My Daddy wants to control my weight....

[Borgia_55]

This is a highly sensitive topic for me and my Daddy is well aware of it. He's always made me feel so beautiful and built my confidence. Has never said a single negative thing about my body, only that he finds me perfect. Yes, I've got some ample curves. But I'm healthy and take care of myself very well. Regardless, he always made me completely secure and at ease with myself. Which is why today came out of left field and I'm unsure how to feel right now... 

 

We've been long distance for a little under a year now. We took our time, given both our personal situations and the fact that we genuinely want this to be 'it'. Marriage, lifetime partnership... Nothing less than that. We have been finally planning to meet in person and my Daddy has expressed to me that this had made him feel a little more demanding. He hasn't been in a ddlg relationship for over 20 years and tried to explain that he's been holding everything in for so long, that he may have moments where he is extremely demanding to begin with. 

 

Before I go on... We also have a Dom/Sub, Master/Slave, Sadist/Masochist element(s) to our relationship. At the end of the day, I'm always his little girl. But we transition in and out of those roles very fluidly with each other. 

 

Today he was asking about how I would feel about him making me walk on a treadmill for a certain period of time, controlling my diet to a certain extent, etc etc... I said as long as it's reasonable, not all day/every day, and fits my already fairly particular diet (I'm a pescatarian) then of course, it's fine with me. I could tell he was leading up to something... Then he asked me what my weight was. After that... Told me that I was to lose 20-30 lbs. Not because he didn't find me beautiful but so that he could better physically manipulate my body if he wanted or needed to. That this would be an ongoing challenge for me... goals, tasks, rewards, punishments...

 

Normally, I don't blink an eye when he asks things of me. I just 'do' because I love him so much and would do nearly anything to please him. But this felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. I couldn't even hold back the tears. He knew I've always struggled with my weight, that the past years have finally left me with high levels of confidence, regardless what my body looks like. He immediately realized that I was upset and tried to explain that it was simply about him having that level of control over my life... That he loves and wants me now just the way I am. But all that ran through my mind was "Okay we're about to meet and start a life in person, so now all of a sudden he wants me to lose weight in preparation of that. Lovely." This man that has so much influence over me already... A man that I genuinely thought wanted me for exactly the way I was.... Again, he kept reassuring me of this and saying I misunderstood. Went on to tell me that I can walk away from this at any time if I didn't accept his demands... which did not make me feel better in the least bit. Now it's just all a blur. 

 

Which brings me to my question/concern/comment... Do you think my personal sensitivities are just making me overreact to this? Is it possible that he could truly just want the control and it's not simply that he doesn't desire me the way I am? Has anyone had this as part of their relationship before? I would really appreciate any thoughts right now, as I'm confused and rather upset. Thank you. 

[Insanity_Stars_Birdie]

No no no no! Your boundaries are always of the utmost importance regardless and if things are breaking those boundaries you are more than allowed to speak up about it. I had a Daddy do something VERY similar despite knowing I've struggled on and off with eating disorders. If you're healthy and you take care of yourself then your weight and body will follow and settle where it should be. I've always been a bit of a health nut food wise and I'm still about 10 pounds overweight. Some people are okay with it and some are not. It depends on the person and that's A-Okay either way.

 

You do not have to follow someone's every command and discard your own wellbeing. Love and dynamics don't change that at all and you are not being overly sensitive. Weight insecurities are a serious thing and he should be especially taking that seriously if he knows about said insecurities.

 

Also "Walk away if you don't accept his demands" I mean I don't really have the full inflection and context online but that still sounds a bit....excessive? A serious discussion about this all probably needs to be had. He may very well have had good intentions but approached it in a less than helpful manner. Regardless it's something that needs to be talked out.

 

To make a long post short you have every right to object to something if it makes you uncomfortable or threatens your self-esteem/mental health/well being. Rules and such are unique to each individual relationship. I hope I was able to help a little? 

Edited January 5, 2018 by Insanity_Stars_Birdie

[DaBrat1994]

I'm not sure how helpful this will be but i am over weight alot no matter how healthy i eat no matter how much i excrise because of a health issue that the doctors can't help control because i am under the level for them to give me meds for.... In my honest opinion if he has went so far as to want to "control" your weight then to me that would have been the same thing and their woudln't have been anything left i would have told him where to go... If you want him still and you are willng to listen to what he is saying then sit down have a convo with him find a dress/outfit somethng that you abolously love and have him help you do it that way but only if you are 100% sure you want to go with it.... i hope that my opinion helps you a little bit and know that you aren't the only little who has issues with that *gives hugs and candies*

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Removing my input. This whole topic went from 0 to 100 within a few hrs.

Edited January 6, 2018 by MarshmallowSnot

[DaddyAlphaca]

This always been a topic where a daddy / little is being demanding on their partner at certain level.

 

Thinking about marriage isn't easy, imagine, you have to be one specific person for rest of your life! Commitment, trust, patients, loyalty are being tested in a marriage.

 

Now imagine if you live with someone that you feels you can't be with, i mean, it doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you, it's more like a thing that he/she doesn't feels it fits their preferences and have to deal with it forever (e.g. ego, temperaments, etc), while we have to accept that preferences are exists, everyone has different preferences and we have to accept that.

 

In my opinion, if that is something that good for you but stressful, talk about it with your daddy, ask him for a motivation or help to control your exercise gradually. For example starts with 10 mins jogging and add 5 mins for every 2 weeks~ anything that suits you but have a progress, anything that make sense for your mind and body to do.

 

If you have a certain problems like (sorry) mental problems or health problems that make you hard to diet, talk it with your daddy and find a doctor to find a way out about it, again, if it is make sense for your mind and body to do it.

 

IMHO, in a relationship, it's not about "i want to my partner take me as I am" stuff that makes you lazy to encourage yourself to change into a better you! In a relationship, you have to be able motivate and be motivated by your partner to be a better person in anyway, together, regardless. As long it is only a little bit out of your safety and comfortable zone, but somehow reachable and you know it will be good for your self, then communicate with your daddy to help you about it!

 

A little idea: make a little game out of it! For example, for every 2 lb lost, your daddy will gives you 5 points, for every day you exercise you will get 1 point. You can trade 30 points for a plushie to your daddy! Doesn't have to be expensive but something cute and special ~

 

Good luck with your relationship!

[A Cuddly Dom]

 It may be true that his broaching this subject might have come off the wrong way. I can't tell because none of us were present when he brought this up. I will say, however, that his request is not uncommon at all for a more dominance driven daddy. Fitness and dietary protocols are part of my overall approach to dominance as well. Now, that being said, perhaps his wording wasn't the best, or your internal feelings of conflict may have led up to you reacting the way you did. Your feelings are valid of course, but it really doesn't strike me as an odd request, other than his stated goal of wanting you to shed a certain amount of weight.

 

 I'm not sure if he has set out a timeline for this to take place or not. What you need to do before you have a meta talk with him about this issue, is really reflect upon yourself and determine for yourself just how much control you are willing to give up. It sounds like he has been holding back his particular instincts as a dominant, and now that things are finally getting serious, he wants to assert himself more strongly. It's up to you whether or not you wish to embrace this, but I don't get the feeling that this is a purely selfish request on his end. You indicated that there is at least a mild hint of Master/slave dynamics at work in your relationship. If he's of the Master stripe, he will most likely incorporate protocols that will challenge you, and you may decide that's not the level of power exchange you're looking for in a relationship. Now is the time to figure that out for yourself.

 

 So, take some time to reflect. I don't get the gut feeling that he is suggesting these changes just because he'd like you to be thinner. It sounds more as if he is wanting to increase his level of control, because that's what fulfills and satisfies a Dominant; control. After you've taken some time to really process your feelings, sit down with him outside of your roles, have a pad and pen handy, and discuss at length areas where he would like to have more control, and where and to what point you are willing to surrender on those points. Take your time as you talk about these things, ask questions, and give a lot of thought towards your answers as well.

 

 This might take several conversations for you to both understand specifically what he's asking for, and how you feel personally about them. But, with open, honest communication, I'm sure you two can work through this little bump in the road. D/s is hard work, so you owe it to each other, and yourselves to take your time in discussing changes to your dynamic. Best wishes to you both!

 

-ACD

[Little Illy]

I totally didn't read the replies, so sorry if I am repeating. However.

 

It sounds like he is supportive and loves you for who you are. And from what you have told us, it sounds like what he is wanting is to have the TPE (total power exchange) dynamic. Not because he wants to change you, but rather knowing he has the power to change you. Thats at least what I have gathered from what you have said.

 

Another thing - if this has been an LDR and now moving to in person, it sounds like he is excited. And this can be were poor communication is coming from and where he his hopping forth and thinking of all sorts of TPE elements of your impending person-to-person relationship. Daddy and I have a term for it. Kangarooing. Kangarooing is when you're thinking so much of the future you kinda overlook the now, get ahead of yourself, etc. It sounds like he may be doing a bit of kangarooing here. And typically it happens when someone is so excited to start something they just want to dive right in. As for the comment about you can leave, because it sounds like he hasn't had any manipulative behavior before, it could literally be poor choice of words. But rather, what he meant was 'I don't want you to feel like you are STUCK' and so on. Between kangarooing and mis-wording, I think it was all miscommunication. At least from what I can gather.

 

To be 100% honest, we can't give you the answer you are looking for. You have given us 1, emotion-filled, side of the story. With a very small history. We can't tell you if you are over reacting or what he actually meant. What we CAN tell you is that you should ask him the same question you asked us. It seems like he knows of your insecurities, so you should be able to go to him with that. "Daddy, you know how hard it is for me to feel confident, but what you said kinda bothered me. I really need to know..." and go from there. And at the end of the day, you either trust his word or not.

 

Daddy knows I will never be under 125-130lbs due to my strength and structure. And though I am a bit overweight, even training wont bring me lower than those numbers. He knows my physical reality and knows what can be expected. Because of this, he knows how to support me and when to listen to me when I say my self-esteem is down. So when Daddy tells me that he loves every inch of me, I believe him. Completely. Even if he says the wrong thing here or there (because, lets face it, all guys do XD ), I know he doesn't care and just wants me to happy and healthy. If you are at a point where you can't say I know that Daddy is happy with me then you have bigger problems than him wanting to control your weight.

 

Have a conversation with him. Try to understand it from his point of view and make sure he tries to understand it from yours. Have this conversation outside of the dynamic. Adult to adult. It is the only way to get the answers and reassurances you need.

[Guest Arc]

You need to discuss these concerns with him. He's the only one that can tell you what his intentions really are. 

 

My Daddy has some control over my diet and exercise. He wants me to stay healthy, and wants to help me reach my goal weight. He loves me as I am, but he knows I'm not how I want so he's helping me get there so I can love myself too. He doesn't give me specific exercises or diet plans. I am given days to exercise and some foods are restricted to treats and rewards when I do well at something.

 

It works for us and we're both happy with it. That's what you need to do/find, if this is something you also want. It will never work out if you think he's doing it because he doesn't like you as you are. You need to ask him those questions and raise those concerns to him rather than us. We can guess his intentions, but only he can tell you why he wants this. 

[meows kohai]

Girl fuck him. 

Seriously are you kidding me??????? Especially when he knows it's already a sensitive topic??

He sounds like the type of asshole that trolls MPA for insecure girls to control. 

It's abusive and fucking horrifying. 

You guys haven't even been together a year and that is a HUGE red flag. I'd cut it off with him. He wants you to lose 20-30lbs? What is your current BMI? Do you NEED to lose 20-30 to be healthy? Or will that put you under a healthy BMI?

20-30 now, but how much will it be after that?

I'm someone who has struggled with eating disorders for 13+ years now and the little info you've given us is scary as hell. It's 20-30 now, but what will it be later? Will he let you eat properly or encourage you to fuck your body up? FYI after you lose that weight, if you don't do it in a healthy manner it isn't maintainable. Chances are if you aren't doing it through healthy means you'll gain it all back and when you lose it again you'll end up skinny fat like I was (aka your weight is low but you look waaaayyyyy heavier than you actually are). 

 

I wouldn't fuck with someone like that and I don't care if I get into trouble for that comment, that is a dark ass road to go down. 

If you're going through eating issues you can message me ANYTIME. 

 

This would be completely different if he wanted you two to get into shape TOGETHER.

Edited January 6, 2018 by meows senpai

[Little Illy]

Girl fuck him. 

Seriously are you kidding me??????? Especially when he knows it's already a sensitive topic??

He sounds like the type of asshole that trolls MPA for insecure girls to control. 

It's abusive and fucking horrifying. 

You guys haven't even been together a year and that is a HUGE red flag. I'd cut it off with him. He wants you to lose 20-30lbs? What is your current BMI? Do you NEED to lose 20-30 to be healthy? Or will that put you under a healthy BMI?

20-30 now, but how much will it be after that?

I'm someone who has struggled with eating disorders for 13+ years now and the little info you've given us is scary as hell. It's 20-30 now, but what will it be later? Will he let you eat properly or encourage you to fuck your body up? FYI after you lose that weight, if you don't do it in a healthy manner it isn't maintainable. Chances are if you aren't doing it through healthy means you'll gain it all back and when you lose it again you'll end up skinny fat like I was (aka your weight is low but you look waaaayyyyy heavier than you actually are). 

 

I wouldn't fuck with someone like that and I don't care if I get into trouble for that comment, that is a dark ass road to go down. 

If you're going through eating issues you can message me ANYTIME. 

 

This would be completely different if he wanted you two to get into shape TOGETHER.

 

Whoooooooooa. That was quite an explosion. The OP did state that he supported her 100% and he himself stated there could've been miscommunication on this.

 

Wanting this control is not a red flag. Not at all. A LOT of GENUINE doms do want this control ONLY for the sake of having control. Until they have a detailed conversation of the topic, calling him an asshole and claiming he wants to fuck her body up is a big accusation. Honestly, it could be the case of my Daddy. My Daddy knows I want to lose weight and be healthy. But due to serious and multiple health issues it is difficult for me to do so. Yet he uses his role to help me be healthy. He was doing it before I asked him to because he knew I wasn't happy with how I was. This guy could be thinking the same thing without realizing it. He could not care less if she actually lost the weight. OR he could be being a selfish pig.

 

The fact of the matter is that there is simply not enough information to form an opinion here. Wanting health control is VERY real in the dynamic. Some abuse this control, most do not. It works for some, it doesn't work for others. It doesn't make it a red flag. It is a red flag for you, because of your previous eating disorder and your obvious (and JUSTIFIABLE) aversion to this type of control. That doesn't mean it is the same for everyone else.

 

Fact is, we have a lot of opinions and not enough facts. I truly hope it was just a miscommunication and the OP and her Daddy talking will sort it out. If it comes down to the guy is being an asshole, then I am so sorry she has to deal with that, as no one should have to. But lets not jump the gun and blacklist someone without knowing everything.

 

All stated in my opinion, not telling people they can't react or advise to how they see fit. This is, personally, what I would advise is all.

[Daddy4Princess]

This guy has a horrible sense of timing.

 

He shouldn't have broached this when you're about to meet for the first time.  It does make him seem kind of shallow, but at the same time, I can see how it could be just part of that power exchange.

 

Bottom line:  Talk to him.  Tell him how you felt about it, give him a chance to explain himself.

[meows kohai]

Whoooooooooa. That was quite an explosion. The OP did state that he supported her 100% and he himself stated there could've been miscommunication on this.

 

Wanting this control is not a red flag. Not at all. A LOT of GENUINE doms do want this control ONLY for the sake of having control. Until they have a detailed conversation of the topic, calling him an asshole and claiming he wants to fuck her body up is a big accusation. Honestly, it could be the case of my Daddy. My Daddy knows I want to lose weight and be healthy. But due to serious and multiple health issues it is difficult for me to do so. Yet he uses his role to help me be healthy. He was doing it before I asked him to because he knew I wasn't happy with how I was. This guy could be thinking the same thing without realizing it. He could not care less if she actually lost the weight. OR he could be being a selfish pig.

 

The fact of the matter is that there is simply not enough information to form an opinion here. Wanting health control is VERY real in the dynamic. Some abuse this control, most do not. It works for some, it doesn't work for others. It doesn't make it a red flag. It is a red flag for you, because of your previous eating disorder and your obvious (and JUSTIFIABLE) aversion to this type of control. That doesn't mean it is the same for everyone else.

 

Fact is, we have a lot of opinions and not enough facts. I truly hope it was just a miscommunication and the OP and her Daddy talking will sort it out. If it comes down to the guy is being an asshole, then I am so sorry she has to deal with that, as no one should have to. But lets not jump the gun and blacklist someone without knowing everything.

 

All stated in my opinion, not telling people they can't react or advise to how they see fit. This is, personally, what I would advise is all.

 

 

 

Are you kidding me??

This type of abuse is so common it's text book.

If my daddy tried to pull that on me I'd leave him that second.

But I mean, we're all adults, she can make her own decisions.

Though I do find it disturbing that y'all are on with this....

Edited January 6, 2018 by meows senpai

[TinyTinyButterfly]

I'm new to this site, but I still don't think it's alright for a Daddy (Someone you trust) To control your weight. I'm overweight, and i got told by a previous 'daddy' that he would only stay with me if i lost 25lbs (Making me underweight) So i basically said 'fuck you' and cut him out of my life. (Sorry for the no-no word, haha.) But, if it makes you uncomfortable, talk it out.

[Guest infinitecases]

Why is this abuse in any way? He asked her beforehand whether she'd be okay with him having a control over her diet, telling her to exercise etc and she said she was fine with it, and then she got upset because of a variety of things. He did indeed choose a bad timing and perhaps knowing it was a sensitive topic, should have brought it up later in their life together but he broached it as lightly as he could. Weight is always going to be an issue with people - and if you want your partner to lose weight, someone's always going to get upset. 

 

He clearly loves her for who she is and how she is currently seeing how he's taken the time to build up her confidence but made a mistake asking this of her at this time. If my Daddy tried to make me lose weight, I don't see how that's abuse. I already know that whilst I'm not overweight, I would prefer to weigh less than I do now, and if my Daddy wants to reinforce my pro-activity in doing that, then surely it's more incentive for me? I'd understand getting a bit upset if my Daddy explicitly said he wanted me to lose weight (because I could see it making me more self conscious about how I am right now), but at the end of the day, I know I feel a lot better when I personally weigh the weight I want to. My Daddy (much like OP's) tells me he loves me the way I am, but he also knows I'm looking to lose weight, and gives me positive encouragement when I work out or eat healthily. 

 

If she really does have an eating disorder or a problem which physically stops her from losing weight beyond a certain level, then the Daddy is wrong to ask this of her, but if not, the best course of action is surely just to talk to her Daddy and better understand his perspective on wanting her to lose that amount of weight.

[Little Illy]

Are you kidding me??

This type of abuse is so common it's text book.

If my daddy tried to pull that on me I'd leave him that second.

But I mean, we're all adults, she can make her own decisions.

Though I do find it disturbing that y'all are on with this....

 

Sure its text book if they weren't in a POWER EXCHANGE dynamic. But they are. And he blatantly asked her about it first and she agreed. His timing and explanation are more than likely way off. 

 

It is NOT abuse for a Dom to control the weight of his sub. It can be abuse if not done correctly or for the right reasons. You have a bias and because of which, you are labeling this very common aspect as abuse. That isn't right. I can show you psychology books, text books and so on that shows that this isn't abuse, if you would like.

 

But as I mentioned before - I could be wrong. You could be wrong. We don't know and we cannot know. We don't know their dynamic enough and we weren't there when he said these things. She may have reacted too emotionally and saw it as an attack. Or she may have under reacted and he may be trying to manipulate her. We cannot know for sure.

 

I just urge everyone to not label something as abuse simply because you don't like it personally. That is how people question themselves and their partners in incorrect way. My Daddy is not abusing me because he wants to control my weight. I want a Total Power Exchange DD/lg - D/s dynamic where he even controls every meal I eat. That has nothing to do with him being abusive, but rather has everything to do with us both wanting him to have that much control. To say this is abuse is to spit on something we both want. Because he does want me to lose X amount of weight and though my self-esteem doesn't like that, the logical part of me knows why. 1. For purely health reasons, 2. Because he knows I want it and 3. because of the TPE. 

 

So please, remember.... Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean it is abuse.

[Borgia_55]

I first wanted to thank everyone for all your comments and suggestions. It was very helpful getting an outside perspective. But as what most of you said, you didn't know enough to give a complete opinion one way or another. Nonetheless, I really do appreciate it. 

 

As for an update... Before I even got the chance to get my thoughts together of what I wanted to say to him, he completely opened up and tried to get me to understand that he was in no way giving me an ultimatum or that he did not desire me the way I am. That he would be willing to even forego this if I am too sensitive to it, but could not lose me. That when he told me I always could leave, it was simply to reassure me I had the complete control in the end, not him. I honestly have never seen him so shook up before and he showed me a different side that I wasn't expecting, but meant the world to me to see. 

 

He was also clear that he realized his timing was terrible, but that it was simply because he was getting so excited about us finally starting a real day to day life together and was perhaps getting a little ahead of himself. That it was never his intention to make me feel like we're not starting this until I've lost some weight. And he profusely apologized for making me feel that way. Reassuring me it was only about him having control over every facet of me. That he did not communicate it well and failed to fully grasp my sensitivities. 

 

Anyways... There was lots and lots and lots of talking. He recognized how difficult this truly was for me and sees that my gesture of embracing this is truly me giving him complete control. Which, for him, is more than anything else I could ever give him. Oddly enough, this little incident made us closer than we ever have been. 

 

The end result... We made a little game out of it. How it would be tied into punishments and rewards, just like any other task or challenge he gives me, a limit I am not to ever cross under, special gifts for larger goals, etc etc. I told him I would take this positively and simply trust him and his intentions. 

Edited January 6, 2018 by Borgia_55

[Little Illy]

I first wanted to thank everyone for all your comments and suggestions. It was very helpful getting an outside perspective. But as what most of you said, you didn't know enough to give a complete opinion one way or another. Nonetheless, I really do appreciate it. 

 

As for an update... Before I even got the chance to get my thoughts together of what I wanted to say to him, he completely opened up and tried to get me to understand that he was in no way giving me an ultimatum or that he did not desire me the way I am. That he would be willing to even forego this if I am too sensitive to it, but could not lose me. That when he told me I always could leave, it was simply to reassure me I had the complete control in the end, not him. I honestly have never seen him so shook up before and he showed me a different side that I wasn't expecting, but meant the world to me to see. 

 

He was also clear that he realized his timing was terrible, but that it was simply because he was getting so excited about us finally starting a real day to day life together and was perhaps getting a little ahead of himself. That it was never his intention to make me feel like we're not starting this until I've lost some weight. And he profusely apologized for making me feel that way. Reassuring me it was only about him having control over every facet of me. That he did not communicate it well and failed to fully grasp my sensitivities. 

 

Anyways... There was lots and lots and lots of talking. He recognized how difficult this truly was for me and sees that my gesture of embracing this is truly me giving him complete control. Which, for him, is more than anything else I could ever give him. Oddly enough, this little incident made us closer than we ever have been. 

 

The end result... We made a little game out of it. How it would be tied into punishments and rewards, just like any other task or challenge he gives me, a limit I am not to ever cross under, special gifts for larger goals, etc etc. I told him I would take this positively and simply trust him and his intentions. 

 

I am so happy for you two!!

 

When it comes down to it, communication can save a lot of heartache. I am so happy to hear it was miscommunication and he is giving you the love and support you need. Even more, I'm glad this brought you two closer together!!

 

At the end of the day, the hard talks should bring a couple closer. You all had to deal with a difficult situation and by doing so you understand not only each other, but how much you each mean to one another. I wish you both a long and happy time together!

[Bunniegural]

i am on the heavier side too, so i can relate to i the the psychological end of this. i think people who don’t struggle with their weight don’t understand how much pain and fear of rejection, etc. etc. is tied in with it. They just see it is a choice, brushing brushing teeth regularly, not as something that has been constantly used to demean and reject you your entire life. i think sharing those feelings with your Dom, and talking about how His love and approval is so important to you could help a lot.

If you decide you would like his help, this could be a good thing. He can help you be more structured, but he will probably also learn an important lesson about how much work it is for heavier people to loose weight.

That said, if you diet i seriously recommend low carb over calorie restriction. Calorie restriction sucks so much and has never helped me. my Dom sees how strict i am when i’m on low carb and how difficult it is to loose weight (He is very thin) and i think it has helped Him to have more respect for heavy people and overcome sizist thinking.