Trouble Communicating

[daddysbabyharley]

My daddy and I have a lot of trouble communicating with each other. We try and try and try but end up arguing because we couldn't communicate our feeling properly. We have been married for 16 years and have only been part of the ddlg community for a few months. I've always been "little" just never realized it, just like he has always been "daddy" but never realized it. So this new dynamic to our relationship takes a lot more communicating than before and we just can't seem to get it down. He doesn't like to talk about his feelings and is trying to learn how. He also tends to dismiss my feelings sometimes and makes me feel like I'm wrong for "feeling" a certain way. He is trying to overcome this. On the flip side I tend to keep my feelings bottled up inside and lash out by giving him an attitude. I'm trying to learn how to express my feelings.

So I guess my issue is, how to better communicate with each other. What can we do to make it easier?

[Lilkitten12]

Hey maybe you guys could both try writing a letter for each other and then after you have time to read and digest what the other is saying you could come back and discuss the letters. That way the hard part "talking about the emotions" is kind of already out there so maybe it would take some pressure off the two of you.

Also, if the dynamic has happened naturally for the both of you in your marriage- you just didn't know the name of it- maybe you should slow down and let the rest come naturally as well. What are you two having trouble communicating about?

[cuppycakes]

Communication--as you know--is extremely vital to relationships and how they work (especially but not exclusively to this lifestyle). It's okay if you're not good at it now because it's something that you want to work on and you want to become better. No one comes out of the womb being a master at communication and great at expressing themselves, it's something you work on and try and try and try. Sometimes it doesn't work, but that's just part of the learning process. The hardest part of communicating?

Actually doing it.

 

I know plenty of people that say "I know I should talk to him about it, but __." You just have to do it. Just talk about it. Make an effort. Always keep it on your mind, whether that means putting sticky notes all over the house or setting reminders on your phone every 20 minutes that say "communicate" or "be patient". Whatever helps you to remember and keep it in the back of your head at all times.

 

Practice can come in many forms, and it can be done at any level. If you are a beginning painter should you try to duplicate the Sistine Chapel, or should you start with a simple still life? Don't try to jump into something you're not ready for, or it might discourage you. Start by telling him "what you said made me happy/sad" or "I like/don't like it when we do this". He needs you to tell him what makes you feel good or bad, or else he can't change his behavior to fix anything.

Sometimes I forget that my daddy can't read my mind, but when he tells me "I didn't know that" it helps me remember that I should be more clear with my intentions so things like that don't happen anymore.

 

The other thing, from your post, it sounds like you two aren't always being patient with each other, either. If he does something you don't like, remind yourself that you should forgive him and that you both make mistakes. Remind yourself that he's not going to be good at communicating yet (you just started). Remind yourself to take a deep breath and be patient with him. There should be no reason for fighting right now, as you're both trying to learn. You're doing this for the other person, for your relationship, so fighting will only make it worse.

 

Sometimes my daddy says something that will make me upset, but I always know that he would never try to hurt my feelings and it was probably just an accident. Sometimes I need to step away from the situation for a few minutes, but when I come back I always make sure to come back calm and collected so we don't argue. It's okay for me to express my feelings, or tell him that what he said/did hurt, but it's not okay for me to yell at him or get angry when his behavior probably wasn't intentional in the first place. Maybe try some guided meditations on patience if you think it's an issue.

 

I'll also leave you with THIS SFW POST that I think could help a lot.

 

This picture is from Bojack Horseman, but it's relevant so I'll leave that here as well.