My Lg is gorgeous and doesn’t need makeup but

[DeepMango]

As my title states, my lg is amazingly beautiful but she puts on makeup which mattes her gorgeous skin and then she puts on tons of lip gloss which makes kissing an issue. When I bring it up “Babe you are so much more beautiful without makeup” she gets upset and defensive. She spends so much time on her make up and hair that it impacts her mornings and evenings. Any ideas on helping liberate her without upsetting her? Or should I just leave it alone?

[Princess Bunni]

Well I don't know your little, but she might think she doesn't look as pretty without make-up, and if that's the case, then really make a point of telling her how beautiful she looks when she hasn't got any on, like in the morning or at night. If that isn't the issue and she just like make-up, then there's not much you can do about it, because it's something she enjoys. But you could ask her not to wear so much lip gloss or to find a matte lipstick instead, because it makes kissing a bit uncomfortable for you. Edited December 12, 2017 by Princess Bunni

[Bambi95]

Well first of all, some girls wear makeup simply because they enjoy it. Not because they feel they HAVE to wear it to cover up. And secondly, let her wear makeup if she wants to. It's her face, not yours. Maybe she enjoys mattifying her skin. You could ask her to wear lipstick instead of gloss so kissing isn't as sticky.

Personally, if my Daddy asked me to stop wearing makeup, I would tell him no. Not to disobey him or anything, but just because makeup is one of my biggest passions. It's part of who I am, and I would hope he loves me for me; with or without makeup. But I am very lucky because my Daddy likes my makeup. 

Edited December 12, 2017 by Bambi95

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

She doesn't need to be liberated. It's good that you think she looks beautiful without makeup, and surely that's the way it is and she knows it. But she still likes to wear makeup. Because it's fun. Because she likes. And you can not take something that she likes and enjoys. It's not fair to her.

Edited December 12, 2017 by ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾

[MadSquirrel]

I think you need to look at it from an other angle, if she is putting this much time into her appearance she could be doing if you, to make you happy.  Also its kind of a hobby to most females, so let her have her fun.

Edited December 12, 2017 by MadSquirrel

[Guest Shalott]

. Edited December 20, 2017 by Shalott

[Guest SUeB]

You are negating the effort that she puts into her routine. Telling women that they are beautiful without makeup, when they are wearing it is basically telling them they look awful right now.

Its not up to you i am afraid. No amount of you telling her those things will get the result you want.

Some women just feel better made up.

[Guest Dulci]

Well first of all, some girls wear makeup simply because they enjoy it. Not because they feel they HAVE to wear it to cover up. And secondly, let her wear makeup if she wants to. It's her face, not yours. Maybe she enjoys mattifying her skin. You could ask her to wear lipstick instead of gloss so kissing isn't as sticky.

Personally, if my Daddy asked me to stop wearing makeup, I would tell him no. Not to disobey him or anything, but just because makeup is one of my biggest passions. It's part of who I am, and I would hope he loves me for me; with or without makeup. But I am very lucky because my Daddy likes my makeup. 

 

Fully agree with this! Wanted to suggest searching for a matte lipstick together or something; something that won't come off (I mean, full on snogging and it might get messy), and it's something you could do together and show you do support her and her passion. 

 

Drives me mad when I'm told "you're beautiful without makeup" - right? and? I don't wear makeup because I think I'm ugly. I wear it because I enjoy it. 

[Little Illy]

As a little who dislikes makeup - maybe I can provided a neutral response?

 

There are many reasons why women wear makeup; rebellion all the way to personal passion (as all the ladies above have stated). So to try to make her stop can be seen as a big, massive hit to her personally. But, before I say "you need to let her do what she wants," I guess there are questions to asks.

 

Is makeup breaking her bank (we all know it can get expensive)? Is she losing vital sleep or is late to important things (like school or work) because of it? Is she overly obsessed (there is a difference between passion and obsession)? Is she damaging her health (skin)? Etc. 

 

If yes to any of those, I would suggest sitting down and talking to her directly about the negative, and TRUTHFUL, impact makeup is having. But don't try to get her to stop completely. Help her find a safe medium.

 

If she is using makeup for compensation for something else (massive self-esteem issues, obsession, other psych problems - yes it happens) then have that discussion with her as well. Gently. But do not expect her to stop completely. Again, baby steps and middle ground. What you need to shoot for is a healthy stance.

 

Now... if you want her to stop wearing makeup because you personally prefer it? I wouldn't make that a rule or try to change her mind. That would be like her asking you to grow your facial hair in a way you don't like. Or to give up your hobby. Or to take away that one thing that makes you feel comfortable being you. Realize this is a part of who she is and not something you should take away from her - baring the above.

 

Makeup is a touchy subject for a lot of women. For instance, every once and awhile my Daddy wants me to wear makeup on a normal day. But that is not who I am. When he suggests this I instantly go defensive - Am I not pretty enough without it? Do you not like how I look now? Am I not good enough? But I hate the maintenance and upkeep, doesn't that matter? It makes me feel uncomfortable? I wear makeup on special occasions and I do that for reasons. So when, out of the expected, he asks, I instantly shut down. And he is NEVER mean about it nor does he ever say anything cross about my looks. He loves natural me. But he also likes a women in makeup sometimes. That's not a me thing, that's a him thing (sometimes).

 

But look how I immediately don't feel right. When you talk to your little, she might have a similar reaction when asked to not wear it. So I highly suggest approaching this topic carefully if you do.

[Guest pacibrat]

I'm a makeup wearer. I wear it for me because I love to. It makes me feel put together and attractive. The key here is it makes ME feel that way. I also love the different colors and textures available. I don't care how attractive I look without it, I'm going to wear it anyway. If she works in a professional career, bare faced probably isn't best anyway due to society's perception that a professional woman needs to look put together. The same goes for hair. Edited December 12, 2017 by pacibrat

[DeepMango]

Many thanks for all the replies. It does break her bank and I am happy to refill it. She spends hours looking at videos about it. She does obsess about it. She grew up as one of the only black girls in a white community and was constantly shamed about her looks. I do appreciate what you are all saying about make up being a hobby or art. I’m an artist and animator. Drawing is a crazy obsession of mine so I can understand the art aspect of it. It is the self image aspect I am concerned about. And I do tell her morning, noon and night that she is beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world.

[Guest pacibrat]

I'll also add (NOT saying this is you) that some men know how attractive their lady is all dolled up so they want the plain, less conventionally attractive version of her presented to the world. This is done for selfish, insecure reasons on their part.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

All that is fine. But I still think you can not take something that she likes simply because you do not like it. When it comes to activities harmful to health, such as alcohol, drugs, and even sunbathing in excess I would agree that you would talk to her to stop it. But makeup is something she simply likes. I also see tutorials and makeup videos, and I love going to makeup stores and buying different lipstick and shadow colors.

 

When you start to think about taking things that your partner likes, things that don't hurt her, just because they bother you. You should look at yourself and see what is wrong with you. Because you're on your way to becoming a controlling person. And that can only end in a toxic relationship.

Respect their tastes, what she loves, even if you do not like it. Love is based on accepting your partner and loving her as she is, with her crazy obseciones included. And if it is not something that is causing her harm, you have no right to change them

Edited December 12, 2017 by ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾

[Guest SUeB]

Can you maybe see that your reaction to her wearing makeup affects her self image very negatively?

[DeepMango]

Okay. I do see. I will let her be. I never want to be the one to cause or contribute to her negative self image. She had many problems with bulimia and starving herself before I met her (we have all but solved those together). Having never dated anyone who used make up before (I’m a bit of a hippie) I didn’t know that make up was so separate from self image issues. Mahalo for all your help.

[Guest Shalott]

. Edited December 20, 2017 by Shalott

[DeepMango]

Self image is a tricky one. I admit I have similar issues about my appearance, and thing is, no one else can change the way I feel about myself. There could be hundreds of compliments, but regardless of how nice it is to hear, I simply don't, and can't, see myself in that positive light.

 

Perhaps your little feels like that too. Not that she doesn't also enjoy makeup, but if it's really impacting her negatively, the best thing you can do is to continue telling her that she's beautiful (with and without makeup on), and have calm discussions about her self-esteem like LittleIlly suggested. Combined, it may help her realise the issue if she hasn't already. However, it's possible that even if/when she does, she may not be receptive to change, or maybe even deny it altogether. Self image takes ages to reconcile with. Tread carefully!

will do!!!

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

It's like a hobby, it's the same as she would like to cook for example and watch tutorials on YouTube, and spend money on cake molds and kitchen utensils. It would not mean either that she had a problem of anxiety about eating. As long as she like makeup, it does not mean that she feels ugly. It's just a hobby. She just likes watching videos about that and learning new things. Makeup can be so different, and there are many things that can be done. It's just fun.

Edited December 12, 2017 by ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾

[DeepMango]

Update: She got an interview for her dream job but totally forgot about it while shopping for hair products and make up. She has never missed an interview before in her life. Thoughts?

[Little Illy]

Update: She got an interview for her dream job but totally forgot about it while shopping for hair products and make up. She has never missed an interview before in her life. Thoughts?

 

See my above comment. Women typically don't like admitting this about makeup, being PC and all - but an obsession is an obsession. And it can quickly take over your life and become unhealthy. And makeup CAN be an obsession. If it starts a downward spiral, it needs to be addressed. Same would be said with your art. If you locked yourself in your room drawing all day, neglecting your life and responsibilities. Then that would be an unhealthy obsession. Same applies.

 

Moderation is the key. Try approaching her with this missed interview - but don't be on the attack. Be gently and concerning but caring. Let her know youre not trying to take makeup away. But there is a time and place for everything.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

Could you talk to her and see REALLY what is the problem to have forgotten, instead of blaming what she was doing at the time ?. Well she could have been anywhere else, but since she was there, you assume that is the problem. I think you should talk to her. Instead of assuming and asking for advice about why a person is distracted enough to forget a job interview with people who do not know her. You are her Daddy, talk to her.

 

For all there are limits and if you see that it is something that is affecting your life. For love of all things talk to her, but do not try to impose or restrict her tastes. If your intention is to take away the makeup forever, using these examples to support your idea. Stop right there friend, that's not the right way.

Edited December 13, 2017 by ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾

[Guest SUeB]

See my above comment. Women typically don't like admitting this about makeup, being PC and all - but an obsession is an obsession. And it can quickly take over your life and become unhealthy. And makeup CAN be an obsession. If it starts a downward spiral, it needs to be addressed. Same would be said with your art. If you locked yourself in your room drawing all day, neglecting your life and responsibilities. Then that would be an unhealthy obsession. Same applies.

 

Moderation is the key. Try approaching her with this missed interview - but don't be on the attack. Be gently and concerning but caring. Let her know youre not trying to take makeup away. But there is a time and place for everything.

And quite often, people obsess about one thing to try veer their minds away from the real issue troubling them. Not suggesting i have a suspicion to what it may be, if anything. Just putting it out there.

Or maybe walking around the shops looking at something that gives her comfort takes her away from stress or anxiety.

Sometimes the "problem" isn't the real problem at all.

[DeepMango]

I have never taken anything away from her. Last week I took her on a shopping spree and bought her $250 of makeup. I’m supportive of her but at the same time I am concerned. I do talk to her all the time. We talk about four or five hours a day about everything!!! I came here for advice so I can more effectively talk to her about this specific thing. I’ve gotten some good feedback too but a lot of people assume I’m trying to control her. I’m not. She has a history of self destructive behaviors (bulimia, cutting, cheating, lying and stealing). I’m trying to help her heal and focus on her internal growth. Mahalo to everyone for your feedback. If a mod wants to close this thread, I’m cool with that.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

If she have that big history. Is she in psychological therapy? because if not, she should, and if she is already, you should also talk to her therapist and tell them your concerns and what worries you.

[Little Illy]

I have never taken anything away from her. Last week I took her on a shopping spree and bought her $250 of makeup. I’m supportive of her but at the same time I am concerned. I do talk to her all the time. We talk about four or five hours a day about everything!!! I came here for advice so I can more effectively talk to her about this specific thing. I’ve gotten some good feedback too but a lot of people assume I’m trying to control her. I’m not. She has a history of self destructive behaviors (bulimia, cutting, cheating, lying and stealing). I’m trying to help her heal and focus on her internal growth. Mahalo to everyone for your feedback. If a mod wants to close this thread, I’m cool with that.

 

If you need any further insight from someone who isn't hell-bent on makeup being awesome - I'm free.