What to do...

[Snow]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm new here and to DD/lg relationships in general. I've been with my little (she's more of a middle actually) for about 8 months. She reconnected with an old friend two weeks ago and they started hanging out a lot. I was nervous she was cheating on me at first. But without giving details, I'm sure that's not the case now. But what she did was extremely stressful. She blew me off for many days in a row. I had to guilt trip her into hanging out with me after five nights of hanging out with her friend. Eventually, I got her to admit that she had been lying to me and the bottom line is that she was doing drugs and partying with her friend. She smoked a lot of pot and lied to me when I asked if she had. She also tried coke apparently.... I have had several sleepless nights and we have had many difficult emotional conversations about all of this. She feels horrible - and lying to each other is against our rules. Also is drugs because I'm a recovering addict. She's young and wants to try stuff which I get because I did that too at her age. She promised to stop hanging out with her friend because when she does, she gets pressured to do stuff even when she has told me she won't. 

 

I told her last night that I think for me to be able to move on from this, I need to punish her for what she did. And then we can move forward from it. She agrees and is ready to do it. I'm just wondering what other daddies think of this situation. What would you do as a punishment? What are your thoughts about how to get trust back after a situation like this? How can I stop second guessing everything she tells me because I just start to wonder if she is lying again? Thanks.

 

- snow

[Guest Sae]

Honestly, For punishments Idk. I'm not a Daddie, or a mommy. So it feels awkward to suggest something like that... I mean, if I was to suggest something as a little, and a submissive, probably a really hard padding/caning, and an essay would be what I'd suggest.  

 

Good for you on wanting to wait on the punishment so you can think with a clear head!

 

I would say you did do something wrong, guilt tripping isn't something you should be doing in a relationship, no matter the reasons. I'm glad she was able to tell you she did do drugs in the end.

 

As for seconding guess: That's a wound that'll heal with time, same with trust. Trust isn't something someone can re-grab back. So I would also suggest if/when you punish her tell her its not about the trust or you'll stop second guessing, but it's something you're going to do. Just take your time, maybe give her a chance to feel like there is more chatting and talking back and forth. commutation - Lots of it.  If she hangs out with friends ask her to send you text messages so you won't worry as much. 

[Sahnma]

Not having experienced this, I can only surmise as to how to punish her.  Firstly though, kudos on seeking advice and waiting before doing anything, never ever punish in anger.  For the main offense, a good spanking or paddling.  Make sure to warm her up first and don't forget aftercare even though it's a punishment, she will need to know she is still loved and forgiven.  Also, I like the idea of an essay, maybe between 150-200 words, or 50 lines of something to the effect of "I will not lie to Daddy".  

 

For the secondary problem of hanging out with her friend and ignoring you, I would suggest hourly check ins if shes hanging out with the friend and if she doesn't check in or misses it by more than a couple minutes, then assign her lines to write.  I hope this has given you some ideas and I wish you the best of luck.

[Guest Sae]

After care is so important! Punishment or not. :3 Good thing to point out Sahnma! :3 Remember, all sub/littles need after care. :3 doesn't matter if they got a punishment or not. It's super important. Also remember to give yourself after care too. (drinking water if needed, relax, ect) baths are nice to share together, same with a meal or a movie, cuddles.    

[Snow]

Thank you so much for all the great advice and feedback. I really can't tell you how much it means to us. I got to spend some time with LMC tonight ( I wanted to wait and say her name until I checked it was ok with her) and we read your responses. It was really cool that ddlgdoodles replied to me. Thanks so much. I loved what you said about about how she can be honest with me without judgement. I also liked the broken mirror metaphor. I read her your response over the phone today and later when we were able to spend some time together, I made sure that she understands that she can always be honest with me without judgement. We are going to spend this Saturday together and I will be giving her her punishment then. I've decided on a paddling and an essay. I think I want the essay to be the first part of a scrapbook for us. I haven't told her this yet. I hope she will like the idea. It will be a place for us to document our journey together. I am going to make sure that I have a plan for aftercare because this is our first time where I have really punished her. All of our previous "spankings" and just been for fun... She is really a middle... She's not into sippy cups and pacis... But she does love her stuffies. Especially the one that I got for her that is a snow leopard. We didn't even know what a "middle" was until we read ddlgdoodles blog. So thank you for that. I'm just very grateful to be able to discuss these things with people who understand. She is going to hang out with her friends tomorrow. They are going to spend a lot of time together at a bonfire on the beach. We discussed it a lot tonight and came up with some rules for her to follow in order for us to try to regain trust. She was very receptive to my rules. I am having her text me every hour while she is with them. I told her she can't do any drugs. And I made her promise that she wouldn't get in a car with anyone that is high or drunk. She is going to wear my collar I got for her to remind her of her promises. That was her idea btw... As I was taking her home tonight I asked her, "Do you understand that this is a test? That this is what we need to do so I can trust you again?" And she said yes. So I feel very good about where we are headed. 

[MrAsphyxiation]

Thank you so much for all the great advice and feedback. I really can't tell you how much it means to us. I got to spend some time with LMC tonight ( I wanted to wait and say her name until I checked it was ok with her) and we read your responses. It was really cool that ddlgdoodles replied to me. Thanks so much. I loved what you said about about how she can be honest with me without judgement. I also liked the broken mirror metaphor. I read her your response over the phone today and later when we were able to spend some time together, I made sure that she understands that she can always be honest with me without judgement. We are going to spend this Saturday together and I will be giving her her punishment then. I've decided on a paddling and an essay. I think I want the essay to be the first part of a scrapbook for us. I haven't told her this yet. I hope she will like the idea. It will be a place for us to document our journey together. I am going to make sure that I have a plan for aftercare because this is our first time where I have really punished her. All of our previous "spankings" and just been for fun... She is really a middle... She's not into sippy cups and pacis... But she does love her stuffies. Especially the one that I got for her that is a snow leopard. We didn't even know what a "middle" was until we read ddlgdoodles blog. So thank you for that. I'm just very grateful to be able to discuss these things with people who understand. She is going to hang out with her friends tomorrow. They are going to spend a lot of time together at a bonfire on the beach. We discussed it a lot tonight and came up with some rules for her to follow in order for us to try to regain trust. She was very receptive to my rules. I am having her text me every hour while she is with them. I told her she can't do any drugs. And I made her promise that she wouldn't get in a car with anyone that is high or drunk. She is going to wear my collar I got for her to remind her of her promises. That was her idea btw... As I was taking her home tonight I asked her, "Do you understand that this is a test? That this is what we need to do so I can trust you again?" And she said yes. So I feel very good about where we are headed. 

 

Thats beautiful to read Snow! Keep us updated