Trust/ lack thereof...need help or advice?

[Hearteyes]

[Guest L.Brownie]

Hi SSnowflake,

 

Okay i will just get straight to it.

In my opinion and experience if a partner makes you feel like you have to choose between them or someone else that is important to you, he/she does not have your best interest at heart. If they get defense when you are expressing your feelings, usually not a good sign. Its very likely that they are then more focussed on themselves then the relationship.

 

They can offcourse see something that you dont (not being a good influence etc.etc.) but you need to be able to discuss it with them.

 

Have you asked for a conversation about the things that are bothering you with a pause in the dynamic (conversations outside DD/lg when you are just bf and gf)?

If not, maybe you can bring it up and try to explain how you feel.

 

Overal.., trust your GUT!!

Really its is the best thing you have, only you can decide if your relationship is true or not.

[smallprincesssarah]

There's not enough information for me to say anything definitive, but if you believe you're in a harmful relationship, I beg you to seek help. This website can help you determine if you're in an abusive situation, as well as outlines different types of  domestic abuse. It also has resources and tips for getting out, if that's what you need. As someone who survived a long-term abusive relationship, I would never want to see anyone else in that position, because it's so hard and dangerous to leave.

 

You're not being selfish if you're keeping your own best interests at heart—it's smart!

[meows kohai]

Yeah fuck that guy. 

Any one that makes you pick between him and your family is BAD NEWS. Talk about red flag. 

Girl get out and run while you can. He sounds like a massively abusive dick. 

Edited December 28, 2017 by meows senpai

[Guest infinitecases]

If he's making you choose between him and your family then you should definitely be seeing some warning signs. The longer you go on with this, the worse it will get. 

 

My daddy never minds when I say anything.. and I never mind when he says something about my family. Acknowledging the good and the bad is what is healthy, not trying to separate someone from their family and warping their views on things. If you've had to give up family members, and not out of your own choice, then it's not safe for you to stay as the more you're separated from your loved ones, the less help you'll be able to get when things get worse. 

[daddy1992]

Hey, My little and i have read this and we both will be pretty honest. I think you should move on. you don't need to put up with that. no one should. doesn't matter if you are a little or a daddy and ect.. my monkey and i are pretty honest about stuff and we always talk about things, even if its family and we try not to get mad about it, we are equals at the end of the day. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. but good luck on whatever you do! also, we don't think you are stupid 

Edited December 29, 2017 by daddy1992

[Hearteyes]

Hi SSnowflake,

 

Okay i will just get straight to it.

In my opinion and experience if a partner makes you feel like you have to choose between them or someone else that is important to you, he/she does not have your best interest at heart. If they get defense when you are expressing your feelings, usually not a good sign. Its very likely that they are then more focussed on themselves then the relationship.

 

They can offcourse see something that you dont (not being a good influence etc.etc.) but you need to be able to discuss it with them.

 

Have you asked for a conversation about the things that are bothering you with a pause in the dynamic (conversations outside DD/lg when you are just bf and gf)?

If not, maybe you can bring it up and try to explain how you feel.

 

Overal.., trust your GUT!!

Really its is the best thing you have, only you can decide if your relationship is true or not.

Thank for your help!

Its hard to think that he might not ne truly taking care of me especially when i put my full trust into him doing just that.

Im gonna have a serious convo with him and try to stay focused and trust my instincts if things will get better or not

Edited December 31, 2017 by SquishySnowflake

[Hearteyes]

Yeah fuck that guy.

Any one that makes you pick between him and your family is BAD NEWS. Talk about red flag.

Girl get out and run while you can. He sounds like a massively abusive dick.

Uggghh

I don't want that to be true but you're probably right. Thanks for telling it to me straight I need that sometimes

[Hearteyes]

There's not enough information for me to say anything definitive, but if you believe you're in a harmful relationship, I beg you to seek help. This website can help you determine if you're in an abusive situation, as well as outlines different types of domestic abuse. It also has resources and tips for getting out, if that's what you need. As someone who survived a long-term abusive relationship, I would never want to see anyone else in that position, because it's so hard and dangerous to leave.

 

You're not being selfish if you're keeping your own best interests at heart—it's smart!

thank you for your help and helping me to not feel alone!

[Hearteyes]

Hey, My little and i have read this and we both will be pretty honest. I think you should move on. you don't need to put up with that. no one should. doesn't matter if you are a little or a daddy and ect.. my monkey and i are pretty honest about stuff and we always talk about things, even if its family and we try not to get mad about it, we are equals at the end of the day. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. but good luck on whatever you do! also, we don't think you are stupid

Awww thanks. Sometimes I feel dumb but I think that's just life. And yea it's a hard situation and I think I should be treated better. Thanks for helping me sort things out (:

[DaddyKens]

Oooohhhh Squishy I feel for you

 

You have had good advice above so I won't add to it.

Just wanted to say:

 

A. You are not stupid.

B. Whatever you decide upon I really hope it works out well for you.

 

 

All the best for 2018.

[trvppydxddy]

Yeah first off, you're not stupid I promise . I would say that you can tell the difference between control in the dynamic and unhealthy controlling behavior by asking yourself this question: "Is he controlling something to benefit you/your relationship, or just because it's what he wants?" If you think its just because its what he wants, I would suggest asking him first because maybe he did do it to benefit you and the relationship and you just don't realize it. However, if he controls something and you ask him why (on a serious note, not in like a defiance or attitude way) and he gets upset with you, that's not right. Whenever he does something as a daddy like that (whether its giving you rules, punishing you, etc), he should always ALWAYS explain to you why he's doing it and if he doesn't, you need to ask him what his reasoning is and he shouldn't get upset. Its not okay for him to control things without a good reason, and you always have the right to know what that reason is.

 

I don't know the whole story, but I don't think he should've made you sacrifice some relationships with your family members, that sounds like very unhealthy behavior. Especially if they were doing nothing wrong to you or you enjoyed the relationship you had with them. I suggest having a talk with him out of the dynamic and telling him how you feel (you know that you give things to him but he doesn't give them to you). Note: its really important in situations like this, especially because it sounds like he's super defensive, to use the words "I feel" instead of accusing people of something. So, instead of saying "I give up things for you and you don't give up anything for me," you should say "I give up things for you but I don't feel like you give anything up for me." It is actually a really great method I learned from psychology. 

 

Also, when you have this talk, tell him that you really wanna spend time with those people in your family and that you don't understand why he doesn't want you to. Tell him you really think its unfair and unreasonable and you don't like it. If he cares about you and loves you, he won't get upset and he'll listen to what you have to say with an open mind and try to work on things with you. I hope this helps and everything goes good regardless of what you decide to do