Dealing with being ignored

[Raerwyn Vanya]

I find that I almost always stop going to chatrooms or discord servers after I start getting ignored. I find a lovely place to make friends, and at some point I get ignored. Not permanantly. But like...I'll say something in a chat and no one will contribute. Sometimes I can dismiss it as "Well chat was just really busy today" but other times its just slow, and I post, but the only talking is the same conversation. Recently, it was four people all talking, and no matter what I said, relating to their topic, no one replied to me.

I worry that I'm being too......needy? Like...I just want someone to talk to most the time. And when it happens it hurts way more than it should? How do I cope with these feelings so that I don't feel like I'm being abandoned by my friends online?

[sullenDaddybones]

Discord or Chats are often dictated by a friend mentality. Meaning that if you made real close friends with a few people there you don't need or open up to new people. Like an 'in crowd' at a  school/club. It may feel that way whether that group of people want you to or not. NOW if you start a new group and immediately lay down your mark on them you usually are 'in that crowd' so long as you're in their good graces...

 

Other than that groups are fickle so don't take it personal. Look at history and mass mentality. You could write many novels about this kinda stuff and there are many.  

 

If you want to get new people to open up to you, be patient and develop a friendship. Listen to them a lot and comment to them positively. Then after awhile when they warm up to you, make it a two-way street and see if that doesn't work for you. If it doesn't ultimately get the heck out cause those people are not open to new people and you're just wasting your energy on a useless endeavor when your friendship could be very well used elsewhere ...........

 

We waste a lot of time in life on friends that are not true friends. True Friends: Listen, Care, share and there for us. I'm sure you will find them on this site or others! Good luck

[Omo]

Some tips. With Discord, lots of the time people tab in and out.and have notifications (sounds and messages) turned off. My advice if you'd like to get someones attention on Discord is to use the @ feature of join a voice channel because they could be in a voice channel and typing in chat at the same time. Some tips I think are good to use are

 

"Hey @everyone, what do you think of (thing)"

 

Or

 

"Hey @person, how are you?"

 

Just to make it personal and get their attention, they now know you're speaking directly to them.

[smallprincesssarah]

I'm in the same boat, it's really hard to find those few people who are almost always willing to talk to you without fear of being ignored in a group setting. I always thought I was odd or awkward for having this problem, when everyone else in chat is having fun interacting with each other.

 

But it's like sullenDaddyBones says, it ultimately comes down to people in a chat having an established friendship with each other. Definitely going to keep up with this thread for the advice. 

 

(I also really dig your signature, OP. It's heartwarming to see fellow KS fans in 2018.)

[AliciaCrunk]

Oh no raerae was it Ali who did this ;-;

[DollDirector]

I am old school of course but maybe you could introduce a bit of this perspective in your own feelings: It's not as if you had actually met these people IRL and they were ignoring you when online. What's happening is less important. Besides,there is nothing wrong with keeping an eye on the chat without saying anything for some time,to see what happens.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

You're not being unreasonable or too needy.

It's not nice to feel ignored, or be ignored.

 

Being ignored hurts feelings, makes that person feel less important than those who are getting responses, leads to that person wanting to leave, and a feeling of being excluded from the community that they are of equal value to (but being made to feel lesser).

 

Sometimes chat is moving too fast or there are too many people.

BUT- if there are that many people, surely one out of those 30 or however many, can pull their heads out of their balloon knots to say hi or acknowledge someone getting lost in the flood of messages. Idk, I make an effort to. Even if I'm grumpy, cuz I know how crapola it feels.

The only chats I've seen move too fast to read a message are Livestreaming chats where there's >50 people all trying to talk at once.

There are plenty of times where people are purposely ignoring someone who's not in their clique, and then make up excuses to save their glowing reputations.

 

 

Notice me, senpai. Notice me.

Edited January 11, 2018 by MarshmallowSnot

[Guest Daddys1Babycakes88]

[bouncybbe]

Chats can be really spooky because they move so fast and are really impersonal a lot of the time... I always find that making friends with someone by asking them questions in a pm, replying to what they say enthusiastically, and being engaged with them will be MUCH more satisfying than just a chat conversation! It's deifnitely not you, it's THEM, and they are missing out on an amazing new friend by not talking to you.

 

Sometimes people are silly geese and just don't know how to talk about anything but themselves. I find it REALLY hard to find people who actually reply to what I say instead of just saying whatever THEY think about. Those people are called "conversational narcissists" and there are so many of them in the world! They make conversation impossible.

 

If you ever want a friend, feel free to message me! I know how crummy it can feel to be ignored, and I loooove making new friends. Hope the chat can work out for you and that you can make some new buds!!

[Raerwyn Vanya]

Thank you all for your comments. I ended up driving home all day yesterday and just got set up to read all of these. Sometimes it's a lil tough to remember its okie to want to be seen.

And no Ali. It did not happen here. usually the chat is just too fast for me to keep up, so I stopped using >.> You didnt do anything wrong~

Mmmm....You gave me a lot to think about guys/gals. I appreciate the replies very much.

[Raerwyn Vanya]

Thank you all for your comments. I ended up driving home all day yesterday and just got set up to read all of these. Sometimes it's a lil tough to remember its okie to want to be seen.

And no Ali. It did not happen here. usually the chat is just too fast for me to keep up, so I stopped using >.> You didnt do anything wrong~

Mmmm....You gave me a lot to think about guys/gals. I appreciate the replies very much.