He’s into femdom, I’m into DDLG. Please help.

[Guest beep boop]

deleted

Edited April 29, 2018 by fauxre

[TwilightSparklez]

Simply sounds as if you two are incompatible no changing that. He can't change who you truly are and you can't change who he truly is. A power exchange benefits both partners in some way and is definitely not one-sided. I know you don't want to leave him but if you suppress you are you're going to end up miserable it's not healthy or beneficial for anyone to do so, our psyche is just not designed that way.

 

You can try telling him what you really need, again, and see how he responds and maybe try to come to some middle ground. But unfortunately, if you two are incompatible that's not going to change.

Edited February 3, 2018 by TwilightSparklez

[Guest LordEmtheDinosaur!]

Not all kinksters are compatible because they're kinky. DD/lg seems to be very important to you and a femdom seems very important to him so there is some issue there. I think it's unlikely that either of you can just put that side of you away. For it to work it can be very difficult. Set times so each of you get fulfilled is an option. It's a difficult decision, take your time and talk and figure it out together

[Rebel]

I am with those above and say y'all aren't compatible kink wise. One option that wasn't mentioned was also converting your relationship to poly, so that you both can have your kink needs filled by those who are compatible in that sense, and still stay with each other. 

[Airave Alamode]

Ahh, I've had that experience. I once had a boyfriend who was into mommy doms and I am not a mommy at all. So a few months later I ended up parting with him due to kink differences.

[cuppycakes]

I disagree that you two aren't compatible. I don't like telling people to break up, or that they won't work because it's very easy to say that as an outsider. It's not easy to say that when you're IN the relationship. Relationships aren't just "yes it works" or "no it doesn't", they take work and if you're willing to do that, I don't see why a relationship can't work out.

 

Relationships aren't just about kinks, even though that might be a big part of them. There's nothing wrong with switching if you are both comfortable with it. You've been together 4 years, you should be able to tell each other anything, ya'know?

 

If neither of you are interested in a 24/7 dynamic, and you're willing to compromise (he fulfills some of your needs in terms of ddlg, and you fulfill some of his in terms of femdom) then I see no reason why this can't work. You don't have to make a big change right away, and you can take it slowly so you're comfortable.

 

If his idea of femdom is BEING pleased, you could try that. It doesn't have to be your entire play experience, and you can even tell him that you want to be pleased as well. He should understand this. He should also understand your hard limits, and you should really talk to him about them if you haven't yet. Good luck!