to make me feel better is for him to come back to me later. When he is taken a moment to seriously think about why I am upset and then comes back to 1. apologize and 2. explain how he understands why I am upset and that he recognize what went wrong. And I know he feels better when I do the same when I have messed up.

 

At the end of the day, in my opinion, gifts are just "here I thought of you and I am sorry" whereas a discussion shows me things have been understood and we are BOTH going to work towards it not happening again.

[Child Of Light]

Well, she's upset. Communication. Even though she's a little -- she can communicate why she's upset. You can acknowledge her feelings and tell her that your sorry she feels upset and open a dialog for fixing the issue. The context (like has been said); we don't know any of it and I wouldn't randomly recommend 'apologizing for your action and gift'. We don't know your dynamic with your little or what's going on.

 

I've only been upset with my Daddy twice out of the three years we've been dating. Non of them where directly his fault -- I cried a lot as i had a lot of emotional issues going on, he made me a glass of tea, and gave me a chocolate offering (for hormone control -- we had them in our cabinet), and we maturely spoke through the issues we where having. There has been times I've upset him, and after we've had a long discussion, I've given him back rubs, we've been intimate, and I've made him his special food. No, those added things didn't **need** to be added in. But we wanted to show each other we cared about each other and appreciate each other. It's something we do to bond.

[Little Illy]

There has been times I've upset him, and after we've had a long discussion, I've given him back rubs, we've been intimate, and I've made him his special food. No, those added things didn't **need** to be added in. But we wanted to show each other we cared about each other and appreciate each other. It's something we do to bond.

 

Daddy and I do this all the time when our day is rough. And doing something personal like cooking dinner, back rubs, even just fixing a drink and cuddle, all of that means so much more to me than if Daddy was to just go buy something.

 

You are absolutely right - adding communication with these small gestures really do speak volumes and promote a deeper connection. Because nothing endears you to a person more when they show they understand you.