Not sure what to do

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Hello, looking for advice or something, honestly I’m not sure. I just learned from my little (who is grounded right now) that she went out despite the grounding and was going to see a friend. The friend canceled on her halfway there so she decided to go over to hang out with someone who messaged her on Snapchat asking if she wanted to hang out. She said it was because she felt bad that she always turns this guy down. So she basically went to a guys house she hasn’t seen in years that only every hits on her and is pretty obvious he’s dtf. She thought that the parents being home(we are both 18 so most of the people we know still live at home.) would stop him from trying anything. You can already see where this is going. While there he groped her and forced a kiss and she told him to get off. He then tried to convince her to cheat on me but she said no because she never would. But then she stayed at the house for another 15 minutes to “not seem rude to the mom” who she was going to ask for a ride. She was worried about being rude because she had just shown up and hour before and thought it would be rude to ask for a ride so soon. While she waited the guy tried to kiss her again and grope her. Then she finally asked for asked for a Lyft. I don’t really know what I’m hoping for but I guess I just wanted to talk about it with someone. I had to hang up after hearing her so I wouldn’t call her stupid and other worse names. She just didn’t seem to think at all throughout the whole thing. I don’t know how to feel. I’m really angry that she went to a guys house who wants to f*** but also he basically sexually assaulted her so she’s a victim. Am I allowed to be mad? Does it make me a bad person. I don’t know what I’m asking I guess I just wanted to talk. Obviously I’m finding this guy and beating his face into a pulp with brass knuckles for what he did.

[Guest SUeB]

How do you know that he assaulted her? No idea what kind of person she is, but if she first of all went behind your back and went to that house knowing he would behave that way, she's partly responsible. Especially since she stuck around after he already tried it on. Sorry, that's probably not going to get very many positive comments, but i speak as i feel. Also, if you feel the need to ground an adult, then that possibly speaks volumes about the relationship, and lack of trust. You grounded her. Think about that for a moment. Really don't have an answer that you want to hear, but i see nothing good here at all.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

She didn’t think he was going to do that I guess or something I didn’t want to say it but maybe she’s just stupid or wasn’t thinking, he assaulted her because she said no pushed him off and he tried again. Grounding her isn’t weird it’s part of the ddlg kink. I’m her daddy and that’s one of her punishments

[neko]

You can't even figure out if you're allowed to be mad at someone for assaulting your girlfriend? I dont even know what to say.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Idk what to do I’m mixed and muddled. I don’t like that feeling I’m used to being certain all the time.

Edited December 24, 2017 by Hard2BugDaddy

[Hard2BugDaddy]

You can't even figure out if you're allowed to be mad at someone for assaulting your girlfriend? I dont even know what to say.

 

That’s not what I meant I was asking if I’m allowed to be mad at my princess. I’m f*** pissed at him, I’m going to his house to break his nose.

[Lilkitten12]

I really agree with SUeB. Also I had just commented on your last post you wrote just a few hours ago about your little being defiant and bratty. I’m not going to comment on what did or did not happen at this house because if it is true than I obviously feel for her but i do think you need that talk sooner than later because this seems like a string of poor decisions and possibly a lot of attention seeking behavior and manipulation.

Her reason for going over there doesn’t even make much sense. If she’s committed to you and in a relationship what does she care if she has to turn this guy down a hundred times?

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

You can't even figure out if you're allowed to be mad at someone for assaulting your girlfriend? I dont even know what to say.

 

No, he means he doesn't know if he can be mad at her or not for having absolutely sh** judgement. Because it's sensitive ground to some people, and he doesn't want to be accused of bullying the "victim".

 

 

 

 

Honestly she sounds like she's a silly manipulative teenager who's trying to trigger the responses that she wants out of you.

And to be like "oh she didn't know, she's naive and too trusting" sounds like BS. He'd already made a pass at her.

What woman wants a ride so badly that she'd go with a dude that hit on her, that she has no interest in?

Not many I'm guessing.

She flaunts the fact you can't 'punish' her at a distance. You're her Daddy, you grounded her- she should've stayed home.

She doesn't respect you and she's behaving like a drama conduit.

 

I don't think in this case that it's wrong to be mad at her and maybe not talk to her for a few days.

 

 

Edit:

 

I didn't mean to mimic what you were already saying, I'm just really sick at the moment and it took me literally like 40mins just to type that. T-T lol

(Just so you know I didn't realize I was repeating til after I posted).

Edited December 24, 2017 by MilkPop

[Lilkitten12]

^^ totally agree- I do think she is trying to trigger certain responses from you through manipulative behavior.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

I don’t want to think she’s trying to manipulate me, however I guess that could be her being successful. I know her and she really is naive she is weirdly concerned about other people’s feelings and she is unconditionally nice to everyone. It’s a problem we have talked about in the past but I didn’t think it would lead to her being nice in a way that lead her into a boys bedroom. I just can’t feel like she manipulated me I guess.

[Little Illy]

I think there are two things you need to be highly aware of in this situation.

 

1. You are hearing only one side of the story. I don't know about your partner or you, I don't know who you are both as a person. But she seems to have some issues with the truth as she has snuck behind your back and lied, etc. I would want to make sure the validity of her story before you beat someone up. I am NOT saying she is lying. But... fact checking is always important. You stated you were so mad that you had to hang up, that probably means you weren't in the right frame of mind to ask qualifying questions (understandably so). Again. I know NOTHING about you or your partner... but... does she have a history of being unfaithful? Does she have a history of manipulating the truth to get out of being in trouble (not just with you, but in general). I hate to say it, but it can be a situation where she went to his house and is now feeling shame and regret. 

 

2. If she is being honest and truthful and this guy did sexually assault her... well... be angry. Be angry at the asshole that didn't listen to her. But use this as a way to teach her some lessons. If this guy was truly unwanted, this is punishment enough. Do not try to punish her further with spankings or whatever. The only thing I would implement is a supervision on her SnapChat account - maybe she isn't responsible enough to have one. It is possible. I'm sorry, but you're both 18, it wouldn't be shocking if she couldn't. It could even be expected at that age. But what I am getting at is this: her dealing with a forceful guy is punishment enough. Control your anger and (rightful) feelings of disloyalty (because she snuck out) and be her Daddy. Explain the situation and tell and show her this is why she shouldn't go behind your back. This is why she shouldn't go to a random guy's house alone (after all of the red flags are given), and this is why she should be able to come to you when situations turn dark.

 

If for whatever reason she doesn't want to listen to logic that this was a mistake on her end (the sneaking out, not the guy groping her), then you have bigger issues. Assess the situation and determine if you think this instant is going to be (or is) a normal pattern of behavior. If so, determine if you want to deal with that. Some girls are like that, they simply put themselves in bad situations because they either don't care or refuse to use common sense. You can urge her to do the right and safe thing and try to teach her. Or you can determine what it would cost your health by doing so.

 

If she does have a pattern of behavior of disloyalty, then you need to determine if this story or legit. And if it isn't - if you want to stay with someone who makes up stories like this.

 

LET ME BE CLEAR! I have a degree in Criminal Justice and victim blaming IS NEVER OKAY! But I do not have enough information to give you a one sided response. IF you TRULY believe she is telling the truth DO NOT TELL HER IT IS HER FAULT HE DID THIS! But do show her how this could have been avoided. But in the real world, people do lie to cover up shameful actions. So I am covering both bases. And I am doing so, simply because I don't know either one of you. Please understand that.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Sapophile this is a very helpful post and I really appreciate it. I trust her completely and I know she is fiercely loyal I honestly think she just refused to use judgment for whatever reason. Teaching her and explaining why her actions lead her to this and this is why she needs to think about her actions seems like a really good idea, I’ll defenitly use this and I think it could bring us closer and her closer to me to help her. I am still really angry at her for being so stupid but I guess I’m hearing I just have to deal with that on my own and just try and protect her and teach her.

[Little Illy]

Sapophile this is a very helpful post and I really appreciate it. I trust her completely and I know she is fiercely loyal I honestly think she just refused to use judgment for whatever reason. Teaching her and explaining why her actions lead her to this and this is why she needs to think about her actions seems like a really good idea, I’ll defenitly use this and I think it could bring us closer and her closer to me to help her. I am still really angry at her for being so stupid but I guess I’m hearing I just have to deal with that on my own and just try and protect her and teach her.

 

You can absolutely share with her that her actions had made you angry. You don't have to deal with it on your own. Just, make sure she can see the anger but doesn't feel victimized by it. Express that you are angry she didn't listen to you. Express you are angry her lack of thought led her to be hurt. Express that, but do so calmly. Then follow up with the lesson.

 

"Do you know why I am so angry at you for doing this? Because you got hurt. I never want to see you hurt. So you need to listen to Daddy when he tries to help you. I am trying to stop you from getting hurt. This is why you need to listen to me in situations like these." Etc. It may seem harsh, but its better than 'you made a dumbass mistake. You were stupid and because of it you endangered yourself. You need to stop being so stupid.'

 

Never be afraid to express your feelings. Just make sure you are in the right frame of mind in a delicate situation.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

That’s nice to know I’m not a horrible person for being mad. I’m glad I hung up before going further allowing me to gather my thoughts. It’s been about a day now so think I’ll try and call her in a little when she wakes up. I’ll word myself Beth carefully.

[Guest Kaiser]

So you're willing to commit assault with a deadly weapon over a girl who supposedly was sexually assaulted, but still hung around?

 

Enjoy jail, mate.

 

Guess what she'll be doing while you're locked up?

 

Seriously... You're in an extremely unhealthy relationship. Be a man and walk away while you still have some dignity.

[klerido]

Hatred won't do good in your relationship. Talk to your girls and help her recover from the trauma. Talk over the relationship and see if you can still fix the relationship.