Advice please?

[Guest BabyG]

My Daddy and I have been seeing each other about a year now. I went through some significant trauma in September (my parents were in an almost fatal fire) and have since then been trying to cope with extreme anxiety and PTSD. At the time my Daddy dealt with things really well and helped me a lot, I moved to the same city to do my postgrad degree and things have been good (for the most part). We have ups and downs but I think thats normal. 

 

Lately my trauma has come back and I had panic attacks today, however my Daddy has been near unresponsive. He's acknowledged that I'm upset and I've literally asked for company and help but he's just ignored me since. I don't know... sometimes it feels like he only want to 'daddy' me when it's convenient for him. I hate to say it but I've become kind of dependent on the dynamic. We don't follow rules and punishments anymore and I feel like I'm losing him some days then others he's all over it again. 

 

I'd like consistency, is that wrong? Am I asking for too much?

 

 

[Little_Ampharos]

I've never had an actual daddy, so I can't relate to how it feels, but I've been in other relationships where they only put in effort when it's convenient to him. But the whole point of being a little is needing someone to be there for you, and the whole point of being a daddy is to take care of your little. If he can't do that, he doesn't deserve a little. It's obvious you've put a lot of effort into your relationship, but if he doesn't wanna do the same then find yourself a daddy who will treat you like the friggin goddess you are. 

Idk you should probably talk to him and see if he is having issues he doesn't wanna talk to you about, make sure he's ok. But if he's just being a jerk face, you need to move on and find the daddy you deserve. Good luck!

[sullenDaddybones]

Being a Daddy is quite an intensive emotional Job. I have carried it on for nearly 6 years with one person. It is draining...

[Guest Mister Grey]

Being a Daddy is quite an intensive emotional Job. I have carried it on for nearly 6 years with one person. It is draining...

 

Absolutely agree and...

 

Sounds like your out of sync.

 

Its common for Littles to go in and out of Little space, some are able to put them selves in and out and others are triggered into it by one thing or another

 

This same thing could be said for Daddy’s.  I guarantee you he is not walking around in Daddy mode all day, every day.  I have noted that caregivers fall into their space a lot easier and for the most part can slip into it as soon as their little is with them, but while maybe common, that is not a hard and fast rule.

 

You should absolutely speak to him, but just go into it understanding that while you share the same kink dynamic, it does not mean you will always be in that space at the same time

 

 

Best of luck.

[Guest BabyG]

Being a Daddy is quite an intensive emotional Job. I have carried it on for nearly 6 years with one person. It is draining...

 

Yeah I totally agree! I try to be as sensitive and responsive to his needs as I can, whenever he's down or fed up I'm always there right away  

[Guest BabyG]

 

Absolutely agree and...

 

Sounds like your out of sync.

 

Its common for Littles to go in and out of Little space, some are able to put them selves in and out and others are triggered into it by one thing or another

 

This same thing could be said for Daddy’s.  I guarantee you he is not walking around in Daddy mode all day, every day.  I have noted that caregivers fall into their space a lot easier and for the most part can slip into it as soon as their little is with them, but while maybe common, that is not a hard and fast rule.

 

You should absolutely speak to him, but just go into it understanding that while you share the same kink dynamic, it does not mean you will always be in that space at the same time

 

 

Best of luck.

 

 

Yeah I agree, I guess I don't think of him being in and out of daddy space in the way that I am with little space. 

 

I guess I'm mainly just disappointed that he's stopped responding, if we were in a vanilla dynamic and this was the same situation I'd still feel the same way with regards to how he's reacted today. I'll address it when he's ready to make time to talk to me I guess. I just hate feeling left in the dark.

 

Thanks for your response! 

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Wow, that's an awful thing to go through first of all.

 

And I know the feeling. When you just really really NEED him to be there, but for whatever reason he's not.

It's not wrong to want consistency. But like the dudes above said, I guess Daddies have their 'space' and stuff like Littles.

But I too always think of my Daddy as my Daddy.

I don't think your being upset by it is unreasonable at all. I'd be upset too (and have been).

 

Try to find ways to self-soothe for when he's unavailable. That's the solution I came up with for myself.

Like, I weened myself away from needing him to fix it if I was having a panicked relapse and stuff.

I just found one thing to do in replacement of when I would usually go to him. Eventually it worked for me.

And then after a while of self-soothing he seemed to have had enough of a break to be back to his old self.

 

Hope that helps.

[Princess-P]

It is possible that he's unsure how to handle what's going on with you right now, he could also be very busy, or maybe he's got his own stress going on and having to feel with someone who needs him as much as you say you do is just too much for him.

 

Any of these reasons is acceptable if there is communication about it. Not all partners are in touch with each other all day or respond right away. I know often I will get a text from my Daddy and see it but not respond for hours because there's too much going on. Same works the other way around.

 

Try talking to him about how your feeling about your relationship. Leave this dynamic out of it. It does sound like your both just lacking in communication skills right now. See how he feels, about being your partner, not just your Daddy.

[Guest SUeB]

Maybe he's simply exhausted. Your trauma obviously impacts on him too. Yes, it was an utterly awful thing to go through for you, but no doubt it has been no picnic for him either. Especially if you have been leaning heavily on him. Obviously not saying you are wrong to do that, but it's more than likely that right now he's utterly emotionally drained. The pressure of being with someone that needs constant attention and support must be massive. Edited December 14, 2017 by SUeB

[DeepMango]

I know you asked about your relationship but as far as your anxiety try EMDR therapy. After I was hit by a car I had severe anxiety when going through intersections. EMDR cleated it up.

 

Hope this helps!

[Guest Aces]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, as someone who has experienced issues with trauma (agoraphobia after a horrific accident) I will flat out tell you that no matter who you are with if you don’t get help for your PTSD you will keep experiencing the same thing from the majority of people around you. You are going to need to find someone you can depend on like a family member or a trained professional to help you with your PTSD, the more you lean on your daddy with this, the more he will most likely pull away.

 

I honestly don’t talk about it but I was in an accident that killed my husband, my unborn son, and broke my dominant hand and left me unable to teach art anymore, I spiraled out of control trying to cope with all of this and in the beginning everyone was “there to help” and but eventually everyone had to return back to reality and couldn’t support me emotionally anymore, so I pulled away and ended up becoming extremely agoraphobic.

 

I get it, trauma is a tricky thing, you need to find help, or at the very least some sort of coping mechanism where you aren’t dependent on anyone personally, otherwise you will find that more and more people will push you away eventually for not being able to understand. People view things like this as irrational and don’t know how to “make you see sense” and will often get frustrated, you will have to find a way to cope with this before you are able to have a solid relationship.

 

If you want someone to talk to I am always happy to you can message me on here or kik: Aces4u

[Guest SUeB]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, as someone who has experienced issues with trauma (agoraphobia after a horrific accident) I will flat out tell you that no matter who you are with if you don’t get help for your PTSD you will keep experiencing the same thing from the majority of people around you. You are going to need to find someone you can depend on like a family member or a trained professional to help you with your PTSD, the more you lean on your daddy with this, the more he will most likely pull away.

I honestly don’t talk about it but I was in an accident that killed my husband, my unborn son, and broke my dominant hand and left me unable to teach art anymore, I spiraled out of control trying to cope with all of this and in the beginning everyone was “there to help” and but eventually everyone had to return back to reality and couldn’t support me emotionally anymore, so I pulled away and ended up becoming extremely agoraphobic.

I get it, trauma is a tricky thing, you need to find help, or at the very least some sort of coping mechanism where you aren’t dependent on anyone personally, otherwise you will find that more and more people will push you away eventually for not being able to understand. People view things like this as irrational and don’t know how to “make you see sense” and will often get frustrated, you will have to find a way to cope with this before you are able to have a solid relationship.

If you want someone to talk to I am always happy to you can message me on here or kik: Aces4u

All i am possibly capable of saying here is a very lame, but very serious sentiment. i truly am so sorry for all you have been through.

Excellent advice though. This issue is not a partners responsibility. It needs professional and sustained treatment. As soon as possible.

[Guest Kaiser]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, as someone who has experienced issues with trauma (agoraphobia after a horrific accident) I will flat out tell you that no matter who you are with if you don’t get help for your PTSD you will keep experiencing the same thing from the majority of people around you. You are going to need to find someone you can depend on like a family member or a trained professional to help you with your PTSD, the more you lean on your daddy with this, the more he will most likely pull away.

I honestly don’t talk about it but I was in an accident that killed my husband, my unborn son, and broke my dominant hand and left me unable to teach art anymore, I spiraled out of control trying to cope with all of this and in the beginning everyone was “there to help” and but eventually everyone had to return back to reality and couldn’t support me emotionally anymore, so I pulled away and ended up becoming extremely agoraphobic.

I get it, trauma is a tricky thing, you need to find help, or at the very least some sort of coping mechanism where you aren’t dependent on anyone personally, otherwise you will find that more and more people will push you away eventually for not being able to understand. People view things like this as irrational and don’t know how to “make you see sense” and will often get frustrated, you will have to find a way to cope with this before you are able to have a solid relationship.

If you want someone to talk to I am always happy to you can message me on here or kik: Aces4u

 

Came in to write something similar. Perfect, perfect response.

 

I was in a bad, and I mean bad, IED explosion in Iraq. Was my 5th gig there, so I had already seen plenty of bad stuff. Not to mention the things I experienced in other "fun" places like Afghanistan, Haiti, etc..

 

Physically, nothing long term happened to me, but everyone else in my suburban was killed. Rather messily. Kind of messed with my head for awhile. Add to that I was getting divorced, as my wife at the time flew wounded out of Iraq, and she couldn't take the stress of wondering if her next patient would be me.

 

Anyway.....once all my broken bones were healed, I took a long holiday. Bhutan, and the Russian Far East. To clear my head. I knew I couldn't put this on anyone else, so I did it by myself. Dove deeper into philosophy.

 

It's a process. And not always an easy one. I went through years of meaningless relationships, if you could even call them that. I wouldn't even sleep (actually sleep) with a woman. I threw myself back into work.

 

But worth it. I'm gtg now. However, I know a lot of guys that have had similar experiences, and they unloaded heavily on those around them. Those people backing off one by one because they couldn't handle the need. Which is perfectly fine, because not everyone can deal with issues like that.

 

 

So...OP, you're going to have to deal with a lot on your own. I'm not going to tell you it will be easy, but it'll fix you.

[GeekyPastry]

I think that, for starters, you both need to sit down and talk about what is happening between the two of you. Once the air is clear, maybe you should go to therapy. Having someone to talk to that can help you with coping mechanisms and sort through these feelings can be very helpful. I believe between the two, things can slowly get better for you.

 

One thing you have to remember is that your emotions do affect others. It can make someone scared, sad, or excited. That doesn't mean you bottle up your feelings, but I think it's something you may want to keep in mind.

[Guest BabyG]