DD/lg and the importance of terminology

[xBabydollx]

This is a topic or questions I've been hesitant to ask out of fear of it being too confrontational, but I keep coming back to it in my mind because I genuinely want to know. So, here we are. My questions are, why is so many things chalked up to being DD/lg when they are not? And why is DD/lg or being a Daddy, or little so open to 'loose interpenetration' when other aspects of D/s or BDSM, or life generally is not. I will further explain my thinking below.

 

There is age regression and there is ageplay. It may or may not be a kink. Meaning, u may like to behave younger than u are or be called 'Daddy' or 'Princess' because it is fun and turn u on. On the other hand, u may age regress in a way of dealing with trauma and it is nothing kink involved in it for u. Age regression/ageplay is its own thing separate from DD/lg. u can age regress or ageplay and not be a little or Daddy at all.

 

Then there is ABDL which is an adult baby/diaper lover. It may or may not be a kink for u. Diapers; wearing them or seeing others wearing them, may or may not turn u on.  u may wear them as a form of age regression, or u may wear them because u simply need to. ABDL is its own thing separate from DD/lg. u can be an AB or diaper lover and not be a little or Daddy at all.

 

Next there is a caregiver. It may or may not be a kink. This is someone who likes to care for others. Caregivers for an example, may do well with an ABDL or ageplayer. Any forms of dominance and submission, or power exchange is not required.  A caregiver is its own thing separate from DD/lg. u can be a caregiver and not be a Daddy at all. 

 

My point is, there are many ppl involved with those lifestyle choices but they are not into DD/lg as those things does not equal DD/lg. However, u can be a little or Daddy and like some of those things. u can be a little or Daddy and like all of those things. Or you can be a little or Daddy and not like age regression or ABDL at all. Why? because at the core those things does not equal DD/lg. They can blend into ur DD/lg lifestyle if u desire them to, but as they are their own separate things, they are not required in DD/lg.

 

All of this brings me to, what is DD/lg? But before u get to that, u must know what is BDSM. It is B&D(bondage and discipline), D&S (Dominance and submission), and S&M (sadism and masochism). Liking any part of those things is liking BDSM and u do not have to like all of it's aspects to like BDSM. We will focus on D/s tho. D/s is a power exchange between consenting adults, where one person hands over power/control to another and there is usually a set type of behavior, rituals, etc. Besides the typical Dominant and submissive, there is various sub branches of each type. A Dom/Daddy/Owner/Hunter/Master. A sub/little/pet/prey/slave. All of these types are part of D/s and specific titles may change depending on the ppl involved. So, what is DD/lg? It means Daddy Dom/little girl. Or Mommy Domme/little boy or various other things depending on ur gender and sexuality. Dom, being the key word here. How does it differ from it's other Dom/sub counterparts? A DD/lg dynamic is a power exchange when the Dominant takes on the role of a caregiver and the submissive engages in childlike behavior with their partner and receives guidance and structure to help them grow. It is often looked at as a 'softer touch' to the usual form of D/s. 

 

So, how could u be a Daddy when u are not a Dom? How could u be a little when u are not an adult with child-like qualities? How could u be a Daddy Dom or little girl when u are not a Dominant or submissive interested in a power exchange. No, there is no 'one true way' of DD/lg, or 'one true way' of being a little. Meaning, u can be super girly or a tomboy who is obsessed with black, vampires, and zombies. u can age regress or not. u can be an adult baby or not. If u are an adult submissive with child-like qualities then u are still a little. As for no 'one true way' of DD/lg, I may have 20 rules in my dynamic. u may only have 3. I may kneel for my Daddy Dom every day, u may not be required to do so. My Daddy may like for me to use proper etiquette and honorifics, yours may not care. All of that is ok and what it means by there being no 'one true way' as we all share the same core meaning of this lifestyle but go about it differently. If at the end of the day, u have a power exchange with a Dom who takes on a caregiver role and a sub who engages in child-like qualities...then u are still a part of a DD/lg lifestyle. 

 

I mention all of this because there is so many ppl who say 'i'm a little' or 'i'm a Daddy' while possessing 0 qualities or characteristics of what is a little or Daddy. Just because u age regress, is an ABDL, or is a caregiver, does not automatically make u a part of DD/lg. Terminology exists for a reason and I feel with DD/lg in particular, so much gets thrown out of a window and becomes a sort of free for all. If a person possessed 0 characteristics of a Dom, ppl will usually say so. If u identified as a sadist, and ur partner claimed to be a masochist...should that person act surprised when u pull out the whip, paddle, and want to hit them until they bleed? If I said I was an Owner looking for a pet, yet u have 0 qualities or interests of being treated as a pet....then wouldn't that be an issue? If u told me u are mono and in the same breathe tell me u have 3 girlfriends and want us all to play some time...that sounds more like a poly situation and most would be upset and mislead if u told them u are mono. Then with rl, if u say u are a doctor and my mom passes out in front of u, am i wrong for expecting u to behave like a doctor? If u told me u are a lesbian, am i really the rude one for being confused if u are married to a man, in love with that man, and not even remotely attracted to women? If u tell me u are a furry, but do not like furry cosplay, furry costumes, or anything furry related...then are u really a furry?

 

At the end of the day, I am aware that ppl will claim to be anything, but if u do not possess the qualities or characteristics of what u claim to be...am I really wrong for not accepting or treating u as what u say u are? And it is really sad to me to see so many things chalked up as part of DD/lg when they aren't. It makes perfect sense why so many struggle to find a good match, because they are saying they are something they have no characteristics of them being. Or they describe what they are after, but it really sounds like something else. For example, I have met many Dom's looking for a sub and after they explain their desires, I would explain to them what a Top/bottom is and guess what? That description fits them perfectly and I'm like no wonder u haven't found what u are looking for because u are a Top claiming to be a Dom. If ppl took the extra time to research things, I feel they would get further. I know ppl don't like to be put in a box, but I truly believe terminology exists for a reason and can be super helpful. There is always an exception to everything, but if this sort of thing applies to every other aspect of D/s and life, why do so many expect DD/lg to be different? I truly want to know. I come from another community where most shared the same ideals/terminology or u know, there is google, so it is interesting coming here to see such an 'up in the air' approach. 

 

This was long winded, but I tried to be as clear as possible about what I mean. I am not debating what DD/lg means, but rather why does it appear to be the only thing that is so open to 'loose interpenetration' vs other forms of D/s and life. I would love to hear thoughts and opinions, but only respectful ones.

[ThePoet]

I agree with the talkative one! Purge: a purge on all pretenders who have sullied these halls. Bring your pitchforks! ;D

[xBabydollx]

Lol that just sounds like trouble

[Panda God]

This is kinda hard to read, to be honest.... But I kinda agree with you.

[xBabydollx]

Sorry that it is, I tried lol. Generally asking why a bunch of separate things/lifestyles is being included into DD/lg basically

[Guest bunnybear11]

Wow this was intense, I totally agree and have actually been wanting to make a topic about the importance of terminology myself.

 

I feel like what has happened to ddlg in the past few years is that, as most of us are aware, it has become a trend. And while other branches of the D/s dynamic are also pretty popular, ddlg has been on the spotlight recently, causing unwanted attention from a lot of minors, and also just new people in the community, who feel in the right to change terminology in order to fit their lifestyles and how they see the dynamic.

 

Recently there has been some trouble regarding a new ddlg youtuber, playpenprincess, for a while her channel was all fun and games, until she started throwing around terms she literally had no idea of, either on istagram streams, saying she didn't even know what bdsm was, or later on on her actual videos, saying that for her, ddlg wasn't a kink, it wasn't a part of bdsm. That is fine if she choses not to be a sexual little, but it is a fact that ddlg is a kink and is under a category of bsdm, she can't change that just because she wants to. If she didn't want to be connected to bdsm why couldn't she just call herself an age regressor? I don't know.

 

Honestly, I don't think there's anything we can do about this, we can't change peoples minds, it just saddens me to see how A LOT of our terminology gets thrown off the window because of people like this.

[xBabydollx]

I can completely agree with u about DD/lg being a trend now. It's like when 50 shades of grey came out and suddenly there was this influx of ppl claiming to be a Dom or sub but actually had no idea what any of it actually meant. They more so expected a Top/bottom and instant gratification situations as if that is what D/s is when it is not. As for DD/lg, I remember a few years ago when it was rare to find someone that was a Daddy or little. Most ppl (even into BDSM) saw it as taboo, and wasn't too open about the idea. Then all of a sudden it seemed like almost every Dom or sub I met was a Daddy or little lol. Idk if maybe all the cute posts on tumblr and instagram pulls them in more, or what. A lot of ppl do 0 research beyond the cute memes they find before claiming to be into DD/lg. It's interesting. I don't know the youtuber u speak of, but it's def odd that her and many others, think they can take something that already exists/is established and twist it into their own version of things, and honestly just expect ppl to accept that and roll with it.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I think Melanie Martinez instigated its trendiness.

[Guest bunnybear11]

I think Melanie Martinez instigated its trendiness.

totally, just like Lana Del Rey (who I honestly love) unfortunately did with the Lolita/nymphet romanticization culture :c

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

I think tumblr has also influenced DDlg as a trend. And unfortunately there's a big community of people there that insist it's not a kink and so that complicates things more, because now you have a significant number of people who genuinely don't know it's a BDSM lifestyle/dynamic. Creates a lot of problems and can create danger in some cases, just like with the 50 shades trend that OP mentioned.

 

I'm sure the trend will die back down, but the question is when.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

totally, just like Lana Del Rey (who I honestly love) unfortunately did with the Lolita/nymphet romanticization culture :c

 

Yasss, i know the feels. lol

 

I wanted to hate her but instead I'm like- I HAVE FOUND THE MUSIC OF MY PEOPLE.

And then feel dirty later -.-

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Look, when they get to the point where they've snagged a Daddy and he's like it's chokey time!- They're gonna realize they've made a mistake, and it'll cull the masses of trendsters.

There's hope out there.

 

I think tumblr has also influenced DDlg as a trend. And unfortunately there's a big community of people there that insist it's not a kink and so that complicates things more, because now you have a significant number of people who genuinely don't know it's a BDSM lifestyle/dynamic. Creates a lot of problems and can create danger in some cases, just like with the 50 shades trend that OP mentioned.

I'm sure the trend will die back down, but the question is when.

[xBabydollx]

Haha no! More likely to call him a fake Daddy for wanting to choke her lol. Which is both hilarious and sad. Depending on social platforms, the community is def split. Some ppl see it as a kink, others just see it as something 'cute'. I honestly believe that ppl see all the cute memes, desire a bf that would treat them that sweetly, and just say, 'yup, i want a daddy' and go find one right away. That's especially my thought for the minors, but I wont dig into that hole.

[neko.babydoll]

I agree with so much of this. I myself am still relatively new to my DDlg lifestyle (and yes that's the one I use). But I was in the BDSM scene for far longer. I get incredibly uncomfortable when people say it is not a kink. Its definitely a kink, albeit a very cute one. And as much as I want underage people to learn and be knowledgeable I am torn between educating them and turning them away. 

 

I don't blame them for flocking to it though - its cute, fun, and a lot of people with anxiety really love the safe feeling one gets with a Daddy.

 

I do tend to stay away from these types of discussions though cause I know everyone thinks and feels differently and don't wanna seem like too much of a know-it-all haha.

[star-strucky]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks this!!!!

[xBabydollx]

I generally don't have a problem with underage ppl learning about the BDSM lifestyle, as long as they aren't crazy young like 12 or something. It is when they proceed to actively participate in the lifestyle is where I have a problem, it is after all about consenting adults. I personally feel they are better off focusing on school etc instead of finding a 'Mommy' or 'Daddy'. That is just my opinion as BDSM offers a high possibility of various dangers, manipulation being a high one for ppl so young, but it is definitely not the only one.

 

 

I am also glad to see I am not the only who thinks like this. I def worried about some confrontation, but things have been civil so far.

[LilAngeladri]

I'm a bit late to the queue , but i was just having a similar conversation on this topic before. There are countless individuals who want more of a Cg/l dynamic - not really any power exchange included and thats cool but thats not dd/lg or md/lg ect. ect. Another thing is Cg/l is a gender neutral blanket term so can either really refer to a D/s relationship or a non D/s relationship. DD/lg is D/s. End of story. If your not engaging in a form of power exchange call it something else. i mean, the word "dom" is in the title. Its not a point of trying to exclude people especially when they have their own terminology- Ab/dl, age player/ regressor ect. I dont even know what would be a great way to clear it all up to be honest because its so mixed up. Alot of people are more attracted to the age play or having a caregiver but not the D/s side. I guess it is what it is. Theres just a need to educate perhaps. That is why on my Tumblr in my description i put that im a SUB first, and then a little, Because being a Sub or Dom is part of Dd/lg. So if you're not that... great. You're still awesome, just don't label your dynamic that way. Label it as Cg/l with elements of ageplay, ect. 

[strawberrystarbaby]

I actually made a video on youtube recently that touched, lightly, on this topic. Misinformation and incorrect labels. It seems that people have no idea what the difference between age play, ddlg/cgl, and age regression are. which, I can understand it to an extent because I was confused when I first got into ddlg. But a lack of knowledge can only excuse you for so long before it becomes an issue that you are willfully remaining ignorant. Learn. Read. And it's very depressing when adults, like playpenprincess, make videos about this lifestyle but are trying to change the definition of it. She can't do that. It's not her right. If it's nonsexual for her, then it's nonsexual. Why don't people realize that nonsexual kinks and fetishes exist? Why can't people realize that BDSM is not locked in a sexual vacuum? There are times Daddy puts his hand around my throat and stares into my eyes and we're quiet. Not because it's leading us to sex. Sometimes it's not even arousing. It is just something we do that helps me feel owned by Daddy. BECAUSE WE ARE IN A BDSM RELATIONSHIP. I am his submissive! He is my dominant! This is integral to the ddlg dynamic. Power exchange is integral. It's not just coloring and wearing onesies all day (though I do have those days, hehe). I just wish people would learn to see beyond the outer layer of cute, pink tumblr baby aesthetic. *diappointed sigh*

[Guest bunnybear11]

I actually made a video on youtube recently that touched, lightly, on this topic. Misinformation and incorrect labels. It seems that people have no idea what the difference between age play, ddlg/cgl, and age regression are. which, I can understand it to an extent because I was confused when I first got into ddlg. But a lack of knowledge can only excuse you for so long before it becomes an issue that you are willfully remaining ignorant. Learn. Read. And it's very depressing when adults, like playpenprincess, make videos about this lifestyle but are trying to change the definition of it. She can't do that. It's not her right. If it's nonsexual for her, then it's nonsexual. Why don't people realize that nonsexual kinks and fetishes exist? Why can't people realize that BDSM is not locked in a sexual vacuum? There are times Daddy puts his hand around my throat and stares into my eyes and we're quiet. Not because it's leading us to sex. Sometimes it's not even arousing. It is just something we do that helps me feel owned by Daddy. BECAUSE WE ARE IN A BDSM RELATIONSHIP. I am his submissive! He is my dominant! This is integral to the ddlg dynamic. Power exchange is integral. It's not just coloring and wearing onesies all day (though I do have those days, hehe). I just wish people would learn to see beyond the outer layer of cute, pink tumblr baby aesthetic. *diappointed sigh*

Exactly !! heheh, may I ask the name of your youtube channel? :3

[strawberrystarbaby]

Exactly !! heheh, may I ask the name of your youtube channel? :3

Yeah, of course!! I'm Little Strawberry on youtube. One video up so far, but I'm working on more. Thank you for asking. <3

[curlybaby]

Yeah, of course!! I'm Little Strawberry on youtube. One video up so far, but I'm working on more. Thank you for asking. <3

 I saw your video a few days ago when I was swooping through ddlg youtube.. I'm a big fan of Binkie Princess which is how I discovered the kink in the first place but haven't since then found any DDLG youtube channels that don't make me cringe to holy hell apart from yours. I loved the video ! Teenagers filming themselves alone 'in little space' seems fake and unreal to me - however I never want to be the person to shut down someone's form of self expression... What do you think of that side of you tube? How do you feel about the you tube community you're entering yourself into??

[Guest SugarySweets]

I was in so much need of a post like this! Thank you so much!! 

I was introduced to DDLG about 5 years ago by a 'daddy', but I'm not sure he was a good one to me. 

I stuck to D/s for the past 4 years, and have recently started to really think about who I am... and it's challenging. 

I have a question- what do you mean when you say 'childlike characteristics'?

[Petal]

Hm..

 

I've struggled with terminology my entire life.  DDlg is pretty new.  Even "Little" is pretty new!  When I was young, like twelve or thirteen, I used to identify as an AB.  I really liked pacifiers and diapers back then so it fit.  It was definitely a form of age regression for me!  I liked to bet taken care of.  Babied.  To feel safe or something?  There's no real reason for it - I had a really nice childhood and I don't think I "missed out" or anything.  But that was just who I was.

 

I struggled with that for a long time.  Everyone in the ABDL community knows about binging and purging.  I expect a lot of Littles on this site understand it too.  When I was in high school I started dating this girl, and I told her about the AB stuff.  That's when I started getting into the more... uh... adult side of things.  Tying up.  Forced to wear diapers.  Dressed in embarrassing things.  Not allowed to use the bathroom.  Back then, Little and DDlg still weren't things.  Even though AB is about age regression and DL is about fetishizing diapers, I still fit within the community.  I was an AB with BDSM interests, basically.

 

Time went on.  That girl and I broke up.  I used age regression as a coping mechanism. (I still do!) But the secret desire of wanting to be dommed by a woman and forced to be a little girl always lingered.  And the ABDL community started to feel... off.  Asking about diapers, if I was wet, what kind I wore... and ugh, I just SO didn't care.  And ABs were always about being taken care of, changed, fed... and I was like "what about playing with dolls, or coloring, or watching cartoons?" So the ABDL community began to feel out of place.

 

When the word Little came around, I clicked with it instantly.  Little.  Like, that's me.  I never had a doubt in my mind.  No binging, no purging.  I never questioned it.  I AM a Little!  It was like... magic.  Like when I realized I was gay.  Everything fell into place.

 

I actually knew about "Little" before I knew about "DDlg" so I still couldn't quantify my feelings of submissiveness within the ageplay spectrum.  Then Tumblr got a hold of me and I thought DDlg was like... "Littles, but sexual".  But my Little side is extremely innocent and it sort of upset me to think about it like that?  And the whole "DDlg" phrase felt exclusive, and as a gay girl I didn't fit the mold well enough.

 

So fast forward to today.  I'm semi-active on two forums: this one, and an ABDL one.  I'm probably about as DDlg as I am ABDL, which is to say, not very much.  But I don't think there's a forum for exactly what I am.  And I find so many common themes and similar people with these two combined places that I feel like I sort of have a home.  I've changed a lot over the past fourteen years, and I'm sure I'll change it all again too.  They'll come out with some new term (I'm sure they already have!) and I'll identify with that one.  And then I'll have another forum to go to.  As important as definitions and labels are to us, we change them a lot too. XD

 

So here I am.  I basically have three completely different sides to my personality, to the point where they have different names.  I'm a mature, responsible, forward thinking adult who excels at compassion and empathy, eager to be on equal ground with everyone she meets.  And I'm an innocent young girl, constantly searching for excitement and activities and friendship, fascinated with the world and all the possibilities.  And I'm a bratty, stubborn, arrogant princess who desperately wants to be forced to her sheets, reveling in her humiliation.

 

So what's that?  Normal, Little, DDlg?  Or Adult, CGL, BDSM?  How do I live like that?  Where's the line between when I want to be teased for spilling a drink, or when I want someone to dote and help me clean it up?  When should I be asked for a diaper and when should someone force me into it?  I'm a fucking mess.

 

There are girls on here who have full time DDlg relationships and I look at them and think, "Wow.  I do NOT belong here." And then I see 400 posts about coloring books and Little Space TV shows and I can't imagine being anywhere else.

 

I don't know about all the history to DDlg, I really don't.  I know I use the word Little to describe both how I feel when I'm regressed and how I feel when I'm submissive.  I know "DDlg" makes me uncomfortable because I don't want a Daddy, but CGL might not have BDSM connotations.  I don't know where I fit or where I belong.  Honestly I probably never will.  But I guess... until then, I'm glad I have this place and the friends I've made.  

 

*sigh*

 

I wish terms were easy.  I wish I could quantify "this is me" and no one would ever question it.  But... things change.  My ABDL forum welcomes all forms of ageplay now. (BTW why is DL considered ageplay anyway?) And DDlg includes relationships of all genders.  And in ten years, I'll be somewhere else, with a new term to describe me.

 

Anyway, despite the mess of terms the ageplay and BDSM communities have, I really hope everybody finds their place in the world.  Or at least their place on the internet. <3

 

~Grown-Up Petal

[Lilkitten12]

I love this post too!! I have been feeling like my interpretation of the lifestyle hasn’t been matching up at all- I was starting to think it was just me! I love the bdsm aspect of DDlg and not coming across it too much on this site and through other research I was actually starting to get worried that I had it backwards this whole time. I have been in the lifestyle for years and learned under a great Dom Daddy But I only just recently (past couple months) have tried to become a part of the community and nothing was seeming to jive with my experience.

Thanks so much for posting I needed this!

[Petal]

OKAY so to clarify (because I forgot to address this in my rant), I think you are completely right about DDlg as a term.  I definitely don't think you're participating in DDlg unless it's a D/s role.  But I also think Little and CGL can be non-D/s.  I mean, I think CGL is sometimes used as a gender-neutral term to describe DDlg?  I don't think that's really accurate, since Caregivers/Littles are not really rooted in D/s the way DDlg is.  But I also think there should definitely be a gender neutral DDlg term!

 

This whole thread actually really helped me to cement some of my ideas and concepts so thank you very much!  All in all, I definitely agree that people should figure out what they are so they can better find a place in the community.  But on the other hand, I'm really glad I can be Little (non D/s) on this DDlg (D/s) forum because there is so much cross pollination between non-submissive and submissive littles.  It's an expansive way to make friends!

 

In short: DDlg = CGL + D/s.  Without both of those in some way, it's not DDlg.

Edited February 19, 2018 by Petal