**TW**New, Single, Mind Numbingly Terrified

[Artemis]

(This is gonna be a long one)

 

I’m pretty sure I’m a little, but in a way that’s semi-constant. My bedroom looks like it belongs to a kid and I have more stuffed animals than I know what to with. There’s two major problems with this.

 

One: I’m kind of a sexual assault survivor and a lack of control terrifies me.

Two: I’ve got depression, anxiety, and enough self-image issues to take down a small nation.

 

I was thinking about attending a real life event in my city put on by our local ageplay community, but I can’t do it. I’m terrified just thinking about it. We’re talking bone deep paralyzing fear. I’m sure they’re all nice people but all I can imagine is them taking one look at me and deciding I don’t belong there. I’ve stalked a lot of their FetLife profiles and it just feels like I’m not kinky enough to be included I guess? I’m not really down for pain in any form which seems to be a major facet in what they all have going on. I’m kinda vanilla outside the little thing and I don’t have many sexual urges.

 

I haven’t even dated since I was in high school, though my friends suspect it’s because I’m demisexual. I’ve honestly only been in one relationship and that ended 6 years ago without getting to second base. After that the rest of my sexual experience was one night I don’t remember with a guy I never would’ve slept with if he hadn’t gotten me drunk. At this point I’m terrified of getting into a relationship where I could actually regress because I’m not sure I could trust someone like that.

 

Really I’m just super stressed, extremely lost, and hoping for some advice on how to go about this.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

I'm not sure of exactly what you are asking.  How to go about what?

[Guest Loki]

Are there any sexual assault survivor groups/therapy sessions near where you live? That might be a good place to start for the healing proccess. Maybe talk to your doctor as well.

 

On to the little stuff - we are a diverse community. Most littles I know don’t engage in sex at all when little, and some littles are asexual no matter the headspace.

 

Fetlife is sexdrive on steroids, so don’t base the DDlg community on fetlife’s example. DDlg is so hugely diverse anything goes! Just remember - safe, sane, consensual and between/amongst adults.

 

Sadly, most of us are depressed and anxiety riddled. It seems to come hand in hand with DDlg headspaces. I dunno why. But I do suggest talking to a doctor and seeing if they can help.

 

-PYB (edited for clarity)

Edited February 3, 2018 by Loki’s Shadow

[ktownDaddy]

Dear Artemis,

 

I used to be a regular participant in the Vancouver kink scene and have been to a few events. Granted the Fetlife crowd is a little on the darker side but they too are people with quirks and insecurities. Many of them lead double lives and have to keep their kinks and bents away from the Vanilla community in which they live.

 

I will give you an example. One of the first events I went to (which I was very nervous about) I ran into a big man in the reception hall while checking - I every him up and thought papa bear Dom. He was a big burly dude. This big burly dude ended up being little Cindy. Yes he was a crossdresser little.

 

Now think how nervous he was and how he would have to explain things to his mates at the bar. We all have skeletons in our closest and issues we have to deal with. What you went through was horrible and unfair but it happend. You can let it own you or you can own it.

 

These kink events are not free for all sex shows to protect the type of thing that happened to you from happening to anyone. There is no sex on the floor only power exchange and play sessions. You can do what I did for the first three sessions, just sit and watch.

 

I have friends in the lifestyle who are mums, dad's brothers and sisters, they are also very loyal and kind people. Though, if you said "I would like you to take a crop and paddle to me" they would happily oblige. I am not sure why everyone in this dynamic feels the need to pigeon hole themselves into a role to be able to fit.

 

It's not a competition where you are seeking acceptance and to fit. It's a place where you can be yourself without judgement and explore that secret hidden you.

 

If you are on FL be honest about who you are and reach out instead of perving. Granted there will be creeps there always will be but they are the ones who hide behind the keyboards and never visit the events.

 

I hope you can come to terms with what has happened to you. I hope you can move forward and enjoy life inside the dynamic and kink scene and what it has to offer. Freedom and liberation of the soul.

 

Good luck

 

K-Town