So confused

[Veronicamarie]

I'm not looking for advice so much.. I'm more looking to see if this has ever happened to anyone else.

I love Him so much but my little side is extremely needy and I'm not new to bdsm but new to being a little. For the most part I've supressed my little side until I got with Him and it felt safe to let her out. She's been out almost nonstop for months but He did something that hurt her feelings this morning and it's like I can't get back in little space now.

It's even weird talking about it like I'm talking in 3rd person about myself.

Me (as in not little space) knows that what He did wasnt that big of a deal but my little side had a meltdown this morning and it was like she just disappeared.

I'm confused because when I started exploring my little side it was just natural but with what happened this morning I'm wondering if maybe she's a seperate identity or something..maybe I have DID or something I don't know. I'm struggling to even say the D word because it doesn't feel safe right now even though what He dis wasnt that big of a deal. It's just all confusing.

[Guest SUeB]

It's probably more that these new "little" feelings are what you're really afraid of. The actions of your partner was probably just something your brain could "blame" for how insecure and nervous you feel. This can be a big deal. It can be a scary thing to realise and try to accept about yourself. Do you think that's a possibility?

[Veronicamarie]

No it's almost like two seperate sides to me. I know it sounds weird but it didn't feel like seperate sides until this happened this morning. Even He came home for lunch and we talked and He even said He noticed an immediate change in me when my little side disappeared, like two totally different people. I'm literally confused and freaking out thinking I'm crazy at this point.

[Guest Loki]

You’re not crazy! ! I’ve met a few people on this forum that have seperate identities.

 

For me, I have at least five.

 

But, and I can’t stress this enough, sometimes headspaces are different but not seperate. You should see a professional before freaking out.

 

Most people feel like a different person in different headspaces, but that doesn’t invalidate your experience. Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t.

 

Either way, know it’s ok, and with support you can manage it - and don’t be afraid of professionals!.

[Veronicamarie]

I am actually terrified of counselors. A little background...I had a Dom once who was a therapist (I never saw him professionally-just dated him). He pimped me out to people...and he told me things about his profession that have me terrified to ever go see one

[Guest Dean]

It's not weird and you aren't crazy. It's also not DID. I'm not an expert but I have seen this before. As far as I can tell (including conversations and experience with a previous partner who did this), you are associating certain aspects of who you are as "little". Whether it is conscious or subconscious doesn't really matter. When little, you let those aspects of your personality be expressed more while expressing those that you associate as "big" less. Many littles seem to do this to some extent or the other. As do some subs and slaves. These aspects can seem to form their own identity and personality and are often given their own name (or something special that their Daddy/Dom/Master calls them when referring to that space). If you speak to many littles when they are little and again when they are big, you will often feel that you are talking to two different people. It all depends on how they separate their spaces. All that being said, if you have been upset in one space, it can make it difficult to get back into that space. Because that space has become an identity of sorts, it has to take its own time to recover. I wouldn't try to force it because your littlespace is still there and still you. Your littlespace may just need more time. 

[xpaciprincesss]

I understand what you're talking about.

When Daddy and I started dating, he did something that "big me" had no problem with (like, at all), but it was something that really hurt my little side. I couldn't help it, but I couldn't properly get into littlespace (and even calling him Daddy felt weird because it stirred up lots of things inside my head).

 

From what you say, it doesn't seem like DID at all.

I also talk about my little side in third person sometimes when I'm not in littlespace, I just feel it's easier to understand what I'm saying that way.

 

My advice is to give it some time and talk to him.

Be open about what hurt your feelings, big or little.

I knew I needed it. Daddy realised that his actions had hurt little me and that changed the dynamic and he kinda needed to gain my trust back.

[Veronicamarie]

Ok wouldn't you know it..Daddy and I talked and all i needed after was to smell baby lotion lol

[XmochiX]

Ah, you don't need to have DID to disassociate and that sort of sounds like what you are going through. I think if you had DID, though, you'd be losing time. Edited January 30, 2018 by princess_mochi

[Veronicamarie]

Yea I'm not losing time at all but all these parts to me seem like completely seperate identities that at times intermingle. My little side is whats "me" most of the time. I never realized I had "sides" before this happened the other day and now I can feel/sense all these different aspects of myself ..it's quite weird that I never realized it before.

[XmochiX]

Yea I'm not losing time at all but all these parts to me seem like completely seperate identities that at times intermingle. My little side is whats "me" most of the time. I never realized I had "sides" before this happened the other day and now I can feel/sense all these different aspects of myself ..it's quite weird that I never realized it before.

Well, like I said, you don't need to have DID to disassociate. I would, at the very least, talk to your doctor about your concerns and see if he can decide whether or not you need to see a mental health professional.