I'm in Love with a Married Man

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

It's good to know that you've talked to her - it changes the landscape of this scenario quite a bit. I think most of the responses, including my own, focused on the married man part and ran with it.

 

You don't want a poly relationship and that's perfectly fine. There's no shame in that at all. But you must be willing to walk away when you try something and it doesn't work out. Being non-monogamous is not what people think it is and that can come with a lot of hurt, jealousy, anger, etc. I know you love him, but this situation isn't fair to anyone. Take some time and reflect on your needs and wants. But understand that if you can't accept him loving someone and having her as his life partner, then you will never be happy or fufilled or secure in this relationship. It may not take a lot to love someone, but love in a poly relationship takes a tremendous amount of effort.

 

A lot of your upset is directed toward her, which is understandable, but misguided.

Edited February 2, 2018 by aphroditelaughs

[Guest SUeB]

So quite frankly, this type of relationship is clearly not for you. You are settling. Why do you feel that you have to settle for part time? Sure, you believe that you love him. But unfortunately he has already made it clear that you will never come before his wife. And with this discussion, you have made it clear that you need more. So you already have your answer. You just have to be strong enough to do what you already know you have to do.

[Sneakylittle]

There's a lot of negativity on this post and I get it.... But at the same time I don't agree with it. I was with a married man, he wasn't happy in his relationship. I knew from the beginning that he was married. She ended up finding out about me and they started the divorce process, and she still wanted to be with him. It was a hot mess and we r no longer together because of it. If she knows and it's an open relationship according to him still be careful. And also understand that an open relationship means u will always share him, he loves her too. That's the sad/scary part. If u still want to continue ur relationship with him then by all means continue. Unfortunately people don't understand that cheating is kind of innate in humans..... We r not monogamous creatures. It doesn't make cheating fair or nice or anything but it's much more realistic than expecting people to never cheat... Nor does it necessarily make people bad people. Anyways, if u do want to stay with him then try to just enjoy him and realize and own that u have a beautiful piece of him but u can't have all of him and that can be ok for some people. If u know u r going to get too hurt to handle I would suggest moving on... For me it's easier to move on if I'm angry rather than leaving someone that I am so head over heels for even if I know it won't end well. I'm not suggesting letting this boil down to an argument, but understand wat u can handle and go from there. Good luck Hun, I wish u the best

[Sneakylittle]

[ILikeTheSummer]

 But at the same time I don't agree with it. I was with a married man, he wasn't happy in his relationship. I knew from the beginning that he was married. She ended up finding out about me and they started the divorce process, and she still wanted to be with him. It was a hot mess and we r no longer together because of it. If she knows and it's an open relationship according to him still be careful. And also understand that an open relationship means u will always share him, he loves her too. That's the sad/scary part. If u still want to continue ur relationship with him then by all means continue. Unfortunately people don't understand that cheating is kind of innate in humans..... We r not monogamous creatures. It doesn't make cheating fair or nice or anything but it's much more realistic than expecting people to never cheat... 

 

don't know where you heard that but it's bullcrap humans aren't innate monogamous or polygamous we're capable of making decisions and we DECIDE to cheat... you decided to cheat with him and so did he....cheating is a concious choice that we make and we know that someone will get hurt with it... that makes it bad... and the people cheating bad people...

she is in a very different situation she didn't cheat with anyone his wife knows about her

 

you should talk to you daddy and maybe his wife about it... if you can't stand the thought of sharing someone a poly relationship is not for you it's as simple as that... you can't be hoping he'll leave his wife or anything because that won't happen or if it does you'd have to live with the thought that he might do the same to you.... you have to be in the right mindset for a poly relationship.... jealousy doesn't work there and it's not for most people

Edited February 8, 2018 by ILikeTheSummer

[Déphysios]

I think a big thing is being overlooked right now:

 

 

You said you needed a Daddy-figure to get over tough times. And I hate to say it, but in a way you have used him. And in turn you have cornered yourself with your back against the wall. It sounds like you didn't want to overcome the tough times on your own or with a proper channel of support (friends, family, etc and not a stand in). And now you have an unhealthy attachment to this man. He is the light when you didn't want to turn on the light yourself. Which is why these feelings are so strong. And which is why you probably put yourself in a position that you otherwise wouldn't be in.

 

....

It's very well said. I absolutely agree with you.

[Guest DarkLIttlePrince]

This might sound as a cliché but here it goes... Love yourself first! There's no easy solution and a situation like that will always hurt. No matter what. Follow your heart but be prepared to take the pain that comes with it... or bail out, which seems the most sensible thing... As you said, it started out because he provided support when you were facing hard times... perhaps (as was said) you should look deeper into the reasons why the feelings changed. 

 

Stay strong.

[Guest SugarNSpiceSam]

I'm sorry to hear that your in pain and that you're hurting. However if I were you, I wouldn't speak to him anymore. You say you love him, his wife knows about you both, but yet he's married to her and you know that there's probably no possibly way of you two getting together. Like DarkLittlePrince said: You come first. Always. Always love yourself and never allow anyone to take you for granted. It seems like he wants to have you on the side. What if down the road comes along and he ends up getting bored? Think about that and how it will play out. I've seen it happen before and many woman who I know ended up getting hurt in the end and heartbroken. This is why I never speak to a married man or get involved with one. Their off limits to me. Do what's right for you and stop speaking to this man. You deserve someone who's values you, loves you and won't be treating you like a side dish. 

Edited February 9, 2018 by MysticalDreamer83

[Sneakylittle]

don't know where you heard that but it's bullcrap humans aren't innate monogamous or polygamous we're capable of making decisions and we DECIDE to cheat... you decided to cheat with him and so did he....cheating is a concious choice that we make and we know that someone will get hurt with it... that makes it bad... and the people cheating bad people...

she is in a very different situation she didn't cheat with anyone his wife knows about her

 

you should talk to you daddy and maybe his wife about it... if you can't stand the thought of sharing someone a poly relationship is not for you it's as simple as that... you can't be hoping he'll leave his wife or anything because that won't happen or if it does you'd have to live with the thought that he might do the same to you.... you have to be in the right mindset for a poly relationship.... jealousy doesn't work there and it's not for most people

 

 

https://www.livescience.com/32146-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201605/monogamy-is-not-natural-human-beings

 

There's a million others I could post here but I'll let u do more research. If we were instinctually monogamous beings we would pick one partner and stay with them forever, on top of that, "cheating" would not be as overly prevalent as it is. It's just human nature. Obviously, a very very select few people desire to lead completely monogamous lives and that's fine. But that's a relatively small number especially compared to the number of people who have had more than one sexual partner in their entire lives.

 

If I were giving just an opinion I would have stated it as such.

[ILikeTheSummer]

https://www.livescience.com/32146-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201605/monogamy-is-not-natural-human-beings

 

There's a million others I could post here but I'll let u do more research. If we were instinctually monogamous beings we would pick one partner and stay with them forever, on top of that, "cheating" would not be as overly prevalent as it is. It's just human nature. Obviously, a very very select few people desire to lead completely monogamous lives and that's fine. But that's a relatively small number especially compared to the number of people who have had more than one sexual partner in their entire lives.

 

If I were giving just an opinion I would have stated it as such.

so cheating is okay?

and most people choose to lead a monogamous life which can also be defined as being married to ONE person... which is what a huge majority of humans choose to do

both of the articles you posted are opinion pieces not scientifical research so yeah you can post a million more and if you can justify cheating with that fine by me... i couldn't and won't and could never date or befriend someone with that opion.

so you were giving your opinion not actual research 

humans aren't led by instincs that's one of the things what differentiates us from animals