Needs are too Important to Use on a Partner

[TwilightSparklez]

So this piece may seem a bit controversial and I ask everyone to keep in mind this is just one viewpoint from one person based on general observations

 

I heard a fantastic saying the other day that stuck with me, “It’s better to be wanted than needed in a relationship.” I see a growing number of people in DDlg community claiming they need a significant other, from both sides of the equation, and the truth of the matter is that going into any power exchange requires a clear understanding of who you are and what you truly need. Such an exchange should never be entered into with the hopes of someone correcting your life or making sure you take care of yourself or making all your worries go away, that’s called codependence.

 

Instead of rushing out to look for a Daddy or Mommy Dom, especially for those who are brand new to the community, take the time to really examine what you need, keeping in mind needs and wants are two very different things. Needs are important for physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health without them you cannot be fulfilled and reach your full potential as a person. Wants are additional to needs but are not required for long-term wellbeing.  You need water but you really really want soda (I know I know… you may feel like you are dying without your daily soda fix but trying going a couple days without water and then come talk to me).  Needs and wants are unique to each person and it’s not a reason to beat yourself up just because a potential partner has needs that are different from your own, that’s just a mismatch and they happen all the time. It comes down to this if you are not clear on what your needs are how can you expect them to get met.

 

Back to the idea of a power exchange, hopefully, you realize that is what you are entering into. Traditionally DDlg is an exchange of power between a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver and a little/babbygirl/babyboy and any other various shade of the rainbow you desire. It is the much more lighthearted cousin of D/s (Dominance/submission) with all the same foundations; guidance, growth, submission, dominance, discipline, love etc. The biggest difference is that in a DD/lg relationship, the “sub” has an inner little or feels little at their core or identifies with “little” things, and a Dom who identifies as a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver often prefers a softer more nurturing role than a traditional Master, and their rules are more geared to their little one's growth and wellbeing and sometimes still they can be a mix of both worlds. Which again brings us back to the idea of needs and wants. So many people get hurt or their wellbeing isn’t taken into account. Most of the time, not always, something happened because the time was never carved out to sit down and truly understand each other’s needs and why they are needs. And the only way to know what you need is to really sit down with yourself and ask yourself what do you absolutely and positively need to have in order for your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing to be met, that way you do not place all of that responsibility on a partner.

 

So, in the end, I think it’s better to be wanted because you end up being someone’s most coveted treasure that they love endlessly, without taking on the additional stress of their codependence and trying to be everything, the end all, to them. 

Edited February 2, 2018 by TwilightSparklez

[xBabydollx]

I completely agree with that person. They are awesome haha. A lot of ppl enter a new dynamic because they want someone to cater to them, depend on the other 100%, fix their life, or fix their broken heart. Not realizing, its not fair to try to shove all ur baggage on someone. Nobody deserves the burden. Fix ur self, figure out ur wants and needs, then go find u a Daddy/Mommy or little. The more stable u are, the more u figure out who u are and what u want, the better chance u have of getting what u desire.

 

 

One of fave quotes is; "I won't cut myself picking up somebody else's broken pieces."

 

It is easy to hurt someone else when u are hurting. Ppl tend to forget that.

[Guest Mister Grey]

Truth

[Guest Schizzy]

The truth has been spoken! 

[XmochiX]

I agree with this and with people who said you should try to fix yourself before looking for a S/O.