Keeping things after ex little... ex in general

[curlyheadspace]

Hi

So I have been finding things belonging to Daddy's ex in his apartment everytime I've stayed with him for weekend. First I found a black collar that I told him about when I was on a train home and he said he threw it away. And yes, I haven't found it again yet. But two days ago I found purple thong and I asked him about it. He said that he must have missed those and that he was sorry. I also found used eyeshadow palette between magazines on his bookshelf. But haven't told him about it. I encouraged him to clean up his bookshelf in order to see what will he do when he'll find this and he grabbed it all and almost run to the other room and put them in there. The room is closed and I can't go in there but I have seen that there is a big mess there so I don't even want to. I asked him why he won't just throw this magazines away and he said jokingly that he collects things. I insisted a few times to look thought them but he won't let me. I don't know where the thong went. He put them somewhere but I was lying in bed then crying and pissed at him. And I also found babybottle with pink rabbit, Hello Kitty spoon and sippy cup that I threw out without asking him. I can't stand any baby things in his apartment except for mine. It hurts me to see those not belonging to me. Hurts me to see any women thing that's not mine.

 

I HAVE A ONE BIG QUESTION.

Is it normal to keep those kind of things after his ex? I understand keeping a book she gave him for christmas and I don't care about it. But thong, collar, eyeshadow palette, babybottle, spoon, sippy cup? I am afraid to open any cabinet. I don't want to cry anymore finding anything after that bitch that cheated on him several times. He is messy and that's true but f*ck, seriously? That much to be blind when his ex's things are almost at his fingertips?

PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS.

[Rebel]

There are only two things I can guess thats going on.

 

One possibility is that he is a hoarder, and if he has a room full of crap basically, it is a strong possibility. But on top of that, another possibility is that even though his ex and him aren't dating anymore and he's with you, he isn't ready to move on from her entirely. I say that because of this "And I also found babybottle with pink rabbit, Hello Kitty spoon and sippy cup that I threw out without asking him."

 

 

If he just kept everything and forgot about it, thats one thing, but to fish these items out of the garbage would suggest that he isn't ready to move on. I would talk to him face to face (or however you can if y'all are in a kinda LDR) and bring these up to him. 

 

I wish I could help more, but that's all I can suggest. 

[Bunny Papa]

Deleted Edited January 28, 2018 by Bunny Papa

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Wow, that sounds like a deal breaker for me. I would loose my fucking mind if I found someone else's underwear at my man's house.

 

Are you positive all of the items belong to his ex? If you only see him on the weekend, maybe he has other women over during the week.

[curlyheadspace]

Wow, that sounds like a deal breaker for me. I would loose my fucking mind if I found someone else's underwear at my man's house.

 

Are you positive all of the items belong to his ex? If you only see him on the weekend, maybe he has other women over during the week.

He said that were his ex's things. I don't really think that he would have time for having another woman. We text all day everyday when we're away.

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

Yes, keeping things can be semi-normal. It really all depends on the situation and what the items are but I guess everyone has their own idea of what acceptable is. 

 

If you go into any of my "toys" right now I'm sure you will find hair clips, makeup, tampons, brush, shampoo and conditioner, hairdryer, and all sorts of girly things. That being said none of that is from an ex of mine. The last thing that I physically held onto from a previous relationship was a sweater that was mine but I couldn't throw it away due to the memories attached to it from 14 years ago! I think I finally let it go but again I might have just hid it for another day :-). 

 

All of the items you mentioned I would probably give to the ex girl to keep, or just throw away if she cheated on me. Having a room that is off limits to most people is cool, having a room that is off limits to you isn't. At the same time you could look at it as people have diaries and most would respect the fact that they were off-limits. The room might just be a really big diary for him.

[Guest Arc]

That's something you really need to have a serious and open discussion with him about. You need to know what's going on and he needs to know how you feel. Coming here and thinking of every worst case scenario is not going to help you. Only talking to him can help settle this. 

 

It could be as simple as he has a hoarding problem. I've known people in the past who don't get rid of their ex's things because they have such a hard time putting anything in the rubbish bin. Some things have good memories attached and people don't always find it easy to remove them because it feels like they're getting rid of some of their past. 

 

But again, nobody here can help you. You need to talk to him and find out what it is. 

[Guest infinitecases]

Maybe he genuinely forgot about them and didn't realise they were there? There are people who genuinely can't bring themselves to throw away things that they've attached to someone they were once close to. 

 

If I were in his position, I would have thrown them away immediately - why hang onto sentimental things that would only make me remember them? I tend to throw things away from people in my past if it's not something that has a use to it, whether they were romantically interested or not... and even then, each and every time I use said object, I'm reminded of them, and I'd rather not be. 

 

Maybe just take these things out when you find them and ask him why he's holding onto things from his ex when he has you now? I think the majority of people wouldn't be comfortable with it - so he must surely already have an idea of how it made you feel.

[emmyvigneron]

My Daddy also had a lot of stuff from other females at his house before I moved in. After a couple of weeks of finding random girl things, I told him it made me uncomfortable to live with him when his ex is still very much present in the fact that her things are still around. They had been broke up for about a year but she lived there in a different room for a couple of months while transitioning housing. She left in a fit so a lot was left. He was very accommodating of my requests and apologetic over the entire situation. I could tell he genuinely didn't want her stuff around. It was just easy not to notice. I think I've found like 1 thing since then and he gave me full permission to throw away any girl things I find so it wasn't a big deal. If he hadn't have been so willing to get rid of it all, I would have ended the relationship. I think you guys need to have a serious conversation about everything and you need to decide if this is a deal breaker.

[GeekyPastry]

You honestly need to have a talk with him. Be open about it, and don't come off as hostile. Honestly, the first thing that popped into my mind is that he's going behind your back, and bringing other women into his apartment. The other thing could be is that he likes those sorts of things for himself, and isn't telling you. Honestly, it could be a plethora of things, but just talk to him about it first. 

[Maarloeve]

i'm pretty sure that 20 years ago cosmo had a dating tip that said 'hide stuff around your bf's home and car so if another woman snoops around she'll know he's taken.'

of course, there's no way to know whether it was placed yesterday or 8 months ago.