Need help getting my brat under control

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Hello, first time posting on any dd/lg forum however I have read a lot of blogs and forms. I’m sort of a new Daddy I have been one for about 6 months and I have slowly tried to become more of a daddy for my little. She introduced me to dd/lg. I was fearful of pushing her away if I become to strict and controling but after talking with her I realized she wouldn’t leave me if I were strict, sort of an epiphany for me. So I have been setting rules and things are great but she won’t respect them I have lots of trouble getting her to stay inside when I ground her (we don’t live together) or getting her to write lines and she will back talk me a lot. I have added days of grounding but nothing changes I can’t just keep adding days of grounding and words to write infinitely especially because she won’t follow them! This is less related but at the moment I’m on vacation and I will not see her for 3 weeks so bringing her over and spankig isn’t an option right away, I will be doing that once I’m home but no matter how many times I threaten her nothing changes. My question is how do I get her under control. She’s very bratty but mostly only when we are not together and she knows I can’t punish her right away. How do I get her to follow rules when I’m not around (be that vacation or even just a week or day).

 

thank you- a Daddy with a very bratty Little.

[Joe]

Ultimately, brats want to be good and make you happy just like any little. Have you expressed how it makes you feel when she doesn't follow rules? What do you do when she doesn't listen to you? Being more stern and in charge often helps get them in line as well and realize you as an authority figure.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Ultimately, brats want to be good and make you happy just like any little. Have you expressed how it makes you feel when she doesn't follow rules? What do you do when she doesn't listen to you? Being more stern and in charge often helps get them in line as well and realize you as an authority figure.

 

I have a very commanding voice, think about the guy who does movie trailer announcements, I sound like that. But I feel bad using it with her it feels mean. I guess that’s something I have to get over. I called her and used the voice but she called me a butt and said she was going out (despite her grounding). When I’m home if she acts out I’ll bring her over and punish her with spanking maybe loss of sexual gratification, sweets, sometimes I won’t kiss her for a set amount of time. I feel like I’m doing everything right. Sometimes it works but only for a day or a couple. She seems to forget that I can punish her and she isn’t respectful or frightened by my threat of punishment.

[Guest dapperton]

I think she is just being a brat and that's it. That's what brats do and how you handle it is something that u will have to talk abt with ur brat.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

The problem is if she doesn’t listen to anything I don’t get to be much of a daddy

[Guest LittleMuse]

I think you guys need to sit and re-discuss a lot of things before you move forward. There is no point in setting rules and punishments if she doesn't follow them. Ask yourself why she does what she does, and even better, ask her why she doesn't follow the rules and aren't afraid of punishments.

 

Some questions might include:

Maybe she has changed her opinion about the rules and punishments? Is it because she doesn't think the punshiment fits the crime? Does she keep pushing because she wants harsher punishments? Maybe she doesn't want you to control certain parts of her life?

 

Don't feel like you less of a caregiver by asking her questions since this is a relationship and you're not a mind reader. Also, let her know how you feel when she doesn't follow the rules and ignore the punishments. Talking will solve a lot more than continuing to use rules and punishments that don't work.

 

As for the vacation issue, i feel like it would work if you keep track of the rules she has broken and the punishments, give her a warning but if she keeps breaking them, just keep adding them up. Probably would help if you wrote them down. Like the date, the rule broken, and the punishment. When you get back from vacation, read it to hear, the date, the rule, and the punshiment, and then punishment her. Obviously spread the punishments out over a couple of days if there are a lot.

 

But this would only work if you've re-discussed the punishments with her since the ones now aren't doing much.

 

I hope this helps....

[Guest pacibrat]

I have a very commanding voice, think about the guy who does movie trailer announcements, I sound like that. But I feel bad using it with her it feels mean. I guess that’s something I have to get over. I called her and used the voice but she called me a butt and said she was going out (despite her grounding). When I’m home if she acts out I’ll bring her over and punish her with spanking maybe loss of sexual gratification, sweets, sometimes I won’t kiss her for a set amount of time. I feel like I’m doing everything right. Sometimes it works but only for a day or a couple. She seems to forget that I can punish her and she isn’t respectful or frightened by my threat of punishment.

 

Oof.......she called you a "butt"????  I would have probably hung up on her right then (guess that's why I'm not a caregiver, lol). Disrespectful!!! I can't even imagine what punishment would have happened to me had I called my ex-Daddy something like that. 

[Joe]

What LittleMuse said is spot on. Clearly there needs to be a conversation to communicate each other's needs and expectations.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

I feel that if i ask her to follow my rules and be less bratty that’s like giving up and then she won’t respect me as an authority figure. We have talked and she has said she wants me to be very strict and hard on her but how can I if everything I tell her to do she just ignores? I have spent 2 days trying everything I can think of to get her to write her lines and she won’t, I’m going to keep trying but I basically gave up my plan is just to punish her in a bunch of ways when I get home.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

Aside from sitting down and talking with her is there a very effective way to get a little under control? I understand the suggestion to talk it out but I think this is part of the ddlg thing for her. She needs to see if I can be an authority figure. Has anyone delt with something like this?

[Lilkitten12]

When I was with my ex Daddy there was a period of time where we were long distance. I still had all of my rules and I was punished if I didn’t follow them. We kept in touch a lot and I am in no way a brat- I like to be sassy sometimes and I do love a good punishment but for the most part I’m pretty submissive so brattiness tends to go against my nature. But not seeing my Daddy for so long and all of a sudden having the responsibility of doing all my punishments when I was naughty and sticking to them I started to become a little bit more defiant ( even though I would never call my Daddy names- I think I wouldn’t have Been able to sit for a week and he would have been really mad).

So anyways long story short I started to say no a lot and argue back and the only thing that got through to me was when my Daddy finally told me how bad it was making him feel and how he was becoming discouraged with me always fighting what he said and hearing him say that and be so vulnerable with me really made me realize if I wanted to live this lifestyle than I needed to put in an effort too and work on changing my behaviors. I’m not sure if it’s different for actual brats though- like maybe she just likes to be a brat and naughty.

You should tell her how it’s making you feel- yes you are her Daddy but you’re also her partner and you should respect the fact that she can understand and relate to how you’re feeling on an adult level.

Maybe you should try doing away with her rules? I personally love the control and dominance of rules- so when my Daddy said “why have rules if you’re just going to fight me” it made me work harder to get the privelage of my rules back, if that makes sense.

Sorry for the long post! Hope any of this helps

[xpaciprincesss]

As a Brat I can tell you that part of the fun is pushing the limits and seeing how far we can take it before I'm in real trouble. 

 

I also identify as a non-submissive Brat. I'm sure this definition doesn't suit everyone, but this is what works for me. While I am on the lower end of a power exchange dynamic,I am definitely not a sub. Rules are more of a guideline to help me get through the day and be kind to myself. Punishments don't do much for me because it feels like I'm being punished for being myself (unless, ofc it's for a very specific thing/situation). It's kinda tricky becuse I like being controlled, but I'm not looking for someone to strip me of my power. Every time I act up, it's because I want to be overpowered right there and then, not because I want to be tamed, as some might say. I once read that the only way to beat a Brat is to outbrat us, because we're naturally cheeky and silly. I know, for me, I will find loopholes and twist Daddy's words to get my way. And it's not mean spirited, it's just the way I am and it's the role I feel comfortable with.

 

But all of this is something Daddy and I talked beforehand, when we talked about our dynamic and when we set the limits to our relationship. And it's something we bring up every now and then, just to check we're both still comfortable, or when someting new pops up.

 

As LittleMuse said, I think you need to talk over. Maybe 3 weeks is a bit long to wait, but it's better if you get together and talk it face to face. You mentiones that at first you were afraid to be too strict with her, maybe she got used to you being softer, so she's just pushing your buttons to see how long it takes. Maybe she needs a different type of dynamic. 

 

You both need to lay out to each other what you can bring to the relationship and what you're expecting from the other. Maybe talking will change the spirit of your dynamic, remember not two dynamics are the same, there's no true way to do Cgl, maybe you learn more about yourselves and your roles. Until that happens, there's no sure way to get her in control, as she seems to keep on breaking the rules and not accepting the punishments.

[Guest LuckyOversight]

I've been in this situation before many times. Ultimately your partner needs to be a willing participant in your needs and your type of relationship. If they aren't listening and are reacting poorly to punishments you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship and they're causing you to not feel like a Daddy. Eventually you'll just be dating someone snarky who doesn't care about your emotions. 

 

It's a sit-down talk. If she's uncaring and refuses to listen you should consider other options. No matter how much breaking you try to do, it could just cause resentment unless she actively wants it and changes.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

lilkitten12 thank you for your post. I think I’ll try your suggestion. I’ll talk to her about why she doesn’t follow the rules.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

xpaciprincess you sound just like my Princess, thank you for your insight into a brats mind.

[Guest SUeB]

She doesn't follow your rules because she doesn't want to. That's it. You want someone who does as she is told, and it's unlikely that she ever will. No complicated answers, no deep psychology. Just simple incompatibility.

[Lilkitten12]

If you’re new to the dynamic you may be sending mixed messages too because you haven’t fully discovered what you want. Like xpaci said every dynamic is different- you guys may just have to find your groove.

Or like SUeB said maybe you aren’t compatible with your wants.

[Hard2BugDaddy]

I am new and I’m recently getting to where I want to be I have just been worried I would scare her off so I know I send mixed messages or I used to at least but she doesn’t seem to realize I am no longer wishywashy

[Little Illy]

I've been in this situation before many times. Ultimately your partner needs to be a willing participant in your needs and your type of relationship. If they aren't listening and are reacting poorly to punishments you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship and they're causing you to not feel like a Daddy. Eventually you'll just be dating someone snarky who doesn't care about your emotions. 

 

It's a sit-down talk. If she's uncaring and refuses to listen you should consider other options. No matter how much breaking you try to do, it could just cause resentment unless she actively wants it and changes.

 

This.

 

Have you two had 'The Talk' yet? The one where yall discuss your limits, expectations, needs and wants from the dynamic and relationship? If not, stop what you are doing and plan a few hours to do so. Immediately. You can't have any dynamic without these understandings. 

 

If you have - you still need to talk to her. Find out why she is disrespecting you. Is it her truly being a brat? Or does she not really want any rules. I am a brat, but I have to validate my Daddy's feelings because otherwise he feels a loss as to what to do. Yeah I push the rules, but it is almost always followed up with a 'Yes, Daddy. I am sorry, Daddy.' when he scolds me. Why? Because I knew I pushed a limit and I know he is giving me what I want - authority.

 

YOU have to be able to feel free to express you Dom/Daddy side. SHE has a responsibility to encourage that just as much as you are expected to encourage her little side. It is common to see the littles always being backed and the CGs just expected to understand. But CGs are humans too. They need validation. She is not respecting you or your role. And, as a brat, I think that is shameful. There needs to be limits, otherwise, what is the point of being in a D/s relationship (and yes, DDlg is D/s).

 

You can't fix this issue without having a sit down. You need to express yourself. And not as a Daddy to his little. But as a boyfriend to his girlfriend. As an adult to an adult. And honestly, she just might be too young to give back in this type of relationship - maybe she can only take. It is known to happen. You need to figure out if a brat is for you, or if you need a more willing sub/little. OR find out if she has a specific reason why she is being so rude. And discuss it with her. She could be missing you, and is lashing out because of it. Either way, you need validation as a Dom and Daddy as well. Make that known.

 

Brats are brats for a reason. And there are brats who never expect to be punished for their actions. I, personally, don't see the point of that, but that is simply because it is not my thing. But it might be hers. It sounds like you two have a lot of discussions ahead of you.

[MrJohnny]

Of course it is not, BUT if this were me and my little one of the things I would be looking hard at is how much is she initiating contact with me? Am I usually the one initiating contact? How important is it TO HER that you interact? Some littles say they want rules and structure but deep down they realy don't ... they want attention most. (A typical "brat" need.) And being bratty is the only way they know how to get attention. So if it is primarily me initiating contact (to check on her rule-following) she is getting that need met without necessarily having to follow rules. Increasing disobedience and even disrespect increase my attention.

 

It actually seems to me that the whole need for rules thing is more yours than hers. If this is a genuine need for you, but not for her, then you may have the wrong dynamic.

 

If the need for rules is actually an expressed need for her, then part of your discussion might come to the point where you have to put the motivation for the dynamic into her control, by telling her that continued disobedience will cause you to cease or significantly reduce contact. You have already proven your desire to invest time and effort into the relationship, but you see no evidence that time and effort are being invested by her. If the relationship is not valued enough to invest in, it has no actual value. Your time and effort and the relationship itself have significant value to you. If they do not to her then the relationship is going nowhere.

[Guest LittleMuse]

Aside from sitting down and talking with her is there a very effective way to get a little under control? I understand the suggestion to talk it out but I think this is part of the ddlg thing for her. She needs to see if I can be an authority figure. Has anyone delt with something like this?

I think a lot of people have said it already, every little is different, there is no one method that works on all littles to get them to behave. You could try stricter/harsher punishments but then the question is what punshiments? This question, we (people inter forum), can't answer because we don't know her hard and soft limits etc.

 

What I'm saying is that harsher/stricter punishments might be the way to go but you should never try anything that you haven't discussed with her. You're not less of a caregiver or an authority figure for wanting to talk it out. It just shows that you care about the relationship and you need her input.

[Lior-The-Guy]

I think what the others are saying is true in my opinion. It would probably let her feel that even if she acted out, like she wants to, she could still get the right punishments that she would like. Maybe set some sort of chart? Such as; little disrespects : blank | little does something she's not supposed to : blank. And so on. Just something I think would help. Though I'm new to DDLG, with my little being the one who introduced it to me aswell, so I'm sure the others here have more experience with the subject. I wish you the best of luck though.

[BeckyBabyGirl]

I'm a brat because I'm a masochist and I like it when my daddy punishes me but sometimes he'll say that if Im a bad girl I'm not gonna get anything, or he'll just ignore me, then I try and be a good girl so that daddy will pay attention to me!! 

[Lichtje]

I don't know if this is said before, but as a brat I can say this:

 

You say you do see each other in real life? I would be much better if I knew I was going to get punished the next time we see each other, especially with punishments I really don't like. I'm bad at cyber stuff, punishments wouldn't work as well with me either, but they may work a lot better if I knew the punishment irl would suck more than the instant gratification of ignoring said not-personal punishments.  Does that make sense?

 

But only after a good talk as equals on why things don't work. Because talking is so important. Maybe she feels too bad when she's alone, I don't know.