Casual Dating and DDlg - A Discussion

[Guest Dean]

First Disclaimer: This is NOT a dating site and, in no way, does this post make a claim that it is.

 

Second Disclaimer: This is meant to be a topic for discussion. Therefore, each person will be expressing their opinion. Everyone has their own opinions and their right to have them. There is NO one true way and never will be. 

 

 

If you look around this site, primarily the personals sections, and any other similar sites, you notice that most seem to be looking for their "forever" Caregiver or "forever" little. Others are just looking for friends or aren't interested in a relationship. There doesn't seem to be a place in between, the casual dating that you may find in more vanilla environments. How does a Caregiver or little navigate a middle ground? How do they get the interaction they want without the permanence of a relationship? While I have my own opinions on this topic, I would like to hear what others have to say first. Here are the areas I would like to discuss:

 

• Is casual dating practical or even truly possible in DDlg?
• If so, how would you go about it? 
• Is casual dating multiple people in DDlg viable?
• What would you consider a good casual date?
• Is the casual DDlg hookup a thing?
• Does being poly rather than monogamous change the way casual dating in DDlg might work?

I am looking forward to reading any and all responses. 

 

 

[Guest Loki]

I use fetlife. It isn’t what I want since I want to date not just hookup, but as you said there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground. So I just kinda “hookup” and have some fun and then when either of us are bored we drop the other. Usually the interactions are only once, kinda like a one night stand.

 

On the plus side, since I’ve started “speed dating” I’ve had the opportunities to do different roles and learn about myself.

 

It’s stinks tho, becuase I don’t want to jump around as it were. But dating in DDlg seems to have this unspoken law where it’s either extremely serious (if fun) or not serious at all.

Edited December 26, 2017 by Guest

[AliciaCrunk]

I think there is a middle ground for sure. Being friends with someone is still a way of dating in a way i think. But it's about the core. Knowing an individual without sexualizing anything. Getting down to the basics.

For me casually dating is not something I'm into. If you can't make it into the friend zone i doubt you'll make it into the dating zone. Because it means i dint want you close to me as a friend then i for sure don't want you close to me at this much more intimate zone. If im making any sense expressing myself ;-;

 

And a ddlg relationship is not just a kink for me. When you are my partner it's because in my eyes i have seen someone trustworthy and caring. Someone i know who will hold my best interests at heart. They are the glitter in my eye. And if I'm giving my devotion to them they will be worth giving it to.

 

Causal is not for me. I don't want to be part of the masses or a sample from a group. I want a special connection, i want to know that not just anyone will do.

[Little Illy]

Since this is an opinionated piece, I am going to leave psychology out of it and give my full on opinion.

 

I think we see more middle ground on the forum than anything else. I have seen only a handle or dozen or so of committed relationships that are in the 'Forever' category. And I'm not saying it is a bad thing, I'm just stating what I see.

 

I see more and more casual dating (or rapid dating, rather) on the forum than actually investing in a stable, long-term relationship. This is where their dynamic roles feed off of one another and they just have a good time with it. There is nothing wrong with it, but it isn't meant for the seriousness of a long-term relationship. They share the fun-loving and cute and playful nature of this dynamic. Sure they share their worries and their issue, but not at a seriously in-depth level because that's what they want. 

 

The only thing is... when you have this casual dating, one part of the couple typically moves on and the other is felt like they weren't enough. 

 

I personally feel casual dating in this dynamic isn't the best idea because of how intimate (not just sexual) this dynamic is. Its almost like FWB - you shouldn't really do it because you know someone is going to catch feelings. But you do it anyway because you tell yourself you wont. Then you catch feelings. [side note: Ive never had a FWB so if I am wrong, I apologize, I am just going off of what my friends have said/done.]

 

But with DDlg its like: This will be casual dating, fulfill my need for a CG/little but without the pressure of a relationship. I won't get too invested. *Gets way too invested and the other person doesn't* Oh..

 

So though it happens quite a lot, at least from my perspective, I feel like it really should be dealt with a lot more carefully than it typically does. Because, in my HONEST opinion again, it can be quite tedious when the same people come in and complain that they were hurt again because the love of their life that they met three day ago is no longer interested. I think (for most! NOT ALL) people do not have the right capacity to casually date in this dynamic. To put it frank... I don't feel most people are adult enough to handle a casual relationship in the dynamic because they can't grasp that it IS casual. ...if that makes sense?

 

Long story short - I personally think there is casual dating in the dynamic and I think that is where the 'Daddy Hopper's title has come from. Is it fair? Nah not really. But then again, if a person doesn't confess they want casual it leads to a lot of hurt feelings etc. And this dynamic is woefully under-communicated. Which is where the trouble starts.

 

Again, all in my own opinion and with no specific people in mind.

[Guest Ally_cat]

I agree with a lot of things that have already been proclaimed in this topic. One thing I do feel though that there is a small chance that you could find two people that are willing to casually date, and they might work just fine, but for many people they are going to say they can handle a casual relationship , when in reality, they won't be able to. More than anything I see littles on here that do not have the capacity to act like an adult enough and use them being a little to escape all responsibility, these are also the littles that I see daddy hoping the most, and please note there is a difference between daddy hoping and getting to know more than one person and proclaiming you have interest in more than one person. The ability to casually date has all but been lost to today's society, and again it is possible to find two people that are willing to casually date. 

 

A1. I believe it is possible, and able to succeed if you have the right two people willing to do it. 

A2. I think the appropriate way to go about it is to discuss the topic with the person you want to casually date, and give them fair warning that they should not become too attached due to the fact of it only being casual.

A3. I think it would be just have to be discussed with both parties on how they feel (insert Little Illys post on communication)

A4. I think just being sorta a FWB type thing, you have the perks of a relationship, but not the long term commitment. 

A5. In my opinion yes, but that is more like a one night stand and done.

A6. I think it would, because even though it is causal sharing is still something some people aren't willing to do.  

[Guest Dean]

I appreciate everybody's input and hope more people join in the discussion. My purpose was to discuss something that I really haven't seen discussed. I will add my opinion at some point, but often the OP's opinion takes over the discussion and I am trying to avoid that.

 

I see what you are saying, Illy, and I have observed much of the same. So, I agree with you to a point. There does seem to be a lot of the behavior you point out. However, I don't feel that quite qualifies as casual dating. They are short term, jumped in and out of quickly, and can be tragically described as "Daddy hopping" or "little hopping" (as Daddies are often just as guilty). I think the difference is intent. The littles, at least, go into it as a relationship. It's not just dating. This is evidenced by them calling the person "Daddy" right away and saying their "Daddy" left them. (I am not judging anyone for diving quickly into a relationship. We're all adults here and make our own choices.) If they communicated up front and entered into the situation knowing that they weren't entering into a relationship and were just casually dating (a bit more than just hooking up), they wouldn't be using that vernacular. 

[Guest LordEmtheDinosaur!]

Forever caregiver and forever little is so much commitment, hardly anyone dives headfirst willingly into that wanting that sorta thing.

• Is casual dating practical or even truly possible in DDlg?

Yes, casual dating is possible everywhere in my opinion. Because people are so unique and Cg/l relationships are so unique, each one is so different, different things that will be good and bad. More relationships broaden your expectations of what you would want from your ideal Cg/l relationship. I think it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship to be both person's ideal so that it lasts forever hence, forever little/caregiver. It is better to see where things go and if ends up being your forever partner then great and if not, then there's things you can take away that will make other relationships better! 

• If so, how would you go about it? 

I think you should always start off as friends and see if the relationship is heading in that direction or for one person to ask if they feel any sort of attraction. Knowing the other person on a fundamental level should be a must whether you would classify that as friends or not....just to make sure the person isn't a serial killer or hates puppies, that sorta thing. It can be someone you met a few weeks ago that you are interested in or a friend you have had for years and see if they too are interested in a possible romantic relationship. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it just doesn't feel right and you guys are just better at being friends

• Is casual dating multiple people in DDlg viable?

It can be. I think there is a great amount of people with trust issues/possessive in general, not just in CG/l. It is up to the people in the relationship, some may want that person to themselves and others are okay with the other person having other people. It would be important to talk about that up front so everyone is on the same page from the beginning so no unwarranted jealousy occurs. Diseases and infections could be an issue if there are multiple people and that should also be discussed beforehand, people can get STD/Is from just kissing.

• What would you consider a good casual date?

A good casual date is where everyone had their expectations (realistic ones) of the relationships met, is happy, is comfortable with the other person, has a general positive attitude about the other person and the date.

• Is the casual DDlg hookup a thing?

Yes and it can be. I think that is also up to everyone involved, if they are willing and their expectations of the hookup. I think it is quite possible for people to have a positive experience with another person who is also into the same things as them which is not regarded as the norm or accepted as it is proof that you aren't alone and I think it's good to have a one off experience with someone if you haven't found the ideal partner/relationship yet. Cg/l hookups is the same as regular hookups just the incorporation of aspects of the Cg/l dynamic.

• Does being poly rather than monogamous change the way casual dating in DDlg might work?

I think it does in that you need approval or to let your other partner know that you are going to have some sort of relationship with another person and it will roughly be like this. Also, safety in terms of diseases, if you do get a disease/infection from the person you are casually dating you could pass it on to your other partners so it doesn't just affect you, it affects your partners and your partners' partners and so on. 

[Daddymanchetseruk]

Just answering the top question. I didn't read the whole post.

 

Is ddlg possible for casual dating.

 

For me. Casual dating isn't really possible at all

I need a connection. Never had a one night stand and as much as I wish I could for the instant gratification. I just need more.

 

I would think it's even harder for the ddlg dynamic. Surely for girls they would need more. Yet females explore a lot more than males from who I have spoken to on fetlife etc..

mainly because it's easier for girls.

 

But females do indulge in ddlg etc.. casually.

I've never spoke to a male who has. I can only assume the ones that do have big muscles, big organ and/or have a lot of money (which seems to be more prevalent with girls now, wish lists etc).

 

For the true DDLG dynamic. I can't see how you can have that casually.

[MrJohnny]

Thanks, Dean, for posting this topic, and thanks for those who have replied so far. I hope more replies are forthcoming. Also, Dean, this would be a good topic for your blog if you decide to go ahead with that. You wouldn't necessarily be limited to writing specifically for the DD/lg dynamic because there are other lifestyle communities where this topic has relevance, and the Vanilla Online Dating world could benefit also.

 

This is actually my second reply to this post, but after writing extensively I navigated away from this page to check something without doing a c/p, and lost all my work. Grrrr, I hate it when that happens. I really do not feel like re-creating all that now. Maybe some other time.

 

Mostly my reply could be this: "What Alicia said ^."  And: "What Illy said ^ ." And: "What LordEm said ^ ."