DD/CG With Depression

[M-Chan]

This is a topic that I've kinda been thinking about for a while now. The general question is 'do you think it's okay for someone with depression to be a DD/CG."

 

The only reason I ask is due to looking at my own current mental health and wondering if it's right for someone who can't control their own emotions to be given the responsibility of looking after someone else?

 

I know this can be a sensitive topic, I hope I didn't offend anyone or trigger anything.

[Guest Lissy Lu]

I think it depends on how you're handling it and what you're doing to try to make it less present in your life

 

And, you never know, having a little could be therapeutic for you

 

Just my opinions. I don't know your exact situation, but I would suggest trying to focus on helping yourself before bringing someone else into the picture

[M-Chan]

I think it depends on how you're handling it and what you're doing to try to make it less present in your life

 

In all honesty I don't handle it in the best way, I usually end up shutting down and closing off everyone and everything around me. I know that's not how to build any type of relationship with anyone, but it's what I've become accustomed to.

[Guest Lissy Lu]

No one likes to hear it, but you've gotta break out of your comfort zone there.

Standing still never got anyone anywhere.

 

As not only a little, but a human being in general, it would be heartbreaking to get into a relationship with someone that could possibly close off on me.

I have anxiety and have tried to break out of my comfort zone MANY times. A lot of the time it failed because the anxiety was just too overwhelming, but when it didn't it was like a huge burden was off my shoulders.

 

I know anxiety isn't the same thing as depression, but I assume that when things go right for you, it feels that way too

[M-Chan]

No one likes to hear it, but you've gotta break out of your comfort zone there.

Standing still never got anyone anywhere.

 

I know that lots of people say stuff like this, I just find it near impossible to due. Simply because I'm someone who is very habitual and I like routines, so it becomes very hard to ever break those routines once I've gotten used to them. Even if I know that what I'm doing is just going to cause the cycle to continue.  

[Guest pacibrat]

My Daddy told me he couldn't be my Daddy anymore because his depression hit him hard. This was about one year into it.  It was very, very difficult for me.  I felt abandoned.  I mean, I had to be understanding because those were his feelings (we still talk so I know that he was telling the truth and he isn't seeing anyone new), but now I have trust issues. 

 

With that said, that doesn't mean that people with depression should miss out on being a caregiver or having a caregiver.  That isn't fair either.  Also, let's face it, 99% of relationships break up these days anyway over all kinds of things.  Just wait until you're in a good place and take it slow. Be honest and up front with whoever you're talking to and let them decide if that's something that they can pursue. 

 

As far as "shutting down" goes, I'm not sure what that entails for you, but if it's for an hour or something a little who agrees could handle that.  If that means days, then it might not be a good idea to have a little.  Littles need consistency and dependability.

[Guest CaseySnow-]

I think it really depends on how you handle your depression, I'm a DD/CG who suffers from depression and anxiety, and I'll tell you now, if you do shut down for extended periods of time ,day(s), it can be quite unfair to your little, try focusing on taking care of them, and all the good and happy moments that you bring to your little/experience with them, it can be a great mood changer and help the depression. Littles are usually very supportive as well, so when they are being big, you can also talk to them how you feel, and they will understand/try to help when you shut down, it's hard not to, but shutting down when depressed is the worst thing to do, it will never help improve it. It's alright to be a CG with depression, just don't let it be an excuse to neglect your little.

[JackOfSomeTrades]

Just for my own little bit of context, I've never been had an official diagnosis of depression or been put on anti-depressants, but especially in the last year I've had some serious emotional distress. One the one hand, my little girl was a crucial part of how I finally sought professional help, but it also came quite close to destroying our bond in large part because I tried to ignore it and soldier on despite being essentially unfit to properly care for her.

 

Obviously there are two broad cases ... a DD/CG who is already in a relationship when their depression takes hold, or one who is not already in a relationship. I can say with certainly, for myself (and with the hindsight of my recent past experience), I would not start a new DD/lg relationship (or even a new vanilla relationship) if I wasn't at least seeking out professional care, and at best, actually rather stable. A new relationship can feel like the best cure ever (exciting, fun, etc) but eventually the raw responsibility for the relationship will assert itself and the people in that relationship need to be as prepared as they can be for that eventuality.

 

Ultimately, I think that it comes down to the specific people involved. If you know that depression is a thing you battle, and you do your best to manage it, and you're up front about that with any little you might get involved with, then they can decide for themselves what is best for them. As with literally everything else that might be a source of bumps in a relationship, communication is usually a huge part of the answer.

[Guest Arc]

My Daddy has depression and anxiety, and while he fights it really hard, sometimes it exhausts him and he shuts down and likes some time to gather his thoughts. It's usually only a day, or two at most, but we make it work. He gives me warning when it happens, and we have rules and other things in place for when he really cannot be there for me constantly like he is usually. It makes him really happy and proud when I tell him how good I was and how much I did while he couldn't be there. And he says it makes him feel better when he is in a bad place knowing that I'm still trying as hard as I always do to be a good girl for him, so even when he is not able to be there reassuring me I know I am still serving him and doing well for him. So it is possible. It's obviously not ideal, but it can be possible if you find out a way that works for you.